RP Log with tacticalmind | What If Syndrome

[nevergonnamiss]

[Follows THIS]

Rob really was trying not to be bummed. The booze up in Houston had turned out to be so, so much more and in a way, his mind was reeling from it. It was like going cold turkey from smoking. So long without sex or any sort of female companionship since Ellie fucked him over on the race, and then three days of complete sparking sexual energy with Fox. It was like he had an orgasm hangover. His head was hurting and he had a strange feeling in his gut. Only, he just wasn't sure if he was feeling off-colour or if it was regret. She had never asked for his number, or any of his details, really. Not even his rank in the Army. He had no choice but to take that as an indication that she didn't want to know, and that their time together in Houston was just that. Not quite a one night stand, more, but not anything beyond that. He had never intended to find a woman in Houston that got under his skin. He knew there was a possibility he might find someone to have a one night stand with. Getting drunk had been on the menu, but he had also had intentions to try and get laid, if he could. A year without was ridiculous. He needed to know he was still alive in that sense. Fox had proved that to him ten-fold, but now he was left feeling like maybe he shouldn't have played so much with fire.


Now on the bus back to Houston, which their bunch had hired because they knew a lot of them wouldn't be in any condition to drive back to to the brig after a good few days on the piss. Rob was still feeling the aftermath of getting stupidly drunk, but the second night with Fox in his room helped ease most of that. It would have been an immaculate final night, too, if he hadn't been plagued by nightmares. He managed not to wake Fox up with them, stumbling out of bed and onto the balcony before he let the emotions kick in and some tears come to shake off that cold feeling they always left him with. It was always the case in the weeks following a posting. There was no leaving his sort of work at the door when he went home. That alone was probably a lot of why he was feeling seedy now. He didn't get much sleep the night before, and he now folded his arms across his chest and rested his head against the glass, looking at the seat in front of him. He knew if he looked out at the rapidly passing scenery, he would end up throwing up. Texas whizzing by his eyeballs on very little sleep wasn't a good mix. But at least he and Charlie managed to get a seat together, even if she kneed Taylor in the balls to nab the seat.

Charlie hadn't seen much of Rob the time they were in Houston, and she wished she could say it was for good reasons. She had a feeling he'd dipped his wick in that hot chick from the bar, but Charlie had just wound up with an awkward fucking blowjob with Mahoney. She'd managed to convince him that head wasn't exactly turning the whole way, but his sperm had actually been kind of funky and she'd held it in her mouth until she'd had a chance to spit it out without him seeing.

She glanced over her shoulder and cringed when he winked at her. This was why she didn't do her fellow soldiers. At least any but Rob, and her friend was well and truly hooked on the mysterious woman from the bar. Charlie had to admit she'd been pretty fucking sexy, and pretty much every guy there had been drooling over her, but she'd seemed to only have eyes for Rob. Now he was moping, or doing something, she didn't know what to say to him to make it better. "Taylor really did have the balls thing coming. He tried to rub up against me at the bar. I'm all for a little action, but not when some guy thinks his dick his gonna circle my drain like some weird washing machine action."

Rob shifted his eyes to glance at her, and offered her a hint of a smirk. "Woulda still been action," he pointed out, his voice a little on the hoarse side from too much booze and too much heavy breathing. "Taylor's not all that bad. He would have at least given you an orgasm," he added, looking past her to see their mate in question, but he must be further up the front of the bus. Rob and Charlie were almost right at the back, and there was a packet of Milk Duds for missiles at the ready if anyone tried to start any shit. It was unlikely, though. About 85% of the occupants of the bus were hungover and they already had to make three spew stops, one before they even hit the outskirts of Houston.

Charlie huffed out a breath, and shifted in her seat as she resisted the urge to kick the back of the seat in front of her just to get rid of some frustration. "I guess so. But still! I don't trust his movement skills. I don't need to be stirred like a fucking Martini." She rest her head in her hand before glancing at him. "So what was she like?"

"You trust him with your life, but not his movement skills?" Rob sniggered, giving his head a small shake, but stopping before it made his brain feel like it was going to fall out of his ears. He really needed to get his hands on some Advil when he got back to his place. At her question, he drew his lips between his teeth and didn't say anything at first. Then he shrugged and cleared his throat. "In general? I couldn't tell you. She didn't offer a whole lot of info about herself. It was... awesome sex. A good fling. Interesting, while it lasted. Stopped me drinking myself into oblivion..."

