Kamenapped 1/2
Title: Kamenapping.
Pairing: Akame / Gen KAT-TUN.
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 16k
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Notes: This is a present for my friend Agnes! ^^ I started this a long time ago, last year...so a bit AU maybe.
Summary: Kame gets kidnapped.
It's 2pm in L.A. and the sun's burning high in the sky, when Jin realises that whoever told him about the beautiful beaches (and bitches) in California had been a fucking liar. He's been at Santa Monica for a couple of hours, walking along the pier and staring, just for a moment, with wide-eyed enthusiasm at the little amusement park. Jin's cool, though. He's hip and groovy. Cool guys don't wander through amusement parks, not unless they're trying to impress a girl. Jin doesn't even have a girl, he just has his friend Josh, and Josh is really annoying him today.
Life is unfair, and Josh's surfer-boy good looks are making things even worse. Josh is blond and American and all the girls in their skimpy bikinis turn and smile at him when they walk by.
“This is dumb,” Jin says finally. He's stretched out on a giant beach towel. It's blue and has Stitch on it, and it's one of the only things Jin packed when he flew out of Japan. A couple of girls have laughed at it, and now Jin's careful to let his arm fall across Stitch's big fat blue face. Stitch was cool in Japan.
Josh turns to look at him, confusion wrinkling his brow. “I thought you loved the beach...”
“Not THAT,” Jin whines. “The girls won't even look at me. Not when I'm with a model.” He shifts again and lets his head fall back, his long, dark hair framing his face in wild tangles, stiff from the sea.
“A model.............” Josh repeats slowly. He pushes his big shiny sunglasses up and squints at Jin. “What?”
“I was cool in Japan,” Jin muses. “I was so cool.”
“You're still cool,” Josh says awkwardly.
Jin doesn't believe him. I mean-- no, he believes him, he's fucking awesome, but the girls here won't even look at him. He flexes and sighs. All around them the beach is swarming with people; tourists and locals alike, playing volleyball and plunging wide umbrellas into the sand. There are families, too. There's this cute little girl a couple of meters away, shoving a dripping icecream into her gaping mouth.
“So cute,” Jin says to her mother, who just looks slightly scandalised as she yanks her daughter away. She probably thinks Jin is a pedophile.
“I like women,” Jin says loudly, but he doesn't think she hears. When he glances at Josh he's just met with a loud laugh, then, finally, a sympathetic smile.
“Look,” Josh says. “The ladies love you. Stop being a sad drunk.”
“I'm not drunk!” Which-- okay, they'd had a couple of shots earlier, and Jin hasn't eaten yet today, but he's no lightweight. He pushes his face into his towel, into Stitch's belly, and lets out a long sigh. The last time he'd been to the beach it had been a little over a month ago with Yamapi, in Chiba. They'd sat in the waves together, wrestling as the sun turned their skin pink. Jin can still remember the way Pi had grinned at him, just a little sad, as he made him promise to call every other week, then promptly shoved him back into the surf, salty water going up Jin's nose. After, they'd climbed back up the beach, exhausted and happy, sodden towels slung around their necks. Jin can still remember that day in bright, perfect detail, the shine of the sun on Pi's hair, on his broad shoulders. He misses Pi. Not in a gay way, just in a best friend way. Josh is cool and all, but he's no Yamashita Tomohisa.
“OKAY,” Jin announces loudly, pushing himself up and onto unsteady feet. He's really sick of laying there like a giant lump. “I'm getting icecream, you coming?”
Josh just blinks sleepily at him, and so Jin turns and makes his way slowly to the icecream stand. His bare feet slide through the hot sand, slipping this way and that, and for a brief second he imagines himself as some kind of gigantic monster, crushing everything underfoot. He stands there in the uneven, straggling queue, eavesdropping on a pair of Japanese tourists; a young couple. They're probably on their honeymoon. When Jin's spinning around, icecream held triumphantly in hand (vanilla, chocolate-coated), he finds the Japanese couple right there in front of him.
