(no subject)
I can't write. It's not working, and it's making me crazy. I set myself up earlier in the week so that today and tomorrow were completely empty days, just so I could devote them to nothing but writing time. I did homework in advance, I made sure there was nothing I needed to commit my time to, just so I had nothing buzzing around to concern me until Wednesday. Then Sunday evening Dad asked if I could help him with the sprinklers, "real quick," today, and surprise, it took all of today and will now also take all of tomorrow.
I don't do enough around here, and I'm happy to be able to help out when a thing comes up, but this is driving me mad, and the worst part is that chiefly it's not Dad's fault. I have found myself blocked from writing by a variety of distractions for a while now, and how easily that happens is the real issue. It really doesn't take much in the way of worldly concerns to utterly stifle my creative process, which is both stupid and a problem I don't know how to resolve. If there is much of anything else that is pulling at my brain, the words just won't come out of me. I could, for example, be writing right now, but the destruction of my plan has somehow killed my ability to salvage the time I do have. I sit and I stare at the page, and am completely and utterly ruined for writing, no matter how I come at it.
It isn't unreasonable, at all, to ask for help on a project like the one we're working on, and I'm not blaming it on Dad. The fact that it's taking two days to do a half-day's work because of Dad's second-guessing and ill-planning is pretty infuriating, as is his putting me in a place where I have to ask him to come along tomorrow despite his clearly needing help, but even without these things the problem would remain. My proper writing state of mind is so fragile that I can't seem to get it except under the most controlled circumstances, and those circumstances evaporate the moment they are set in place. There is seemingly always something.
I can't change the world, and I don't know how to change my methodology for getting in the right state to actually produce good story. Every time I set aside a block of time with a significant enough span to actually put aside all the crap I normally worry about, something always, always comes up at the last second to shatter it. I should be able to organize around this, but in order to write, I need to put every damn thing out of my mind, and most of the time I really just can't. Maybe I'm neurotic or fragile or just have terrible time management skills, but without an extended peace, I can't produce creatively, and really, at the moment I probably have the best chance of obtaining those circumstances I will ever have. If I can't do it now, I won't ever, and I can barely ever do it now.
There's nothing else to say here. I want to hit something.
I don't do enough around here, and I'm happy to be able to help out when a thing comes up, but this is driving me mad, and the worst part is that chiefly it's not Dad's fault. I have found myself blocked from writing by a variety of distractions for a while now, and how easily that happens is the real issue. It really doesn't take much in the way of worldly concerns to utterly stifle my creative process, which is both stupid and a problem I don't know how to resolve. If there is much of anything else that is pulling at my brain, the words just won't come out of me. I could, for example, be writing right now, but the destruction of my plan has somehow killed my ability to salvage the time I do have. I sit and I stare at the page, and am completely and utterly ruined for writing, no matter how I come at it.
It isn't unreasonable, at all, to ask for help on a project like the one we're working on, and I'm not blaming it on Dad. The fact that it's taking two days to do a half-day's work because of Dad's second-guessing and ill-planning is pretty infuriating, as is his putting me in a place where I have to ask him to come along tomorrow despite his clearly needing help, but even without these things the problem would remain. My proper writing state of mind is so fragile that I can't seem to get it except under the most controlled circumstances, and those circumstances evaporate the moment they are set in place. There is seemingly always something.
I can't change the world, and I don't know how to change my methodology for getting in the right state to actually produce good story. Every time I set aside a block of time with a significant enough span to actually put aside all the crap I normally worry about, something always, always comes up at the last second to shatter it. I should be able to organize around this, but in order to write, I need to put every damn thing out of my mind, and most of the time I really just can't. Maybe I'm neurotic or fragile or just have terrible time management skills, but without an extended peace, I can't produce creatively, and really, at the moment I probably have the best chance of obtaining those circumstances I will ever have. If I can't do it now, I won't ever, and I can barely ever do it now.
There's nothing else to say here. I want to hit something.