Fic: 'Just Like the Oscars'
I don't know what the deal is, but every time that I admit that I can't write, I immediately get inspired. Case in point: I posted that I haven't been able to write lately and the minute it's up on the net, I start writing this. Not complaining, mind you.
Anyway, here it is...
*****
Title: Just Like the Oscars
Author: Never
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan/(Andy), Pete/Patrick, Frank/Gerard, Jon/Spencer
Rating: R?
Disclaimer: Not true. Not mine.
Warning: AU. Pornstars.
Summary: It’s time to announce the nominees…
Author’s Notes: The fifth in the pornstar!au series. As always, 1000 karma points to d41j0ubu for this!
***
“Okay. It’s official, people,” Pete shouted, waving a piece of paper in his hand. He was also standing in his director’s chair with a nervous-looking Patrick holding his arms out to catch Pete in case he fell. It was cute, but not exactly how Brendon thought he was going to start the morning.
“What’s going on?” Brendon whispered to Ryan.
Jon, standing on Brendon’s other side, answered, “It’s time for the Cock Awards.”
Brendon blinked. “Cock Awards?” Jon had to be kidding.
Sighing, Ryan countered, “The Wehner Gay Adult Film Awards.”
That did not increase the believability factor. “Wehner? Seriously?” Brendon asked.
“You should hear the name of the lesbian awards,” Spencer commented.
Brendon silently stared at Spencer for ten seconds before breaking. “Oh come on! I have to know now!”
“Ahem!” Pete glared at their small group, then took his time straightening the paper in his hands. “We’ve been nominated for several awards this year…”
***
As it turned out, FBR studios were nominated for nine awards - two more than last year - including Best New Actor.
That one was Brendon.
And Brendon made sure he casually dropped it into every conversation he had for two weeks.
***
Ryan was nominated for Best Actor for a film he’d done before Brendon: A Dog’s Dildo.
Unfortunately, Ryan also felt the need to point out that his art had apparently suffered since Brendon had entered his life.
Three sexless nights later, he rescinded the comment.
***
“Congratulations, Pete,” Patrick smiled.
Pete beamed back at him.
“You definitely earned the nomination for Best Director.”
“And for Dirty Whores Like Candy Too! I mean, it’s like the committee knew how much hell I went through for that movie! Firing Brent, sending you to find Brendon…which you still haven’t told me where you found him.”
Patrick shook his head, still smiling.
“It’s alright. I still love you, Tricky.” He darted in to lick Patrick’s cheek, then ran away.
***
“Please,” Brendon begged. “I’m dying here.”
Spence crossed his arms over his chest. “That’s what the internet is for; looking up shit that you don’t know.”
“But you know! Why won’t you just tell me what the lesbian awards are called?”
“If you ask me one more fucking time, you won’t have a wardrobe for your next film.”
Brendon knew Spencer well enough to shut up.
***
“Hang on, Ry. I want to congratulate Gee for his nomination,” Brendon said, one hand already turning the knob to the makeup room.
Honestly, he should have known from the sounds coming from inside, but he still opened the door and peeped in, only to immediately pull the door shut again.
Ryan’s eyebrow quirked up.
“Frank is already congratulating him,” Brendon explained.
Nodding, Ryan offered, “Or he could be congratulating Frank for his nomination for Assaddin.”
“True. What I saw didn’t look like Frank’s choreography.”
***
Jon took a drink of his water before answering Brendon’s question. “They announce the winners at the award ceremony next Saturday. It’s just like the award shows you’ve seen on TV. Except smaller.”
“And a lot more gay guys,” Ryan added.
“Can’t complain about that!” Brendon grinned.
Ryan’s eyes narrowed. “Excuse me?”
***
“Why do we have to go shopping again?” Brendon asked.
Spencer stared at him like he’d spoken another language. “It’s the Cock Awards. I’m up for a Cock Award for your stupid costume in Alien: Erection. You and Ryan are both up for acting awards, and for Best Threesome in The Whore Is Not Enough. In the off chance that you actually win, you’re going to fucking look good up on that stage.” Spence pushed three suits at Brendon and shoved him towards the dressing room.
“And for the love of Gucci, tell me you brought your boxers this time.”
***
Brendon was mostly surprised to see two photographers waiting outside to take their pictures as they walked into the banquet hall where the Wehner Gay Adult Film Awards ceremony was to take place. However, he didn’t let his surprise show as he held Ryan’s hand and smiled for the cameras like he was Brad Pitt walking down the red carpet for the Oscars.
