Peter and Victor
There's an old parody going around illustrating some of the reasons people refuse the gospel of Jesus Christ. In it, two missionaries knock on someone's door and try to persuade them to "kiss Hank's ass" with them, "Hank" being the story's representation of God. It's quite clever and it illustrates the points very well. However, some ideas and attitudes are excluded, so i have written my own version of the story illustrating a few other reasons people refuse the gospel. I hope you like it.
Peter awakes early Monday morning to a loud rapping at his door. His friend Victor invites himself in and appears very excited.
Victor: Come on, I met this guy the other day who's willing to help you out. We've got an appointment this morning, so get dressed and let's go.
Peter: What the--? What are you talking about?
Victor: I met this old guy downtown the other day. He's rich and owns a number of large corporations. He's a good guy and he likes helping people out. I dropped your name and he's up for a meeting. It's today, so let's go.
Peter: Where'd you meet him?
Victor: Why does it matter where I met him?
Peter: How'd you meet him? Where'd you meet him? How long did you talk? What was the conversation like? Are you sure he said what you think he said? What makes you think he said anything at all? This is an extraordinary claim. Are you sure you didn't dream it? Do you have some kind of proof?
Victor: Proof? I'm telling you I met this guy. You don't believe me? Are you saying I made this up?
Peter: It's hard to believe.
Victor: If you want proof, just come with me to the meeting. You'll see for yourself.
Peter: I'm busy. Maybe some other time.
Victor: Are you joking? Did you hear me? This rich guy is gonna hook you up. He'll handle your debts, get you off the drugs, get you some nice clothes and start you off in one of his companies. It's a sweet deal, he just wants to meet you to see if you really want to follow through with it.
Peter: You're such a moron. There's no rich old nice guy waiting to help out a guy like me. You've been conned, or you're dreaming, and I wish you'd keep your delusions to yourself.
Victor: You haven't even put on your pants, let alone come with me to meet him. How could you possibly know he's not for real?
Peter: I have no reason to believe it. What evidence can you give me, other than your own word, which could be a delusion?
Victor: I'll ignore that you're saying I'm delusional. I've offered to take you to meet him. Isn't that evidence enough that regardless of this guy's intentions, he does exist?
Peter: No, that's no evidence at all. Even if you manage to introduce me to some old guy in a business suit, that doesn't mean I have any reason to believe he owns several businesses or wants to do anything for me.
Victor: Why don't you just talk to him? You can get to know him a little and see for yourself what he's all about.
Peter: Yeah, that sounds alright. But I was just heating up some knives for a wake and blade. Then I have to find something to eat.
Victor: Weed? Breakfast? I just told you this guy can help you off the drugs and take care of your needs till you're up on your feet, and you want to smoke up and eat instead of meeting him?
Peter: Look, if this big time business tycoon really wanted to help me out, he'd find me and introduce himself. He's perfectly capable of that, isn't he?
Victor: Of course he is. But if you're the one who needs back on his feet, why should he do all the work? It doesn't matter who it is, you need to show a little good faith here.
Peter: Hey, it's his nice guy fantasy, he can contact me if he wants to meet me so bad.
Victor: Have you answered your phone lately? Or do you expect him to drop by like I always have to?
Peter: He can drop by. He's capable of it. He's not above that, right? If he can't even visit his charity cases, what kind of nice guy is he supposed to be?
Victor: I can't believe you. It's the arrangement of a lifetime. You really couldn't get a better deal, and you won't bite unless the guy comes right to your house. Is there anything else your royal highness demands before you can accept the charity of the one guy who can do it all?
Peter: Hey, I'm not the one who wouldn't deign to visit the lowly. And I don't have it bad enough to grovel.
Victor: Grovel? All you have to do is contact him!
Peter: And then I have to work for him, right? Do what he says and owe this great big debt of gratitude?
Victor: Yeah, so? It's a job, it's money. It's the chance for a new life. It's--
Peter: It's some rich megalomaniac looking to get off on the less fortunate grovelling at his feet. That's all it is and I won't subject myself to it.
