Fic: 'The Mighty Fighting Platypuses'
Yay for hockey season starting again! I went to the first home game on Saturday and got inspired. Sadly, I almost slashed my fave players, but instead, decided to throw the bandom boys on the ice!
*****
Title: The Mighty Fighting Platypuses
Author: Never
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan, Pete/Patrick, Frank/Bob, Butcher/Sisky, CS GSF (implied)
Rating: R (language)
Disclaimer: Not true. Not mine.
Warning: AU. Mention of kink. Un-beta’d
Summary: The boys of bandom are on a hockey team.
Author’s Notes: Totally self-indulgent randomness because hockey season has started again, and I thought the bandom boys might want to celebrate with me!
***
Ryan had always been an angry child. Always. Nothing had helped. Not therapy. Not his best friend, Spencer. Not anger management classes. Nothing. Until, after his seventh fight in sixth grade, the school’s hockey coach gave him a hockey stick and a pair of skates and threw him out on the ice. It didn’t take long for Ryan to fully immerse himself in the game that allowed him to release his anger without getting into trouble, and almost instantly, he became a star player; he even managed to convince Spence to join the hockey team with him.
Nine years later, he is still on the ice, playing right wing for the Fighting Platypuses with Spence as a defenseman.
And the classes and the therapy are a thing of the past.
***
Brendon and Vicky-T clap as they finish their cheer, then turn back to watch the hockey game. Beside them, Patrick, dressed in his mascot uniform - Brendon knows Patrick is supposed to be a platypus, but he mostly just looks like a brown, furry duck with claws and a bad overbite - imitates the players skating around on the ice for the little kids sitting in the front row.
Keeping his eye on Ryan, Brendon shouts out encouragement. A few seconds later, Ryan skates closer and graces Brendon with a small smile that has Brendon beaming back at him.
Vicky-T flashes Brendon a knowing smirk, but he doesn’t really pay attention to her because he’s seen the way she fawns over Gabe, Ryland, and Nate when they play. Also, that guy in the stands, Alex, who never misses a game. There is something going on with those five, Brendon just doesn’t know what. He does have his suspicions, though, and those suspicions all boil down to a rampant orgy consisting of five people. Brendon kinda wants to know for certain, but he has yet to figure out a way to ask Vicky-T if she is participating in any fivesomes without getting slapped. Or kicked in the balls.
***
Jon Walker is a regular attendee of the hockey games. He is awesome on so many levels, but what always amazes Brendon the most is how he can sit at the hockey rink in flip-flops.
Brendon once asked, “How do your feet not freeze in flip-flops? I’ve got three layers of socks on and my feet are still cold!”
“I’m part polar bear,” Jon answered.
Eyes narrowed, Brendon countered, “No, you’re not. If you were part polar bear, you’d be mean.”
Jon opened his mouth to say something, but then Brendon had gotten distracted by Frank, one of the team’s two centres, fighting with the opposing team’s left winger. And if there was one thing that Brendon loved about hockey, it’s the fights, so even Jon Walker, with all his awesomeness, had to take backseat to Frank tossing his gear aside and jumping on the poor idiot who pissed him off.
***
Pete is the team’s other centre. He plays offense best with Gabe and William. The three of them are really good at reading each other - not as good as last year’s centre, Travis, was with Gabe and William, but still pretty good. It’s weird seeing them skate together, though, because Gabe and William are tall but Pete? Pete is travel-sized. So seeing the three of them in their positions is sort of like seeing a valley between two mountains.
Or like seeing a pair of breasts. However, Brendon isn’t allowed to make that comparison anymore after the last time because those three guys can be really mean, and Brendon’s still a little jittery when any of them eat oranges around him.
***
Brendon thinks that the platypus is sort of a stupid mascot. Honestly, who is scared of a platypus? No one, right?
But Gabe disagrees; aside from cobras, he thinks platypuses are the coolest creatures on the planet.
“They’re poisonous,” Gabe says. “You see it and you think, oh, isn’t it so bizarrely cute, but then you get too close and piss it off and BAM! You’re down for the count! I mean, who wouldn’t be scared of a platypus? Dude, who wouldn’t want to be a platypus?”
Brendon doesn’t answer because he figures that’s a no-brainer.
He also figures Gabe is a pretty weird guy.
***
With one month left of the season last year, Travis announced right before a game that he wasn’t coming back to play the following year. That he would miss everyone, but it was time for him to move on.
Everyone thought that William was going to cry.
He didn’t.
But Gabe excused himself from the locker room with a sniffle.
