musesandlyrics | 5.3 Diana quote
5.3. "Yes, I do touch. I believe that everyone needs that."
Diana, Princess of Wales
Co-written with a68whiskey
After everything he had gone through during his break in New York and experiencing nearly losing one of his closest friends in battle, Mike realised that for some reason he expected the war zone to be different when he returned this time. He didn't even know what fuelled that irrationality, but he suspected it was just a want to not be shipped out again so soon. Either way, it was just the same as he left it. Maybe some different faces, but innately the same overall. It was hot, it was dry, it was loud, it was horrifying. Yet it was his job.
He just never expected the weird sense of dejavu when he got called out to the temporary barracks on the frontline and found a familiar face needing help. They were right in the thick of things, and it was a tricky job trying to get in there, but one soldier was down with a nasty infection in a wound on her stomach. One of those sorts of wounds that is a pain in the ass when it happens, and you just inevitably think if you keep it clean and covered, it'll heal up with some antiseptic cream. It was near impossible to keep a wound like that clean in the dusty desert, though, and with shitloads of contamination at every turn. The wound was infected, looking rather gross by the time the medic reached her. Inevitably, it had affected her health, spiking a fever and making her feel ill. They had no choice back to get her back to the hospital base or she would become septic and die.
Mike didn't realise who she was until he was signing off on the call-out at the infirmary. For a moment, he was just awed, like he had been when he realised it was Rob all those months ago. Charlie Avery. Mike had trained on Fort Sam in his early days, just like she had. Sure, they had been aiming for different specialties, but they knew each other, just like they both knew Rob. Of course, he had no choice but to come back the next day to see how she was holding up. He sauntered slowly up the long ward lined with beds, but she was only one of a small handful of patients. Probably a fortunate thing. Sometimes this place could be hellish. "Ain't sure ya' 'sposed to be gettin' out the whips and chain on duty, soldier," he drawled with a smile as he approached her bed. "Ain't anyone ever tell ya' if it gets rough, ya' gonna pay for it?"
"Anyone ever tell you if it ain't rough, it ain't worth doin' at all?" Charlie responded instantly with a smile of her own as she looked up at Mike. It had taken a while for it to click that her medic had been an old friend. Truth was she hadn't been in much condition to take note of who was pulling her out of the barracks when he first came, just that there had been something familiar about him. But after a while nearly every man in cammo looked familiar. Then she caught a glimpse of his face when they landed at the hospital base, and she was left with this notion that she really did know him. Now it all clicked, and her smile grew. "Of all the dust bowls, in all the world, you had to walk into mine."
Mike sniggered and sat down on the edge of her bed. "Don't go givin' me that bullshit, Avery. This is my third term in this base alone. Fuckin' time between posts seems t'be gettin' less and less. Maybe I'm just gettin' old?" He looked her over with a little more scrutiny this time, making sure she was okay. "Seriously, though. What did ya' do t'get the slice on your gut like that? Coulda had a lot more serious outcomes, ya' know. M'gettin' a lil fed up draggin' old mates outta the pit o'disease over here."
Charlie tilted her head as she watched him, a smirk tugging at the corners of her mouth. "I can't imagine you're havin' a hard time pullin'. Guy like you, all hot and carin'. Plus you got doctor's hands. I think you're just gettin' too cautious," she guessed. Charlie tried not to shift self-consciously under his gaze, her hand going to her stomach briefly. "Got sent on this mission to take out one of the enemy, and didn't realise there was glass under the sand until I'd already been lying over it for ages. I went to get the hell out after I'd made the shot, and wound up with a souvenir. I'm sorry you had to be the one to find me, darlin'. You talkin' about Rob? Heard what happened."
Mike snorted and gave his head a small shake as he broke the gaze and glanced at the bed across from her. "Yeah, ya'd be real surprised on that front. I'm my own worst enemy. Seem t'put this lot here t'shame some days," he said skeptically. He rubbed at the back of his neck, pressing his lips together wryly as he listened to how she got injured. "Ya' didn't contemplate callin' us in t'make sure it would be okay? Ya' feelin' shit now, I know. Probably got a whole commune of germs growing in there. I ain't talkin' 'bout the latest. Few weeks before that happened, I pulled him in from the barracks, suspected poisonin'. He was in a bad way. I signed off after that and flew home. News only came he was MIA after that. Ain't no preparin' y'self for somethin' like that."
Charlie watched him quietly. "We're all guilty of it. Ain't like I'm any great example of how to survive in the Army with any kinda attachment. Think Rob's the only one to get it right. He's lucky. Rest of us scramble, or just assume it's better we keep to ourselves. Tell you though, you really grew up... I mean, man... Look at you. Ain't seen you in years, and then here you are. Think I'll be comin' to get myself checked out more often." Charlie waved her hand a little dismissively. "Didn't have time, and then before I knew it the cut was all fucked up anyways. Just figured I'd be right to keep going, but... well, here I am. Real sexy thinking about germs growing in my stomach. No wonder I can't keep the guys away. I'm still sorry, darlin'. Ain't like any of us get infected on purpose. Ain't like Rob woulda gone missin' on purpose either."
Mike shrugged and rubbed his hands over his face. "I envy the fucker, I really do. He's passionate enough 'bout life to not let it pass him by, even if all our lives are on the line in the job, ya' know? He deserves the happiness, which he has. Just had t'pay the price for it." He pointed to his head. "He's a bit fucked in the head right now, and I ain't just talkin' 'bout the typical restlessness or nightmares. They ain't lettin' him back on the frontline indefinitely. Offered him a trainin' position, but he's takin' some time out with his new missus t'try and find himself again. Dude shouldn't have lived, but it makes a guy wonder. Tells ya' life's too short, an' it really is. Only, when push comes t'shove, I still ain't able t'tap into that mojo that just lets ya... chill. Take risks." He cleared his throat and smiled at her. "So, what ya' been up to over the years? Ain't ever gonna forget our old trainin' days in a hurry."
Charlie held out her hand for him, and waved her fingers to try and get him to take it so he would be a bit closer to her. "Life really is too short, Mikey. I know it's hard, and you think no one's going to get it, but we get it. It's not a reason to keep people at a distance. What happens if you find someone really special? What happens when you just want someone to be there to hold you, and maybe just comfort you after a nightmare? What about the sex?!" She stared at him for a moment, trying to work him out. "Have you been... celibate? Are you really not giving it up to anyone? Shit, I can't believe Robbo's luck. Finds the love of his life and then that... He needs to take the time out, though. Coming back to this with a fucked head is not a good move. Ever. He'll only hurt himself more. You should really work on that mojo, Austin. Ain't lost, just buried some place." Charlie smiled back as she gave a shrug of one of her shoulders. "This, and that. Ain't changed much. Maybe just stopped doing all the completely illegal things so I don't tarnish the Army. I miss those days... We need some new ones."
