i'm kinda just rambling cause i haven't written here for a while.
i don't get life. how come i find it so difficult to succeed. why do i have to be such a consumer. i hate it. i hate the fact that there is always something i want. when i want something i make it my goal to get it. unless it turns out to totally suck, say if clothes, not fit proper. but i always seem to accomplish these goals of comsumerism. so why can't i accomplish my goal of doing something with my life.
fuck. i know it's going to take time. i'm getting so sick of just working and eating and working and getting blazed and lazing around and eating and working.
although i've replaced some of the lazin around with yoga, streching, abs and arms, and i'm going to start going for bike rides and or runs now that it's getting nicer. i just don't feel as if i'm doing enough to be sastisfied with my life right now. like really, when i was 18 i thought i'd be covered with tattoos by now. i wish somehow i had 4000 bucks right now to pay off creditcards and my mom back and get a bunch of sick tats. at least the ones i alraeady have planned out. do that and lose the weight i packed on this past year, and finish my fucking screenplay already, and decied what the fuck i'm taking in school.do all this and i'll be stoked and ready to take on whatevers next. like rewriting, and attending school...fuck, i'm scared about going back to school. i really want to because i need some guidance and direction. but i'm terrifed that i won't have what it takes. worried i'll fail at what would probably be the funest thing ever. just thinking about the whole money part, and where i'm going to live makes me feel sick, i don't wanna think about it. i like to think that i'll be amazing therefore get a sweet job and start making money right after schooling, but part of me worries that won't be the case, that i'll freeze up and fuck myself over.
what i really need right now is a change. hopefully when herdman and ange move in things we'll get funner around the homestead. but i'm getting totally bored with my jobs, and i really miss my friends.
fuck. i know it's going to take time. i'm getting so sick of just working and eating and working and getting blazed and lazing around and eating and working.
although i've replaced some of the lazin around with yoga, streching, abs and arms, and i'm going to start going for bike rides and or runs now that it's getting nicer. i just don't feel as if i'm doing enough to be sastisfied with my life right now. like really, when i was 18 i thought i'd be covered with tattoos by now. i wish somehow i had 4000 bucks right now to pay off creditcards and my mom back and get a bunch of sick tats. at least the ones i alraeady have planned out. do that and lose the weight i packed on this past year, and finish my fucking screenplay already, and decied what the fuck i'm taking in school.do all this and i'll be stoked and ready to take on whatevers next. like rewriting, and attending school...fuck, i'm scared about going back to school. i really want to because i need some guidance and direction. but i'm terrifed that i won't have what it takes. worried i'll fail at what would probably be the funest thing ever. just thinking about the whole money part, and where i'm going to live makes me feel sick, i don't wanna think about it. i like to think that i'll be amazing therefore get a sweet job and start making money right after schooling, but part of me worries that won't be the case, that i'll freeze up and fuck myself over.
what i really need right now is a change. hopefully when herdman and ange move in things we'll get funner around the homestead. but i'm getting totally bored with my jobs, and i really miss my friends.