(no subject)
hello all. i just joined. kharma_creature asked me to join. and since she is a lovely lovely lovely person, i did.
well, my name is rachel. im 16 years old and live in massachusetts. i've been diagnosed with major depression (runs on my dad's side of the family), anxiety, and borderline personality disorder. i quit therapy back in december because they wanted me on meds. basically, my therapist told me they'd throw me into an asylum if i didnt go on meds. that just wasnt good enough for me. so i stopped seeing her. i just dont want to go on meds for it. i want to deal using natural ways. a better diet, vitamins, aromatherapy.
and here i am. i've been in a bad depression for the past week or so. i've been cutting (have been since i was 13), and also i have an eating disorder.
under the cut is a journal entry i posted just a few minutes ago.
"yeah so i totally fucked up. i got home from my grandparents' house (how fucking depressing). i ran up to my room to try on some new clothes i got. i ended up having another huge breakdown. i was sobbing, all that jazz. i cut my arm perhaps 20 times. then i lost all control and with my fingernails, scratched off a few layers of skin on my arm. then i cut more. i went into the downstairs bathroom, washed and disinfected my arm, and put my arm bands on. i washed my hands really good because i had blood and skin all under my fingernails. my hands still smells like blood.
i do not know what the fuck is wrong with me. the past week i've just snapped. maybe i was right when i was saying i wont survive this summer vacation.
i also have lost all faith in having friends. i only consider 4 or 5 people real friends right now. all others are either party buddies or fake. im sorry, but this is it. i give up in having a social life. im sticking to a small group of people that i actually trust. i'll email you guys and tell you how much i adore you. lol.
FUCK"
here is what i did to my arm. can be a trigger. dont look any further if you trigger easy. please. i'd feel even worse to know that i caused someone else to do this
take care.
-Rachel
well, my name is rachel. im 16 years old and live in massachusetts. i've been diagnosed with major depression (runs on my dad's side of the family), anxiety, and borderline personality disorder. i quit therapy back in december because they wanted me on meds. basically, my therapist told me they'd throw me into an asylum if i didnt go on meds. that just wasnt good enough for me. so i stopped seeing her. i just dont want to go on meds for it. i want to deal using natural ways. a better diet, vitamins, aromatherapy.
and here i am. i've been in a bad depression for the past week or so. i've been cutting (have been since i was 13), and also i have an eating disorder.
under the cut is a journal entry i posted just a few minutes ago.
"yeah so i totally fucked up. i got home from my grandparents' house (how fucking depressing). i ran up to my room to try on some new clothes i got. i ended up having another huge breakdown. i was sobbing, all that jazz. i cut my arm perhaps 20 times. then i lost all control and with my fingernails, scratched off a few layers of skin on my arm. then i cut more. i went into the downstairs bathroom, washed and disinfected my arm, and put my arm bands on. i washed my hands really good because i had blood and skin all under my fingernails. my hands still smells like blood.
i do not know what the fuck is wrong with me. the past week i've just snapped. maybe i was right when i was saying i wont survive this summer vacation.
i also have lost all faith in having friends. i only consider 4 or 5 people real friends right now. all others are either party buddies or fake. im sorry, but this is it. i give up in having a social life. im sticking to a small group of people that i actually trust. i'll email you guys and tell you how much i adore you. lol.
FUCK"
here is what i did to my arm. can be a trigger. dont look any further if you trigger easy. please. i'd feel even worse to know that i caused someone else to do this
take care.
-Rachel