PEEK-A-BOO!
Hello there,
First I must note that, yes, it has been a pretty damn long time since I’ve written anything (of personal worth) on my blog in quite awhile. This can be attributed to the lesser amount of free time that I have now but I have been pretty isolated from relationships of any kind. Yes I have been using Facebook more than ever (it’s a social tool and an annoying necessity) but when it comes to writing down anything about ME I have been extremely hesitant…for no real reason. Since it has been awhile I’m going to devote my ramblings (I try to write how I think) to sections/updates for easier digestion.
Friends:
I’m getting older. It’s pretty astonishing looking at who I am now and how I used to be a class clown back in grade school. I was one of the funny guys with a hint of weirdness below my attempts at appeasing my classmates. But, if one looked closely, from the final years of grade school on I have become less dependant on attention and more interested in furthering myself with my interests. Frankly, if I cared more about social status, my whole life, I probably wouldn’t be as “knowledgeable” as I am now. I can easily see myself becoming a loveless hermit in the future because I’m already halfway there. I’m not entirely selfish though and I’m not ignorant of how much people care for me but, again, I want to further my own interests without the interruption of having an innocent hangout where there’s not really much meaningful discussion. Granted I may say something spur of the moment but I try to make it relevant. I’m not going to scream at the top of my lungs for no reason anymore because that’s not who I am. I’m changing, you’re changing and maybe the person I am now is not the person you grew to enjoy hanging out with. That’s one of the troubles with one my recent “disconnections”.
I minded my own business, like I usually do, and would decline hanging out if I didn’t really feel like it. For that I was told that “I never hang out anymore”…um sorry. At that time I was hanging out with her for once maybe twice a week (just driving around, wasting gas, letting her talk the whole time) which was more than I honestly cared for. This particular person has gone from someone I respect to one I dislike in the span of a few months. She’s become, in several ways, the very thing she stood against for reasons I won‘t divulge here. That comment made me question “You think I NEVER hang out with you anymore?” She had to of used that word deliberately to make me feel like shit for wanting my own interests. I would think older…more mature people don’t have the time to hang out with people every…single…day. So I haven’t seen her in almost a month as a form of tough payback and the thing is…I really don’t care. We were high school friends but I’m changing and you are too. At some point during these changes we might find each other unacceptable. For years I had to put up with her belittling me while I wouldn’t say a damn thing in response to her. She’s in a pretty lucky position to have the ability to mouth off and not have any shit thrown back at her in response.
To be brutally honest this relationship took far more from me than I would get back on an emotional scale. She reminded me of my mother. With my mother...well I haven’t talked to her for almost half a year and if I am capable of such an action than doing this with an acquaintance should be a cakewalk. I refuse to make contact with her unless she changes to become a person I would like to hang out with in my SPARE TIME. I may be an asshole but I have better things to do with my time then get together with a friend and HOPE for a good time and that I won’t come out of it thinking “Well now I feel like shit”.
Anyways, I just want people to know that if I lose contact with you it’s not that I don’t care about you unless I’ve hinted at/ gave you reasons for thinking such a thing beforehand. If I just disappear randomly it’s because I’m off doing my own thing. There may be a fair share of depression because of it but, for now, I’m taking things as they come to me when it comes to people.
Depression:
I’ll try to not talk about this so much because everyone now knows I have it. But why am I depressed? I’m satisfied with my interests and that makes me happy. I strive for intelligence in my daily life and that, truly, does make me happy knowing I’m not spending my time too simply. Why I’m depressed is because there’s just too many fucking stupid people out there in this country that I have to deal with all the time. If I was religious maybe I could accept them as kindred spirits with intentions not meant to harm anyone. But I’m not and I don’t believe in an afterlife so the time you have on this planet…that’s it. So, to me, you should spend this time wisely. Get to know things you have no idea of. Read a little philosophy, take a couple pictures, don’t care about what people think of you too much…the typical mind-broadening stuff.