***
“Ref, are you fucking blind? Number 87 just fucking charged that guy! Where’s the fucking penalty, fuckstick?” Gerard shouts from his seat in the third row of the bleachers.
Gerard is a super nice, shy, artistic guy. Honest. But set him down anywhere near a hockey game and he goes a little crazy.
“That’s what we call holding, asshole! Hey Ref, why don’t you come up here and suck my dick? At least that way you’ll be fucking useful!”
Seriously. Crazy.
Before Gerard, Brendon didn’t know that fans could actually get thrown out of a game.
***
Like Ryan, William Beckett is a right winger who is ridiculously pretty. Girl pretty; he always gets asked if he’s on the women’s hockey team because no one believes he’s actually a guy. It’s gotten so bad that William says the next person who asks if he is right wing on the women’s team is going to get a skate to the face.
Spencer says that if anyone would like to see if William will really do it or not, he’s got a volunteer in mind.
***
Pete and Patrick have a torrid love affair.
Well, in reality, they have a kinky love affair.
See, Pete really likes Patrick in his mascot uniform, and Brendon knows this because Pete has a really big mouth and enjoys making Patrick blush. While trying to get Patrick’s face to turn scarlet one night after a game, Pete admitted that he and Patrick have had sex at least five times with Patrick still wearing some part of his uniform.
Also, according to Pete, semen is hard to get out of fake fur, but Patrick is a magician when it comes to cleaning off body fluids.
At that, every visible inch of Patrick’s skin turned maroon.
***
The Fighting Platypuses have two goalies: Bob Bryar and The Butcher. Brendon’s heard rumors that Butcher’s real name is Andy, but no one knows for certain. All they know is that he’s a fucking acrobat. Like, he’s eerily graceful on the ice, especially for a goaltender. It’s weird. Also, Butcher is totally in love with some guy named Sisky, and they only know that because Butcher never. Stops. Talking about the guy.
Sisky usually comes to the games and sits on the first row right next to the goal. It’s sweet.
However, it makes Brendon feel like he’s not as good of a boyfriend or something, but the way he figures it, Ryan is constantly skating back and forth on the ice, so where the hell would Brendon sit anyway? Besides, being one of the two hockey cheerleaders, he gets to stand close to the ice so he can actually see Ryan’s face as he skates by and that’s good enough.
***
Gabe refuses to get on the ice without Ryland and Nate, two defensemen who seem to have some kind of telepathy going on. They have completely different styles and moves, but somehow they mesh well.
Brendon thinks that the telepathy they’ve got going on has something to do with that five-person orgy, and one of these days, he’s going to ask Vicky-T. Really. Even if he has to shout it out from a safe distance.
***
Ryan and Spence are two other players that don’t perform as well separately as they do together. Brendon once asked Ryan why. Fifteen minutes later, Ryan was still rambling about ‘the order of the universe’ and ‘the moon and stars counterbalancing the sun’ and some other stuff that Brendon didn’t really pay attention to.
But Brendon’s pretty sure Ryan just plays better offense when he knows Spencer has his back covered on defense. In fact, Brendon’s pretty sure Spence is the only person Ryan trusts to have his back on defense. Not even Ray, who is Spence’s defense partner and who has been playing with Ryan for the better part of two years.
It probably goes without saying that Ryan doesn’t allow people into his circle of trust often - or ever - which is why everyone thought he and Brendon would never get together. And even if they did, they would never work out because Ryan is Ryan and Brendon is. Well. Brendon.
***
Since the first game, Brendon had a crush on Ryan, but Brendon figured Ryan didn’t really know he existed. He didn’t find out how wrong he was about that until an away game down in Texas, though. Brendon was almost on his deathbed with Ebola - okay, it was the flu - but he still tried to help Vicky-T out with the cheers. Then after the game, back on their bus, Brendon immediately collapsed into his seat to curl up and die.
But then he felt a blanket settle around him and a bottle of water pressed into his hand.
“I don’t have any hot tea,” Ryan said, as if Brendon had asked a question.
Brendon blinked up at him.
“You need to stay hydrated. Drink it.”
Then Ryan started to move away, and without really thinking about what he was doing, Brendon reached out to grab him. Ryan didn’t say anything; he simply slipped into the seat and maneuvered Brendon so that he was resting on Ryan.
“Go to sleep. We’ve got a long ride.”
Brendon passed out with his head on Ryan’s lap.