Once inside, they sat down at a large table with all the other guys from the studio and waited for the ceremony to begin.
An hour later, Brendon was using Ryan as a shield to protect him from one of the guys from the next table.
Gabe Saporta.
He was the director, writer, and star of most of the Cobra Starship Studios adult films.
And he kept making this weird hand gesture that looked like a peacock. Or maybe a turkey. Either way, it freaked Brendon out.
***
“Spence,” Brendon wheedled, “have a heart.”
“No.”
“Ryan? Do you know what the lesbians call their awards?” Brendon asked.
“Shh! They’re about to announce Best Use of a Dildo or Vibrator.”
“Spence, pleeeeeeeease?”
***
Frank sat back down in his seat after accepting his award for Best Choreography - he knew that Assaddin’s choreography would bring him the Cock this year. He beamed at Gerard, who was busy petting his Cock award for Best Makeup for Assaddin. And wow. That had been a unique thank you speech consisting of no words and a single nod.
Ryan didn’t get Best Actor. That had gone to Gabe Saporta for Trouser Snakes on a Plane. He’d gone on and on about the Cobra and made that hand gesture that caused Brendon to shudder and turn his head - it was pretty hilarious to watch. Then Brendon dragged a stoic Ryan to the bathrooms for some creative consolation sex; Frank had snuck in and watched. He also planned to use a few moves in the next film.
Jon didn’t win Best Script for Alien: Erection. That Cock went to Adam Siska at Santi Studios for The Phrase That Pays My Boys.
Jon and Pete had accepted the award for Best Use of a Harem, Brothel, or Collection of Boytoys for Assaddin.
It occurred to Frank that Assaddin really had been their big hit that year. He wondered if Jon would be able to come up with something equally as good next year because Frank could seriously get used to all the winning.
Andy, Brendon, and Ryan won Best Threesome in The Whore is Not Enough. Their thank you speech was followed by another trip to the bathroom, this time with all three of them.
Best Costume went to some guy named The Butcher from Santi Studios. Frank didn’t even want to know what Jon was going to have to do to remove Spencer’s bitch face.
Now it was time for Best New Actor…
“And the Cock Award goes to…Brendon Urie!”
Brendon screamed and flailed a little before kissing Ryan and skipping up to the stage. With one hand on his Cock Award, he used the other to grip the podium. “I really. I just. Thank you. Thank you so much. I had never considered a career in the adult film industry, and everyone’s been so nice and welcoming.” Grinning, he looked down at his Cock Award before looking back up into the crowd. “And I have to thank Patrick Stump. He was the one who brought me into the business and. I just don’t know where I’d be right now if he hadn’t found me in church that day. Thank you.”
Every eye at the FBR Studios table turned to Patrick.
Patrick’s eyes were carefully avoiding anything with a pulse.
“You sly fuck,” Pete said, throwing one arm over Patrick’s shoulder. It only took him a few seconds to wrestle Patrick to the bathroom.
***
Pete leaned back, gasping for breath. “Why didn’t you just tell me where you found him?”
Patrick blinked his eyes rapidly, obviously trying to focus. “I didn’t know how you’d react.” Nodding, he managed, “Definitely should have told you.” Then he reached up to grab Pete’s neck and pull him back.
***
“Um. Does Pete know they’re announcing Best Director?” Ryan quietly asked the table.
Jon turned towards the bathroom and shrugged.
“I’m sure as hell not going in there to tell him,” Spence said.
Grinning, Frank offered, “I’ll go!”
“And the Cock goes to…Pete Wentz for Dirty Whores Like Candy Too!”
Above the applause, there was a clattering from the bathroom.
“Pete? Are you out there?” the host asked, looking out into the crowd.
“I’m here!” Pete shouted from the door of the bathroom. As he made his way up to the stage, he buttoned up his pants and tucked his shirt back in.
Patrick appeared back at the FBR table a few moments later, his hat still askew.
***
Three a.m. that night, after hours of alternating celebratory and consolation sex, Brendon sat in front of Ryan’s computer, the glow from the screen the only light. From the bedroom, he could hear rustling, so he didn’t have much time.
Leaning in, he read the bolded words on the Google search page. “Holy shit!” he whispered. “The lesbians are allowed to call it that? Why in the hell are we just Wehner?”
Mouth hanging open, he shook his head slowly.
“Brendon?” a sleepy Ryan called from the bedroom.