Victor: All because he'll help you clean up, get a job and fix up your life!?
Peter: My life isn't as bad as you paint it, you jerk.
Victor: Peter, it's obvious you're not doing so great.
Peter: Go away. I've had enough of this self-righteous babbling.
Victor: I'm your friend. I'm trying to help.
Peter: Did I ask for your help? I'm not some depraved and desperate charity case. This is insulting.
Victor: I just know that if you hook up with this guy, things will go better for you. I can give you his card. At least call him, okay?
Peter: Get out of my house. I'm not calling him and I'm not calling you. Prick.
Victor: Alright, I'm leaving. But here's his card. Try to get a hold of him. You won't regret it.
Peter takes the card to get rid of Victor. Victor leaves.
Two days later, Victor returns.
Peter: I tried calling that guy. Couldn't reach him. He must not really want to help me out, huh?
Victor: Did you leave a message?
Peter: I don't leave messages. I'm not gonna wait around for this asshole to call.
Victor: He's not an asshole, he's a good guy and a friend of mine. If you don't leave a message, how can you expect him to call? You can't expect everything to be handed to you on a silver platter. Even in a deal like this.
Peter: It's his deal, not mine. If he wants to "help" me so bad, he can make it happen.
Victor: It's a two way street, man. Give and take. That's how life is.
Peter: Not when you're as rich as this guy supposedly is.
Victor: Fine. I'm done. You have his card, you can call him whenever you're ready. I'm not going to waste any more time trying to convince you to help yourself.
Peter: I get it. You can't prove it to me and because I won't play charades with you you get indignant. Some friend. Maybe you should spend more time with this old, rich philanthropist and leave me alone. Maybe you'll learn to be a nice guy too--who doesn't call the people he wants to help.
Victor: Whatever, man. I offered to introduce you, you don't want to. I gave you his card and you wouldn't even leave a message. You never answer your phone anyway, so you'd never know if he called. I can't do any more. If you want help, you know where to get it.
Peter: I don't need your help! My life is fine!
Victor: It's not my help, it's--
Peter: Shut up. I'm sick of it. Get lost.
Victor: Fine. See you later. Hope you at least call the guy.
~Fine
If you send this to anyone, i would like credit, but it's not necessary.
GOD bless.
Peter awakes early Monday morning to a loud rapping at his door. His friend Victor invites himself in and appears very excited.
Victor: Come on, I met this guy the other day who's willing to help you out. We've got an appointment this morning, so get dressed and let's go.
Peter: What the--? What are you talking about?
Victor: I met this old guy downtown the other day. He's rich and owns a number of large corporations. He's a good guy and he likes helping people out. I dropped your name and he's up for a meeting. It's today, so let's go.
Peter: Where'd you meet him?
Victor: Why does it matter where I met him?
Peter: How'd you meet him? Where'd you meet him? How long did you talk? What was the conversation like? Are you sure he said what you think he said? What makes you think he said anything at all? This is an extraordinary claim. Are you sure you didn't dream it? Do you have some kind of proof?
Victor: Proof? I'm telling you I met this guy. You don't believe me? Are you saying I made this up?
Peter: It's hard to believe.
Victor: If you want proof, just come with me to the meeting. You'll see for yourself.
Peter: I'm busy. Maybe some other time.
Victor: Are you joking? Did you hear me? This rich guy is gonna hook you up. He'll handle your debts, get you off the drugs, get you some nice clothes and start you off in one of his companies. It's a sweet deal, he just wants to meet you to see if you really want to follow through with it.
Peter: You're such a moron. There's no rich old nice guy waiting to help out a guy like me. You've been conned, or you're dreaming, and I wish you'd keep your delusions to yourself.
Victor: You haven't even put on your pants, let alone come with me to meet him. How could you possibly know he's not for real?
Peter: I have no reason to believe it. What evidence can you give me, other than your own word, which could be a delusion?
Victor: I'll ignore that you're saying I'm delusional. I've offered to take you to meet him. Isn't that evidence enough that regardless of this guy's intentions, he does exist?
