sedated........
tension
break
tension
break
my hand is bruised and cut. scabs formed, but it hurts to move. shredded a sketch book. cannot draw. dad going into surgery............. still no new job. still no money. still no sanity...
being here is draining my soul. i want out... no matter what it takes... i fear death, but at times i embrace the idea... free from this life of bullshit after bullshit... a creation by the gods as a mockery... i am the entertainment... i am the escape...
seeing the world around me... it's happiness draining me... mindless banality sickening me, i don't belong here, can't imagine how i am human... pathetic excuses of life... blind and greedy... no more... wanting everything... having it... stripping and grinding the skin... bleeding... but never feeling
screaming in silence, embracing dream after dream... letting go, no dream in this world, nightmares fueling sleep, long for a pleasant thought... piecing together my mind, resale has resulted in loss of pieces... she was there, but never here... i can see her face... her image burned into my head...
struggling... finding my next breath... exhaling, the stench of it all... endless search... companionship futile... push... push... push... and persist... and push... and push... and push... and persist... killing pleasure... fields of scars, harvest the memories, burn them down again...
a photograph in my head, colors bleeding away... light ablaze, ashes fall, but still it lies, untouched, unspoiled, haunting me until i lay down, beneath this earth, for one last sleep... so far away... just without arms reach... dislocate the shoulder, and grab a hold... white knuckles...
blood pouring from my heart, clotting against the wall, no breach in sight... masterpiece of construction... solid and unfaultering, obscene and intimidating...
but you were there
what did you see?
a place i would never tread... a fortress of thorns... blood all around me... all i see is red... all i see is red... light another candle, the darkness is gripping me, cut down this tree, its memory is over powering me... the phoenix laughter is maddening, cannot silence the look in her eyes...
a new home, far away from here, away from this reality, this obscenity, this perversion, this religion... away from "creation", away from "the gods"... a shelter, a solace, a solitude... take my hand... lead you away... depart from me... no longer pollute my mind... no longer tear at these walls...
sit at a bar, look around, see the people... confusion i possess, and walk away, push away, cold gnawing at my skin... loud soul, empty soul, waste of breath, eyes glazed, head empty, pathetic soul, wasted flesh... begone from me.. peace i seek... invasion of thoughts... leave me be...
four blades, crimson stained, onyx presence, cold feel... embrace the sharpening edge, ride along the cutting horizon... but do not feel... only bleed... wires... closed circuit... mechanical...
"woke up confused in a place i didn't know and heard the hissing of an over-used stem the air around me is corrupt and on the take heard someone shout i think he's breathing again it seems at first that no one ever succeeds you shove and shove until you're ready for more and if the truth forgets to visit again, don't take offense he's never been here before shove shove shove shove in my head shove shove shove shove shoves you instead shove shove shove puts you flat on your back shove shove shove til the quiet attacks. feels just like someone sank their teeth in my head then tried to suck away my everlasting soul i talked to god and all of his literary friends said i was late so i just shoved it again shove shove shove shove in my head shove shove shove shove shoves you instead shove shove shove puts you flat on your back shove shove shove til the quiet attacks shove shove shove shove shove it again shove shove shove shove shove it again" - al j.
break
tension
break
my hand is bruised and cut. scabs formed, but it hurts to move. shredded a sketch book. cannot draw. dad going into surgery............. still no new job. still no money. still no sanity...
being here is draining my soul. i want out... no matter what it takes... i fear death, but at times i embrace the idea... free from this life of bullshit after bullshit... a creation by the gods as a mockery... i am the entertainment... i am the escape...
seeing the world around me... it's happiness draining me... mindless banality sickening me, i don't belong here, can't imagine how i am human... pathetic excuses of life... blind and greedy... no more... wanting everything... having it... stripping and grinding the skin... bleeding... but never feeling
screaming in silence, embracing dream after dream... letting go, no dream in this world, nightmares fueling sleep, long for a pleasant thought... piecing together my mind, resale has resulted in loss of pieces... she was there, but never here... i can see her face... her image burned into my head...
struggling... finding my next breath... exhaling, the stench of it all... endless search... companionship futile... push... push... push... and persist... and push... and push... and push... and persist... killing pleasure... fields of scars, harvest the memories, burn them down again...
a photograph in my head, colors bleeding away... light ablaze, ashes fall, but still it lies, untouched, unspoiled, haunting me until i lay down, beneath this earth, for one last sleep... so far away... just without arms reach... dislocate the shoulder, and grab a hold... white knuckles...
blood pouring from my heart, clotting against the wall, no breach in sight... masterpiece of construction... solid and unfaultering, obscene and intimidating...
but you were there
what did you see?
a place i would never tread... a fortress of thorns... blood all around me... all i see is red... all i see is red... light another candle, the darkness is gripping me, cut down this tree, its memory is over powering me... the phoenix laughter is maddening, cannot silence the look in her eyes...
a new home, far away from here, away from this reality, this obscenity, this perversion, this religion... away from "creation", away from "the gods"... a shelter, a solace, a solitude... take my hand... lead you away... depart from me... no longer pollute my mind... no longer tear at these walls...
sit at a bar, look around, see the people... confusion i possess, and walk away, push away, cold gnawing at my skin... loud soul, empty soul, waste of breath, eyes glazed, head empty, pathetic soul, wasted flesh... begone from me.. peace i seek... invasion of thoughts... leave me be...
four blades, crimson stained, onyx presence, cold feel... embrace the sharpening edge, ride along the cutting horizon... but do not feel... only bleed... wires... closed circuit... mechanical...
"woke up confused in a place i didn't know and heard the hissing of an over-used stem the air around me is corrupt and on the take heard someone shout i think he's breathing again it seems at first that no one ever succeeds you shove and shove until you're ready for more and if the truth forgets to visit again, don't take offense he's never been here before shove shove shove shove in my head shove shove shove shove shoves you instead shove shove shove puts you flat on your back shove shove shove til the quiet attacks. feels just like someone sank their teeth in my head then tried to suck away my everlasting soul i talked to god and all of his literary friends said i was late so i just shoved it again shove shove shove shove in my head shove shove shove shove shoves you instead shove shove shove puts you flat on your back shove shove shove til the quiet attacks shove shove shove shove shove it again shove shove shove shove shove it again" - al j.