where to start.......
wow sure has been a long time....i really dont even know where to start....well seems to me that lately i have been a little "out of it" and kinda closed off about how i have been feeling about certain ppl and certain things....and its not that i am trying to seem all shut up and quiet its just i really just dont know what im thinking....i just seem like i dont know who i am now a days....im lost in thought as to who i am and who i am becoming...i am just so confused as to what i am going to do with my life and what i want.....i know i say i want to get away and that i hate my life here where i am and yeah thats true but i dont know how far i want to go and how soon.
i think the only person who truly makes me happy and can make me smile on the worst day of my life is my boyfriend...he is seriously the best thing to ever happen to me and if it werent for him i dont think i would still be holding on and trying as hard as i am to get out of high school and out of my mothers house....i wouldve given up a long time ago....
i have been so emotional lately and im not really sure why....like the smallest comment or conversation can just make me break out hysterical in tears to the point where i can barely talk and my pillow is soaking wet....its just so confusing as to why i am so emotional and i have such trouble being happy anymore....i am seriously never happy...yeah i'll laugh and joke around but deep down i really just wish i was alone in my bed sleeping or just trying to figure stuff out....
for my english class i have to write an essay to put in my scrapbook that has the title "Who Am I?" and right now i really dont know who i am making that essay and the whole entire scrapbook a major and difficult task for me to do right now....i know who i am when im by myslef, i know who i am when i am with my friends, with my boyfriend, at school, and around my mom....but all of those ppl are different and i really dont like any of them....i wish i could be the same person all the time and i could just like who i am for a change....i havent liked who i was in a long time and its really starting to get to me....i just think its about time i figure out who i am....it may take some time and alot of time by myself but i will figure it out within the the next 11 months....hopefully by the time i am done with high school i will know who i am and what i am doing and be happy about it....that is my major long term goal....
yeah i know this is a long boring update about nothing any of you really care about but this all was really bothering me and there was noone to talk to cuz my mom is at ralphies moms house with him, davids at work, and all of my friends are at the talent show that i couldnt go to cuz i have no money....so i have a whole lot of time just to sit here by myself and think....
sorry to bore you
<33333
i think the only person who truly makes me happy and can make me smile on the worst day of my life is my boyfriend...he is seriously the best thing to ever happen to me and if it werent for him i dont think i would still be holding on and trying as hard as i am to get out of high school and out of my mothers house....i wouldve given up a long time ago....
i have been so emotional lately and im not really sure why....like the smallest comment or conversation can just make me break out hysterical in tears to the point where i can barely talk and my pillow is soaking wet....its just so confusing as to why i am so emotional and i have such trouble being happy anymore....i am seriously never happy...yeah i'll laugh and joke around but deep down i really just wish i was alone in my bed sleeping or just trying to figure stuff out....
for my english class i have to write an essay to put in my scrapbook that has the title "Who Am I?" and right now i really dont know who i am making that essay and the whole entire scrapbook a major and difficult task for me to do right now....i know who i am when im by myslef, i know who i am when i am with my friends, with my boyfriend, at school, and around my mom....but all of those ppl are different and i really dont like any of them....i wish i could be the same person all the time and i could just like who i am for a change....i havent liked who i was in a long time and its really starting to get to me....i just think its about time i figure out who i am....it may take some time and alot of time by myself but i will figure it out within the the next 11 months....hopefully by the time i am done with high school i will know who i am and what i am doing and be happy about it....that is my major long term goal....
yeah i know this is a long boring update about nothing any of you really care about but this all was really bothering me and there was noone to talk to cuz my mom is at ralphies moms house with him, davids at work, and all of my friends are at the talent show that i couldnt go to cuz i have no money....so i have a whole lot of time just to sit here by myself and think....
sorry to bore you
<33333