Mike shifted closer and took her hand, glad to have some familiarity to be connected to. You tended to take what you could get in this place, because it was few and far between. He gave her hand a squeeze. "Ain't really keepin' anyone at a distance, just ain't encouragin' committed relationships... any romantic relationships, really. I tried it. There was three months before my last postin', met a girl in New York and it was a lot of fun. But I thought I had longer, thought it would be at least six months before my next term, but it wasn't. So, I broke it off with her. I didn't want her waitin'. It's easier for me t'do my job here without worryin' no one is home thinkin' I might not come home. It was only 'sposed to be fun, but I guess it turned into more. I know I hurt her, but it was like it was the only way I could cope. Then I ran into her when I was stayin' with Robbo just these past few months. It was okay, a lil awkward. But I just dunno. And yeah, guilty as charged. I ain't slept with anyone since her and that was over a year ago now. Robbo kept tryin' t'get me out there, but then my head wasn't in the best place after livin' through his ordeal with him. Brought a lot home, sorta just emphasised my feelin's after takin' care of Leila when Robbo was MIA. He was presumed dead. I had t'watch her cope with that." He cleared his throat and looked at her wryly. "Ain't denyin', however, that I could definitely use some fun. Good 'ol days seem like they were a lifetime ago."
"Believe me, I get what you mean," Charlie admitted as she gave him a wry smile. "I don't keep anyone in my head. I hit home, and it's a different guy any night I need a lay. I keep any of them too long, and they're gonna find out just how much of a freak I am at night when I wake up from bad dreams, and memories I really wish weren't mind. I feel too damaged to offer myself up to someone. They can do better. Doesn't mean I don't want someone though, you know? It'd be nice... Real nice. Just how many 'normal' guys get it?" She rubbed her thumb against the back of his as she ran her tongue over her lips to dampen them. "Is that I got catchin'? Am I going to infect someone if I... kiss them? Still can't believe it's been a year for you. It's been a few months for me. Didn't exactly get to go back when the two of you did otherwise I might have found out you were at Robbo's. She was really hurtin', huh? We need to give you some fun, Mike. You used to be pretty damn loose back in the day."
Mike shook his head. "Ain't now it's all dressed and ya' gettin' the right treatment. Out there, maybe, to anyone else who had open wounds. Ya' infect no one by kissin' 'em, so y'all fine and safe to go out an'... find a new lay every night?" He smirked at her. "Sounds tirin', love. Don't know how ya' do it. Last time I got back on home soil, I just wanted t'sleep. Stayed with Leila, and she mostly just let me do that. Even then, still didn't seem to have the stamina t'get out there. Ironically, Robbo felt the same when he met her. He got nudged out into the big wide world that is New York by a mate 'cause they thought he needed a lay. Met Leila in her cousin's bar, rest is history. And yeah, she was cut real deep. 'Course she was. Thought her new husband was dead. They hadn't known each other long before they got hitched. Eloped to Vegas when he got the call so she wouldn't be left high and dry without info if anythin' happened. Seems that was some good forward plannin' right there," he said wryly. "Back in the day was years ago. We're all hardened now. Realised just how much this trip home. Hard t'shake the weariness, ya' know?"
"Wasn't thinkin' about getting laid every night. More just thinkin' about the sleepin' with the same body for a little bit. I really am gettin' tired. I just want someone to... I don't know. Be my pillow, and more if we're ever both in the mood. I miss sleepy sex." Charlie tugged on his hand again and reached up to grip at his shirt as she tried to make Mike bend forward. She'd always loved his height, but right now she was hating it with her all laid up in bed. "C'mere, darlin'. Ain't gonna bite. Promise. They really sound like they found somethin' special. I think I'm actually jealous. No one's ever offered to elope with me. Guess I never gave anyone a chance to feel anythin' for me, though. And yeah, I know. Also another reason it ain't so bad findin' someone. They can keep you grounded."
"Can they, though? When I was with someone, I spent 'bout all the time we weren't sleepin' together worryin' 'bout when I was gonna get shipped out again, worryin' what would happen if I did, not wantin' her to go through that sittin' and waitin'. It personally wasn't all that much of a groundin' experience." Mike shifted forward reflexively when she was trying to beckon it, even if he wasn't sure why she wanted him to. "Ya' alright? Somethin' wrong, love?"
"I don't know. How else are we supposed to cope. Seems pretty damn shitty that we gotta give up human contact, passion, love, bein' with someone just because of what we do. I don't wanna be a machine. I ain't lookin' to be another number. I wanna mean somethin' to someone." Charlie shook her head before she cupped Mike's face with her hand and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.
Mike balked at first, feeling like he was doing something wrong. It wasn't that it felt wrong, it was just his mind's first immediate reaction to it. He and Charlie had trained on the same base when they were just out of school, and had hung out together, along with Rob, but he never once thought she fancied him... and even now he wasn't even sure why she was kissing him. When it eased off, he cleared his throat, searching her eyes to try and figure it out. "Uh... some people can just pull it off better than others," he responded and then laughed a little. "Do ya' thank all the medics like that?"
"The fun's meant to be in tryin', but I get it. I get that sometimes the tryin' just makes everythin' harder, and hurt more. Gives me the tiniest bit of hope knowin' that Rob could at least pull it off." Charlie's eyes shone as she looked up at him, a bit of colour making its way into her complexion as she licked her lips. "No, just the ridiculously tall ones that I used to train with. You don't have to without, Mike... I ain't askin' you to date me, or anythin'. Not at the moment. Doesn't mean we can't have an arrangement."
Mike sat back with a small sigh, even if he shot her a look of amusement. "Now I just kinda feel like a charity case," he told her, resting his elbows on his knees. "You and me, we ain't even knowin' each other all that well no more. It's been a long time. Arrangements just... I dunno. Out here, ain't all that much in the mood anyway. Not with what I see every day. I appreciate the sentiment, though, and the charity."
Charlie clicked her tongue as she scrunched up her nose. "Ain't charity! Christ, I can't even just kiss a guy without him thinkin' it's a pity kiss. What the hell? Alright, so let's get to know each other again. What do you wanna know? Ask me anythin'? I still say you should look me up any time you change your mind about bein' in the mood. Even if it's for a snuggle. No sex."
Mike raised his eyebrows at her. "I live in New York now, based in Jersey. It ain't like I can just drop 'round to Texas for a pizza," he pointed out. "And in my own defence, ya' just expect me not to react to bein' kissed by ya' outta the blue and for seemin' no reason. Do ya' really think it'll just be ideal 'cause we're in the same boat?"
Charlie shrugged, and pointed to her stomach. "I've been invaded by bugs. It might not even be me talkin'. Ain't like I know if I'm gonna be goin' back to Texas anyway. You know what it's like. We get shifted bases all the time. And I don't know... Sometimes a person just wants a kiss, or to kiss, or just do somethin' unexpected. Ain't like I ever think things through. You know that."
