(no subject)
Man you know i was so scared. I was prepared for a horrible day especially after i had that bagel i was like this day is horrible i hate it. I hate this so much i hate fighting this. I am such a loser i actually hid when I ate it because I fucking caved in and almost set myself up to purge but patricia wouldn't let me leave the classroom.
So I saw her today, the nutritonist, her name is Mary. She is really nice. I'm a little weirded out about the whole thing. I hated her weighing me with a passion. I was going to throw up a fit. I mean fuck i just ate something sinful its attacking my body as we speak lady that scale is going to be wrong. It will be off. I don't let anyone know my weight thats MINE why should you be any different? I hate that they always make you turn around. When i was out patient a whilllle ago they wouldn't let me see the scale.,.,.it's like LOSER "i'm going to go home and weigh myself anyways." I was still set on the day being shitty but I for some reason felt better walking out of there for some reason. I saw my phych. today aswell. Yeah didn't want to go. Alex came up. That was a whole different story I did not want to get into but I did. I walked out feeling really really shitty and trashy and used and weak. But i was determined to keep my mood up. hahahha listen to me who talks like that. what ever I didn't want to fucking let that mistake ruin my day. I made myself go to the gym I stayed for two instead of an hour.
I love pete and all but i can't work when I'm with him. The conversation is too good. He told me he cared about like my well-being and worried when i'd walk home late at night and shit. That made me feel special for some reason. He kept telling me how my sachet touched his heart and that it was like this really special thing to him.,.,.why I don't know. But I felt really happy by that you know. He is so sweet.,.,.and he's very smart.,.,.if he had the crudencials he would be doing sooo much.,.,.changing a lot of shit. Ronin was there too. He's nice but something about him i don't know what it is. He tells me i facinate him and all this shit which ok could just be a line but like someo of it sounded sincere. I saw his place I was like stupid girl dont do that. I went to the stairwell he pays rent at.,.,.very tidy. Then he walked me home because his place is in an alley and was like yeah i don't feel cool having you walk home since its like 11 and your pretty and some guys are sick like that or what ever he said. It was nice he walked me home. I just pray nothing happens. He's a real good guy honestly very kind heart. I just don't trust people. And i have this problem where I try to find the good in everyone I meet. You say its not there i'll end up dying in the process of trying to find it.
Besides eating too much today was a good day. I'm happy well I feel happier. Thank you for a good day.
Love and Light.
So I saw her today, the nutritonist, her name is Mary. She is really nice. I'm a little weirded out about the whole thing. I hated her weighing me with a passion. I was going to throw up a fit. I mean fuck i just ate something sinful its attacking my body as we speak lady that scale is going to be wrong. It will be off. I don't let anyone know my weight thats MINE why should you be any different? I hate that they always make you turn around. When i was out patient a whilllle ago they wouldn't let me see the scale.,.,.it's like LOSER "i'm going to go home and weigh myself anyways." I was still set on the day being shitty but I for some reason felt better walking out of there for some reason. I saw my phych. today aswell. Yeah didn't want to go. Alex came up. That was a whole different story I did not want to get into but I did. I walked out feeling really really shitty and trashy and used and weak. But i was determined to keep my mood up. hahahha listen to me who talks like that. what ever I didn't want to fucking let that mistake ruin my day. I made myself go to the gym I stayed for two instead of an hour.
I love pete and all but i can't work when I'm with him. The conversation is too good. He told me he cared about like my well-being and worried when i'd walk home late at night and shit. That made me feel special for some reason. He kept telling me how my sachet touched his heart and that it was like this really special thing to him.,.,.why I don't know. But I felt really happy by that you know. He is so sweet.,.,.and he's very smart.,.,.if he had the crudencials he would be doing sooo much.,.,.changing a lot of shit. Ronin was there too. He's nice but something about him i don't know what it is. He tells me i facinate him and all this shit which ok could just be a line but like someo of it sounded sincere. I saw his place I was like stupid girl dont do that. I went to the stairwell he pays rent at.,.,.very tidy. Then he walked me home because his place is in an alley and was like yeah i don't feel cool having you walk home since its like 11 and your pretty and some guys are sick like that or what ever he said. It was nice he walked me home. I just pray nothing happens. He's a real good guy honestly very kind heart. I just don't trust people. And i have this problem where I try to find the good in everyone I meet. You say its not there i'll end up dying in the process of trying to find it.
Besides eating too much today was a good day. I'm happy well I feel happier. Thank you for a good day.
Love and Light.