02.11 - 02.19 [ bolshoi booze - sweet caroline ]
BOLSHOI BOOZE
He can't tell what it means. Anagrams, codes, nothing.
He has nothing.
Just as long as you do your job, we forget about Shales.
i killed him i killed him i killed him i killed him
And then you can go back to Colorado and visit your son!
Cameron. He's five, right?
Mahone slams a hand against the driving wheel of the car, thrusting open the door and flinging the photo of the tattoo out onto the car. Pulling his cell phone from his pocket, he dials a number pam mahone divorced for two years he still loves her desperately and presses the phone to his ear.
He gets her voicemail.
"Hey, it's me. Call me back when you get this, will you? It's important."
There's a click as the phone snaps shut. Leaning heavily against the car door, Alex spares another look at the photo of the tattoo, and
32008 1045708
"... They're numbers."
And he knows where he's headed next.
---
He's about to get out of the car when the phone rings.
(His heart skips a beat when he sees the number.)
"Yeah?"
"It's Pam. What's going on? "
he misses her voice. he misses her touch, her smell, everything about her.
he misses their family. he wants to tell her everything he's done.
he wants to clear the slate, make sure she knows that he really, really cares.
so he opens his mouth and
"...I just wanted to say hey."
"Well... are you alright? You said it was important."
"Look, I know things got kinda ugly towards the... you know, the end... I got ugly. But I want you to know that, that there were circumstances that, uh... it was better that you and Cameron, that you were not with me."
i didn't want you to get hurt.
"Why are you telling me this now?"
"If I had to do it all over again, I'd do it different, you know. We'd still be a family. I'd give anything for that. I just wanted you to know."
It's hard for him to admit, but he knows he has to say it. He needs her to hear it.
"Alex, what's going on?"
"Nothin', I just wanted to call to say that I'm just... that I'm sorry, about everything."
"Where are you right now? I can come get you."
He laughs.
"Wouldn't that be nice, huh?"
"No, I'm serious. Where are you?"
"One more thing. If you hear anything in the media..."
"What are you talking about?"
he can't tell her.
"I love you. Give Cam a kiss for me, ok?"
And he hangs up and holds back the tears.
And heads out into the desert, pistol hanging by his side.
---
The car crash has him dazed, but not enough so that he doesn't realize that Michael Scofield and Lincoln Burrows are at his mercy.
"You want me, you got me! Let my brother go!"
"I don't want either of you! I just want MY LIFE BACK!"
"And you'd kill two innocent men to get it?"
"Absolutely."
He can't shoot them.
(The border patrol arrives too soon.)
---
Killing the two men at the police station is out of the question. They're surrounded by armed guards, and trying to shoot them would be tantamount suicide.
Kim wants him to do it anyway.
"Pull this off and you're half way home, Alex. You remember what home is like, don't you? 90 West End Avenue, white fence, red door..."
"YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY FAMILY!"
Later on, he finds an empty room, and pulls out the one pistol the border patrol didn't confiscate from him, strapped onto his ankle.
he's shaking
He stares down the barrel, feeling the cold metal against his fingers.
just pull the trigger
i can't
He leaves the room some minutes later.
---
His son is in the hospital.
(Cameron Mahone was hit by a car. Nothing serious, but enough that Mahone knows who orchestrated it. Enough that he'll kill whichever bastard was driving that fucking car.)
There's something painful about telling his son, no, he's not angry, and no, it wasn't his fault for getting into an accident.
He tells Cam he loves him, and hangs up the phone.
i'm going to kill that son of a bitch
---
He clears Lincoln and Michael's photos by the desk clerk, and heads straight up as soon as she tells him which room they took.
He doesn't find either of them. Instead, he finds Dr. Sara Tancredi, Michael's longtime girlfriend.
"You gotta know it's not real hard for me to recognize a junkie. I - I... I'm saying, you don't look so good."
"I'm fine."
"You mind me asking what you're taking?"
"Here, you want one?"
"No, that's okay..."
"Save it for later."
"Benzodiazepine's a hardcore tranquillizer, man. You take these every day?"
"Twenty milligrams."
"You must feel like you're walking under water."
"I do. It's very quiet down here."
"That's why you started, right? Peace and quiet? It's not why you do it any more though, it is? I know it's the headaches, right? And you probably don't sleep. And you know you're gonna destroy yourself, right?"
"I hadn't ruled that out as a possibility."
The silences are probably the worst part. The waiting game.
"You know, it's why I started."
"Started what?"
"Using. Same reason as you."
"Why? Because you had to stay up all night during residency? Because the bass player dumped you in front of the whole sorority? Yeah, you and I got a lot in common."
"I've seen people die too."
"I'm assuming you didn't make them die."
---
All he wants is to see his family again.
And he doesn't care how many people he has to kill to get that.
i'd turn this world upside-down to get back to you