"Not outta the blue. Ya' been there so long, ya'd have to be transferred. But ya' still at Sam now, so it's irrelevant." Mike put a hand up to stifle an abrupt sneeze. It always took awhile to get used to all this dust once you had been away from it. Not that New York had offered the freshest air when he was home. "I know that it's easy t'get caught up in somethin' when ya' feelin' lonely enough, to want things that might not be a good idea at the end of the day. How long ya' been out here?"
"Too long," was Charlie's only reply as she frowned a little, and looked away. She rest her hand against her stomach lightly, hating the fact she couldn't roll onto her side without it hurting. It was amazing the parts of you that you never realised could hurt from the simple things you took for granted every day. "S'okay, just forget it. Was bein' stupid. You're right, the lonely thing can make you want things... Bless you."
Mike brushed his fingers through his hair, watching her closely. "I only just got here for my next stay. Ya' gonna be sent home a lot sooner than I am, save either of us gettin' seriously injured... touch wood. Ya' should catch up with Robbo. He'd really like t'see ya'." He wet his lips and then pressed them together briefly. "I'm sorry, darlin'. Ain't meanin' t'just shoot ya' down in flames or nothin'. I just... lost my mojo. Ya' can find someone who's got it all goin' on."
"I like to see him too. Guess I should see the city y'all are stayin' in. Ain't ever seen New York before. I love Texas, but the place is drivin' me crazy lately. I need a break. Sometimes I just feel like I'm gonna snap. Every time feels like too long. Don't matter if I've been here for a week, or nearly a year. I just... I need somethin' else. I been out here on my own for ages. It's nice seein' you. Seein' someone I got at least some kinda connection with even if it's tiny now. Even if I do get shot down in flames," she added with a small smile. She still didn't look at him though, her fingers playing with a loose thread on the bed cover. "You need to find it, Mikey. Ain't somethin' that should stay lost."
Mike laughed. "Hey, c'mon. If ya' told me ya' were crushin' on me way back when, I mighta just jumped right in there without worry," he told her and reached to give her hand a squeeze. "Yeah, Leila said the same thing. All she was missin' was a cheerleader outfit and pom-poms. She even tried to subtlely set me back up with my ex after I ran into her in a supermarket. I know I must come off soundin' like a mental case. Maybe I am. I dunno if all that happened with Robbo just brought a lot of shit home. It was hard seein' him tormented so badly."
Charlie bit her lip as she finally looked at him, but her expression was a little sheepish. "I was crushin' on you way back then. And I ain't just sayin' that. I was! I climbed into my bunk every night and dreamed about you. It was crazy. Didn't help that you're all buff and hot in a wife-beater. Army trainin' was cruel for a lot more reason than the things we had to do. I just never figured you'd go for it." Charlie smirked faintly. "I'll wear a cheerleadin' outfit if you want... Even if I ain't got much in the pom-pom department. No wonder I wound up in the Army. I just think you're worryin' about it too much. No one's gonna think you're mental. Just that you got some serious esteem issues if you keep callin' yourself mental. I can imagine it was, but he at least had you to be there for him. And a good wife by the sounds of it. Thank god he got rid of that useless bitch."
Mike's eyebrows shot up at the admission and he looked after her face, trying to figure out if she was just bullshitting him in jest. "Why'd ya' never say nothin'?" he asked her in surprise. He scratched his forehead with his thumb. "Neither did my ex. Guess I have a type. I ain't completely jokin'. The nightmares have been pretty intense. Ain't so much out here 'cause ya' get to that point of sheer exhaustion that ya' just pass out from the heat and lethargy. But back home, they were getting bad. Again, though, think it was just the situation. Needin' t'peel Robbo up off the concrete from the drunken mess he got himself in after hearin' he was outta action. He always used t'be the invincible one, ya' know? Like a cat, landed on his feet no matter what. Handled all the tough shit like he was doin' no more than eatin' a bowl of Cornflakes. Just caused me t'stop and do some intense soul searchin'. And I ain't gonna lie. I did wish along the way that I had someone like Leila for company. Someone to share shit with when it got hard."
Charlie looked back at him, maintaining his gaze so he could see she wasn't bullshitting him. "Like I said, never figured you'd go for it. Me. Ain't like you ever seemed to think of me as anythin' but a friend, and I'm flat chested enough for guys to just forget I'm even a girl. What's to cream your pants about? I don't know, I guess I was just scared back then. Easier to get with a stranger, then try and tell a friend you like him as more than that. Never pretended I was logical about it all." She let out a rough sigh, and closed her eyes briefly. "Oh boy, do I ever know what you mean about the nightmares. I've killed people. Ain't exactly any way for that to sit on your soul lightly. Ain't no way it doesn't affect you. We all need someone to share the shit with. I know it's been somethin' I've been thinkin' about a lot, and I ain't even sure why. Just popped into my head one day, and now I can't shake it. Doesn't mean I got any clue how to get it, but the seed's planted."
It was a lot for Mike to take in, only because back then, he really didn't have any clue she was thinking like that. He had been very ambitious, focused painfully on the goal, to the point that he probably was blinkered. He was training to be a soldier as well as a medic. He could feel inside now that he did regret not picking up on it. It could have been interesting... only maybe not. They were destined for different bases, specialties, lives. It probably just would've been painful when the time came for them to be posted out. Even back in those early days, you were trained to sacrifice your own happiness and contentment for the sake of serving. "Ain't ever woulda pegged you as the sorta gal to have body insecurities," he mused. "And it's kinda unfair t'lump all us dudes in one boat and assume we all want chicks with boobs. Which you do have. Ain't like ya' got a cock, is it? Ya' still female. Ya' know, once ya' let the seed plant, it's gonna get harder. Ya' still gotta job t'do. We both have."
Charlie looked down at her chest, and cupped what little boobs she did have. "Of course I'm female, and I'm not insecure. Just figure that some guys want boobs they can grab. Mine are just... Mine. Is ridiculous self-analysis part of the side effects? I swear I'm not usually like this. I'm really sorry, darlin'. I'm landin' all this stuff on you, and you don't need to know. You don't need to know you're hot, and I liked you, or anythin'. It's stupid. Forget it." She raised her hand to get her hair back from her face and looked at him. "What do you want in a chick? And I'm trying to dig the seed out. Just right now I don't have much else to think about."
"If a guy wants ya' enough, he'll still manage to grab ya' boobs, darlin'," Mike laughed, shaking his head in amusement as she cupped herself. "Sorry, ya' can't write it off to the meds. I still call insecurity. For every guy that loves big boobs, I can bet there is just as many that like asses or legs or lips. It's alright... I really am just wonderin' why ya' never told me. But I'm figurin' it was me. I was crazy determined back then. And see right there? Robbo's chick sent him nudie pictures to give him somethin' else to think 'bout when he was here. If there is only one tiny plus, it's that right there," he joked.
