I'm steady but I'm starting to shake

[never_exhale_]

wow things have been so cool lately. prolly cuz ive been pretty scandalous. hmm i will probably pay for it at some point, but for now its fun. so yeah, auditioned for cabaret today, hope we make it. our dance is pretty cool, although it still needs a lot of work. i really wanted to do like a jazz/ballet dance, but whatever its still cool with me. god i cant wait for school to be over. but i cant believe its been like a year since summer. it seems like just yesterday i met josh and was working up at camp. and when me shaunah izzy james and george would like drive around, has it really been that long?? thinking about it makes me feel a little nauseous. sometimes i feel like time is going by so fast, and that im missing out on something but i dont know what it is. and everyones always saying 'these are the best years of your life' and so im trying to get all i can out of being a teenager, but it feels like im already too late and its all downhill from here. and im sad because my life has changed so much, in good ways and bad ways, and i miss the way things used to be. i dunno everythings so complicated and it gives me a headache. except its like in my stomach. and youre probably like well thats called a stomache ache dumbass but it doesnt feel like a regular stomach ache. it feels like a headache of the stomach. okay now im not making sense anymore (if i ever was) and am tired. hopefully i can get some sleep, cuz the hiking thing is tomorrow. and im sad cuz that means i wont get to see my boy on saturday. but it will be fun. and i will see him tomorrow and sunday.

oh yeah we got our ballet costumes in, i will post a pic next time cuz im on gwamas computer right now. ok later.