“HELLO,” the guy says in accented, enthusiastic English, bowing a little and beaming. Jin doesn't know where to look. He shifts from foot to foot and hides behind the giant, glossy sunglasses perched on his nose.
“Yo,” Jin replies.
It's then that the woman explodes into sudden excitement, flailing her hands and pulling at her husband's shirt sleeve. “I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT WAS HIM. AKANISHI-KUN, ON OUR HONEYMOON...”
Jin just smiles weakly. He feels awkward and just a little uncomfortable. He's never been good with fans; not ever, even when he was just a kid. He likes them in theory, but when they're all up in his face with their high pitched voices and long nails, excitement obvious in every doe-eyed look, he starts getting nervous. He doesn't want them to claw him to pieces. The girl just looks kind of happy to see him, though, even as her dark eyes cloud over with worry.
“Are you alright, Akanishi-kun?”
Jin's taken off guard by that. It's not that he thinks no one cares about him, like, the opposite, in fact, but it's always surprising to have a stranger grab your arm and stare up at you and know your entire life.
“I'm good...” he replies, lips curving in the easy, practised smile he's perfected over the years. It's not like it's all that fake anyway; Jin is good, it's just been kind of a shitty day.
The girl's still holding his hand in both of hers, her brightly coloured nails curling under his palm. Her face is still and serious, nails digging in just a little as she speaks earnestly. “It's okay to be sad, but I'm sure he's fine. Don't be worried about him, okay? Whatever he's doing, it's probably for the best.”
“Okay..............” Jin has no idea what she's talking about. He doesn't know how to speak to fans. That's always been someone else's job.
“Do you know where he's gone?” She's really insistent. “I'm really looking forward to the movie, but why does it need so much privacy??? What's it ABOUT???”
“I don't know...” Jin says slowly. “What movie...” He always feels like he's out of the loop.
The girl raises one eyebrow, eyes widening in exasperation. “KAMENASHI-KUN'S movie!”
Jin just stares blankly at her. He's trying to move back, tiny step by tiny step, but the sand keeps moving under his bare feet, shifting and sliding, and so he just stands there, icecream dripping down his free hand in sticky rivulets.
“The movie he's shutting himself away to practice for!!! He's not doing any interviews or anything, no one's seen him in public in weeks!!”
“Oh...” Jin feels a slow, hot burn of anger start somewhere deep inside him, right in his gut. Man. That's just like Kamenashi. Taking off and doing something dumb and solo. He'll probably even get an award for it. It's so unfair. So fucking unfair. When Jin wants to follow his dreams all he gets is hate from, like, THE WORLD, and Kamenashi gets a fucking Oscar!!!!
When Jin makes his way back to his spot on the crowded beach, he falls down onto his towel in an angry sulk.
“What's wrong?” Josh asks as Jin huffs and shuffles around, trying to get comfortable.
“FUCKING KAMENASHI.”
Josh just looks confused. “What about him? I thought you said you were going to stop watching those shitty quality youtube performances.”
“NOT THAT,” Jin says even more loudly, his cheeks burning scarlet. “He's being a selfish asshole. Even his Japanese fans hate him now. I just heard some chick bitching about him. He's going to lose all his fans if he's not careful.”
“Uh huh,” Josh says.
“I'm SERIOUS,” Jin squawks. “He's gotta be more responsible. It's like he doesn't even care about KAT-TUN. If he fucks up what does he think will happen to the rest of them.........”
Josh looks even more confused.
“Taguchi..........” Jin says. “He can't survive on his own...”
“Okay,” Josh says, laying back and closing his eyes. “We're all worried about Taguchi.”
“He's a good guy,” Jin says. OH MY GOD, his brain is screaming at him. He has no idea what he's saying. He feels all over the place suddenly, brain all scattered and bewildered. He feels like an emotional teenager, which is weird and unfair, because he's a man now. He doesn't know why Kamenashi always makes him feel so angry and confused inside. He's just one of those people who always make Jin feel like he's 15 again, like he hasn't spent the past decade growing up.