His mouth clicked shut. “Be right there guys!” He turned off the computer and dashed back to bed. “Hey! Move over, Andy. I want the middle this time.”
end
More in: Able to leap tall phallic objects in a single bound!
Anyway, here it is...
*****
Title: Just Like the Oscars
Author: Never
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan/(Andy), Pete/Patrick, Frank/Gerard, Jon/Spencer
Rating: R?
Disclaimer: Not true. Not mine.
Warning: AU. Pornstars.
Summary: It’s time to announce the nominees…
Author’s Notes: The fifth in the pornstar!au series. As always, 1000 karma points to d41j0ubu for this!
***
“Okay. It’s official, people,” Pete shouted, waving a piece of paper in his hand. He was also standing in his director’s chair with a nervous-looking Patrick holding his arms out to catch Pete in case he fell. It was cute, but not exactly how Brendon thought he was going to start the morning.
“What’s going on?” Brendon whispered to Ryan.
Jon, standing on Brendon’s other side, answered, “It’s time for the Cock Awards.”
Brendon blinked. “Cock Awards?” Jon had to be kidding.
Sighing, Ryan countered, “The Wehner Gay Adult Film Awards.”
That did not increase the believability factor. “Wehner? Seriously?” Brendon asked.
“You should hear the name of the lesbian awards,” Spencer commented.
Brendon silently stared at Spencer for ten seconds before breaking. “Oh come on! I have to know now!”
“Ahem!” Pete glared at their small group, then took his time straightening the paper in his hands. “We’ve been nominated for several awards this year…”
***
As it turned out, FBR studios were nominated for nine awards - two more than last year - including Best New Actor.
That one was Brendon.
And Brendon made sure he casually dropped it into every conversation he had for two weeks.
***
Ryan was nominated for Best Actor for a film he’d done before Brendon: A Dog’s Dildo.
Unfortunately, Ryan also felt the need to point out that his art had apparently suffered since Brendon had entered his life.
Three sexless nights later, he rescinded the comment.
***
“Congratulations, Pete,” Patrick smiled.
Pete beamed back at him.
“You definitely earned the nomination for Best Director.”
“And for Dirty Whores Like Candy Too! I mean, it’s like the committee knew how much hell I went through for that movie! Firing Brent, sending you to find Brendon…which you still haven’t told me where you found him.”
Patrick shook his head, still smiling.
“It’s alright. I still love you, Tricky.” He darted in to lick Patrick’s cheek, then ran away.
***
“Please,” Brendon begged. “I’m dying here.”
Spence crossed his arms over his chest. “That’s what the internet is for; looking up shit that you don’t know.”
“But you know! Why won’t you just tell me what the lesbian awards are called?”
“If you ask me one more fucking time, you won’t have a wardrobe for your next film.”
Brendon knew Spencer well enough to shut up.
***
“Hang on, Ry. I want to congratulate Gee for his nomination,” Brendon said, one hand already turning the knob to the makeup room.
Honestly, he should have known from the sounds coming from inside, but he still opened the door and peeped in, only to immediately pull the door shut again.
Ryan’s eyebrow quirked up.
“Frank is already congratulating him,” Brendon explained.
Nodding, Ryan offered, “Or he could be congratulating Frank for his nomination for Assaddin.”
“True. What I saw didn’t look like Frank’s choreography.”
***
Jon took a drink of his water before answering Brendon’s question. “They announce the winners at the award ceremony next Saturday. It’s just like the award shows you’ve seen on TV. Except smaller.”
“And a lot more gay guys,” Ryan added.
“Can’t complain about that!” Brendon grinned.
Ryan’s eyes narrowed. “Excuse me?”
***
“Why do we have to go shopping again?” Brendon asked.
Spencer stared at him like he’d spoken another language. “It’s the Cock Awards. I’m up for a Cock Award for your stupid costume in Alien: Erection. You and Ryan are both up for acting awards, and for Best Threesome in The Whore Is Not Enough. In the off chance that you actually win, you’re going to fucking look good up on that stage.” Spence pushed three suits at Brendon and shoved him towards the dressing room.
“And for the love of Gucci, tell me you brought your boxers this time.”
***
Brendon was mostly surprised to see two photographers waiting outside to take their pictures as they walked into the banquet hall where the Wehner Gay Adult Film Awards ceremony was to take place. However, he didn’t let his surprise show as he held Ryan’s hand and smiled for the cameras like he was Brad Pitt walking down the red carpet for the Oscars.
Once inside, they sat down at a large table with all the other guys from the studio and waited for the ceremony to begin.
