im gonna live where the green grass grows.. bitches
i need to update this beast. no, i wont use capital letters where they belong because im that damn lazy. ;)
so.. i was jobless for a little over a month. wow! i go from making 1,000 dollars a month to ZERO. it sucked badly. i guess i should have learned my lesson from the subway days about saving my money and yata yata and then going flat broke. hell no, i blew all my damn money on things i didnt need to waste it on. in order - 1) BEER 2) gas i shouldn't have wasted and 3) food i didnt need when i had fucking food sitting at the house. damn you san marcos and mcdonalds, lol. so now, i have another job. im another pointless cook at 27th grill. i really really hate cooking with a passion but i cant deny a talent i have. i just dont like having my to put my lazy ass under that much pressure getting 15 fucking medium well ribeyes out to the bastards. ive been lazy around there though; tryin at any oppurtunity to sneak over to the dishes and get those done while the other cook slaves over the numerous tickets in front of him. god im such a horrible employ but i cant beat the 7 bucks a hour.
so, whos ready to graduate? i know for sure i am damnit. i dont mind school, something to do during the day and i get to eat such a nutritious lunch everyday at 12:54, haha. im just ready to move on with my life and see what else is out there. apparently my dad think i wont excell in college and ill drop out and fail all my shit. WRONG. im suppose to be meeting with the dean of admissions at kennesaw state university in a few weeks.
wow, holy shit. i just remembered sara lindsey told me that out SAT scores are on collegeboard. wow! i went up from 51 to 54 in reading and from a very shitty 33 in math to a 42 in math. GAH. i went down 1 in the writing section, but i also didnt finish my essay. man, i suck badly at math. its definitally my weak point in school for sure. something about it and me just dont fucking click. i wish dearly it did. i know my GPA would be so much higher if it did. but as i was saying, i have a meeting the main man at ksu in a few weeks. doesnt it work wonders when your granddad runs a country club and the big man is a member? lol. so ill be going up there in a few weeks to take a tour of the campus and meet him and all the other bullshit that goes along with it. i really am considering columbus state for the first year or two to get my feet on the ground and get the core classes out of the way but im not sure after those two years i will want to leave. i dont think the oppurinity i have is something that happens often to everyone so i guess i need to jump on that bitch and strangle it. i guess there are always pros and cons. the good thing about csu is that my dad is leaving and the house is mine. i wont be paying for shit as far as bills go and i'll be working and going to school. i guess the negatives would be i wont be getting the fuck out of harris county and the columbus area. the good things about kennesaw is that my grandparents live seriously like 10 miles down the highway. in no way would i want to live with them but not to sound any cheaper of a bastard than i am, i could mooch off them and eat for free and basically not have to pay for shit. the negatives are the exact same as the postives which sucks. plus, ill be two hours from the place i know and the friends i have. its so saddening to know the people i always hang out with - jp, chris, will, and all that group - i probably wont see again. i dont even like thinking about it. i know some are just gonna stick around columbus and go to columbus tech or csu and never leave the area. i want to and i dont at the same time. but also, theres so much drama and bullshit at school it irritates me to death. i know i fucked up my past three years in school with people but some are starting to come around again. "bradley is such an asshole, yata yata". it aggravates the fuck outta me. how many people actually know me now? not back in 9th grade and 10th grade? just like people tell me, get to know the person then judge them. ask anybody i hang out with how i act and see what their answer is. thats all i can really say about it. i try to mend old friendships with people and they just dont want to give in. i dont understand. im extending my hand in apology to be cool and you dont budge. i guess that shows what kind of person they really are. after a while, you just have to let grudges go. i dont dislike anybody at school anymore. theres no point in it. i think it all has just dawned on me in the past few weeks since school began this year. why hold a petty grudge against someone when it wont matter in a year or two, you know? its fucking stupid and pointless. just be friends and go get drunk together or something. beer always solves the problem.;) im just so confused about everything. i dont want to say im depressed, i really dont. those days fucking sucked being down in the dumps and hating the damned world and everything in it. im past that bullshit and i hope i dont return ever. but im in that middle stage. i honestly love all my closest friends and id do anything for them if they needed it. i think my problem is that i put way to much trust into someone when i meet them in hopes they will "like me" and "accept me". thats a really shitty thing to do but i cant help it. it generally backfires and bites me in the ass but sometimes it doesn't. just recently i did it and the results were tremendously awesome. but im not depressed, lonely would be the word. i know im probably about to go away in a matter of months from hc but i just really want a girlfriend. theres suppose to be this girl lindsey that nancy is friends with and she said im cute and she wants to hang out. i dont even know how to go about it. she likes the outdoors and all that stuff i like so the common interests are there for sure, but i overthink things wayy to much and try to preplan everything and i guess sometimes you just have to let things flow and work themselves out. thats what im terrified of though, letting things flow and it all fucks up while i know i might have been able to stop it from happening. i dunno what to do. i guess we can hang out and just see how things go from there. if they go awesome, then itd be great and if things turn sour, then i have to forget it and move on. i just want to try and make everything work and thats obviously not the plan in all situations.
