(no subject)
I have $6.22 that has to last me until next Friday.
I had to pay for a test that I know I am going to fail. If I fail this test, I will have to retake the course and pay the course fee again($125) and retake the test($60).
I am behind the other people getting into my job.
I am still behind $400 in rent.
My dad is going into surgery Tuesday.
I have a cell phone bill I am not going to be able to pay.
I need to find a way to make it through this next week, financially and emotionally.
Barbara has been on my mind a lot lately. I don't know why... actually... I will not say why, but I do know...
I am surrounded by loud people. These people feel a need to pollute the air with their mindless screaming banalities. Must be some kind of wonder going through life in such a drunken and drugged up stupor.
Wish life had a mute button. Wish I could selectively mute people's mouths. Wish I could wrap a muzzle around some people's heads.
De-evolution. Stupid people are breeding in mass numbers. It's survival of the ignorant.
Take a number.
1 - 31,480
4am, am I sleeping?
Deceived. (At least that's how I feel)
I want to be away from here. I want to live far away in a place where no one knows where I am. There I can piece together what sanity still remains. I would draw. I would write. I would scream. I would cry and no one would hear me. No different than now, I suppose, but better.
No reason to break my knuckles. No reason to pollute my lungs. No reason to clench my teeth. No reason to hold back. No one to be hurt by. No one to hurt. No one to care for. Nothing to dream for.
Tranquility. Beautiful, tranquility.
"I have never"
who cares? I don't
screaming whining music filling my ears. enough.
must move from here. must get out of here................ loud. loud. loud. loud. loud.........
Gasoline and a spark and beauty is born. warmth. click of metal accompanied by a flash and the world spins. lead. wind through the hair and a sudden stop and the world stops with you. concrete. escape. exit.
another door closed. another door passed.
I'm not feeling right.
fuck
I had to pay for a test that I know I am going to fail. If I fail this test, I will have to retake the course and pay the course fee again($125) and retake the test($60).
I am behind the other people getting into my job.
I am still behind $400 in rent.
My dad is going into surgery Tuesday.
I have a cell phone bill I am not going to be able to pay.
I need to find a way to make it through this next week, financially and emotionally.
Barbara has been on my mind a lot lately. I don't know why... actually... I will not say why, but I do know...
I am surrounded by loud people. These people feel a need to pollute the air with their mindless screaming banalities. Must be some kind of wonder going through life in such a drunken and drugged up stupor.
Wish life had a mute button. Wish I could selectively mute people's mouths. Wish I could wrap a muzzle around some people's heads.
De-evolution. Stupid people are breeding in mass numbers. It's survival of the ignorant.
Take a number.
1 - 31,480
4am, am I sleeping?
Deceived. (At least that's how I feel)
I want to be away from here. I want to live far away in a place where no one knows where I am. There I can piece together what sanity still remains. I would draw. I would write. I would scream. I would cry and no one would hear me. No different than now, I suppose, but better.
No reason to break my knuckles. No reason to pollute my lungs. No reason to clench my teeth. No reason to hold back. No one to be hurt by. No one to hurt. No one to care for. Nothing to dream for.
Tranquility. Beautiful, tranquility.
"I have never"
who cares? I don't
screaming whining music filling my ears. enough.
must move from here. must get out of here................ loud. loud. loud. loud. loud.........
Gasoline and a spark and beauty is born. warmth. click of metal accompanied by a flash and the world spins. lead. wind through the hair and a sudden stop and the world stops with you. concrete. escape. exit.
another door closed. another door passed.
I'm not feeling right.
fuck