"Everything is broken slowly sinking under waiting for tomorrow waiting for the grave ..."
"... to tell me she is lonely open up and hold me slowly feel my body become one and only. Death is just an excuse to forget you ..."
::dies::
I'm sitting here with Nae. And I'm really fucking depressed right now. Kris is kicking me out basically. I do like hanging out with Nae, but me and Kris were really getting close again. Everything just really seemed like it was going to be perfect again. And at the drop of a hat it seems, she just want to throw it away. She made it sound like she'd be busy today, so I just went to hang out with Nae and we decided to have a movie night, I just wanted to hang out with her for a while. It's not like I meant to just leave her or anything, I really just didn't know she'd be home alone. ::sigh:: But to think that over this, she's willing to drop us being together again ... it's just so ... depressing. It makes me wonder how seriously she was thinking about being with me again. I ... well, I ... in a sense, I could have been more considerate, I suppose, but I just really didn't think she'd be going back home tonight, I thought she was going to just hang out with Bina. And over this she's kicking me out and it seems like she's just going to break off contact with me. She said she wants me to come tomorrow and pick up my stuff and leave. How badly could she really want to be with me again if she's willing to do this, just ... just drop me like this? She is kicking me out because I'm not always there when she wants me there. What sense does that make? Kicking me out will mean I'll never be there with her. I mean, I live with her, I'm there all the time, only on a rare few occasions like this I'm not. And because of that she wants me gone? ... ugh ... I feel like shit ... It's kind of like ... a feeling of pure worthlessness ... which is always the best way to feel, of course.
The only thing I seem to have to have to look forward to is my apparent upcoming journey to find my worth. I don't want to be worthless. I won't be worthless. ::sigh::
~Arron
neverknoT~
::dies::
I'm sitting here with Nae. And I'm really fucking depressed right now. Kris is kicking me out basically. I do like hanging out with Nae, but me and Kris were really getting close again. Everything just really seemed like it was going to be perfect again. And at the drop of a hat it seems, she just want to throw it away. She made it sound like she'd be busy today, so I just went to hang out with Nae and we decided to have a movie night, I just wanted to hang out with her for a while. It's not like I meant to just leave her or anything, I really just didn't know she'd be home alone. ::sigh:: But to think that over this, she's willing to drop us being together again ... it's just so ... depressing. It makes me wonder how seriously she was thinking about being with me again. I ... well, I ... in a sense, I could have been more considerate, I suppose, but I just really didn't think she'd be going back home tonight, I thought she was going to just hang out with Bina. And over this she's kicking me out and it seems like she's just going to break off contact with me. She said she wants me to come tomorrow and pick up my stuff and leave. How badly could she really want to be with me again if she's willing to do this, just ... just drop me like this? She is kicking me out because I'm not always there when she wants me there. What sense does that make? Kicking me out will mean I'll never be there with her. I mean, I live with her, I'm there all the time, only on a rare few occasions like this I'm not. And because of that she wants me gone? ... ugh ... I feel like shit ... It's kind of like ... a feeling of pure worthlessness ... which is always the best way to feel, of course.
The only thing I seem to have to have to look forward to is my apparent upcoming journey to find my worth. I don't want to be worthless. I won't be worthless. ::sigh::
~Arron
neverknoT~