It offends me (reminder: ignorance is the ONLY thing that really offends me) that people will DIE not knowing most of what goes on with the world. I could turn a blind eye and pretend to not care that I think these people are spending their time foolishly but I can’t…I’d be doing the very thing I despise. I will point out if I think you’re stupid and if I’ve never really gave you any positive notes I probably do think you’re stupid…but tolerable. I am using the word stupid a lot but that’s how it is. You’re not using your mind to the fullest so you’re no being challenged so your mind grows stagnant. That’s stupid. For every foolhardy person I come across I feel a pain in my heart because, I believe, no one is born with a special intellect. I should know because neither of my parents are that high on my respect ladder (barring the unconditional love factor). I am who I am today because I worked on it. You have to work. If you don’t you’re lazy and lazy=you guessed it…stupid.
So, as a consequence because there’s a ton of lazy people out there, I’m not exactly bursting with enthusiasm for wanting to meet new people. Then all my old friends have gone away or have de-evolved. It gets pretty lonely out there when you know so few people with passion out there in this world. That’s really all it is. Anyone that says society does not influence a persons depression…doesn’t know jackshit (Mr. Bible-humping McMann) The society I’m in is shit so how am I going to react? Be happy that I’m in the vast minority and that everyone else, to me, is doing something so utterly unacceptable to make me angry? I don’t think so. Now I’m trying to not care about others as much so that I have less of an opportunity to run into people who make me sick. There I’ve said it…Boy am I an asshole. Time for some slightly more uplifting topics.
Weight Loss:
Ok this one will be brief because I’m not that vain. I’ve lost a fair bit of weight compared to how I was a year ago. I won’t cite specifics but, lately, I saw 150 for the first time in several years. Did I exercise? No aside from walking to places I have to. Did I diet? Kind of. I didn’t really make any plans but I just took out all the unnecessary comfort food I was having. If I have to give any advice it would be that if you don’t feel slightly hungry during the day you’re not going to lose weight. I’m not saying you should starve but next time you want to grab a cookie to satiate your bored stomach…don’t. At best you’re only maintaining a steady weight…not losing it. One of the best things I’ve taken up is whenever I watch a movie or go to the movies I try not to eat anything unless it’s healthy because I’m sitting on my ass that whole time…where’s that food going to go?
I used to not be annoyed at overweight people but, now that I’ve done what they’re too weak to do, I am. It’s so fucking easy to lose weight too. When I was pretty badly overweight (probably 180) I thought it would take years and a lot of hard work to fix this. It’s not even work. People…just stop being extremely lazy and wasting money on food. I have more reasons to be annoyed because if you’re overweight that means you’re eating too much food than necessary and, in this economic situation, that pisses me off. For me I’m pretty alright where I am now…my goal weight is 140 but if I stay where I am now I’ll at the least be comparatively healthier than what I used to be…I don’t really care how I look but am satisfied that, somehow, I’m instantly more attractive than before.
Cigarettes:
I quit before, on the patch for 4 weeks and off them for around a month, but got right back on that horse. I don’t want to make it seem like I don’t care about my health all too much when it comes to smoking but…I’m young. I could afford to smoke because I always said to myself that I will quit in the future. Well the future is now because I haven’t (consistently) been smoking cigarettes for 2 days now. You scoff but also take into account that I’ll be on the patch for at least 7 weeks and I have a ridiculous present I’m going to buy myself a month after I’m done to tempt me into thinking my new lifestyle is for the better.
The deciding factor, as you may have guessed if you’re aware of our economy, is that I didn’t want to pay for stuff anymore that makes me unhealthy. We just had the highest tax raise in history not even 3 months after the last one…what/when is the next one going to be? I don’t know about you but I’ve grown to dislike bending over for companies that don’t give a shit whether I die or not. It’s an easy solution for relieving stress for sure…and lorf knows I have way too much of that already. Plus I didn’t grow to enjoy every single cig I had yet. My addiction was getting worse to the point of smoking ½ a pack a day. You might think I never got TOO far into my addiction (smoked consistently for only around a year and a half) but I AM quitting now to get a head start…on the costs, my furthering addiction, growing to enjoy them more, how much harder it’ll be to quit if I keep going. Hey maybe I’ll meet people that would be put off by second-hand smoke which, otherwise, wouldn't have given me a second chance. My first impression level has just gone up a couple points…hurray!? I’m confident that I will be able to rid myself of something so unnecessary. Now I’ll only have to look out for alcoholism in the future.
Ok I’m going to stop now because I’ve written far more than I planned and when I post again it will be even more personal and even longer. Hope you enjoyed hearing what I have to say and if you didn’t…well that’s what I think. Sorry for not lying to you. Have a good one.