“Josh...” Jin whines when he hears the soft snore from beside him. “Yamapi would never fall asleep on me,” he continues bitterly, pushing for a reaction. It's a lie. Yamapi's fallen asleep on him too many times to count. Josh continues to snore and Jin continues to fume.
--
“Tomo-chan,” Jin says casually. “Hey man. What's up?”
Yamapi's voice coming through Jin's American rental phone sounds tinny, and maybe a little amused. “Hey, long time no talk.”
Jin pauses awkwardly, but Pi fills in the silence with a laugh.
“I know you've been busy, it's not a big deal.”
YOU'RE STILL MY BEST FRIEND, Jin wants to shout. Expressing emotions is so difficult when you're a guy. “Sorry,” he says instead. “This solo stuff is crazy.”
“You're don't have to tell me.” Yamapi is full of tales about his solo concerts. He's been to Bangkok and Taiwan and South Korea, stood in front of thousands of screaming fans without NEWS at his back. Just like Jin has, only Yamashita Tomohisa doesn't get called a selfish traitor.
“So,” Jin says. “What's with this Kamenashi movie thing.”
Pi's voice halts, tone turning oddly formal. “Dunno. I haven't heard much about it.”
“Really?” Jin is sceptical. “You guys never talk?”
“Not really. We're all busy... you know how it is...”
“What's the movie about?”
“You know...” Pi says slowly. “I think... something about a zoo... and a construction worker...”
It's not like Pi's saying anything strange, because Japan is full of bizarre movie premises, but his tone is all weird, like the stilted, awkward one he uses on reporters and at press conferences. It's like he's on Hanamaru Cafe or something.
“Okay,” Jin says instead of pushing for more information. Maybe Kamenashi and Yamapi are having some sort of super secret super gay affair or something. Jin feels like punching both of them in the face.
“Listen, Jin,” Pi says, and a hint of the old Yamapi is back in his voice, warmth creeping through the awkwardness. “Everything's going to be okay.”
Jin didn't think everything wouldn't be okay before, but now he's all paranoid, like Pi's preparing him for some terrible news.
--
The call from Johnny comes the next night, at 2 in the morning. Jin grabs for his phone, the sound of Soulja Boy filling the once silent room, and grunts into it.
“Akanishi-kun,” Johnny says. There's no mistaking that voice. “We need to talk.”
“Okay...” Jin's still half asleep, hair sticking up in all directions.
“Your flight leaves in six hours. Check your email, your itinerary has been sent to you.”
“What,” Jin says.
“We need to talk,” Johnny just says again. “Be on that plane. We'll meet you at the airport.”
Jin might think of himself as a rebel, but no one argues with Johnny. He manages to pack and be in a cab within the next hour.
--
Jin's apartment smells like shit. He knows this because it was the first thing Josh commented on when Jin opened the door to let the two of them in.
“Jesus, man,” Josh says from his place on the couch. “Couldn't you have cleaned up a little?”
Jin ignores him in favour of staring blankly at the pile of dirty clothes on the floor. Somehow, no matter how long he's lived away from his childhood home, he's never quite gotten used to not having someone clean up after him. He's used to just leaving things laying around and them disappearing as if by magic, returning clean and folded and neat. Even when he moved out, his Mum would come by every few weeks and do his laundry and dishes. He wants to ring her now and make her come by with fresh towels and a homecooked meal, but he pushes the messy stack of clothes into his open cupboard instead.
There's a low hum from his television, which has been on ever since he left Japan.
”-menashi Kazuya of KAT-TUN,” a newsreader is saying, her teeth big and bright and white on screen. “And I, for one, am looking forward to seeing what his latest movie will be.”
“He's very handsome,” her co-anchor replies. “And he's also an excellent baseball player!” He looks like he's 45. The old guys always love Kamenashi.
“JINNNNNNNNNNNNNNN,” Josh calls from the other room. “I'm hungryyyyyyyyy.”
They go out for ramen, and Jin thinks about Kamenashi Kazuya the entire time.
