Mothers Day Post
There are four mothers in my life:
- My Grandmother: She raised me until I was about eight or nine years old before retiring with my grandfather up in the mountains. She is really sweet, very nice, funny and highly intelligent. Any respect for women I had came from her, because luckily she was around first BEFORE my mom so I knew that not every woman was a total cunt. My Grandmother had one daughter, her only child, who cannot spend her mothers day properly. Therefore, I tip my hat for Grandmother.
- My Stepmother: My stepmother did not have to accept me; I am the offspring of her husband before he married her. She knew of my existence since the day they knew they would marry, however, and accepted me and encouraged my dad to move his family to America when they knew I was of age to be found. She loves me like a son and makes damn good food.
- My Mother-In-Law: Adam's mother is just one of those beams of sunshine kind of mothers. Knowing Adam, it is difficult to swallow that such a sullen, serious guy came from such a warm, kind, happy, bubbly woman. The second Adam told her about me and my kids my MIL just became thrilled that she had honorary grandchildren to spoil and love; and me as an extra son. Who could ask for more?
- Amy, my baby's baby's-mama: Amy and I had rough beginnings but our frienship soon grew solid and very close-knit. When Adam asked her to be our surrogate mother, she only thought it over for about five minutes before agreeing. Though she prefers a backseat position in the upbringing of Evangeline, Amy is still a kick ass mom.
My own mother...the mother of Ben and Carol Ann...Well, I don't count her as a mother figure for me anymore. She crossed over the lines many years ago. Unfortunately, though, she still has two young children to explain herself to and now is about the time to do it.
As they have began to ask questions =/
Yes indeed. I got the question of ALL questions last night. The one I had been dreading since Carol Ann was born...
Carol Ann: "Daddy, do I have a mommy?"
Me: "Yes."
Carol Ann: "Where is she? Why isn't she here with me?"
Oh shit.
Damn public schools for acknowledging Mothers Day.
So I had to tell her that her mother is in a hospital getting better because she has a disease in her mind and it is going to be a long time before she gets out.
"Does she know who I am?" Carol Ann goes on to ask
"Yes. She saw you when you were born."
"Can I visit her?"
"Not this year. When you're older and she is better."
"Can she phone me?"
Using the phone is a big fucking deal to a five year old; damn Adam and I for teaching her how to use it.
"I'm not sure."
"Can I phone her?"
"...."
I am blank because I know that we can phone my mother and talk on the phone. But I have to call in advance to make sure it is OK with her and her doctors.
How can I lie to Carol Ann?
"We can call her if the doctors say it's OK to call her."
"Will you call the doctors, daddy?"
"I'll call the doctors, Carol Ann."
She smiles, kisses me and thanks me before running off about her business.
Damn my weakness for my own kids.
So I find Ben and tell him that Carol Ann wants to call their mother, would he be interested in talking to her? He says that he has wanted to for a while but didn't want to upset me. what the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I told him it's cool but that if she is all crazy and shit that I'm not going to let her be a cunt to Carol Ann and him. He agrees and lets me set it up.
SO! I called the hospital about an hour ago and talked with her doctor. He said he was positive that Rebekah would be all right to speak with on the phone; she won't go crazy on the kids and say a lot of shit. I asked if she would be cool to hear it from me first he said fine. So this was our conversation - relatively speaking:
"Hey, Rebekah." Cause I don't call her mom.
"Hello, Elliot."
"Listen, Sunday is mother's day and I think it would be cool if you tried talking to Grandma."
"I don't think she wants to hear from me."
"She does. She just wants to hear happy mothers day and that you're feeling all right."
"Maybe."
"The kids were asking about you."
"Which kids?"
"Ben and Carol Ann."
"Carol Ann is--?"
"Yes. She is five about to be six. She's in kindergarten and she asked where her mother is."
"What did you tell her?"
"That you're in a hospital and we can't see you but she wanted to phone you on Mothers Day anyway."
"Oh...why?"
"Honestly, I don't know. Probably because she is a little girl and everyone in her class has a mother except her."
"She never asked about me before?"
"No."
"What about Ben?"
"Ben wants to talk to you, too, but he's also going to ask you questions."
"Questions?"
"Yeah and you don't have to answer him if you think the truth will hurt or whatever but don't be mean to him, OK? He's just a kid."
"I won't be mean to him or Carol Ann, Elliot. I haven't even talked to Ben since he was four years old...I wouldn't know what to say to either of them."
"Well, they'll make it easy for you I'm sure. They won't be long on the phone, we have a lot of things to do that day so it'll be all right. But I'm not going to make you talk to them if you don't want to."
"I don't mind. It'll be nice to hear from them."
"Think you can handle it?"
"I think so."
"They're going to want to call you mom."
"I know. It's OK. What about Trish and Sonny?"
"I don't control them, Rebekah. If they want to talk to you, they will. But they're both really angry still."
"I understand."
"I don't think you do, mom. You can accept it; but you can't understand where they are coming from."
"All right."
"Another thing, OK? Carol Ann doesn't get that you're my mom too, OK?"
"But she knows that Ben is my son, right?"
"Yes. She is happy knowing Ben is her brother. When she is older I'll sort everything out sqaure for her, OK?"
"OK."
"All right. We'll call at nine AM Sunday, OK?"
"OK."
And we hung up. Ugh. I felt like I was talking to a freaking robot. Remember that part in TERMINATOR 2 when Sarah Conner was pretending to be well for the sake of minimum restriction so she could get to John? Yeah, it was like that. Sedate. Or whatever the word is.