An hour later, Brendon was using Ryan as a shield to protect him from one of the guys from the next table.
Gabe Saporta.
He was the director, writer, and star of most of the Cobra Starship Studios adult films.
And he kept making this weird hand gesture that looked like a peacock. Or maybe a turkey. Either way, it freaked Brendon out.
***
“Spence,” Brendon wheedled, “have a heart.”
“No.”
“Ryan? Do you know what the lesbians call their awards?” Brendon asked.
“Shh! They’re about to announce Best Use of a Dildo or Vibrator.”
“Spence, pleeeeeeeease?”
***
Frank sat back down in his seat after accepting his award for Best Choreography - he knew that Assaddin’s choreography would bring him the Cock this year. He beamed at Gerard, who was busy petting his Cock award for Best Makeup for Assaddin. And wow. That had been a unique thank you speech consisting of no words and a single nod.
Ryan didn’t get Best Actor. That had gone to Gabe Saporta for Trouser Snakes on a Plane. He’d gone on and on about the Cobra and made that hand gesture that caused Brendon to shudder and turn his head - it was pretty hilarious to watch. Then Brendon dragged a stoic Ryan to the bathrooms for some creative consolation sex; Frank had snuck in and watched. He also planned to use a few moves in the next film.
Jon didn’t win Best Script for Alien: Erection. That Cock went to Adam Siska at Santi Studios for The Phrase That Pays My Boys.
Jon and Pete had accepted the award for Best Use of a Harem, Brothel, or Collection of Boytoys for Assaddin.
It occurred to Frank that Assaddin really had been their big hit that year. He wondered if Jon would be able to come up with something equally as good next year because Frank could seriously get used to all the winning.
Andy, Brendon, and Ryan won Best Threesome in The Whore is Not Enough. Their thank you speech was followed by another trip to the bathroom, this time with all three of them.
Best Costume went to some guy named The Butcher from Santi Studios. Frank didn’t even want to know what Jon was going to have to do to remove Spencer’s bitch face.
Now it was time for Best New Actor…
“And the Cock Award goes to…Brendon Urie!”
Brendon screamed and flailed a little before kissing Ryan and skipping up to the stage. With one hand on his Cock Award, he used the other to grip the podium. “I really. I just. Thank you. Thank you so much. I had never considered a career in the adult film industry, and everyone’s been so nice and welcoming.” Grinning, he looked down at his Cock Award before looking back up into the crowd. “And I have to thank Patrick Stump. He was the one who brought me into the business and. I just don’t know where I’d be right now if he hadn’t found me in church that day. Thank you.”
Every eye at the FBR Studios table turned to Patrick.
Patrick’s eyes were carefully avoiding anything with a pulse.
“You sly fuck,” Pete said, throwing one arm over Patrick’s shoulder. It only took him a few seconds to wrestle Patrick to the bathroom.
***
Pete leaned back, gasping for breath. “Why didn’t you just tell me where you found him?”
Patrick blinked his eyes rapidly, obviously trying to focus. “I didn’t know how you’d react.” Nodding, he managed, “Definitely should have told you.” Then he reached up to grab Pete’s neck and pull him back.
***
“Um. Does Pete know they’re announcing Best Director?” Ryan quietly asked the table.
Jon turned towards the bathroom and shrugged.
“I’m sure as hell not going in there to tell him,” Spence said.
Grinning, Frank offered, “I’ll go!”
“And the Cock goes to…Pete Wentz for Dirty Whores Like Candy Too!”
Above the applause, there was a clattering from the bathroom.
“Pete? Are you out there?” the host asked, looking out into the crowd.
“I’m here!” Pete shouted from the door of the bathroom. As he made his way up to the stage, he buttoned up his pants and tucked his shirt back in.
Patrick appeared back at the FBR table a few moments later, his hat still askew.
***
Three a.m. that night, after hours of alternating celebratory and consolation sex, Brendon sat in front of Ryan’s computer, the glow from the screen the only light. From the bedroom, he could hear rustling, so he didn’t have much time.
Leaning in, he read the bolded words on the Google search page. “Holy shit!” he whispered. “The lesbians are allowed to call it that? Why in the hell are we just Wehner?”
Mouth hanging open, he shook his head slowly.
“Brendon?” a sleepy Ryan called from the bedroom.
His mouth clicked shut. “Be right there guys!” He turned off the computer and dashed back to bed. “Hey! Move over, Andy. I want the middle this time.”
end
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