First I must note that, yes, it has been a pretty damn long time since I’ve written anything (of personal worth) on my blog in quite awhile. This can be attributed to the lesser amount of free time that I have now but I have been pretty isolated from relationships of any kind. Yes I have been using Facebook more than ever (it’s a social tool and an annoying necessity) but when it comes to writing down anything about ME I have been extremely hesitant…for no real reason. Since it has been awhile I’m going to devote my ramblings (I try to write how I think) to sections/updates for easier digestion.
Friends:
I’m getting older. It’s pretty astonishing looking at who I am now and how I used to be a class clown back in grade school. I was one of the funny guys with a hint of weirdness below my attempts at appeasing my classmates. But, if one looked closely, from the final years of grade school on I have become less dependant on attention and more interested in furthering myself with my interests. Frankly, if I cared more about social status, my whole life, I probably wouldn’t be as “knowledgeable” as I am now. I can easily see myself becoming a loveless hermit in the future because I’m already halfway there. I’m not entirely selfish though and I’m not ignorant of how much people care for me but, again, I want to further my own interests without the interruption of having an innocent hangout where there’s not really much meaningful discussion. Granted I may say something spur of the moment but I try to make it relevant. I’m not going to scream at the top of my lungs for no reason anymore because that’s not who I am. I’m changing, you’re changing and maybe the person I am now is not the person you grew to enjoy hanging out with. That’s one of the troubles with one my recent “disconnections”.
I minded my own business, like I usually do, and would decline hanging out if I didn’t really feel like it. For that I was told that “I never hang out anymore”…um sorry. At that time I was hanging out with her for once maybe twice a week (just driving around, wasting gas, letting her talk the whole time) which was more than I honestly cared for. This particular person has gone from someone I respect to one I dislike in the span of a few months. She’s become, in several ways, the very thing she stood against for reasons I won‘t divulge here. That comment made me question “You think I NEVER hang out with you anymore?” She had to of used that word deliberately to make me feel like shit for wanting my own interests. I would think older…more mature people don’t have the time to hang out with people every…single…day. So I haven’t seen her in almost a month as a form of tough payback and the thing is…I really don’t care. We were high school friends but I’m changing and you are too. At some point during these changes we might find each other unacceptable. For years I had to put up with her belittling me while I wouldn’t say a damn thing in response to her. She’s in a pretty lucky position to have the ability to mouth off and not have any shit thrown back at her in response.
To be brutally honest this relationship took far more from me than I would get back on an emotional scale. She reminded me of my mother. With my mother...well I haven’t talked to her for almost half a year and if I am capable of such an action than doing this with an acquaintance should be a cakewalk. I refuse to make contact with her unless she changes to become a person I would like to hang out with in my SPARE TIME. I may be an asshole but I have better things to do with my time then get together with a friend and HOPE for a good time and that I won’t come out of it thinking “Well now I feel like shit”.
Anyways, I just want people to know that if I lose contact with you it’s not that I don’t care about you unless I’ve hinted at/ gave you reasons for thinking such a thing beforehand. If I just disappear randomly it’s because I’m off doing my own thing. There may be a fair share of depression because of it but, for now, I’m taking things as they come to me when it comes to people.
Depression:
I’ll try to not talk about this so much because everyone now knows I have it. But why am I depressed? I’m satisfied with my interests and that makes me happy. I strive for intelligence in my daily life and that, truly, does make me happy knowing I’m not spending my time too simply. Why I’m depressed is because there’s just too many fucking stupid people out there in this country that I have to deal with all the time. If I was religious maybe I could accept them as kindred spirits with intentions not meant to harm anyone. But I’m not and I don’t believe in an afterlife so the time you have on this planet…that’s it. So, to me, you should spend this time wisely. Get to know things you have no idea of. Read a little philosophy, take a couple pictures, don’t care about what people think of you too much…the typical mind-broadening stuff.
It offends me (reminder: ignorance is the ONLY thing that really offends me) that people will DIE not knowing most of what goes on with the world. I could turn a blind eye and pretend to not care that I think these people are spending their time foolishly but I can’t…I’d be doing the very thing I despise. I will point out if I think you’re stupid and if I’ve never really gave you any positive notes I probably do think you’re stupid…but tolerable. I am using the word stupid a lot but that’s how it is. You’re not using your mind to the fullest so you’re no being challenged so your mind grows stagnant. That’s stupid. For every foolhardy person I come across I feel a pain in my heart because, I believe, no one is born with a special intellect. I should know because neither of my parents are that high on my respect ladder (barring the unconditional love factor). I am who I am today because I worked on it. You have to work. If you don’t you’re lazy and lazy=you guessed it…stupid.