***
Frank is probably the best centre ever because he has so much energy and can skate faster than just about anyone Brendon’s ever seen. And he has no qualms with antagonizing any and all members of opposing teams, including their coaches. The Platypus coach, Brian Schecter, says that Frank could be the best centre in Platypus history if he could only manage to stay out of the penalty box for more than a minute at a time.
His boyfriend, Bob - who happens to be one of the goalies - once tried to talk to Frank about calming down at games. Frank didn’t react well and stopped talking to Bob for six days.
Frank also ended up punching out a ref that week.
Bob hasn’t brought it up since.
***
Only one person has ever been invited to join Spence and Ryan in their private practices: Zack. Zack is the left wing that usually plays with Ryan and Frank. He’s a pretty big guy who, oddly, was almost immediately accepted into Ryan’s circle of friends. Brendon has no idea why - and he’s not about to make the mistake of asking Ryan - but he thinks it’s just because Zack is made of win.
Made. Of. Win.
And this is a well-known fact that Brendon discovered the first time he asked Zack to carry him out of the ice rink and Zack did it! Like, without complaining or anything! And after that, Brendon may have confessed his undying love for Zack, but luckily, Ryan knew Brendon well enough not to take it too seriously and threaten anyone with hockey sticks in unpleasant places.
***
The last game of the season, Pete gets checked into the glass. Hard. The other players follow the puck down the rink, leaving Pete to crumble to the ice. A strange silence falls over the crowd as they watch Pete pitifully crawl toward the Platypus bench, his arms pulling him along.
A ref finally blows the whistle, calling a halt to the game, and three guys immediately run out to help Pete.
Beside Brendon, Patrick removes his platypus head and pushes his sweaty hair out of his eyes.
Zack and Ray end up carrying Pete off the ice, and really. Brendon should see it coming, but he doesn’t.
The next thing he knows, a headless platypus is awkwardly running - it’s really more of a fast waddle, but whatever - across the ice to tackle the guy who checked Pete.
Two hours later, Pete’s leg is wrapped and propped up on the seat across the aisle from him on the bus, and Patrick is sitting beside him, constantly asking if he’s in any pain.
Pete doesn’t answer. Instead, he moves in the few inches that separate him from Patrick and licks Patrick’s neck until he smiles.
Then Pete steals a kiss and leans his head against Patrick’s shoulder.
From his seat beside Ryan just a few rows behind Pete and Patrick, Brendon grins and reaches out to hold Ryan’s hand.
end
Continued in: The Mighty Fighting Platypuses: Season 2
*****
Title: The Mighty Fighting Platypuses
Author: Never
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan, Pete/Patrick, Frank/Bob, Butcher/Sisky, CS GSF (implied)
Rating: R (language)
Disclaimer: Not true. Not mine.
Warning: AU. Mention of kink. Un-beta’d
Summary: The boys of bandom are on a hockey team.
Author’s Notes: Totally self-indulgent randomness because hockey season has started again, and I thought the bandom boys might want to celebrate with me!
***
Ryan had always been an angry child. Always. Nothing had helped. Not therapy. Not his best friend, Spencer. Not anger management classes. Nothing. Until, after his seventh fight in sixth grade, the school’s hockey coach gave him a hockey stick and a pair of skates and threw him out on the ice. It didn’t take long for Ryan to fully immerse himself in the game that allowed him to release his anger without getting into trouble, and almost instantly, he became a star player; he even managed to convince Spence to join the hockey team with him.
Nine years later, he is still on the ice, playing right wing for the Fighting Platypuses with Spence as a defenseman.
And the classes and the therapy are a thing of the past.
***
Brendon and Vicky-T clap as they finish their cheer, then turn back to watch the hockey game. Beside them, Patrick, dressed in his mascot uniform - Brendon knows Patrick is supposed to be a platypus, but he mostly just looks like a brown, furry duck with claws and a bad overbite - imitates the players skating around on the ice for the little kids sitting in the front row.
Keeping his eye on Ryan, Brendon shouts out encouragement. A few seconds later, Ryan skates closer and graces Brendon with a small smile that has Brendon beaming back at him.
Vicky-T flashes Brendon a knowing smirk, but he doesn’t really pay attention to her because he’s seen the way she fawns over Gabe, Ryland, and Nate when they play. Also, that guy in the stands, Alex, who never misses a game. There is something going on with those five, Brendon just doesn’t know what. He does have his suspicions, though, and those suspicions all boil down to a rampant orgy consisting of five people. Brendon kinda wants to know for certain, but he has yet to figure out a way to ask Vicky-T if she is participating in any fivesomes without getting slapped. Or kicked in the balls.
