But Not a Real Green Dress, That's Cruel
Eh, it didn't go as well as I would have liked. And yes, I do know how I did already. You take the test on a computer so you get your scores immediately.
I did really poorly on the Math section. I mean, I didn't even get to half the questions. But I'm not really bothered about that, because I understand why I did badly and how to realistically improve my score. I'm good with math conceptually; my issue has always been speed. Given enough time, I can work pretty much anything out, or at least anything that would be on the GRE. I was able to solve everything in the review book with very little trouble. But, especially because it's been about six years since I was doing math problems with any kind of regularity, I don't have the kind of quick recall I need to do well on a timed test. I need to get back into the habit of doing math on a regular basis, and focus on memorizing all the little rules and shortcuts that I've forgotten since tenth grade. If I choose to do that, I know my score will be dramatically higher.
It doesn't even matter, because even though I like Math, it's never been my strong point and so it doesn't feel like my Math score reflects anything terribly relevant about me. I'm just kind of like, "Well, whatever. I'll take it again." What I'm actually disappointed in myself over is my Verbal score. Which is stupid, because I broke 700. But you have to realize that I got a perfect score on the Verbal section of the SAT - so as far as I'm concerned now, anything less than perfect isn't good enough. According to my residual-overachiever consciousness, I should be able to get at least 750 without even thinking about it, and the fact that I studied at all ought to have guaranteed me an even higher score. So now I'm feeling all self-doubtful and shit.
Which, again, is stupid. Because, first of all, it's just a bullshit ETS Standardized Test, and yes, we all know they don't test anything but your ability to take the test. (But I've always been really good at standardized testing! I mean, it's like the most ridiculous, useless talent a person can possibly have, but it was my talent, dammit! :P) And second and more importantly, the reason I didn't get as much studying done as I could have last night was that one of the discussions I had over the weekend inspired like this ten page treatise on gender socialization and conversational ethics, and I got so interested and wrapped up in writing it that I just ceased to care about the idiotic GRE.
Which, in the broader scheme of things, seems to illustrate something good. That when it comes down to it, I'm more passionate and concerned about my actual work and doing something meaningful than I am about trying to shore up my ego by proving something to myself - because that's effectively the only reason I had for worrying about my GRE score. None of the schools I'm applying to want it, and by the time I'm applying to schools who do require it, I'll have a Master's Thesis to give them which, I'd like to hope, will have significantly more impact on whether they want me in their program than some arbitrary number from ETS will.
And it's good because now I can stop thinking about it and focus that time and energy on other things work, travel, human interaction, and grad school related.
But insofar as I'm residually neurotic, I'm still down on myself at the moment. :P
So I'm going to cheer up by way of emotional/intellectual junkfood by which I mean filling out a silly survey that Brandi sent me. And then I'm going to do my job, keep working on that thing I'm writing, do my job, keep working on.... Really, I have no idea. But it definitely won't involve practicing quadratic equations.
1. What is your full name?
Rebecca Lee Crane
2. What color pants are you wearing?
Khaki cargo pants. It'd been too long since I had a pair of these. They're so comfy and full of pockets! Screw this purse shit.
3. What are you listening to right now?
Over the course of filling out this survey:
The Pixies - Debaser
Billy Joel - Scenes from an Italian Restaurant
Gram Rabbit - Cowboys and Aliens
The Faint - Ballad of a Paralysed Citizen
Ani DiFranco - Outta Me, Onto You
Grant Lee Buffalo - The Whole Shebang (Velvet Goldmine Soundtrack)
That bizarre Wyclef Jean meets Kenny Rogers Gambler remix
4. What was the last thing you ate?
Fajitas at Rincon del Sol with August.
5. Do you wish on stars?
All the time, yeah. I'm serious.
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Crimson and Clover.
7. How is the weather right now?
Sunny, but a little too hot. Just two more days 'til September!
8. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
August, to see if he wanted to have lunch with me.
9. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Yes, she's effing awesome and inspiringly hardcore and smart and funny, not to mention hawt.
10. How old are you today?
I'm this many! Twenty-three years, four months, one week and six days.
11. Favorite drink?
Non-Alcoholic: Sparkling cran-raspberry juice.
