Craziness.
I'm stealing this idea from Amanda and Justin. Just because I can.
Looking back on 2005:
January: So, I have way too many plans and not enough time. Like, in the least.
February: I don't know why I thought, in some sick place in my head, that I had a fall-back.
March: So, roller derby practice is going *extremely* well and I'm having a great time.
April: Well, it's a Saturday and I am *so* up before noon.
May: So, as is becoming typical, my weekend rocked.
June: Moved in with Mike yesterday (one of the refs from derby) and am slowly getting settled.
July: So last night, for 4th of July, Teri and I didn't know what the heck we were going to do but we knew we wanted fireworks to be involved (I have GOT to stop working in porn, everything is dirty to me now. Sheesh).
August: It's a crime you let it happen to me.
September: So, the Championship game of Tucson Roller Derby is quickly approaching in a little more than a week and a half.
October: We are all facing choices that define us.
November: I am unsure what exactly it is that keeps me here, bound to this chair, this place... this time...
*note to self*: stop beginning entries with "So, ..."
I used to do this thing called "planning for the future" but I've decided that's too hard to do right now. Look at how much changed in the past year for me. Where the HELL am I going to be next year at this time? The only thing that has been a constant in my life for the past year is roller derby. And my parents wonder why it's so important to me. Yeesh.
I don't know. Things are new, strange, scary, unpredictable, happy, hurtful, surprising and wonderful all at the same time. I hate the time frames I've been working in lately. 9 months seems to be a common theme (and no, pregnancy isn't a hot topic of conversation in my life, lmao) and I'm tired of it. I want the time frame to be 2 years or a year at least. Working with this "a few months" business is really hard. I don't know where I'm going to live come next August. I don't know if my family will ever be able to accept me as I am. "Ever" is a concept that wasn't very real to me until recently. To think that my family will forEVER disapprove of who I choose to share my life with is daunting, to say the least.
Sometimes I feel like there will always be a lot of things about me that won't ever be understood. And I don't care if that makes me sound my age.
Looking back on 2005:
January: So, I have way too many plans and not enough time. Like, in the least.
February: I don't know why I thought, in some sick place in my head, that I had a fall-back.
March: So, roller derby practice is going *extremely* well and I'm having a great time.
April: Well, it's a Saturday and I am *so* up before noon.
May: So, as is becoming typical, my weekend rocked.
June: Moved in with Mike yesterday (one of the refs from derby) and am slowly getting settled.
July: So last night, for 4th of July, Teri and I didn't know what the heck we were going to do but we knew we wanted fireworks to be involved (I have GOT to stop working in porn, everything is dirty to me now. Sheesh).
August: It's a crime you let it happen to me.
September: So, the Championship game of Tucson Roller Derby is quickly approaching in a little more than a week and a half.
October: We are all facing choices that define us.
November: I am unsure what exactly it is that keeps me here, bound to this chair, this place... this time...
*note to self*: stop beginning entries with "So, ..."
I used to do this thing called "planning for the future" but I've decided that's too hard to do right now. Look at how much changed in the past year for me. Where the HELL am I going to be next year at this time? The only thing that has been a constant in my life for the past year is roller derby. And my parents wonder why it's so important to me. Yeesh.
I don't know. Things are new, strange, scary, unpredictable, happy, hurtful, surprising and wonderful all at the same time. I hate the time frames I've been working in lately. 9 months seems to be a common theme (and no, pregnancy isn't a hot topic of conversation in my life, lmao) and I'm tired of it. I want the time frame to be 2 years or a year at least. Working with this "a few months" business is really hard. I don't know where I'm going to live come next August. I don't know if my family will ever be able to accept me as I am. "Ever" is a concept that wasn't very real to me until recently. To think that my family will forEVER disapprove of who I choose to share my life with is daunting, to say the least.
Sometimes I feel like there will always be a lot of things about me that won't ever be understood. And I don't care if that makes me sound my age.