***
Jon Walker is a regular attendee of the hockey games. He is awesome on so many levels, but what always amazes Brendon the most is how he can sit at the hockey rink in flip-flops.
Brendon once asked, “How do your feet not freeze in flip-flops? I’ve got three layers of socks on and my feet are still cold!”
“I’m part polar bear,” Jon answered.
Eyes narrowed, Brendon countered, “No, you’re not. If you were part polar bear, you’d be mean.”
Jon opened his mouth to say something, but then Brendon had gotten distracted by Frank, one of the team’s two centres, fighting with the opposing team’s left winger. And if there was one thing that Brendon loved about hockey, it’s the fights, so even Jon Walker, with all his awesomeness, had to take backseat to Frank tossing his gear aside and jumping on the poor idiot who pissed him off.
***
Pete is the team’s other centre. He plays offense best with Gabe and William. The three of them are really good at reading each other - not as good as last year’s centre, Travis, was with Gabe and William, but still pretty good. It’s weird seeing them skate together, though, because Gabe and William are tall but Pete? Pete is travel-sized. So seeing the three of them in their positions is sort of like seeing a valley between two mountains.
Or like seeing a pair of breasts. However, Brendon isn’t allowed to make that comparison anymore after the last time because those three guys can be really mean, and Brendon’s still a little jittery when any of them eat oranges around him.
***
Brendon thinks that the platypus is sort of a stupid mascot. Honestly, who is scared of a platypus? No one, right?
But Gabe disagrees; aside from cobras, he thinks platypuses are the coolest creatures on the planet.
“They’re poisonous,” Gabe says. “You see it and you think, oh, isn’t it so bizarrely cute, but then you get too close and piss it off and BAM! You’re down for the count! I mean, who wouldn’t be scared of a platypus? Dude, who wouldn’t want to be a platypus?”
Brendon doesn’t answer because he figures that’s a no-brainer.
He also figures Gabe is a pretty weird guy.
***
With one month left of the season last year, Travis announced right before a game that he wasn’t coming back to play the following year. That he would miss everyone, but it was time for him to move on.
Everyone thought that William was going to cry.
He didn’t.
But Gabe excused himself from the locker room with a sniffle.
***
“Ref, are you fucking blind? Number 87 just fucking charged that guy! Where’s the fucking penalty, fuckstick?” Gerard shouts from his seat in the third row of the bleachers.
Gerard is a super nice, shy, artistic guy. Honest. But set him down anywhere near a hockey game and he goes a little crazy.
“That’s what we call holding, asshole! Hey Ref, why don’t you come up here and suck my dick? At least that way you’ll be fucking useful!”
Seriously. Crazy.
Before Gerard, Brendon didn’t know that fans could actually get thrown out of a game.
***
Like Ryan, William Beckett is a right winger who is ridiculously pretty. Girl pretty; he always gets asked if he’s on the women’s hockey team because no one believes he’s actually a guy. It’s gotten so bad that William says the next person who asks if he is right wing on the women’s team is going to get a skate to the face.
Spencer says that if anyone would like to see if William will really do it or not, he’s got a volunteer in mind.
***
Pete and Patrick have a torrid love affair.
Well, in reality, they have a kinky love affair.
See, Pete really likes Patrick in his mascot uniform, and Brendon knows this because Pete has a really big mouth and enjoys making Patrick blush. While trying to get Patrick’s face to turn scarlet one night after a game, Pete admitted that he and Patrick have had sex at least five times with Patrick still wearing some part of his uniform.
Also, according to Pete, semen is hard to get out of fake fur, but Patrick is a magician when it comes to cleaning off body fluids.
At that, every visible inch of Patrick’s skin turned maroon.
***
The Fighting Platypuses have two goalies: Bob Bryar and The Butcher. Brendon’s heard rumors that Butcher’s real name is Andy, but no one knows for certain. All they know is that he’s a fucking acrobat. Like, he’s eerily graceful on the ice, especially for a goaltender. It’s weird. Also, Butcher is totally in love with some guy named Sisky, and they only know that because Butcher never. Stops. Talking about the guy.
Sisky usually comes to the games and sits on the first row right next to the goal. It’s sweet.
However, it makes Brendon feel like he’s not as good of a boyfriend or something, but the way he figures it, Ryan is constantly skating back and forth on the ice, so where the hell would Brendon sit anyway? Besides, being one of the two hockey cheerleaders, he gets to stand close to the ice so he can actually see Ryan’s face as he skates by and that’s good enough.