Alcoholic: Good tequila, although I'm on a bit of a whiskey sour kick lately.
12. Favorite sport?
Snowboarding. I'm sad I won't be able to go this season. :(
13. Hair color?
Red.
14. Do you wear contacts?
Not by prescription, but tinted ones occasionally, just because I like the whimsy of being able to change my eye color at will.
15. Siblings?
One brother: Keenan, 21, studying Computer Science and cultivating eccentricity at the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign.
Two step-sisters: Emily, 22, just graduated from Cornell in Environmental Design and now living in Louisville, KY and Sarah, 16, currently living with her father in Maryland and continuing a fine tradition of juvenile delinquency.
16. Favorite month(s)?
October.
17. Favorite food?
Sushi Tora's tora no maki (unagi, salmon, avocado, and tobiko roll) or my stepmom's tiramisu.
18. What was the last movie you watched?
John Carpenter's The Thing. Kurt Russell goes to Antartica and wreaks havoc with a flamethrower.
19. Favorite day of the year?
I'm gonna have to co-opt Brandi's answer and go with Halloween. I also like March 14th a lot.
20. What do you do to vent anger?
Write. Write write write. Talk really fast. Mentally compose bitter, scathing, epithet-riddled monologues that I'd never actually deliver to whoever they're aimed at. Cry in the shower.
21. What was your favorite toy as a child?
Probably my stuffed animals or glitter paint. Hopefully not both at the same time, that seems bad.
22. Summer or winter?
God, Fall tops every other season so completely that the rest aren't really even worth comparing.
23. Hugs or kisses?
It depends on the person and the context. Since they're both pretty much tied for Best Thing Ever, I'm pretty sure I couldn't choose.
24. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Er. *cough* Sorry about that. Um. Vanilla. I only mean that literally.
25. Do you want your friends to email you back?
When I e-mail them, yeah, generally. (Unless I've e-mailed them drunk, in which case, sometimes I want them to just pretend like it never happened. *g*)
26. Who is most likely to respond?
I have no idea, I don't really keep that kind of tabs on other peoples' LiveJournal usage patterns.
27. Who is least likely to respond?
See above.
28. Living arrangements?
Two-bedroom apartment in North Boulder. I share a room with August, and we have one roommate, Thad, who just moved in last week. The second bedroom was previously inhabited by Colette, and before that, Metz.
29. When was the last time you cried?
Like an hour ago? Talking to August about some complicated stuff at lunch.
30. What is under your bed?
*thinks* A giant box of CDs; winter bedclothes; August's wooden roly balance thing; a bunch of scraps of richly dyed, silky, velvety, or otherwise opulent pieces of cloth that Metz left when he moved; probably a stuffed penguin or two.
31. Who is the friend you have had the longest?
I've known Taylor Shann since the longest ago (3rd grade) but we lost touch for most of middle and highschool, so we've only been friends for about eight of those years.
Ammy Denoyer ap Falkowski and I have been friends since 7th grade, so that's about eleven years.
32. What did you do last night?
Basically just chilled. Got back to Boulder around 6pm and hung out with August, dozed on the couch, ate leftover Thai food, talked to Matthew on the phone, studied for the GRE a little but mostly ended up scribbling in my notebook for about three hours.
33. Favorite smell?
The first day of Autumn. That crisp air, crunchy leaves and warm pumpkin pie smell.
34. What inspires you?
Love in all its multifarious creative manifestations. (Come to think of it, this might be why I adore cities of any description but natural beauty generally fails to do it for me. If I believed in a God, I might find breathtaking vistas more cathartic insofar as they derived from a conscious being, but as it stands, they don't inspire me because they aren't manifestations of love or faith ... and compared to the awe-inspiring nature of those things, nothing else can really hold a candle. Blah blah blah blah...)
35. What are you afraid of?
I never know how to answer this question. Anything less than everything, I guess. Fear itself. :P I'm afraid of feeding my inner-dragons up on enough self-fulfilling prophecies that they become big enough to eat me.
36. Plain, buttered or salted popcorn?
Lotsa butter and a verylittle bit of salt. But kettle corn is better!
37. Favorite car?
Meh. I have no idea.
38. Favorite Flower?
Orchids. Daisies.