"If you wanted nudie pictures all you had to do was ask, Mikey. I woulda helped you out." Charlie stopped cupping herself, and smoothed her gown back down. "Still would, but now I have the gross wound thing going on, and that's really not sexy. Well, yeah, I mean part of it was you being so crazy determined. But it's fine, really. Past is past. Moved on. You're still not telling me what you like in a chick. Stop talking about other guys."
Mike snorted. "I wasn't exactly in the loop about the fact ya' would wanna drop trou for me, was I?" he pointed out. "I ain't seen ya' in years. I ain't seen ya' since before my first postin', even. Yeah, I think I might pass on it right now. Can't even promise ya' won't be left with scarrin', love. But hey, war wounds. Ain't everyone can say they have those. Hey, I can't help it. I spent a lot of time with 'em in New York, so I couldn't help but analyse their relationship. And Leila's family, her cousins' relationships. They all got it goin' on. I think I'm missin' that mojo." He shrugged. "Ain't ever thought I had a particular type I was interested in. Actually get more pleasure outta havin' a good laugh with a girl, knowin' I can be myself with her, takin' care of her when she needs it, maybe havin' her do the same if I need it... ya' get those foundations, an' the physical stuff is just awesome anyway."
"You're yourself now, ain't you?" Charlie asked with an arch of her eyebrow. She reached out again, and touched her fingers to Mike's face, Her thumb brushed against his bottom lip and she smiled. "I got other war wounds, but I guess this one might be my grossest yet. Real keeper. I never minded scars. They tell a story. Show someone where you've been. For someone who doesn't want it, you sure do spend a lot of time analysing what makes it good for Rob. Maybe you're just scared of what it means. And you gotta take care of me. You're my medic."
"Actually, I ain't so scared of what it means or gettin' it. I'm scared of gettin' it, and losin' it. Not bein' able t'offer the whole package to someone deservin' of it," Mike admitted quietly, watching her face. He wasn't ashamed to talk about his feelings on relationships deep down. He just found that not talking about it made it easier to deal with. "Wasn't just analysin' the good parts of their relationship, was analysin' the bad, too. Like right now, all that's swirlin' 'round in my head are the hypotheticals. Ya' live in Texas, I live in New York. What if our postin' times never crossed?"
Charlie reached out to get the plastic cup of water, and sipped on it carefully. "Maybe between us we'll come up with a whole package. Ain't like I'm in any position to offer someone everythin' either. I could get a transfer. Nothin' keepin' me tied to Texas. And our postin' times are crossin' right now. I been here three months. Got a few more to go yet. I know there are a lot of what ifs to cover, but they'll get covered if we want 'em to."
"The Army's keepin' ya' tied t'Texas. Ya' gotta put in for a transfer, and even then, ya' ain't gonna get a choice of where ya' end up," Mike reminded her. "And the only reason we're even in the same room right now is 'cause ya' ill. We ain't at the same barracks, and won't be. Occasionally might be on main base together. I can't help being a blunt realist, but I am. I guess that's why I'm single and cuttin' myself off from takin' risks. I lost track of tryin' t'work that one out. It sounds like I'm makin' excuses, but dunno... How do ya' really feel about all this?"
Charlie pressed her lips together. "Can't deny I wanna try. I've been, ah... gettin' myself off to memories of you for a long time," she admitted as she very much avoided his gaze, and cleared her throat. "But I get it. I know it'd be hard, and maybe it would be more trouble than not, but maybe we should just agree when we do cross paths there ain't anythin' wrong with bein'... together. Soldiers with benefits. If we ever find anyone else, then we end it."
"What is 'it' though?" Mike had to ask her. "What do ya' see 'it' bein'? Ain't like we're gonna pull off the white picket fence and a porch swing scenario just yet. I ain't even got a home of my own, I was stayin' with Robbo so I didn't have to stay on base. I ain't even sure of your situation. Would ya' transfer? Ya' been on Sam forever. Big transitions there. Ya' unit is there. Ya' life is there."
Charlie closed her eyes for a moment as she tried to picture the 'it'. "I'm not looking for a white picket fence, but I wouldn't mind a porch swing. I always did love 'em. Momma has one. I gotta admit I do like bein' able to go back there on my downtime, but that don't mean I won't transfer. There's still planes that leave NYC for Texas. I have been on Sam for forever, and maybe it's just time for a change. Maybe it's time to risk somethin' other than my limbs. There are other units, and you and Robbo are in New York. I guess maybe I just see the it as a friendship that may, or may not, be somethin' more. A way to keep the nights from gettin' to us, and to have a closeness with someone that we might not get. Help you get your mojo back, help me just find a connection again."
"Robbo and I ain't on the same base, but ya' know, close enough, I guess. Coupla hours drive, at the most. What if ya' put in for it, and they ship ya' somewhere like California or Nebraska? Who knows?" Mike frowned a little in confusion and then laughed. "Sure ya' would even wanna put up with someone like me?"
Charlie started to laugh, but clutched at her stomach when the wound started to hurt a bit. "You've seen me all gross and diseased, yeah, I'd put up with you. I just kissed you, didn't I? And I admitted to a stupid crush, and stuff. Are you sure you'd even put up with someone like me?" Charlie raised her hand. "I'm willin' to take a gamble if this is your way of sayin' yes."
Mike reflexively, before he stopped to think about it, leant forward and rested his hand on her arm, and then moved it to brush her hair out of her face. "Hey, take it easy there. Ya' gotta chill out and rest, as much as a soldier hates to hear that. I mean it this time. Infection like that'll kill ya' if ya' ain't careful." He realised then what he had done, and it definitely wasn't a bedside manner he offered to all his patients. He hesitated only slightly before his fingers slipped through the ends of the long strands of her hair, probably the first time she had even had it out in a war zone in the middle of the desert. "Guess it ain't gonna hurt to try."
Charlie had frozen, her brown eyes fixed on his face as she watched to see if Mike was okay with his own actions, and to see if she was meant to read into it what she wanted to read into it. Her teeth caught her bottom lip as it started to tremble and she could feel the tears prick the backs of her eyes. It had been the first gentle caress she'd felt in months, and it was almost too much for Charlie to bear. "Not any more than I hurt already. Can you... can you just stay for a bit?"
"'Course I can," Mike promised quietly, rubbing his hand soothingly up and down her arm. "It's gonna be okay, ya' know. I mean, ya' know I can't promise ya' gonna be okay out there on the frontline, but things will be okay. Whatever happens."
Charlie nodded, and took a gasping breath before her head fell back on the pillow and she sagged with relief. "'Kay. And thanks. Thanks for bein' the one to come get me. I missed you, Mike."
Mike nodded and gave her a smile. He squeezed her arm and then sat back in the chair a little. "Get some rest," he ordered gently. "I ain't s'posed to smack my colleagues 'round, but I will if they don't follow my instructions," he joked.
Charlie smiled as she gave him a half-hearted salute before trying to close her eyes. She could still feel his hand on her arm, and it was more reassuring than she had ever thought it would be. "Yessir. At least until I've got enough energy to enjoy the smacks."