--
After Johnny's phonecall, Jin had checked his email, bleary-eyed and confused, and had seen a flight itinerary and an email with a date and time for a meeting with Johnny. He'd just stared at it, and thought, this is it. Johnny's going to have me killed.
He has to take the train to Johnny's offices because he let Reio borrow his car while he planned to be in America, and now Reio and his friends have gone to the stupid beach, and Jin has no wheels. He wears a giant beanie and a facemask and shades, but he feels like they make him even more conspicuous. He should have gone with a sombrero and a bow tie; something Akanishi Jin would never wear. He should have dressed like Nakamaru. It's a sure way of going completely unnoticed.
He emerges into a world filled with Hey! Say! Jump! and KIS-MY-FT2 billboards. Fujigaya's giant tanned face is leering over Tokyo, with the rest of the band standing at his back and holding tubes of toothpaste. His hair is all over the place, a complete frizzy mess. Jin's hair never looked like that. These kids are getting cocky.
He makes it into the offices with 30 minutes to spare. He'd like to say he spends his time strolling casually around, but the reality is that he gets turned around within the first few minutes of being there, then finds himself in a hallway lined with framed photographs of old Juniors.
“TAGUCHI,” he shouts when he sees a familiar face round the corner. He doesn't think he's ever been so relieved to see that demented grin.
“I'm so happy to see America's number one top star Akanishi Jin,” Taguchi says. Jin doesn't know how the whole world doesn't realise how much of a catty bitch Taguchi can be. Just because he tells stupid jokes doesn't mean his tongue isn't sharper than Ryo's. He's rarely serious, though, and right now he just keeps grinning at Jin. He looks happy.
“Shut up...” Jin feels his cheeks heat just a little. “What are you doing here?”
“Shouldn't I be asking you the same question? Last time I checked you were in America.”
“Meeting with Johnny.”
Taguchi's face changes a little, a blank mask suddenly smoothing his features into someone Jin doesn't really know. It's a little scary. “Oh.”
Jin waits, but Taguchi doesn't continue, just shifts until his long body is leaning up against the wall. His shoulder nudges a framed photograph of Hasegawa Jun's chibi face.
“What...” Jin feels even more paranoid than he did already. It's like everyone knows something that he doesn't. Even stupid Taguchi. For just a second, Jin imagines a giant, awesome party going on that he isn't a part of. That's what it feels like. Everyone inside some cool club doing shots while a bouncer shoves Jin into the gutter for wearing the wrong shoes. Koki and Nakamaru watching a drunk Johnny play beer pong.
Taguchi just shrugs. “Nothing... good luck with your meeting!”
He gives a jaunty little wave and pushes off the wall, turns to leave, when Jin opens his mouth and blurts out, “Is this about Kamenashi?”
Taguchi stills and gives Jin an awkward sort of glance. “What... no... I don't know?”
Jin feels his mouth settle into an angry little line. “It's not my fault he had to be a giant asshole and abandon you guys for some shitty movie. What a fucking douche.”
He doesn't see the punch coming.
--
Jin walks into Johnny's office twenty minutes later, after stumbling down what felt like a million endless hallways, clutching his face. After slamming his fist into Jin's face in a well-aimed punch, Taguchi had spun on his heel and left. Jin doesn't even know what he did wrong, and now the entire right side of his face is throbbing. He didn't even know Taguchi knew how to punch people.
He sits down in a chair opposite Johnny, and Johnny just looks at him.
“Akanishi-kun.”
“Taguchi Junnosuke rammed his big bony fist into my face,” Jin says, in way of explanation for the giant bruise he can feel forming around his teary eye. His face feels swollen, like he's been stung by twenty bees. Twenty wasps, even.
“Ah,” Johnny says. Jin waits for more, but Johnny just sighs and shuffles the papers in front of him. He looks old suddenly, even older than Jin remembers. He looks all tired and worn out, and Jin feels a pang of pity for him. It must be hard, sometimes, being Johnny Kitagawa.
“It hurts,” Jin whines. He can't help it. Johnny always makes him feel like that 14 year old kid he was when he met Johnny for the first time.