Peter: No, that's no evidence at all. Even if you manage to introduce me to some old guy in a business suit, that doesn't mean I have any reason to believe he owns several businesses or wants to do anything for me.
Victor: Why don't you just talk to him? You can get to know him a little and see for yourself what he's all about.
Peter: Yeah, that sounds alright. But I was just heating up some knives for a wake and blade. Then I have to find something to eat.
Victor: Weed? Breakfast? I just told you this guy can help you off the drugs and take care of your needs till you're up on your feet, and you want to smoke up and eat instead of meeting him?
Peter: Look, if this big time business tycoon really wanted to help me out, he'd find me and introduce himself. He's perfectly capable of that, isn't he?
Victor: Of course he is. But if you're the one who needs back on his feet, why should he do all the work? It doesn't matter who it is, you need to show a little good faith here.
Peter: Hey, it's his nice guy fantasy, he can contact me if he wants to meet me so bad.
Victor: Have you answered your phone lately? Or do you expect him to drop by like I always have to?
Peter: He can drop by. He's capable of it. He's not above that, right? If he can't even visit his charity cases, what kind of nice guy is he supposed to be?
Victor: I can't believe you. It's the arrangement of a lifetime. You really couldn't get a better deal, and you won't bite unless the guy comes right to your house. Is there anything else your royal highness demands before you can accept the charity of the one guy who can do it all?
Peter: Hey, I'm not the one who wouldn't deign to visit the lowly. And I don't have it bad enough to grovel.
Victor: Grovel? All you have to do is contact him!
Peter: And then I have to work for him, right? Do what he says and owe this great big debt of gratitude?
Victor: Yeah, so? It's a job, it's money. It's the chance for a new life. It's--
Peter: It's some rich megalomaniac looking to get off on the less fortunate grovelling at his feet. That's all it is and I won't subject myself to it.
Victor: All because he'll help you clean up, get a job and fix up your life!?
Peter: My life isn't as bad as you paint it, you jerk.
Victor: Peter, it's obvious you're not doing so great.
Peter: Go away. I've had enough of this self-righteous babbling.
Victor: I'm your friend. I'm trying to help.
Peter: Did I ask for your help? I'm not some depraved and desperate charity case. This is insulting.
Victor: I just know that if you hook up with this guy, things will go better for you. I can give you his card. At least call him, okay?
Peter: Get out of my house. I'm not calling him and I'm not calling you. Prick.
Victor: Alright, I'm leaving. But here's his card. Try to get a hold of him. You won't regret it.
Peter takes the card to get rid of Victor. Victor leaves.
Two days later, Victor returns.
Peter: I tried calling that guy. Couldn't reach him. He must not really want to help me out, huh?
Victor: Did you leave a message?
Peter: I don't leave messages. I'm not gonna wait around for this asshole to call.
Victor: He's not an asshole, he's a good guy and a friend of mine. If you don't leave a message, how can you expect him to call? You can't expect everything to be handed to you on a silver platter. Even in a deal like this.
Peter: It's his deal, not mine. If he wants to "help" me so bad, he can make it happen.
Victor: It's a two way street, man. Give and take. That's how life is.
Peter: Not when you're as rich as this guy supposedly is.
Victor: Fine. I'm done. You have his card, you can call him whenever you're ready. I'm not going to waste any more time trying to convince you to help yourself.
Peter: I get it. You can't prove it to me and because I won't play charades with you you get indignant. Some friend. Maybe you should spend more time with this old, rich philanthropist and leave me alone. Maybe you'll learn to be a nice guy too--who doesn't call the people he wants to help.
Victor: Whatever, man. I offered to introduce you, you don't want to. I gave you his card and you wouldn't even leave a message. You never answer your phone anyway, so you'd never know if he called. I can't do any more. If you want help, you know where to get it.
Peter: I don't need your help! My life is fine!
Victor: It's not my help, it's--
Peter: Shut up. I'm sick of it. Get lost.
Victor: Fine. See you later. Hope you at least call the guy.
~Fine
If you send this to anyone, i would like credit, but it's not necessary.
GOD bless.