39. Number of keys on your key ring?
Mailbox key, bike lock key, padlock key, office key, house key, handcuff key. Six. And a penguin.
40. How many years at your current job?
About three.
41. Favorite day of the week?
Wednesdays and Thursdays have been pretty consistently good all summer. All year, in fact.
42. What did you do on your last birthday?
What did I do on my last birthday? Oh, um, fasted and went into ritualistic seclusion for about 24 hours, and then went to a birthday gathering for someone else. But I threw an awesome fucking party about a week later.
43. How many states have you lived in?
Three: New York, Maryland and Colorado.
44. How many cities have you lived in?
Nine: Albany, NY. Washington DC. Evergreen, CO (not really a city). Sydney. Tokyo. Two different suburbs of Denver. Boulder. Dublin.
45. How many children do you have?
"The typical American family will spend more than $260,000 to raise one child from birth to age 17, according the U.S. Department of Agriculture."
46. What is your favorite book(s)?
This survey is starting to hurt my brane. I'm only a couple of chapters into it, but right now I'm leaning towards Peter Pan.
47. How many times have you been in love?
Four. Maybe five, at this point. But only twice with people I was actually involved with.
48. Would you rather lose your ability to see or to hear (really pick -- no trick answers!)?
Okay, I was an ass on the last one, so I'll be nice about this one. Sight, I guess. The visual world is a beautiful thing, and sight certainly has more pragmatic use than hearing, but very few things I've seen have had the inspirational power of good music, and I'd rather be able to hear my loved ones speak, sing and breathe, even at the expense of being able to see their faces.
49. What is the first thing you do when you wake up (after nature calls, etc...)?
You flatter me by assuming anything in my life is that consistent...
50. How many times in your life have you drastically changed your mind about what it all means, or had an epiphany, or something like that? do you think will do it again?
*blink* Um. Lots and lots of epiphanies. No dramatic and unprecedented spiritual conversions or anything, though. I think I'm doing this pretty steadily and continually - I mean, isn't that sort of the point? It's a process.
Omfg. Brane. Everything is stupid. Right now, I want to go eat wild strawberries in the park and fingerpaint and not talk to anybody for a week.
I did really poorly on the Math section. I mean, I didn't even get to half the questions. But I'm not really bothered about that, because I understand why I did badly and how to realistically improve my score. I'm good with math conceptually; my issue has always been speed. Given enough time, I can work pretty much anything out, or at least anything that would be on the GRE. I was able to solve everything in the review book with very little trouble. But, especially because it's been about six years since I was doing math problems with any kind of regularity, I don't have the kind of quick recall I need to do well on a timed test. I need to get back into the habit of doing math on a regular basis, and focus on memorizing all the little rules and shortcuts that I've forgotten since tenth grade. If I choose to do that, I know my score will be dramatically higher.
It doesn't even matter, because even though I like Math, it's never been my strong point and so it doesn't feel like my Math score reflects anything terribly relevant about me. I'm just kind of like, "Well, whatever. I'll take it again." What I'm actually disappointed in myself over is my Verbal score. Which is stupid, because I broke 700. But you have to realize that I got a perfect score on the Verbal section of the SAT - so as far as I'm concerned now, anything less than perfect isn't good enough. According to my residual-overachiever consciousness, I should be able to get at least 750 without even thinking about it, and the fact that I studied at all ought to have guaranteed me an even higher score. So now I'm feeling all self-doubtful and shit.
Which, again, is stupid. Because, first of all, it's just a bullshit ETS Standardized Test, and yes, we all know they don't test anything but your ability to take the test. (But I've always been really good at standardized testing! I mean, it's like the most ridiculous, useless talent a person can possibly have, but it was my talent, dammit! :P) And second and more importantly, the reason I didn't get as much studying done as I could have last night was that one of the discussions I had over the weekend inspired like this ten page treatise on gender socialization and conversational ethics, and I got so interested and wrapped up in writing it that I just ceased to care about the idiotic GRE.
