What is it about relationships that make them fall apart?
A response to a Daphne Willis Blog post...
I believe no one has the right answer, and I do agree that it is definitely influenced by personal situations and philosophies.
In my personal situation, with my personal philosophy, I believe that there does need to be that core of shared values, and more then that, there needs to be effective communication, and a reciprocation of something. I believe there needs to be something gained by each person in the relationship, and that those things need to be balanced. These gains can be a variety of things with indefinite value, something that is often seen is support, and in a variety of forms. For some relationships it's listening, money, knowledge, or networking. Another thing that can be gained is comfort, be it physically, mentally, emotionally, and/or spiritually. Often there's learning from each other - sharing of ideas and thoughts, learning a skill, communication styles, etc.
I'm processing this as I write it, and I'm solidifying this belief in every relationships need to find balance in what each person in that relationship gives and takes in order for it to be sustained.
There are some scenarios that people would question - What about the relationship that has one person visibly giving so much and one person isn't returning anything visibly, well I believe that some people may have this need to support others that is actually being filled. The measure is if they're both happy with their situation. Does the person being supported have this feeling of guilt and debt to their friend/spouse/lover/partner? Does the supporter feel used and unappreciated? At the end of the day, are they both happy with their situation?
And as for relationships that were amazing changing, that happens when the balance changes, be it because of needs changing, or the ability of one person to give something that was fulfilling a need. Maybe this is why a lot of long distance relationships don't work out - the individuals are accustomed to gaining things from a specific relationship, and the distance changes what's possible to give and what's possible to receive. Physical affection is extremely difficult, almost impossible to maintain in a long distance relationship, and as humans, I think that's an important part of any close relationship. That might be my own bias, though.
I don't know how much sense this all makes, but there it is.
I believe no one has the right answer, and I do agree that it is definitely influenced by personal situations and philosophies.
In my personal situation, with my personal philosophy, I believe that there does need to be that core of shared values, and more then that, there needs to be effective communication, and a reciprocation of something. I believe there needs to be something gained by each person in the relationship, and that those things need to be balanced. These gains can be a variety of things with indefinite value, something that is often seen is support, and in a variety of forms. For some relationships it's listening, money, knowledge, or networking. Another thing that can be gained is comfort, be it physically, mentally, emotionally, and/or spiritually. Often there's learning from each other - sharing of ideas and thoughts, learning a skill, communication styles, etc.
I'm processing this as I write it, and I'm solidifying this belief in every relationships need to find balance in what each person in that relationship gives and takes in order for it to be sustained.
There are some scenarios that people would question - What about the relationship that has one person visibly giving so much and one person isn't returning anything visibly, well I believe that some people may have this need to support others that is actually being filled. The measure is if they're both happy with their situation. Does the person being supported have this feeling of guilt and debt to their friend/spouse/lover/partner? Does the supporter feel used and unappreciated? At the end of the day, are they both happy with their situation?
And as for relationships that were amazing changing, that happens when the balance changes, be it because of needs changing, or the ability of one person to give something that was fulfilling a need. Maybe this is why a lot of long distance relationships don't work out - the individuals are accustomed to gaining things from a specific relationship, and the distance changes what's possible to give and what's possible to receive. Physical affection is extremely difficult, almost impossible to maintain in a long distance relationship, and as humans, I think that's an important part of any close relationship. That might be my own bias, though.
I don't know how much sense this all makes, but there it is.