So, as a consequence because there’s a ton of lazy people out there, I’m not exactly bursting with enthusiasm for wanting to meet new people. Then all my old friends have gone away or have de-evolved. It gets pretty lonely out there when you know so few people with passion out there in this world. That’s really all it is. Anyone that says society does not influence a persons depression…doesn’t know jackshit (Mr. Bible-humping McMann) The society I’m in is shit so how am I going to react? Be happy that I’m in the vast minority and that everyone else, to me, is doing something so utterly unacceptable to make me angry? I don’t think so. Now I’m trying to not care about others as much so that I have less of an opportunity to run into people who make me sick. There I’ve said it…Boy am I an asshole. Time for some slightly more uplifting topics.
Weight Loss:
Ok this one will be brief because I’m not that vain. I’ve lost a fair bit of weight compared to how I was a year ago. I won’t cite specifics but, lately, I saw 150 for the first time in several years. Did I exercise? No aside from walking to places I have to. Did I diet? Kind of. I didn’t really make any plans but I just took out all the unnecessary comfort food I was having. If I have to give any advice it would be that if you don’t feel slightly hungry during the day you’re not going to lose weight. I’m not saying you should starve but next time you want to grab a cookie to satiate your bored stomach…don’t. At best you’re only maintaining a steady weight…not losing it. One of the best things I’ve taken up is whenever I watch a movie or go to the movies I try not to eat anything unless it’s healthy because I’m sitting on my ass that whole time…where’s that food going to go?
I used to not be annoyed at overweight people but, now that I’ve done what they’re too weak to do, I am. It’s so fucking easy to lose weight too. When I was pretty badly overweight (probably 180) I thought it would take years and a lot of hard work to fix this. It’s not even work. People…just stop being extremely lazy and wasting money on food. I have more reasons to be annoyed because if you’re overweight that means you’re eating too much food than necessary and, in this economic situation, that pisses me off. For me I’m pretty alright where I am now…my goal weight is 140 but if I stay where I am now I’ll at the least be comparatively healthier than what I used to be…I don’t really care how I look but am satisfied that, somehow, I’m instantly more attractive than before.
Cigarettes:
I quit before, on the patch for 4 weeks and off them for around a month, but got right back on that horse. I don’t want to make it seem like I don’t care about my health all too much when it comes to smoking but…I’m young. I could afford to smoke because I always said to myself that I will quit in the future. Well the future is now because I haven’t (consistently) been smoking cigarettes for 2 days now. You scoff but also take into account that I’ll be on the patch for at least 7 weeks and I have a ridiculous present I’m going to buy myself a month after I’m done to tempt me into thinking my new lifestyle is for the better.
The deciding factor, as you may have guessed if you’re aware of our economy, is that I didn’t want to pay for stuff anymore that makes me unhealthy. We just had the highest tax raise in history not even 3 months after the last one…what/when is the next one going to be? I don’t know about you but I’ve grown to dislike bending over for companies that don’t give a shit whether I die or not. It’s an easy solution for relieving stress for sure…and lorf knows I have way too much of that already. Plus I didn’t grow to enjoy every single cig I had yet. My addiction was getting worse to the point of smoking ½ a pack a day. You might think I never got TOO far into my addiction (smoked consistently for only around a year and a half) but I AM quitting now to get a head start…on the costs, my furthering addiction, growing to enjoy them more, how much harder it’ll be to quit if I keep going. Hey maybe I’ll meet people that would be put off by second-hand smoke which, otherwise, wouldn't have given me a second chance. My first impression level has just gone up a couple points…hurray!? I’m confident that I will be able to rid myself of something so unnecessary. Now I’ll only have to look out for alcoholism in the future.
Ok I’m going to stop now because I’ve written far more than I planned and when I post again it will be even more personal and even longer. Hope you enjoyed hearing what I have to say and if you didn’t…well that’s what I think. Sorry for not lying to you. Have a good one.