Words: 6076
Diana, Princess of Wales
Co-written with a68whiskey
After everything he had gone through during his break in New York and experiencing nearly losing one of his closest friends in battle, Mike realised that for some reason he expected the war zone to be different when he returned this time. He didn't even know what fuelled that irrationality, but he suspected it was just a want to not be shipped out again so soon. Either way, it was just the same as he left it. Maybe some different faces, but innately the same overall. It was hot, it was dry, it was loud, it was horrifying. Yet it was his job.
He just never expected the weird sense of dejavu when he got called out to the temporary barracks on the frontline and found a familiar face needing help. They were right in the thick of things, and it was a tricky job trying to get in there, but one soldier was down with a nasty infection in a wound on her stomach. One of those sorts of wounds that is a pain in the ass when it happens, and you just inevitably think if you keep it clean and covered, it'll heal up with some antiseptic cream. It was near impossible to keep a wound like that clean in the dusty desert, though, and with shitloads of contamination at every turn. The wound was infected, looking rather gross by the time the medic reached her. Inevitably, it had affected her health, spiking a fever and making her feel ill. They had no choice back to get her back to the hospital base or she would become septic and die.
Mike didn't realise who she was until he was signing off on the call-out at the infirmary. For a moment, he was just awed, like he had been when he realised it was Rob all those months ago. Charlie Avery. Mike had trained on Fort Sam in his early days, just like she had. Sure, they had been aiming for different specialties, but they knew each other, just like they both knew Rob. Of course, he had no choice but to come back the next day to see how she was holding up. He sauntered slowly up the long ward lined with beds, but she was only one of a small handful of patients. Probably a fortunate thing. Sometimes this place could be hellish. "Ain't sure ya' 'sposed to be gettin' out the whips and chain on duty, soldier," he drawled with a smile as he approached her bed. "Ain't anyone ever tell ya' if it gets rough, ya' gonna pay for it?"
"Anyone ever tell you if it ain't rough, it ain't worth doin' at all?" Charlie responded instantly with a smile of her own as she looked up at Mike. It had taken a while for it to click that her medic had been an old friend. Truth was she hadn't been in much condition to take note of who was pulling her out of the barracks when he first came, just that there had been something familiar about him. But after a while nearly every man in cammo looked familiar. Then she caught a glimpse of his face when they landed at the hospital base, and she was left with this notion that she really did know him. Now it all clicked, and her smile grew. "Of all the dust bowls, in all the world, you had to walk into mine."
Mike sniggered and sat down on the edge of her bed. "Don't go givin' me that bullshit, Avery. This is my third term in this base alone. Fuckin' time between posts seems t'be gettin' less and less. Maybe I'm just gettin' old?" He looked her over with a little more scrutiny this time, making sure she was okay. "Seriously, though. What did ya' do t'get the slice on your gut like that? Coulda had a lot more serious outcomes, ya' know. M'gettin' a lil fed up draggin' old mates outta the pit o'disease over here."
Charlie tilted her head as she watched him, a smirk tugging at the corners of her mouth. "I can't imagine you're havin' a hard time pullin'. Guy like you, all hot and carin'. Plus you got doctor's hands. I think you're just gettin' too cautious," she guessed. Charlie tried not to shift self-consciously under his gaze, her hand going to her stomach briefly. "Got sent on this mission to take out one of the enemy, and didn't realise there was glass under the sand until I'd already been lying over it for ages. I went to get the hell out after I'd made the shot, and wound up with a souvenir. I'm sorry you had to be the one to find me, darlin'. You talkin' about Rob? Heard what happened."
Mike snorted and gave his head a small shake as he broke the gaze and glanced at the bed across from her. "Yeah, ya'd be real surprised on that front. I'm my own worst enemy. Seem t'put this lot here t'shame some days," he said skeptically. He rubbed at the back of his neck, pressing his lips together wryly as he listened to how she got injured. "Ya' didn't contemplate callin' us in t'make sure it would be okay? Ya' feelin' shit now, I know. Probably got a whole commune of germs growing in there. I ain't talkin' 'bout the latest. Few weeks before that happened, I pulled him in from the barracks, suspected poisonin'. He was in a bad way. I signed off after that and flew home. News only came he was MIA after that. Ain't no preparin' y'self for somethin' like that."
Charlie watched him quietly. "We're all guilty of it. Ain't like I'm any great example of how to survive in the Army with any kinda attachment. Think Rob's the only one to get it right. He's lucky. Rest of us scramble, or just assume it's better we keep to ourselves. Tell you though, you really grew up... I mean, man... Look at you. Ain't seen you in years, and then here you are. Think I'll be comin' to get myself checked out more often." Charlie waved her hand a little dismissively. "Didn't have time, and then before I knew it the cut was all fucked up anyways. Just figured I'd be right to keep going, but... well, here I am. Real sexy thinking about germs growing in my stomach. No wonder I can't keep the guys away. I'm still sorry, darlin'. Ain't like any of us get infected on purpose. Ain't like Rob woulda gone missin' on purpose either."
Mike shrugged and rubbed his hands over his face. "I envy the fucker, I really do. He's passionate enough 'bout life to not let it pass him by, even if all our lives are on the line in the job, ya' know? He deserves the happiness, which he has. Just had t'pay the price for it." He pointed to his head. "He's a bit fucked in the head right now, and I ain't just talkin' 'bout the typical restlessness or nightmares. They ain't lettin' him back on the frontline indefinitely. Offered him a trainin' position, but he's takin' some time out with his new missus t'try and find himself again. Dude shouldn't have lived, but it makes a guy wonder. Tells ya' life's too short, an' it really is. Only, when push comes t'shove, I still ain't able t'tap into that mojo that just lets ya... chill. Take risks." He cleared his throat and smiled at her. "So, what ya' been up to over the years? Ain't ever gonna forget our old trainin' days in a hurry."
Charlie held out her hand for him, and waved her fingers to try and get him to take it so he would be a bit closer to her. "Life really is too short, Mikey. I know it's hard, and you think no one's going to get it, but we get it. It's not a reason to keep people at a distance. What happens if you find someone really special? What happens when you just want someone to be there to hold you, and maybe just comfort you after a nightmare? What about the sex?!" She stared at him for a moment, trying to work him out. "Have you been... celibate? Are you really not giving it up to anyone? Shit, I can't believe Robbo's luck. Finds the love of his life and then that... He needs to take the time out, though. Coming back to this with a fucked head is not a good move. Ever. He'll only hurt himself more. You should really work on that mojo, Austin. Ain't lost, just buried some place." Charlie smiled back as she gave a shrug of one of her shoulders. "This, and that. Ain't changed much. Maybe just stopped doing all the completely illegal things so I don't tarnish the Army. I miss those days... We need some new ones."