***
Gabe refuses to get on the ice without Ryland and Nate, two defensemen who seem to have some kind of telepathy going on. They have completely different styles and moves, but somehow they mesh well.
Brendon thinks that the telepathy they’ve got going on has something to do with that five-person orgy, and one of these days, he’s going to ask Vicky-T. Really. Even if he has to shout it out from a safe distance.
***
Ryan and Spence are two other players that don’t perform as well separately as they do together. Brendon once asked Ryan why. Fifteen minutes later, Ryan was still rambling about ‘the order of the universe’ and ‘the moon and stars counterbalancing the sun’ and some other stuff that Brendon didn’t really pay attention to.
But Brendon’s pretty sure Ryan just plays better offense when he knows Spencer has his back covered on defense. In fact, Brendon’s pretty sure Spence is the only person Ryan trusts to have his back on defense. Not even Ray, who is Spence’s defense partner and who has been playing with Ryan for the better part of two years.
It probably goes without saying that Ryan doesn’t allow people into his circle of trust often - or ever - which is why everyone thought he and Brendon would never get together. And even if they did, they would never work out because Ryan is Ryan and Brendon is. Well. Brendon.
***
Since the first game, Brendon had a crush on Ryan, but Brendon figured Ryan didn’t really know he existed. He didn’t find out how wrong he was about that until an away game down in Texas, though. Brendon was almost on his deathbed with Ebola - okay, it was the flu - but he still tried to help Vicky-T out with the cheers. Then after the game, back on their bus, Brendon immediately collapsed into his seat to curl up and die.
But then he felt a blanket settle around him and a bottle of water pressed into his hand.
“I don’t have any hot tea,” Ryan said, as if Brendon had asked a question.
Brendon blinked up at him.
“You need to stay hydrated. Drink it.”
Then Ryan started to move away, and without really thinking about what he was doing, Brendon reached out to grab him. Ryan didn’t say anything; he simply slipped into the seat and maneuvered Brendon so that he was resting on Ryan.
“Go to sleep. We’ve got a long ride.”
Brendon passed out with his head on Ryan’s lap.
***
Frank is probably the best centre ever because he has so much energy and can skate faster than just about anyone Brendon’s ever seen. And he has no qualms with antagonizing any and all members of opposing teams, including their coaches. The Platypus coach, Brian Schecter, says that Frank could be the best centre in Platypus history if he could only manage to stay out of the penalty box for more than a minute at a time.
His boyfriend, Bob - who happens to be one of the goalies - once tried to talk to Frank about calming down at games. Frank didn’t react well and stopped talking to Bob for six days.
Frank also ended up punching out a ref that week.
Bob hasn’t brought it up since.
***
Only one person has ever been invited to join Spence and Ryan in their private practices: Zack. Zack is the left wing that usually plays with Ryan and Frank. He’s a pretty big guy who, oddly, was almost immediately accepted into Ryan’s circle of friends. Brendon has no idea why - and he’s not about to make the mistake of asking Ryan - but he thinks it’s just because Zack is made of win.
Made. Of. Win.
And this is a well-known fact that Brendon discovered the first time he asked Zack to carry him out of the ice rink and Zack did it! Like, without complaining or anything! And after that, Brendon may have confessed his undying love for Zack, but luckily, Ryan knew Brendon well enough not to take it too seriously and threaten anyone with hockey sticks in unpleasant places.
***
The last game of the season, Pete gets checked into the glass. Hard. The other players follow the puck down the rink, leaving Pete to crumble to the ice. A strange silence falls over the crowd as they watch Pete pitifully crawl toward the Platypus bench, his arms pulling him along.
A ref finally blows the whistle, calling a halt to the game, and three guys immediately run out to help Pete.
Beside Brendon, Patrick removes his platypus head and pushes his sweaty hair out of his eyes.
Zack and Ray end up carrying Pete off the ice, and really. Brendon should see it coming, but he doesn’t.
The next thing he knows, a headless platypus is awkwardly running - it’s really more of a fast waddle, but whatever - across the ice to tackle the guy who checked Pete.
Two hours later, Pete’s leg is wrapped and propped up on the seat across the aisle from him on the bus, and Patrick is sitting beside him, constantly asking if he’s in any pain.
Pete doesn’t answer. Instead, he moves in the few inches that separate him from Patrick and licks Patrick’s neck until he smiles.
Then Pete steals a kiss and leans his head against Patrick’s shoulder.
From his seat beside Ryan just a few rows behind Pete and Patrick, Brendon grins and reaches out to hold Ryan’s hand.
end
Continued in: The Mighty Fighting Platypuses: Season 2