You actually sound quite a bit like me! Well; in the withdrawn aspect. About a year and a half/two years ago I was very social. I loved friends, and tried to be around people. I could strut through rooms with confidence. I liked and WANTED to meet new people. Eventually I realized that friendliness and the social butterfly tendencies had just...gone away. I found myself not caring. For awhile, I said I didn't care but DID, actually. I missed them, but couldn't really imagine getting out of the house. I think I felt like it just wasn't 'worth it'. Wasn't worth getting dressed, putting on makeup, and risking getting hurt (I do think that subconsious abandonment phobias have something to do with this for me). However, now I really don't care about meeting new people. I have two best friends; my sisters, and that's about all. A few people I know, who I see once every other week; sometimes every three weeks. Aside from them, I leave the house usually once a week to go to the petstore for bird toys, but that's all. People with my illness usually don't leave the house much anyway..
I started to hate.HATE the phone with a passion. Calling in for takeout is a horrendous thing for me. I drifted away from IM, and I was once ADDICTED. If I did sign on, i'd go "just to see who was on". I'd sign off. Whether there was nobody on, or EVERYBODY on, i'd sign off. If I didn't sign off, i'd put up an away message. Nobody would leave me a message, of course, but one would go up like I was pretending I had a life of some sort. I just about never sign on anymore. When I sign on Yahoo IM, i'm always invisible, and only to see if somebody left me an offline message.
Sometimes I get nostalgic about how things use to be, and it's hard then, but most of the time...you guessed it; I just don't care! I tell others that i'm a "homebody". I prefer to be at home, with my birds, online. Thats just how I am now. People act like it's some huge thing; that i'm deeply disturbed for not wanting a flock of twenty pseudo-friends like everyone else, but I don't see it as a big deal (most of the time).
Wow, the whole instant messenger thing is exactly what I do. I usually leave away messages up all day and people try to talk to me. Unless it's important I usually don't talk to anyone. I think I do it to see if people still care. Yeah, hanging out with a big group used to be my thing but lately it makes me claustrophobic. Even 3 is a crowd to me right now, I feel really really suffocated. It's weird to feel this way because I used to always be 'life of the party - social butterfly'. And I do miss it but at the same time I'm repulsed by it. It's a comfort to know I'm not the only one who feels these crazy things. If you ever need to talk you can contact me! hehehe, thank you for replying.
I started to hate.HATE the phone with a passion. Calling in for takeout is a horrendous thing for me. I drifted away from IM, and I was once ADDICTED. If I did sign on, i'd go "just to see who was on". I'd sign off. Whether there was nobody on, or EVERYBODY on, i'd sign off. If I didn't sign off, i'd put up an away message. Nobody would leave me a message, of course, but one would go up like I was pretending I had a life of some sort. I just about never sign on anymore. When I sign on Yahoo IM, i'm always invisible, and only to see if somebody left me an offline message.
Sometimes I get nostalgic about how things use to be, and it's hard then, but most of the time...you guessed it; I just don't care! I tell others that i'm a "homebody". I prefer to be at home, with my birds, online. Thats just how I am now. People act like it's some huge thing; that i'm deeply disturbed for not wanting a flock of twenty pseudo-friends like everyone else, but I don't see it as a big deal (most of the time).
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Yeah, hanging out with a big group used to be my thing but lately it makes me claustrophobic. Even 3 is a crowd to me right now, I feel really really suffocated. It's weird to feel this way because I used to always be 'life of the party - social butterfly'. And I do miss it but at the same time I'm repulsed by it.
It's a comfort to know I'm not the only one who feels these crazy things. If you ever need to talk you can contact me! hehehe, thank you for replying.
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