*possibly* ed triggering
Hypocritical moment to follow.
I HATE BULIMIA! I sabotage myself everytime. I haven't been at 110 in god knows how long for more than a day and here I was steady for a week and go fuck it up.
here comes the hypocracy.,.,.
I went to the nutritionist today. Yes there was crying and she tried to force upon me a new life I don't think I am ready for. I am so comfortable in my starve/binge/purge/starve life i'm terrified of anything different i'm LOST completely and utterly LOST with out this.
The Meal Plan:
breakfast: slimfast
Lunch: salad with chicken/toast/fruit *come on that amount of food I can barely handle the slimfast*
Snack: frozen yogurt with fruit *keep in mind I haven't kept this food down in how many years now?*
Dinner: egg whites/salad with dressing that has *catch this* some kind of FAT or OIL in it/toast
snack: fruit
are you fucking kidding me? that alone sent me into complete panic mode in her office the fact I might have to keep that down braught me to tears I was so freaked out. she never said how much of any of that I had to have though just that I had to have it.,.,.,.baby steps. I love how I say that while I am typing this so the diet coke can attack the food so I can go purge. what a joke I can't do this. sorry to disapoint who ever thought I could.
on a lighter more happy note:
abby got me out of the house. we chilled drove around the entire fucking city looking for a party anything to do. found nothing chilled and talked. it was fun believe it or not. :) and pete gave me this necklace a friend of his gave him a million years ago. :) :) check it its like the same thing I have on my balcony! weird eh?
I HATE BULIMIA! I sabotage myself everytime. I haven't been at 110 in god knows how long for more than a day and here I was steady for a week and go fuck it up.
here comes the hypocracy.,.,.
I went to the nutritionist today. Yes there was crying and she tried to force upon me a new life I don't think I am ready for. I am so comfortable in my starve/binge/purge/starve life i'm terrified of anything different i'm LOST completely and utterly LOST with out this.
The Meal Plan:
breakfast: slimfast
Lunch: salad with chicken/toast/fruit *come on that amount of food I can barely handle the slimfast*
Snack: frozen yogurt with fruit *keep in mind I haven't kept this food down in how many years now?*
Dinner: egg whites/salad with dressing that has *catch this* some kind of FAT or OIL in it/toast
snack: fruit
are you fucking kidding me? that alone sent me into complete panic mode in her office the fact I might have to keep that down braught me to tears I was so freaked out. she never said how much of any of that I had to have though just that I had to have it.,.,.,.baby steps. I love how I say that while I am typing this so the diet coke can attack the food so I can go purge. what a joke I can't do this. sorry to disapoint who ever thought I could.
on a lighter more happy note:
abby got me out of the house. we chilled drove around the entire fucking city looking for a party anything to do. found nothing chilled and talked. it was fun believe it or not. :) and pete gave me this necklace a friend of his gave him a million years ago. :) :) check it its like the same thing I have on my balcony! weird eh?