“You'll be alright,” Johnny says, and Jin takes it as a cue to quit the complaining. They sit there in silence for a few seconds. When Jin glances up he meets Johnny's eyes. He looks really sad all of a sudden, and Jin feels his heart twisting in his chest. He feels like he's going to puke up all over the surface of Johnny's polished desk.
“Are you firing me?” Jin asks. It's one of the worst things he's ever had to say. He's always kind of pushed this particular worry to the back of his mind, buried it down deep in a tiny, shadowy corner where he could ignore it. He's been distracting himself with his friends, with his work, even, but every now and then, late at night, thoughts of his future will resurface and fill him with dread. Everything seems so uncertain. Back when he'd debuted with KAT-TUN everyone had been so excited for him. Everyone always knew that being part of a debuted Johnny's group pretty much meant you were set for life. Johnny's Entertainment was good like that; it mapped out your whole life and gave you this weird sort of job security. Even if your band was shit, you could still get your pick of television gigs. You could host something, or guest on shows, or have your own radio show.
These past few years have been the first time that Jin has ever felt uncertain about his future, and while it's kind of exciting, that sort of heady freedom, it's really scary at the same time.
“No,” Johnny says, and his eyes are kind now. It scares Jin even more. “I have to talk to you about something important, but first, I need you to sign this.”
He pushes a manilla folder across the table, and when Jin opens it he sees pages and pages of legal jargon. He wants to ask Johnny if he's trying to trick Jin into joining a Junior group, but he instead he just stares at the papers, like if he stares long enough all the legal mumbo-jumbo will mash together in his brain and make sense.
“It's a confidentiality agreement.”
Jin's head snaps up and he just stares at Johnny. “A... what? How come?”
Johnny just shakes his head. He rolls a monogrammed pen across the desk. “Just sign it, Jin. Then we can talk.”
They sit there in heavy silence for a couple of minutes before Jin finally sighs and picks up the pen, scrawls his signature across the pages. The quick motion of the pen across the paper makes him feel kind of brave. He pushes the folder back across the desk and glances up.
“Okay,” Johnny says. He opens a drawer and slides the folder inside. “We need to talk about Kazuya.”
For a moment Jin doesn't know what to think. It's likeTaguchi has punched him in the face again. “What do you mean? Is this about the movie?”
“There is no movie, Jin. Kazuya is in trouble.”
I'M SO CONFUSED, Jin wants to scream, but he settles for twisting his hands in his lap. His stomach is doing somersaults. “I don't know what you mean.”
His voice comes out sounding all weird and shaky. When he meets Johnny's eyes again the old man looks drained.
“Three days ago Kazuya went missing. We received a ransom note stating that his safe return is dependant upon you.”
Johnny opens his palm, then, and Kame's stupid rainbow necklace falls onto the desk. The sound of the tiny beads hitting the wood is loud in Jin's ears, echoing over the pounding of his heart.
“Me?”
Johnny nods. “It pains me to tell you this, but Kazuya's kidnappers are calling themselves 'Jinko'.”
“Jinko,” Jin repeats. Child of Jin. His head feels like it's full of cottonwool. He just keeps staring at that necklace on the desk. It looks so cheap and stupid laying there. He looks at it and thinks of all the times he's seen it around Kame's neck, all the times he's thought it was kind of ugly, and kind of gay, too. But Kame had always liked it so much. He wants to punch his way through a hundred fans and string it back around Kame's neck where it can nestle just above his collarbone.
Johnny clears his throat. “Yesterday they sent a DVD, and it has your name on it. We believe that they are doing this to please you.”
“What the hell. Why the hell would kidnapping Kamenashi please me.” Jin wants to argue even further, but at the same time there's this slowly dawning horror unfurling in his gut. He's always known that some of his fans are insane, but he'd never known that they were capable of this.
“I don't know, Jin. You know what these people can be like. A lot of them think that Kazuya was the reason you left.”
“That's fucking retarded,” Jin says. His voice is all high and quivery now, mouth a tight little line. He blinks a few times, rapidly. Those dumb little coloured beads blur in front of him. People are fucking batshit.