Beh. This makes me feel weird.
- My Grandmother: She raised me until I was about eight or nine years old before retiring with my grandfather up in the mountains. She is really sweet, very nice, funny and highly intelligent. Any respect for women I had came from her, because luckily she was around first BEFORE my mom so I knew that not every woman was a total cunt. My Grandmother had one daughter, her only child, who cannot spend her mothers day properly. Therefore, I tip my hat for Grandmother.
- My Stepmother: My stepmother did not have to accept me; I am the offspring of her husband before he married her. She knew of my existence since the day they knew they would marry, however, and accepted me and encouraged my dad to move his family to America when they knew I was of age to be found. She loves me like a son and makes damn good food.
- My Mother-In-Law: Adam's mother is just one of those beams of sunshine kind of mothers. Knowing Adam, it is difficult to swallow that such a sullen, serious guy came from such a warm, kind, happy, bubbly woman. The second Adam told her about me and my kids my MIL just became thrilled that she had honorary grandchildren to spoil and love; and me as an extra son. Who could ask for more?
- Amy, my baby's baby's-mama: Amy and I had rough beginnings but our frienship soon grew solid and very close-knit. When Adam asked her to be our surrogate mother, she only thought it over for about five minutes before agreeing. Though she prefers a backseat position in the upbringing of Evangeline, Amy is still a kick ass mom.
My own mother...the mother of Ben and Carol Ann...Well, I don't count her as a mother figure for me anymore. She crossed over the lines many years ago. Unfortunately, though, she still has two young children to explain herself to and now is about the time to do it.
As they have began to ask questions =/
Yes indeed. I got the question of ALL questions last night. The one I had been dreading since Carol Ann was born...
Carol Ann: "Daddy, do I have a mommy?"
Me: "Yes."
Carol Ann: "Where is she? Why isn't she here with me?"
Oh shit.
Damn public schools for acknowledging Mothers Day.
So I had to tell her that her mother is in a hospital getting better because she has a disease in her mind and it is going to be a long time before she gets out.
"Does she know who I am?" Carol Ann goes on to ask
"Yes. She saw you when you were born."
"Can I visit her?"
"Not this year. When you're older and she is better."
"Can she phone me?"
Using the phone is a big fucking deal to a five year old; damn Adam and I for teaching her how to use it.
"I'm not sure."
"Can I phone her?"
"...."
I am blank because I know that we can phone my mother and talk on the phone. But I have to call in advance to make sure it is OK with her and her doctors.
How can I lie to Carol Ann?
"We can call her if the doctors say it's OK to call her."
"Will you call the doctors, daddy?"
"I'll call the doctors, Carol Ann."
She smiles, kisses me and thanks me before running off about her business.
Damn my weakness for my own kids.
So I find Ben and tell him that Carol Ann wants to call their mother, would he be interested in talking to her? He says that he has wanted to for a while but didn't want to upset me. what the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I told him it's cool but that if she is all crazy and shit that I'm not going to let her be a cunt to Carol Ann and him. He agrees and lets me set it up.
SO! I called the hospital about an hour ago and talked with her doctor. He said he was positive that Rebekah would be all right to speak with on the phone; she won't go crazy on the kids and say a lot of shit. I asked if she would be cool to hear it from me first he said fine. So this was our conversation - relatively speaking:
"Hey, Rebekah." Cause I don't call her mom.
"Hello, Elliot."
"Listen, Sunday is mother's day and I think it would be cool if you tried talking to Grandma."
"I don't think she wants to hear from me."
"She does. She just wants to hear happy mothers day and that you're feeling all right."
"Maybe."
"The kids were asking about you."
"Which kids?"
"Ben and Carol Ann."
"Carol Ann is--?"
"Yes. She is five about to be six. She's in kindergarten and she asked where her mother is."
"What did you tell her?"
"That you're in a hospital and we can't see you but she wanted to phone you on Mothers Day anyway."
"Oh...why?"
"Honestly, I don't know. Probably because she is a little girl and everyone in her class has a mother except her."
"She never asked about me before?"
"No."
"What about Ben?"
"Ben wants to talk to you, too, but he's also going to ask you questions."
"Questions?"
"Yeah and you don't have to answer him if you think the truth will hurt or whatever but don't be mean to him, OK? He's just a kid."
"I won't be mean to him or Carol Ann, Elliot. I haven't even talked to Ben since he was four years old...I wouldn't know what to say to either of them."
"Well, they'll make it easy for you I'm sure. They won't be long on the phone, we have a lot of things to do that day so it'll be all right. But I'm not going to make you talk to them if you don't want to."
"I don't mind. It'll be nice to hear from them."
"Think you can handle it?"
"I think so."
"They're going to want to call you mom."
"I know. It's OK. What about Trish and Sonny?"
"I don't control them, Rebekah. If they want to talk to you, they will. But they're both really angry still."
"I understand."
"I don't think you do, mom. You can accept it; but you can't understand where they are coming from."
"All right."
"Another thing, OK? Carol Ann doesn't get that you're my mom too, OK?"
"But she knows that Ben is my son, right?"
"Yes. She is happy knowing Ben is her brother. When she is older I'll sort everything out sqaure for her, OK?"
"OK."
"All right. We'll call at nine AM Sunday, OK?"
"OK."
And we hung up. Ugh. I felt like I was talking to a freaking robot. Remember that part in TERMINATOR 2 when Sarah Conner was pretending to be well for the sake of minimum restriction so she could get to John? Yeah, it was like that. Sedate. Or whatever the word is.
Beh. This makes me feel weird.