(no subject)
Remember when you were little, and your Father threw you up in the air? You had no doubt that he would catch you. You weren't worried or scared. It was just going to happen.
Or jumping off the swings when they reached their highest point.
Or climbing a tree as high as you can go.
Your Father will never drop you. You will never crash into the tar just inches away from where you usually land. You will never fall out of a tree.
Life is too good for anything bad to happen when you're little. But then, you grow up, and realize how horrible the world truly is. What if becomes your favorite phrase.
What if he does drop me? What if I hit the pavement and break my arm? What if I fall out of the tree?
----
I'm so afraid of failure.
I'm scared that whatever I do, I will fail.
I want to take a risk and just hope for the best. I want to believe that no matter what happens, it will turn out okai.
I'm just too afraid of the consequences of my actions.
I want to believe I love him. I want to believe that whatever happens, we'll always be friends. I want to believe that I won't screw this up, like so many other relationships.
I don't always get what I want, but I want this so badly. Maybe God will hear my prayer, despite all my problems with him. Maybe life will let me be happy with my decision, just this once. Maybe. Maybe.
Or Maybe not.
Yin and Yang.
Black and White.
Yes and No.
And then..
...and then maybe. The gray area. The uncertainty. The part of life no one understands (like Limbo, which the church once believed in and now doesn't. What do they think happen? Did it just go up in flames? What next? Hell will freeze over?)
There's so much I don't understand. The only way I will understand is if I make a decision, and find out if it's the right choice.
But what if it's wrong?
Or jumping off the swings when they reached their highest point.
Or climbing a tree as high as you can go.
Your Father will never drop you. You will never crash into the tar just inches away from where you usually land. You will never fall out of a tree.
Life is too good for anything bad to happen when you're little. But then, you grow up, and realize how horrible the world truly is. What if becomes your favorite phrase.
What if he does drop me? What if I hit the pavement and break my arm? What if I fall out of the tree?
----
I'm so afraid of failure.
I'm scared that whatever I do, I will fail.
I want to take a risk and just hope for the best. I want to believe that no matter what happens, it will turn out okai.
I'm just too afraid of the consequences of my actions.
I want to believe I love him. I want to believe that whatever happens, we'll always be friends. I want to believe that I won't screw this up, like so many other relationships.
I don't always get what I want, but I want this so badly. Maybe God will hear my prayer, despite all my problems with him. Maybe life will let me be happy with my decision, just this once. Maybe. Maybe.
Or Maybe not.
Yin and Yang.
Black and White.
Yes and No.
And then..
...and then maybe. The gray area. The uncertainty. The part of life no one understands (like Limbo, which the church once believed in and now doesn't. What do they think happen? Did it just go up in flames? What next? Hell will freeze over?)
There's so much I don't understand. The only way I will understand is if I make a decision, and find out if it's the right choice.
But what if it's wrong?