Which, in the broader scheme of things, seems to illustrate something good. That when it comes down to it, I'm more passionate and concerned about my actual work and doing something meaningful than I am about trying to shore up my ego by proving something to myself - because that's effectively the only reason I had for worrying about my GRE score. None of the schools I'm applying to want it, and by the time I'm applying to schools who do require it, I'll have a Master's Thesis to give them which, I'd like to hope, will have significantly more impact on whether they want me in their program than some arbitrary number from ETS will.
And it's good because now I can stop thinking about it and focus that time and energy on other things work, travel, human interaction, and grad school related.
But insofar as I'm residually neurotic, I'm still down on myself at the moment. :P
So I'm going to cheer up by way of emotional/intellectual junkfood by which I mean filling out a silly survey that Brandi sent me. And then I'm going to do my job, keep working on that thing I'm writing, do my job, keep working on.... Really, I have no idea. But it definitely won't involve practicing quadratic equations.
1. What is your full name?
Rebecca Lee Crane
2. What color pants are you wearing?
Khaki cargo pants. It'd been too long since I had a pair of these. They're so comfy and full of pockets! Screw this purse shit.
3. What are you listening to right now?
Over the course of filling out this survey:
The Pixies - Debaser
Billy Joel - Scenes from an Italian Restaurant
Gram Rabbit - Cowboys and Aliens
The Faint - Ballad of a Paralysed Citizen
Ani DiFranco - Outta Me, Onto You
Grant Lee Buffalo - The Whole Shebang (Velvet Goldmine Soundtrack)
That bizarre Wyclef Jean meets Kenny Rogers Gambler remix
4. What was the last thing you ate?
Fajitas at Rincon del Sol with August.
5. Do you wish on stars?
All the time, yeah. I'm serious.
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Crimson and Clover.
7. How is the weather right now?
Sunny, but a little too hot. Just two more days 'til September!
8. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
August, to see if he wanted to have lunch with me.
9. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Yes, she's effing awesome and inspiringly hardcore and smart and funny, not to mention hawt.
10. How old are you today?
I'm this many! Twenty-three years, four months, one week and six days.
11. Favorite drink?
Non-Alcoholic: Sparkling cran-raspberry juice.
Alcoholic: Good tequila, although I'm on a bit of a whiskey sour kick lately.
12. Favorite sport?
Snowboarding. I'm sad I won't be able to go this season. :(
13. Hair color?
Red.
14. Do you wear contacts?
Not by prescription, but tinted ones occasionally, just because I like the whimsy of being able to change my eye color at will.
15. Siblings?
One brother: Keenan, 21, studying Computer Science and cultivating eccentricity at the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign.
Two step-sisters: Emily, 22, just graduated from Cornell in Environmental Design and now living in Louisville, KY and Sarah, 16, currently living with her father in Maryland and continuing a fine tradition of juvenile delinquency.
16. Favorite month(s)?
October.
17. Favorite food?
Sushi Tora's tora no maki (unagi, salmon, avocado, and tobiko roll) or my stepmom's tiramisu.
18. What was the last movie you watched?
John Carpenter's The Thing. Kurt Russell goes to Antartica and wreaks havoc with a flamethrower.
19. Favorite day of the year?
I'm gonna have to co-opt Brandi's answer and go with Halloween. I also like March 14th a lot.
20. What do you do to vent anger?
Write. Write write write. Talk really fast. Mentally compose bitter, scathing, epithet-riddled monologues that I'd never actually deliver to whoever they're aimed at. Cry in the shower.
21. What was your favorite toy as a child?
Probably my stuffed animals or glitter paint. Hopefully not both at the same time, that seems bad.
22. Summer or winter?
God, Fall tops every other season so completely that the rest aren't really even worth comparing.
23. Hugs or kisses?
It depends on the person and the context. Since they're both pretty much tied for Best Thing Ever, I'm pretty sure I couldn't choose.
24. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Er. *cough* Sorry about that. Um. Vanilla. I only mean that literally.
25. Do you want your friends to email you back?
When I e-mail them, yeah, generally. (Unless I've e-mailed them drunk, in which case, sometimes I want them to just pretend like it never happened. *g*)
26. Who is most likely to respond?
I have no idea, I don't really keep that kind of tabs on other peoples' LiveJournal usage patterns.
27. Who is least likely to respond?
See above.