Mike shifted closer and took her hand, glad to have some familiarity to be connected to. You tended to take what you could get in this place, because it was few and far between. He gave her hand a squeeze. "Ain't really keepin' anyone at a distance, just ain't encouragin' committed relationships... any romantic relationships, really. I tried it. There was three months before my last postin', met a girl in New York and it was a lot of fun. But I thought I had longer, thought it would be at least six months before my next term, but it wasn't. So, I broke it off with her. I didn't want her waitin'. It's easier for me t'do my job here without worryin' no one is home thinkin' I might not come home. It was only 'sposed to be fun, but I guess it turned into more. I know I hurt her, but it was like it was the only way I could cope. Then I ran into her when I was stayin' with Robbo just these past few months. It was okay, a lil awkward. But I just dunno. And yeah, guilty as charged. I ain't slept with anyone since her and that was over a year ago now. Robbo kept tryin' t'get me out there, but then my head wasn't in the best place after livin' through his ordeal with him. Brought a lot home, sorta just emphasised my feelin's after takin' care of Leila when Robbo was MIA. He was presumed dead. I had t'watch her cope with that." He cleared his throat and looked at her wryly. "Ain't denyin', however, that I could definitely use some fun. Good 'ol days seem like they were a lifetime ago."
"Believe me, I get what you mean," Charlie admitted as she gave him a wry smile. "I don't keep anyone in my head. I hit home, and it's a different guy any night I need a lay. I keep any of them too long, and they're gonna find out just how much of a freak I am at night when I wake up from bad dreams, and memories I really wish weren't mind. I feel too damaged to offer myself up to someone. They can do better. Doesn't mean I don't want someone though, you know? It'd be nice... Real nice. Just how many 'normal' guys get it?" She rubbed her thumb against the back of his as she ran her tongue over her lips to dampen them. "Is that I got catchin'? Am I going to infect someone if I... kiss them? Still can't believe it's been a year for you. It's been a few months for me. Didn't exactly get to go back when the two of you did otherwise I might have found out you were at Robbo's. She was really hurtin', huh? We need to give you some fun, Mike. You used to be pretty damn loose back in the day."
Mike shook his head. "Ain't now it's all dressed and ya' gettin' the right treatment. Out there, maybe, to anyone else who had open wounds. Ya' infect no one by kissin' 'em, so y'all fine and safe to go out an'... find a new lay every night?" He smirked at her. "Sounds tirin', love. Don't know how ya' do it. Last time I got back on home soil, I just wanted t'sleep. Stayed with Leila, and she mostly just let me do that. Even then, still didn't seem to have the stamina t'get out there. Ironically, Robbo felt the same when he met her. He got nudged out into the big wide world that is New York by a mate 'cause they thought he needed a lay. Met Leila in her cousin's bar, rest is history. And yeah, she was cut real deep. 'Course she was. Thought her new husband was dead. They hadn't known each other long before they got hitched. Eloped to Vegas when he got the call so she wouldn't be left high and dry without info if anythin' happened. Seems that was some good forward plannin' right there," he said wryly. "Back in the day was years ago. We're all hardened now. Realised just how much this trip home. Hard t'shake the weariness, ya' know?"
"Wasn't thinkin' about getting laid every night. More just thinkin' about the sleepin' with the same body for a little bit. I really am gettin' tired. I just want someone to... I don't know. Be my pillow, and more if we're ever both in the mood. I miss sleepy sex." Charlie tugged on his hand again and reached up to grip at his shirt as she tried to make Mike bend forward. She'd always loved his height, but right now she was hating it with her all laid up in bed. "C'mere, darlin'. Ain't gonna bite. Promise. They really sound like they found somethin' special. I think I'm actually jealous. No one's ever offered to elope with me. Guess I never gave anyone a chance to feel anythin' for me, though. And yeah, I know. Also another reason it ain't so bad findin' someone. They can keep you grounded."
"Can they, though? When I was with someone, I spent 'bout all the time we weren't sleepin' together worryin' 'bout when I was gonna get shipped out again, worryin' what would happen if I did, not wantin' her to go through that sittin' and waitin'. It personally wasn't all that much of a groundin' experience." Mike shifted forward reflexively when she was trying to beckon it, even if he wasn't sure why she wanted him to. "Ya' alright? Somethin' wrong, love?"
"I don't know. How else are we supposed to cope. Seems pretty damn shitty that we gotta give up human contact, passion, love, bein' with someone just because of what we do. I don't wanna be a machine. I ain't lookin' to be another number. I wanna mean somethin' to someone." Charlie shook her head before she cupped Mike's face with her hand and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.
Mike balked at first, feeling like he was doing something wrong. It wasn't that it felt wrong, it was just his mind's first immediate reaction to it. He and Charlie had trained on the same base when they were just out of school, and had hung out together, along with Rob, but he never once thought she fancied him... and even now he wasn't even sure why she was kissing him. When it eased off, he cleared his throat, searching her eyes to try and figure it out. "Uh... some people can just pull it off better than others," he responded and then laughed a little. "Do ya' thank all the medics like that?"
"The fun's meant to be in tryin', but I get it. I get that sometimes the tryin' just makes everythin' harder, and hurt more. Gives me the tiniest bit of hope knowin' that Rob could at least pull it off." Charlie's eyes shone as she looked up at him, a bit of colour making its way into her complexion as she licked her lips. "No, just the ridiculously tall ones that I used to train with. You don't have to without, Mike... I ain't askin' you to date me, or anythin'. Not at the moment. Doesn't mean we can't have an arrangement."
Mike sat back with a small sigh, even if he shot her a look of amusement. "Now I just kinda feel like a charity case," he told her, resting his elbows on his knees. "You and me, we ain't even knowin' each other all that well no more. It's been a long time. Arrangements just... I dunno. Out here, ain't all that much in the mood anyway. Not with what I see every day. I appreciate the sentiment, though, and the charity."
Charlie clicked her tongue as she scrunched up her nose. "Ain't charity! Christ, I can't even just kiss a guy without him thinkin' it's a pity kiss. What the hell? Alright, so let's get to know each other again. What do you wanna know? Ask me anythin'? I still say you should look me up any time you change your mind about bein' in the mood. Even if it's for a snuggle. No sex."
Mike raised his eyebrows at her. "I live in New York now, based in Jersey. It ain't like I can just drop 'round to Texas for a pizza," he pointed out. "And in my own defence, ya' just expect me not to react to bein' kissed by ya' outta the blue and for seemin' no reason. Do ya' really think it'll just be ideal 'cause we're in the same boat?"
Charlie shrugged, and pointed to her stomach. "I've been invaded by bugs. It might not even be me talkin'. Ain't like I know if I'm gonna be goin' back to Texas anyway. You know what it's like. We get shifted bases all the time. And I don't know... Sometimes a person just wants a kiss, or to kiss, or just do somethin' unexpected. Ain't like I ever think things through. You know that."