"I don't have to trust any of them with his movement skills just because I trust them with my life," Charlie replied with a smirk. "I just have to trust they know how to shoot." She reached out to touch his temple gently before she dropped her hand back down. "Did you offer anything about yourself, or were you just keeping up the mysterious soldier thing? Nothing wrong with awesome sex, or a fling. You just sound like you want... more."

Rob puffed his cheeks out with a breath and then let it out roughly. "She knows my name, she knows what I do, she-" He paused, almost as if on cue, the fresh tattoo on his butt started to throb, making itself known. He fought the urge to shift and reach under himself to rub it. She had seen his tattoos, added to them with her own permanent mark. "I think I was pretty open. As open as I could be without telling her my life story. She got it in summary. It wasn't just... we..." He scrunched his nose up. "It wasn't just a one off. It wasn't one night."

"So I figured when I didn't see you. I turned into a pumpkin, you know. Midnight came, and I was a lonely, lonely pumpkin." Charlie chewed on her bottom lip, and watched the scenery outside the window for a moment. She wasn't as hungover as she could have been, the night before spent nursing Ben & Jerry's rather than whiskey. That was definitely one particular treat she had missed. Of course it might have been nice to have a warm body to lick it off. "So any idea why she was pulling the act? Usually people tend to share their summaries."

Rob looked at her in disbelief. "You seriously didn't get any action the whole time? I'm sorry. And I don't mean this to sound arrogant, because that's not my intention, but you weren't waiting for me, were you? I mean, if you were, I could have still come and helped you out. I mean, technically, our deal still could've stood." He put his hand up to his head and squeezed his temples a little. "Yeah, I have an idea why. Not in any intense detail, but... I mean, she didn't even give me her name. I got some sort of nickname or call sign. Alias. I dunno. It wasn't her real name. I don't know were she lives, but I do know where she works. She just didn't offer any notion that she wanted me to contact her after any of this. So I just let it drop. She left this morning and that was it. I guess I've been too shat upon in the past to open my ego up for another boot in the teeth by asking if she wanted my number."

Charlie held her hands up, her palms facing Rob. "I seriously didn't get any action. I mean, I blew Mahoney, but... a bitch might not taste funky, but apparently a gay soldier does. Maybe not all, but definitely that one," she said as she pointed ahead of them to Mahoney. "I don't want to get on my knees for him again, but it feels like that's all I'm going to get. Unless I let Taylor near my ass, and I really don't want to be ripped open because he thinks fucking is the same as doing the Nutbush. And you couldn't have helped me out. You've got your mind on mysterious call sign ladies that give you awesome sex." Charlie shrugged. "It's fine. Give me a few more months and I'll understand what it was like for you to go without for a year. So why didn't you just go back to her shop and hunt her down? I'm sorry it didn't work out, Robbo. Still, are you sure you're even ready for something more after you just got back, and just got the divorce from the bitch apple?"

"It was a fling, and it's done. We can hook up back at the base if you want. It sucks you didn't get any action. It ain't a charity fuck or anything, I know how crap it is to go without." Rob let his head rest against the window again. "Maybe gay sperm only tastes good to gay guys? It's not like I'm an expert. I'm just kind of glad I wasn't told my sperm tasted funky or I'd be worrying about what they're putting in our rations. We were leaving, and I didn't figure there was much point going there. She only left this morning and if I showed up there again, I'd look like a desperate fuck. Now I just don't know what the hell I want or what the hell I should do. There was just... I dunno. It felt different. She's the same sort of person as I am."

"I thought you didn't want to fuck me?" Charlie reminded him quietly. She wasn't actually sure she had the energy to argue. She knew Rob was a guaranteed lay, but she didn't need him feeling guilty about it. "You always taste good, I told you that. I'm more worried about what it is Mahoney's doing with his sperm. He has to be eating something... Or not eating something. I pity any guys that go down on him and try and swallow. Or you'd look like someone that wasn't ready to let her go. I wouldn't be opposed to a guy chasing me. So it was kismet? She's like your... soul mate?"

Rob shrugged. "Seems I got over the cold feet. Just give me something for this headache and I'll be up for it. It's only weird if we make it weird." He laughed a little and pushed his fingertips through his short hair. "She would. She's not that sort of girl. If I looked like someone who wasn't ready to let go, it would piss her off and she would kick my ass out. I ain't getting the feeling she's the relationship sort. That's probably why she didn't want my number. It's not like I'm even a sure thing for a regular lay, am I? I know I'm on a break now, but she'd know I could be gone again at any turn. She could get any guy. Soul mate? No. I don't believe in that sort of stuff. I don't know what she was. Whatever it was, it was obviously only supposed to last a few nights."