28. Living arrangements?
Two-bedroom apartment in North Boulder. I share a room with August, and we have one roommate, Thad, who just moved in last week. The second bedroom was previously inhabited by Colette, and before that, Metz.
29. When was the last time you cried?
Like an hour ago? Talking to August about some complicated stuff at lunch.
30. What is under your bed?
*thinks* A giant box of CDs; winter bedclothes; August's wooden roly balance thing; a bunch of scraps of richly dyed, silky, velvety, or otherwise opulent pieces of cloth that Metz left when he moved; probably a stuffed penguin or two.
31. Who is the friend you have had the longest?
I've known Taylor Shann since the longest ago (3rd grade) but we lost touch for most of middle and highschool, so we've only been friends for about eight of those years.
Ammy Denoyer ap Falkowski and I have been friends since 7th grade, so that's about eleven years.
32. What did you do last night?
Basically just chilled. Got back to Boulder around 6pm and hung out with August, dozed on the couch, ate leftover Thai food, talked to Matthew on the phone, studied for the GRE a little but mostly ended up scribbling in my notebook for about three hours.
33. Favorite smell?
The first day of Autumn. That crisp air, crunchy leaves and warm pumpkin pie smell.
34. What inspires you?
Love in all its multifarious creative manifestations. (Come to think of it, this might be why I adore cities of any description but natural beauty generally fails to do it for me. If I believed in a God, I might find breathtaking vistas more cathartic insofar as they derived from a conscious being, but as it stands, they don't inspire me because they aren't manifestations of love or faith ... and compared to the awe-inspiring nature of those things, nothing else can really hold a candle. Blah blah blah blah...)
35. What are you afraid of?
I never know how to answer this question. Anything less than everything, I guess. Fear itself. :P I'm afraid of feeding my inner-dragons up on enough self-fulfilling prophecies that they become big enough to eat me.
36. Plain, buttered or salted popcorn?
Lotsa butter and a verylittle bit of salt. But kettle corn is better!
37. Favorite car?
Meh. I have no idea.
38. Favorite Flower?
Orchids. Daisies.
39. Number of keys on your key ring?
Mailbox key, bike lock key, padlock key, office key, house key, handcuff key. Six. And a penguin.
40. How many years at your current job?
About three.
41. Favorite day of the week?
Wednesdays and Thursdays have been pretty consistently good all summer. All year, in fact.
42. What did you do on your last birthday?
What did I do on my last birthday? Oh, um, fasted and went into ritualistic seclusion for about 24 hours, and then went to a birthday gathering for someone else. But I threw an awesome fucking party about a week later.
43. How many states have you lived in?
Three: New York, Maryland and Colorado.
44. How many cities have you lived in?
Nine: Albany, NY. Washington DC. Evergreen, CO (not really a city). Sydney. Tokyo. Two different suburbs of Denver. Boulder. Dublin.
45. How many children do you have?
"The typical American family will spend more than $260,000 to raise one child from birth to age 17, according the U.S. Department of Agriculture."
46. What is your favorite book(s)?
This survey is starting to hurt my brane. I'm only a couple of chapters into it, but right now I'm leaning towards Peter Pan.
47. How many times have you been in love?
Four. Maybe five, at this point. But only twice with people I was actually involved with.
48. Would you rather lose your ability to see or to hear (really pick -- no trick answers!)?
Okay, I was an ass on the last one, so I'll be nice about this one. Sight, I guess. The visual world is a beautiful thing, and sight certainly has more pragmatic use than hearing, but very few things I've seen have had the inspirational power of good music, and I'd rather be able to hear my loved ones speak, sing and breathe, even at the expense of being able to see their faces.
49. What is the first thing you do when you wake up (after nature calls, etc...)?
You flatter me by assuming anything in my life is that consistent...
50. How many times in your life have you drastically changed your mind about what it all means, or had an epiphany, or something like that? do you think will do it again?
*blink* Um. Lots and lots of epiphanies. No dramatic and unprecedented spiritual conversions or anything, though. I think I'm doing this pretty steadily and continually - I mean, isn't that sort of the point? It's a process.
Omfg. Brane. Everything is stupid. Right now, I want to go eat wild strawberries in the park and fingerpaint and not talk to anybody for a week.