so with all that being said, i have a few things i definitally need to work on.
i need to quit friggin dipping. its hurting me badly and i just cant quit. ill go a couple of days without a can and ill be all anxious and moody. somebody told me its all a psycological thing. im tired of counting the minutes in JROTC till the end of the day bell rings so i can get to my car and put a fat dip in my lip.:/ some girls really dont mind it at all and others do. i need to quit. PERIOD.
i also need to become a better leader in JROTC. i have a squad of 7 which have to look up to me and i have to make decisions regarding how they look and perform. never again will i get in front of the platoon and make a damn fool out of myself. the disobient ones in the squad need to be punished when they fuck up severely while the ones that work diligently and actually listen to me need to be rewarded. i got promoted today to sergeant 1st class. so now im 'Cadet Sergeant 1st Class McConnell'. wow big honor i tell you what, lol. it really does mean something to me though. i wish i was on the staff and was an officer since im a senior and all, but im not really complaining. at least im not a private no insignia or private 1st class. its all good though. i think im going to get out after this semester though. the whole taking commands from somebody who knows the exact same shit as me just isnt for me is how i could say it. i dont like getting yelled at by the platoon sargeant or platoon leader who are also seniors and have no more knowledge about the class and its operations than i do. i do look kinda sharp in the uniform, but the shoes suck and are uncomfortable as hell.
okay so look, ive been typing this over an hour now and its 1 in the morning. i need to go to sleep and relax. if anybody else is interested in kennesaw state university and would like to ride up there with me to take a tour meet the big man, let me know. ill be more than glad to give you a ride. im sure all the food will be paid for by grandparents anyways, so that wouldn't be a worry. alright.
so.. i was jobless for a little over a month. wow! i go from making 1,000 dollars a month to ZERO. it sucked badly. i guess i should have learned my lesson from the subway days about saving my money and yata yata and then going flat broke. hell no, i blew all my damn money on things i didnt need to waste it on. in order - 1) BEER 2) gas i shouldn't have wasted and 3) food i didnt need when i had fucking food sitting at the house. damn you san marcos and mcdonalds, lol. so now, i have another job. im another pointless cook at 27th grill. i really really hate cooking with a passion but i cant deny a talent i have. i just dont like having my to put my lazy ass under that much pressure getting 15 fucking medium well ribeyes out to the bastards. ive been lazy around there though; tryin at any oppurtunity to sneak over to the dishes and get those done while the other cook slaves over the numerous tickets in front of him. god im such a horrible employ but i cant beat the 7 bucks a hour.
so, whos ready to graduate? i know for sure i am damnit. i dont mind school, something to do during the day and i get to eat such a nutritious lunch everyday at 12:54, haha. im just ready to move on with my life and see what else is out there. apparently my dad think i wont excell in college and ill drop out and fail all my shit. WRONG. im suppose to be meeting with the dean of admissions at kennesaw state university in a few weeks.