"Not outta the blue. Ya' been there so long, ya'd have to be transferred. But ya' still at Sam now, so it's irrelevant." Mike put a hand up to stifle an abrupt sneeze. It always took awhile to get used to all this dust once you had been away from it. Not that New York had offered the freshest air when he was home. "I know that it's easy t'get caught up in somethin' when ya' feelin' lonely enough, to want things that might not be a good idea at the end of the day. How long ya' been out here?"
"Too long," was Charlie's only reply as she frowned a little, and looked away. She rest her hand against her stomach lightly, hating the fact she couldn't roll onto her side without it hurting. It was amazing the parts of you that you never realised could hurt from the simple things you took for granted every day. "S'okay, just forget it. Was bein' stupid. You're right, the lonely thing can make you want things... Bless you."
Mike brushed his fingers through his hair, watching her closely. "I only just got here for my next stay. Ya' gonna be sent home a lot sooner than I am, save either of us gettin' seriously injured... touch wood. Ya' should catch up with Robbo. He'd really like t'see ya'." He wet his lips and then pressed them together briefly. "I'm sorry, darlin'. Ain't meanin' t'just shoot ya' down in flames or nothin'. I just... lost my mojo. Ya' can find someone who's got it all goin' on."
"I like to see him too. Guess I should see the city y'all are stayin' in. Ain't ever seen New York before. I love Texas, but the place is drivin' me crazy lately. I need a break. Sometimes I just feel like I'm gonna snap. Every time feels like too long. Don't matter if I've been here for a week, or nearly a year. I just... I need somethin' else. I been out here on my own for ages. It's nice seein' you. Seein' someone I got at least some kinda connection with even if it's tiny now. Even if I do get shot down in flames," she added with a small smile. She still didn't look at him though, her fingers playing with a loose thread on the bed cover. "You need to find it, Mikey. Ain't somethin' that should stay lost."
Mike laughed. "Hey, c'mon. If ya' told me ya' were crushin' on me way back when, I mighta just jumped right in there without worry," he told her and reached to give her hand a squeeze. "Yeah, Leila said the same thing. All she was missin' was a cheerleader outfit and pom-poms. She even tried to subtlely set me back up with my ex after I ran into her in a supermarket. I know I must come off soundin' like a mental case. Maybe I am. I dunno if all that happened with Robbo just brought a lot of shit home. It was hard seein' him tormented so badly."
Charlie bit her lip as she finally looked at him, but her expression was a little sheepish. "I was crushin' on you way back then. And I ain't just sayin' that. I was! I climbed into my bunk every night and dreamed about you. It was crazy. Didn't help that you're all buff and hot in a wife-beater. Army trainin' was cruel for a lot more reason than the things we had to do. I just never figured you'd go for it." Charlie smirked faintly. "I'll wear a cheerleadin' outfit if you want... Even if I ain't got much in the pom-pom department. No wonder I wound up in the Army. I just think you're worryin' about it too much. No one's gonna think you're mental. Just that you got some serious esteem issues if you keep callin' yourself mental. I can imagine it was, but he at least had you to be there for him. And a good wife by the sounds of it. Thank god he got rid of that useless bitch."
Mike's eyebrows shot up at the admission and he looked after her face, trying to figure out if she was just bullshitting him in jest. "Why'd ya' never say nothin'?" he asked her in surprise. He scratched his forehead with his thumb. "Neither did my ex. Guess I have a type. I ain't completely jokin'. The nightmares have been pretty intense. Ain't so much out here 'cause ya' get to that point of sheer exhaustion that ya' just pass out from the heat and lethargy. But back home, they were getting bad. Again, though, think it was just the situation. Needin' t'peel Robbo up off the concrete from the drunken mess he got himself in after hearin' he was outta action. He always used t'be the invincible one, ya' know? Like a cat, landed on his feet no matter what. Handled all the tough shit like he was doin' no more than eatin' a bowl of Cornflakes. Just caused me t'stop and do some intense soul searchin'. And I ain't gonna lie. I did wish along the way that I had someone like Leila for company. Someone to share shit with when it got hard."
Charlie looked back at him, maintaining his gaze so he could see she wasn't bullshitting him. "Like I said, never figured you'd go for it. Me. Ain't like you ever seemed to think of me as anythin' but a friend, and I'm flat chested enough for guys to just forget I'm even a girl. What's to cream your pants about? I don't know, I guess I was just scared back then. Easier to get with a stranger, then try and tell a friend you like him as more than that. Never pretended I was logical about it all." She let out a rough sigh, and closed her eyes briefly. "Oh boy, do I ever know what you mean about the nightmares. I've killed people. Ain't exactly any way for that to sit on your soul lightly. Ain't no way it doesn't affect you. We all need someone to share the shit with. I know it's been somethin' I've been thinkin' about a lot, and I ain't even sure why. Just popped into my head one day, and now I can't shake it. Doesn't mean I got any clue how to get it, but the seed's planted."
It was a lot for Mike to take in, only because back then, he really didn't have any clue she was thinking like that. He had been very ambitious, focused painfully on the goal, to the point that he probably was blinkered. He was training to be a soldier as well as a medic. He could feel inside now that he did regret not picking up on it. It could have been interesting... only maybe not. They were destined for different bases, specialties, lives. It probably just would've been painful when the time came for them to be posted out. Even back in those early days, you were trained to sacrifice your own happiness and contentment for the sake of serving. "Ain't ever woulda pegged you as the sorta gal to have body insecurities," he mused. "And it's kinda unfair t'lump all us dudes in one boat and assume we all want chicks with boobs. Which you do have. Ain't like ya' got a cock, is it? Ya' still female. Ya' know, once ya' let the seed plant, it's gonna get harder. Ya' still gotta job t'do. We both have."
Charlie looked down at her chest, and cupped what little boobs she did have. "Of course I'm female, and I'm not insecure. Just figure that some guys want boobs they can grab. Mine are just... Mine. Is ridiculous self-analysis part of the side effects? I swear I'm not usually like this. I'm really sorry, darlin'. I'm landin' all this stuff on you, and you don't need to know. You don't need to know you're hot, and I liked you, or anythin'. It's stupid. Forget it." She raised her hand to get her hair back from her face and looked at him. "What do you want in a chick? And I'm trying to dig the seed out. Just right now I don't have much else to think about."
"If a guy wants ya' enough, he'll still manage to grab ya' boobs, darlin'," Mike laughed, shaking his head in amusement as she cupped herself. "Sorry, ya' can't write it off to the meds. I still call insecurity. For every guy that loves big boobs, I can bet there is just as many that like asses or legs or lips. It's alright... I really am just wonderin' why ya' never told me. But I'm figurin' it was me. I was crazy determined back then. And see right there? Robbo's chick sent him nudie pictures to give him somethin' else to think 'bout when he was here. If there is only one tiny plus, it's that right there," he joked.
