breathing.
so spending some time on Chris's boat isn't going to happen... It sunk yesterday... At 12 am I left my house and we met up, he was all limping and burnt. He did keep the boat but its a total loss... I drew all over his arm, since he is planning on getting his arm tattooed (sleeve)!! We both kept each other company and he did thank me for that.
Today I went to the first SPADES meeting of the semester, my recruit Vanessa showed up so I was pleased, hopefully she becomes interested and joins we need commited members.
I've come to the conclusion that I didn't feel the same way about Erick as he did about me. He just wasn't the one. I totally rushed things and jumped head first. He was exactly what I had been wishing for, but not what I needed... The whole situation did help me better comprehend Ernie's circumstances. I didn't agree wtih his word usage, but the idea was corageous and smart.
I start school next week and I'm ready. Ready to kick some ass, with all of the events spades is putting on and classes itself.
...change of subject. I usually feel as if I need people, and for some reason, there is no one around me. I'm dissapointed but content with the fact that I am ok and breathing... As much as I try to stay the same things around me are always changing... I'm at one of those low points where you just have to tread water and keep your ahead above. Being alone isn't fun but a very much needed element.
- - sometimes you should just let it happen on its own. Not say a word, let your actions speak. Sometimes you shouldn't analyze and wonder why, just take it for what its worth. Sometimes you need to crawl and not run, wait and not rush, feel and not force. Let it grow, let it breathe, give it time, give it space. Keep yourself around, if its mean to be it will happen. Don't worry. Just imagine the ending... but dont say a word.