wow, holy shit. i just remembered sara lindsey told me that out SAT scores are on collegeboard. wow! i went up from 51 to 54 in reading and from a very shitty 33 in math to a 42 in math. GAH. i went down 1 in the writing section, but i also didnt finish my essay. man, i suck badly at math. its definitally my weak point in school for sure. something about it and me just dont fucking click. i wish dearly it did. i know my GPA would be so much higher if it did. but as i was saying, i have a meeting the main man at ksu in a few weeks. doesnt it work wonders when your granddad runs a country club and the big man is a member? lol. so ill be going up there in a few weeks to take a tour of the campus and meet him and all the other bullshit that goes along with it. i really am considering columbus state for the first year or two to get my feet on the ground and get the core classes out of the way but im not sure after those two years i will want to leave. i dont think the oppurinity i have is something that happens often to everyone so i guess i need to jump on that bitch and strangle it. i guess there are always pros and cons. the good thing about csu is that my dad is leaving and the house is mine. i wont be paying for shit as far as bills go and i'll be working and going to school. i guess the negatives would be i wont be getting the fuck out of harris county and the columbus area. the good things about kennesaw is that my grandparents live seriously like 10 miles down the highway. in no way would i want to live with them but not to sound any cheaper of a bastard than i am, i could mooch off them and eat for free and basically not have to pay for shit. the negatives are the exact same as the postives which sucks. plus, ill be two hours from the place i know and the friends i have. its so saddening to know the people i always hang out with - jp, chris, will, and all that group - i probably wont see again. i dont even like thinking about it. i know some are just gonna stick around columbus and go to columbus tech or csu and never leave the area. i want to and i dont at the same time. but also, theres so much drama and bullshit at school it irritates me to death. i know i fucked up my past three years in school with people but some are starting to come around again. "bradley is such an asshole, yata yata". it aggravates the fuck outta me. how many people actually know me now? not back in 9th grade and 10th grade? just like people tell me, get to know the person then judge them. ask anybody i hang out with how i act and see what their answer is. thats all i can really say about it. i try to mend old friendships with people and they just dont want to give in. i dont understand. im extending my hand in apology to be cool and you dont budge. i guess that shows what kind of person they really are. after a while, you just have to let grudges go. i dont dislike anybody at school anymore. theres no point in it. i think it all has just dawned on me in the past few weeks since school began this year. why hold a petty grudge against someone when it wont matter in a year or two, you know? its fucking stupid and pointless. just be friends and go get drunk together or something. beer always solves the problem.;) im just so confused about everything. i dont want to say im depressed, i really dont. those days fucking sucked being down in the dumps and hating the damned world and everything in it. im past that bullshit and i hope i dont return ever. but im in that middle stage. i honestly love all my closest friends and id do anything for them if they needed it. i think my problem is that i put way to much trust into someone when i meet them in hopes they will "like me" and "accept me". thats a really shitty thing to do but i cant help it. it generally backfires and bites me in the ass but sometimes it doesn't. just recently i did it and the results were tremendously awesome. but im not depressed, lonely would be the word. i know im probably about to go away in a matter of months from hc but i just really want a girlfriend. theres suppose to be this girl lindsey that nancy is friends with and she said im cute and she wants to hang out. i dont even know how to go about it. she likes the outdoors and all that stuff i like so the common interests are there for sure, but i overthink things wayy to much and try to preplan everything and i guess sometimes you just have to let things flow and work themselves out. thats what im terrified of though, letting things flow and it all fucks up while i know i might have been able to stop it from happening. i dunno what to do. i guess we can hang out and just see how things go from there. if they go awesome, then itd be great and if things turn sour, then i have to forget it and move on. i just want to try and make everything work and thats obviously not the plan in all situations.
so with all that being said, i have a few things i definitally need to work on.
i need to quit friggin dipping. its hurting me badly and i just cant quit. ill go a couple of days without a can and ill be all anxious and moody. somebody told me its all a psycological thing. im tired of counting the minutes in JROTC till the end of the day bell rings so i can get to my car and put a fat dip in my lip.:/ some girls really dont mind it at all and others do. i need to quit. PERIOD.
i also need to become a better leader in JROTC. i have a squad of 7 which have to look up to me and i have to make decisions regarding how they look and perform. never again will i get in front of the platoon and make a damn fool out of myself. the disobient ones in the squad need to be punished when they fuck up severely while the ones that work diligently and actually listen to me need to be rewarded. i got promoted today to sergeant 1st class. so now im 'Cadet Sergeant 1st Class McConnell'. wow big honor i tell you what, lol. it really does mean something to me though. i wish i was on the staff and was an officer since im a senior and all, but im not really complaining. at least im not a private no insignia or private 1st class. its all good though. i think im going to get out after this semester though. the whole taking commands from somebody who knows the exact same shit as me just isnt for me is how i could say it. i dont like getting yelled at by the platoon sargeant or platoon leader who are also seniors and have no more knowledge about the class and its operations than i do. i do look kinda sharp in the uniform, but the shoes suck and are uncomfortable as hell.
okay so look, ive been typing this over an hour now and its 1 in the morning. i need to go to sleep and relax. if anybody else is interested in kennesaw state university and would like to ride up there with me to take a tour meet the big man, let me know. ill be more than glad to give you a ride. im sure all the food will be paid for by grandparents anyways, so that wouldn't be a worry. alright.