Johnny doesn't say anything now, just stands up moves until he's by Jin's side, claps one big, warm hand over the back of Jin's neck and drops a silver DVD into Jin's lap.
“We're going to fix this,” Johnny says, “You're going to fix this, and I'm going to show you how.”
--
When Jin emerges from Johnny's office it's with dry eyes and Kame's necklace wrapped around his wrist. He had to loop it around multiple times to make it fit, but now it sits there snugly, like a brightly coloured ray of hope. Johnny wouldn't let him take the DVD out of the office, even though it'd had Jin's name on the front in thick black letters, but the two of them had watched it over and over, searching for any sort of clue.
The shaky video had started out with Kame sitting in a chair. The video was kind of grainy, because it was so dark. Jin had a flashback to the stupid aeroplane hanger thing they'd used for the Real Face PV shoot, except Kame didn't look slutty and pleased with himself like he had while dancing to their debut song. As the seconds ticked by, Kame looked even more out of place there, in his expensive looking designer shirt. It was ripped at the collar and he had a bruise on his cheek. His wrists were behind his back. Jin assumes that they'd been tied there, because Kame wasn't moving. He didn't even look angry, just blank. Jin'd looked at him and seen the Kame that appeared when he didn't get enough sleep, when he was stressed or upset about something. Kame'd had his pokerface on, but Jin had just seen the pinched set of his mouth and the worry in his eyes. The burning anger coiled just under the surface. Kame looked like Odagiri Ryu.
“Jinko have taken me,” he'd said, obvious he was reading from a card behind the camera. “They have taken me because I took Akanishi-kun away from them.” His mouth had twisted a little at that, but he kept reading in a dull monotone. “They will give me back, unharmed, on the basis that Akanishi-kun be allowed to come home and reclaim his rightful place in KAT-TUN. From this point, Jinko want to see Akanishi-kun take on all of my activities, including my responsibilities in Going!, my radio corner, my Jwebs, my photography column in MAQUIA, my photoshoots in every magazine I'm booked for, my weekly promotions with KAT-TUN, Panasonic, my appearances on Shounen Club, and anything else the world asks Kamenashi Kazuya to do.”
He paused, and when he spoke again, Jin could hear the blind rage behind his voice. “That is to say, Jinko want Akanishi-kun to have what is rightly his. You will continue to get these weekly DVD updates, and when Jinko see that Akanishi-kun has truly fulfilled the requirements listed, I will be returned.”
The video had cut out then, flicking to a blank screen.
--
Jin doesn't really know how it happened, but one minute he was standing outside Johnny's office, with a ring of keys gripped tight in one fist, and the next he's outside Kame's apartment, staring at the front door. He doesn't want to be here. He has his own apartment, but Johnny had talked to him after that horrible video, listing a million and one ways Jin could make this thing look believable.
“You'll have to move into his apartment,” Johnny had said, mouth a serious line. “And Jin, I want you to let the paparazzi see you doing it. We'll spin a story about you housesitting for Kazuya while he's away.”
Johnny had explained all about the lie they'd told the reporters, the giant press conference they'd held about Kame's abduction. The official story is that Kame has been offered a big part in a new movie, but that it's all very hush hush, and he's away somewhere in the mountains or something, studying method acting in a cabin. Jin's re-involvement in KAT-TUN was a little harder to explain, but everyone has seemed to accept it. Jin guesses that anything is possible when it's Johnny's.
Jin unlocks the door, pushes it open, and steps inside.
Kame's apartment is different than what he'd imagined. When they were younger, Kame's room had always been a funny jumble of childhood and adolescence, baseball posters covering almost every wall. When Kame had moved out, he'd tried to make his apartment all kakkoii looking, with sleek white furniture and glossy prints on the walls. It'd looked so dumb, like a kid play-acting at being an adult. When Jin looks around now he sees a weird mix of both those people, Kame-chan and Kazuya, only now there's no play acting. Kame's furniture all looks really expensive, and he has this plush white carpet that Jin is terrified he's going to track dirt on. Jin cautiously drops his overnight bag on the giant couch lining one wall, then just stands there, staring helplessly around. Kame has a huge, scary looking plant in one corner. Jin doesn't even know how often you have to water plants. He's probably going to kill Kame's plant, and everyone will find out, and then his crazy fans will kill Kame. Jin feels like puking all over the soft white carpet.