Charlie smirked. "Good thing I know the important things to keep in my pocket, huh?" Charlie lifted her hips up off the seat and pulled out a section of a blister pack with Advil. She gave it to Rob with a wink. "It's not weird, it's just a couple friends helping each other out. Maybe you won't be so mopey once she's not your last fuck. I mean, she is the first woman you've had sex with in how long? Maybe there's also a little... attachment. She's significant for more than the mystery reasons. Sucks she's the type to kick you out though because you're an awesome catch. I know you wouldn't be regular, but that doesn't mean you don't deserve love, or whatever."

Rob wrapped his hand around the pills with a smile. "You're a lifesaver," he told her, popping out a couple of the pills and swallowing them dry. He was desperate, he would risk choking on them to get them in his system and start working. The truth was, he was ready to just curl up in bed in his small apartment on base and sleep the headache off. Still, it would be nice to not head back to an empty place alone. Charlie's company for awhile would be nice. "A year... a whole year..." he mumbled, scrunching his nose up. "I ain't sure she believes in love... maybe she does, just not for herself? Actually, not even love. I think she's the sort of person used to being alone, and it's intimidating for her to get attached to anyone. Then, maybe not even intimidating. Maybe just too much of a pain in the ass. Now I'm just overthinking it all because I didn't get much sleep last night. I thought things were going okay, but then she just... left."

"At least I'm good for something." Charlie rubbed her fingers against the back of his hand in soothing circles. She couldn't deny it would be nice just for a little while to not be alone, and to just be with someone. Even if it was just a band-aid. "I still envy you," she admitted. "At least you had a whole... fling for a few days. I mean, not many people get to experience this level of crazy even over a couple days. You are overthinking it, though. How do you know she wasn't planning on coming back before we had to leave? It's not like you told her the most important part of your whole summary, is it? That we were all due back to base today. She might have left to get breakfast, or something, and was going to bring it back. You have the nightmares too, huh?"

Rob shot her a look. "You're good for more than just a couple of Advil," he chastised. He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck and rested it there for a few moments. "As cheesy as it sounds, it was more than just a fling. The sex was intense, it was full on. I ain't even sure I've had sex that... heavy in my life. But it wasn't just a matter of really hot sex." He paused and glanced around to see if anyone was eavesdropping. He really wouldn't put it past some of them. "There were other things, too. She's a tattooist. She inked me. It was a joke at first, but then it was more. But then that second night, when y'all got me drunk, we had agreed to meet up, but I didn't think she would come. She did, but I was so far gone already. She stuck around, though. We got burgers together, only you know what I'm like drunk. Made myself seriously sick, and she still stuck around. But then she was gone, so I went and apologised to her for being a jerk off. Then there was really hot counter sex, right there for anyone to see if they walked in. I don't know what I was playing at after that, so I asked her to come back to my room to hang out. Which we did, then stayed the night, and yeah, there were nightmares, but I hid them from her and just sat up for most of the rest of the time. She left in the morning, we didn't check out until late afternoon. That was a hell of a breakfast she was getting."

Charlie rolled her eyes. "You're biased, and fuck drunk." She rest her head back against the seat, and this time did kick the chair in front of her when she realised its occupant was listening in despite Rob trying to keep the conversation between the two of them. "Here's what I don't get... If she's so fucking relationship challenged, and likely to kick your ass for hanging around... Why'd she stick it out? Why'd she take care of you when you were drunk? Why'd she bother inking you if you were so much of an annoyance? Sounds to me like she's more than left a mark. For all you know she's going to wind up popping out of your duffel bag ready for another round on base."

It was a fair statement, but Rob couldn't help still feeling at that moment like he wanted a drink. "She didn't tell me her name." It was like he kept coming back to that point, but it was something sticking in his head that he couldn't move on from. People only use aliases when they don't want anyone to know who they really were, and he had to be taking that as a hint right now. He didn't have a lot else to go on. "I dunno why she stuck around. I can only think I was as pathetic as all fuck and she felt guilty leaving me in a pool of my own puke. Why did she stick out the rest of it? Probably because the sex really was awesome. There was no denying that. And if you're getting awesome sex, why not stick it out? I just... I can't remember if I told her I was heading back today. Surely I would have, right? I can't even remember if I told her where I was living. But she knew my full name! She knew I was in the Army. Maybe she did hear me having the nightmare and figured I came with too much baggage?"

