(no subject)
Now the last drastic bit of scheduling done... the Chronic Pain Clinic called this morning. Got my first appointment scheduled for about a week after my 23rd birthday.
Some thoughts on that...
A week after my 23rd birthday...
Sometimes, I forget that I'm only twenty-two. Okay, most of the time. Granted, no one stays hypervigilant about their age... but when I go back and look at the things that I deal with... the depression, the pain, the finances, the doctors...
I look at it and I wonder. I wonder sometimes what life would be like without all this "stuff." I mean, where is a "normal," healthy girl my age would be. Where would people I graduated from high school with be right now? I mean, my five year class reunion is next summer....
Probably gradutating from college, getting that first career sort of job, maybe their first apartment. The excitement of a new stage in life. Maybe debating or attending graduate school. I mean, my sisters are twenty-one now... kitty54 is going to be a senior in undergraduate school, debating graduate school, working at a bookstore, and just got back from a Vegas vacation. crystalflames is working full time, on the verge of a management promotion, dating a great guy, and spent a week up north camping with him for her birthday.
And here I am, on the verge of bankruptcy, spending more time talking to people with initials after their names than my friends, and trying desperately to keep myself together and out of the psychiatric hospital. Of course, I've had to make that a little more specialized, as I'll be spending another week in the hospital for epilepsy next month. And there are times that I debate just giving it all up. But I can't. I really have to much to live for, and too much potential.
I'm an artist. I'm a writer. A designer. I have things to say, things people want to listen to and need to hear. I make things pretty, and see things in a light that most don't. Things will get better. I will make them better. I will be the person I wanted to be when I was sixteen, just like Pink. ;)
But sometimes... it's hard. This afternoon has been one of those, and that's been the theory for the last week or so. I'll get there. It's just gonna take a lot of effort, a lot of help, a lot of love. But I'm gonna make it, and anyone is welcome to help, and them come celebrate with me when I make it. *soft smile*
~Samantha
(cross-posted to kvdruidess, neurotic_bettys, & in_treatment)
Some thoughts on that...
A week after my 23rd birthday...
Sometimes, I forget that I'm only twenty-two. Okay, most of the time. Granted, no one stays hypervigilant about their age... but when I go back and look at the things that I deal with... the depression, the pain, the finances, the doctors...
I look at it and I wonder. I wonder sometimes what life would be like without all this "stuff." I mean, where is a "normal," healthy girl my age would be. Where would people I graduated from high school with be right now? I mean, my five year class reunion is next summer....
Probably gradutating from college, getting that first career sort of job, maybe their first apartment. The excitement of a new stage in life. Maybe debating or attending graduate school. I mean, my sisters are twenty-one now... kitty54 is going to be a senior in undergraduate school, debating graduate school, working at a bookstore, and just got back from a Vegas vacation. crystalflames is working full time, on the verge of a management promotion, dating a great guy, and spent a week up north camping with him for her birthday.
And here I am, on the verge of bankruptcy, spending more time talking to people with initials after their names than my friends, and trying desperately to keep myself together and out of the psychiatric hospital. Of course, I've had to make that a little more specialized, as I'll be spending another week in the hospital for epilepsy next month. And there are times that I debate just giving it all up. But I can't. I really have to much to live for, and too much potential.
I'm an artist. I'm a writer. A designer. I have things to say, things people want to listen to and need to hear. I make things pretty, and see things in a light that most don't. Things will get better. I will make them better. I will be the person I wanted to be when I was sixteen, just like Pink. ;)
But sometimes... it's hard. This afternoon has been one of those, and that's been the theory for the last week or so. I'll get there. It's just gonna take a lot of effort, a lot of help, a lot of love. But I'm gonna make it, and anyone is welcome to help, and them come celebrate with me when I make it. *soft smile*
~Samantha
(cross-posted to kvdruidess, neurotic_bettys, & in_treatment)