Instead, he crosses to the kitchen and pours himself a glass of water. He can do this. He's Akanishi Jin. The big shiny coffee machine on the bench leers at Jin. It has about a million knobs and dials, and as Jin peers at it he sees that all the directions are in Italian. He hates Kame suddenly, with a fierce, crazy intensity. For a second he imagines that Kame has done this all on purpose, just to teach him a lesson. Like after a week Kame and a grinning TV crew will jump out and surprise him, and announce that it's all one big joke. They'll put the uncut footage on the next KAT-TUN DVD as a special feature, and everyone will laugh at him, KAT-TUN, and all the fans, as they watch him standing uncomfortably in Kame's stupid expensive kitchen, staring uncomfortably at a coffee maker.
Jin's phone rings, shrill in the silence, cutting through his thoughts.
“Cheyyyyyaaaaaaaaa,” Josh says when Jin raises his iPhone to his ear. “'Sup man, how was the meeting?”
“It was okay,” Jin replies. He raises one hand to his face and prods at his cheek. “OH, TAGUCHI FUCKING PUNCHED ME.”
Josh's answering laughter makes Jin feel weirdly better, like he's not standing in Kame's apartment, but is just chilling with Josh instead, like normal.
“Awesome.” Josh just sounds really happy. Jin wonders why he even bothered dragging Josh back to Japan with him. Josh has holidays right now, with too much free time, and all he really does is make Jin buy him dinner and tell Jin really boring details about things he doesn't care about. The other day Josh lectured him about the meaning of different coloured car licence plates in Japan, and how fascinating they were.
“Listen,” Josh says. “When are you coming back to the apartment? I was gonna go out, but if you're coming home soon I can wait...”
Jin pauses for a moment. He feels kinda hesitant at the idea of telling Josh about the whole housesitting thing. What if Josh wants to come over. What if Josh comes over and spills something all over the ridiculous bearskin rug Kame has laid out on the floor in the other room.
“I don't know...” Jin starts. Then he just feels really dumb. “Johnny asked me to housesit Kamenashi's apartment while he works on that movie thing... and fill in for him in KAT-TUN for a couple of weeks... the money's going to be really...dope...”
There's an audible pause, then Josh starts laughing again. Really hard.
“Oh my god,” he says.
“Shut up.”
“Are you there now?”
Jin shifts and turns one of the knobs on the coffee maker. “Kind of...”
“Oh my god,” Josh repeats. “You're totally going through his stuff. What sort of underwear does he have?”
“I DON'T KNOW,” Jin squawks. “OH MY GOD, SHUT UP.”
“Is it sexy?” Josh asks. “Are you touching all his sexy, shiny jackets?”
“No,” Jin says. He can't even fathom the idea of letting himself into Kame's room. He saw the door to it when he walked into the apartment, but he's been avoiding eye contact ever since.
“I'll come over. We can try on all his lady shirts.”
“I don't want to,” Jin says. “You're not coming over, and I'm not trying on any lady shirts. He doesn't even own lady shirts.”
It's a lie. Jin can't even catalogue all the times he's seen random women in the street wearing the same sort of cardigans and shirts that Kame stocks his wardrobe with.
“He wears flannel and jeans,” Jin continues. He has no idea what he's saying.
“I've seen his lady shirts.” Josh just sounds dryly amused. “Give me the address. I wanna see my ichiban's apartment.”
“I'm hanging up,” Jin says. “We can talk later when you're feeling a little more mature.”