"If you wanted nudie pictures all you had to do was ask, Mikey. I woulda helped you out." Charlie stopped cupping herself, and smoothed her gown back down. "Still would, but now I have the gross wound thing going on, and that's really not sexy. Well, yeah, I mean part of it was you being so crazy determined. But it's fine, really. Past is past. Moved on. You're still not telling me what you like in a chick. Stop talking about other guys."
Mike snorted. "I wasn't exactly in the loop about the fact ya' would wanna drop trou for me, was I?" he pointed out. "I ain't seen ya' in years. I ain't seen ya' since before my first postin', even. Yeah, I think I might pass on it right now. Can't even promise ya' won't be left with scarrin', love. But hey, war wounds. Ain't everyone can say they have those. Hey, I can't help it. I spent a lot of time with 'em in New York, so I couldn't help but analyse their relationship. And Leila's family, her cousins' relationships. They all got it goin' on. I think I'm missin' that mojo." He shrugged. "Ain't ever thought I had a particular type I was interested in. Actually get more pleasure outta havin' a good laugh with a girl, knowin' I can be myself with her, takin' care of her when she needs it, maybe havin' her do the same if I need it... ya' get those foundations, an' the physical stuff is just awesome anyway."
"You're yourself now, ain't you?" Charlie asked with an arch of her eyebrow. She reached out again, and touched her fingers to Mike's face, Her thumb brushed against his bottom lip and she smiled. "I got other war wounds, but I guess this one might be my grossest yet. Real keeper. I never minded scars. They tell a story. Show someone where you've been. For someone who doesn't want it, you sure do spend a lot of time analysing what makes it good for Rob. Maybe you're just scared of what it means. And you gotta take care of me. You're my medic."
"Actually, I ain't so scared of what it means or gettin' it. I'm scared of gettin' it, and losin' it. Not bein' able t'offer the whole package to someone deservin' of it," Mike admitted quietly, watching her face. He wasn't ashamed to talk about his feelings on relationships deep down. He just found that not talking about it made it easier to deal with. "Wasn't just analysin' the good parts of their relationship, was analysin' the bad, too. Like right now, all that's swirlin' 'round in my head are the hypotheticals. Ya' live in Texas, I live in New York. What if our postin' times never crossed?"
Charlie reached out to get the plastic cup of water, and sipped on it carefully. "Maybe between us we'll come up with a whole package. Ain't like I'm in any position to offer someone everythin' either. I could get a transfer. Nothin' keepin' me tied to Texas. And our postin' times are crossin' right now. I been here three months. Got a few more to go yet. I know there are a lot of what ifs to cover, but they'll get covered if we want 'em to."
"The Army's keepin' ya' tied t'Texas. Ya' gotta put in for a transfer, and even then, ya' ain't gonna get a choice of where ya' end up," Mike reminded her. "And the only reason we're even in the same room right now is 'cause ya' ill. We ain't at the same barracks, and won't be. Occasionally might be on main base together. I can't help being a blunt realist, but I am. I guess that's why I'm single and cuttin' myself off from takin' risks. I lost track of tryin' t'work that one out. It sounds like I'm makin' excuses, but dunno... How do ya' really feel about all this?"
Charlie pressed her lips together. "Can't deny I wanna try. I've been, ah... gettin' myself off to memories of you for a long time," she admitted as she very much avoided his gaze, and cleared her throat. "But I get it. I know it'd be hard, and maybe it would be more trouble than not, but maybe we should just agree when we do cross paths there ain't anythin' wrong with bein'... together. Soldiers with benefits. If we ever find anyone else, then we end it."
"What is 'it' though?" Mike had to ask her. "What do ya' see 'it' bein'? Ain't like we're gonna pull off the white picket fence and a porch swing scenario just yet. I ain't even got a home of my own, I was stayin' with Robbo so I didn't have to stay on base. I ain't even sure of your situation. Would ya' transfer? Ya' been on Sam forever. Big transitions there. Ya' unit is there. Ya' life is there."
Charlie closed her eyes for a moment as she tried to picture the 'it'. "I'm not looking for a white picket fence, but I wouldn't mind a porch swing. I always did love 'em. Momma has one. I gotta admit I do like bein' able to go back there on my downtime, but that don't mean I won't transfer. There's still planes that leave NYC for Texas. I have been on Sam for forever, and maybe it's just time for a change. Maybe it's time to risk somethin' other than my limbs. There are other units, and you and Robbo are in New York. I guess maybe I just see the it as a friendship that may, or may not, be somethin' more. A way to keep the nights from gettin' to us, and to have a closeness with someone that we might not get. Help you get your mojo back, help me just find a connection again."
"Robbo and I ain't on the same base, but ya' know, close enough, I guess. Coupla hours drive, at the most. What if ya' put in for it, and they ship ya' somewhere like California or Nebraska? Who knows?" Mike frowned a little in confusion and then laughed. "Sure ya' would even wanna put up with someone like me?"
Charlie started to laugh, but clutched at her stomach when the wound started to hurt a bit. "You've seen me all gross and diseased, yeah, I'd put up with you. I just kissed you, didn't I? And I admitted to a stupid crush, and stuff. Are you sure you'd even put up with someone like me?" Charlie raised her hand. "I'm willin' to take a gamble if this is your way of sayin' yes."
Mike reflexively, before he stopped to think about it, leant forward and rested his hand on her arm, and then moved it to brush her hair out of her face. "Hey, take it easy there. Ya' gotta chill out and rest, as much as a soldier hates to hear that. I mean it this time. Infection like that'll kill ya' if ya' ain't careful." He realised then what he had done, and it definitely wasn't a bedside manner he offered to all his patients. He hesitated only slightly before his fingers slipped through the ends of the long strands of her hair, probably the first time she had even had it out in a war zone in the middle of the desert. "Guess it ain't gonna hurt to try."
Charlie had frozen, her brown eyes fixed on his face as she watched to see if Mike was okay with his own actions, and to see if she was meant to read into it what she wanted to read into it. Her teeth caught her bottom lip as it started to tremble and she could feel the tears prick the backs of her eyes. It had been the first gentle caress she'd felt in months, and it was almost too much for Charlie to bear. "Not any more than I hurt already. Can you... can you just stay for a bit?"
"'Course I can," Mike promised quietly, rubbing his hand soothingly up and down her arm. "It's gonna be okay, ya' know. I mean, ya' know I can't promise ya' gonna be okay out there on the frontline, but things will be okay. Whatever happens."
Charlie nodded, and took a gasping breath before her head fell back on the pillow and she sagged with relief. "'Kay. And thanks. Thanks for bein' the one to come get me. I missed you, Mike."
Mike nodded and gave her a smile. He squeezed her arm and then sat back in the chair a little. "Get some rest," he ordered gently. "I ain't s'posed to smack my colleagues 'round, but I will if they don't follow my instructions," he joked.
Charlie smiled as she gave him a half-hearted salute before trying to close her eyes. She could still feel his hand on her arm, and it was more reassuring than she had ever thought it would be. "Yessir. At least until I've got enough energy to enjoy the smacks."
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