"Maybe she doesn't have a name. Maybe her nickname or whatever really is her name, and her parents were hippies. Maybe she's an amnesiac pyromaniac that would have set your balls on fire if you'd been with her any longer. I don't know, it's all just guess work. Sounds to me more like she has the baggage, and maybe she figured she was doing you a favour by leaving you alone." Charlie shrugged. "You'll do your head in if you keep playing the what if game."

Rob gave a huff of a laugh that was mostly without humour. "Yeah... no. Her parents didn't call her Fox," he said with a shake of his head. "She has no more baggage than I do. We both... have baggage." He didn't elaborate. Maybe that was why he felt he clicked so well with her, that she got on some level what it was like to work for a cause, but not necessarily one as cosy and fuzzy as the Guide Dog Association. He frowned and couldn't help shooting her a glare when she hit a sensitive spot. "I did not give her any reason to think I didn't want her around. Not one. If that was my intention, I would have made it well clear to her that I was only looking for a one night stand. I didn't know what I was looking for. I was keeping my options open. I didn't even know if I was ready to have sex with anyone, but I still put myself out there. That first night, she was gone in the morning before I woke up. She hadn't gone far, but she did walk away again once I found her. She gone the morning I was drunk, and the third morning, she left and didn't seem to want to keep the flow of communication open. I just gotta accept how the cards fell. I don't think she was out looking for any ongoing anything."

"I'm really sorry, Rob. I got nothing else. I'm trying to wave the optimism flag here, but you're building too good of a case here for the whole 'not meant to last' deal." Charlie wet her lips, and rest her hand on top of his as she gave it a squeeze. "Want me to hunt her down and smack her around a bit for you? Or I could just knock her over the head and drag her back to you. We can tie her to a chair and then she won't be able to walk away."

Rob scrunched his face up and looked at her. "How would that be any better outcome to my last relationship? Both would end with me in prison. Woo." He groaned and rubbed his hands over his face, slowly and lethargically. He caught sight of the entrance to the brig just before he did, and was relieved to be back on home soil. Or at least his own territory. Maybe he was just feeling fragile after the chaotic few days. He had more orgasms in three days than he had collectively in probably forever. He had been totally trashed for the first time since before the race, too. It had all been so amazing and a huge challenge for him, he had been running on adrenaline. Now, with walking away figuring he wouldn't see Fox again, it was like he was coming down from a high. "I should become celibate."

Charlie snorted as she nudged him in the arm. "You really sure that's the better option? You've had an unintentional taste of celibacy for a year. You really wanna do that for the rest of your life? Christ, I'd rather poke my eye out with a spoon. Or give Mahoney another blowjob. Not all us women are that scary, Rob. I'm not offering myself up other than the occasional benefit or whatever, but... It's not worth locking yourself away for. I know it's all twice bitten, and blah blah, but c'mon. You'll find someone."

Rob glanced out the window to see how close they were to the on-base accommodation. They were nearly there, so he dug his bag out from under his seat and dropped it into his lap. "Half of me does feel like it's the better option right now. It's just not my bottom half," he agreed with a snort. "Maybe it was just too much, too soon? I seriously don't fucking know, I just feel like I've been short-changed. Does that make sense? But it's stupid, because I think I did know what I was getting into with her. I've always been a pretty good judge of character, I did have a sense of what she was like. She wasn't looking for a boyfriend, she was looking for a bit of fun. You gonna come hang out at my place for awhile. For once the driver picks my block first, thank fuck."

Charlie shrugged one of her shoulders as she watched Rob closely. It really was eating away at him--whatever the it was that had occurred with this Fox chick. Now Charlie was wondering if she was supposed to feel guilty if she did choose to hang out at his place. "Sure, but no pressure, okay? Don't feel like you have to... oblige me even after you offered. I'm okay with actual hanging out."

"I really wanna blame y'all for dragging me out, you realise this," Rob felt the need to tell her, standing when the bus stopped and waiting for her to hop off it so he could follow her. He wasn't sure what was going to happen, but he didn't want to hang out alone. It was the last thing he wanted. At least if he fell asleep and the nightmares came again, she would get it. He wouldn't need to camp out on the balcony to wait for that drowning feeling to pass. He gave Mahoney a nudge as he passed him, smacking him on the back. "Way to go, dude! Charlie really enjoyed herself in Houston, you know," he said loudly and then threw Charlie a devious smirk over his shoulder.