“Giri giri,” Josh howls just as Jin hangs up. It's really frustrating hanging up on someone when you use an iPhone. There's no drama to it. Jin jabs at the stupid little button. He doesn't feel angry, even though he probably should, he mostly just feels kind of exhausted. He opens Kame's fridge, but instead of having normal food all Jin can see is weird shit, like imported cheeses and a giant packet covered in French writing. There's a bottle of expensive wine, too, and Jin grabs it out viciously. He's going to drink it. He's going to drink it all.
Later, he opens Kame's cupboard and finds twenty cups of instant ramen, all piled in a towering stack. He sits on Kame's giant couch and eats while watching Ponyo in the dark. It's part of a really lame Studio Ghibli box set that Kame owns.
When he cries, he pretends it's because Ponyo wants so desperately to be human, and not because he feels like a lost little boy. He can't get the tight, tense quirk of Kame's lips out of his head.
--
The next day, after Jin has woken up, rolled off the side of the couch and stumbled into the bathroom to shower, he digs into his bag and pulls out a bulky black organiser. It's so weird to actually be holding it. Kame was always so incredibly possessive of the stupid thing. One time he freaked out at Jin because Jin spilt a can of Coca Cola all over the cover. Kame had snatched the book up and wiped at it desperately with his sleeve, staring at the can like it was some sort of evil alien drink.
“Thanks a lot,” he'd spat, eyes narrowed into tiny little slits of rage. “You know how much I need this, it's not like it means a lot to me or anything.”
Jin still doesn't get it. He'd even been the one to buy Kame the stupid thing as part of a set years ago, when he'd pulled Kame's name out of a hat for a Kris Kringle they'd had to do. He'd bought four of them, had them specially made, each organiser spanning a year. It's pretty nice, the sort of thing Kame loves, all soft leather and K.K. embossed on the cover in gold. This one is the last of the four. It's supposed to be thin and streamline, but Kame being such a workaholic means that it's bulging at the sides with papers and post-it notes. Kame probably hates that it looks such a mess.
He flips it open tentatively and gapes at the contents. Kame's ugly handwriting fills the pages, all cramped and squished up the sides, with dumb notes in the margins. Jin feels a headache coming on just looking at it.
POTATO PHOTOSHOOT; KAT-TUN it says on the page for today's date. There's a list beside the title filled with the wheres and whens. Jin has to be there by 1pm. Instead of getting ready like a normal, mature adult, he ends up just sitting there in quiet horror, staring down at the organiser. The thought of seeing KAT-TUN is terrifying. He wonders, for a brief instant, if Taguchi will punch him in the face again.
“I don't know what to do,” Jin says aloud to the big bearskin rug at his feet.
It doesn't reply.
“Am I supposed to... dress... like Kamenashi??” Jin asks the bear, but it just stares back at him with wide, glassy eyes. He thinks about opening that door at the end of the hall and venturing into Kame's bedroom, but he's a little terrified of what he'll find in there. Anything could be lurking, just waiting for its chance to catch him unawares.
Years and years ago, Jin would have known what to find in Kame's bedroom, but now there could be... like... weird collections of dolls, or something. Handcrafted dolls made in Kame's image. There could be a wall of naked Kamenashi Kazuya photographs.
He ends up ignoring the room altogether and just standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, staring at himself. There's a huge bruise darkening the skin around his eye, spanning all the way from the bottom of his eyebrow to the edge of his nose. It's only the third time he's been punched in his life. Once was in a seedy bathroom after Jin kissed another guy's girl out on the dance floor, and the second was when Jin was only 16, and a hideous junior with a shock of bleached blond hair had called Kame an anorexic wannabe.
Jin stares and stares at himself, then at the rows of beauty products lining the shelves of Kame's bathroom. He looks pale and drawn, lips chapped, and his hair is just a little greasy. Ironically, he looks a lot like Kame-the-workaholic when he sleeps four hours a week, only Jin is a lot worse at hiding his exhaustion. He'll just wear a pair of sunglasses.
Jin exits the apartment dressed in the same clothes he arrived in. Whatever. He doesn't want to wear a lady shirt.
--
The first thing Jin sees when he walks into the photoshoot is Taguchi's awkward face.
“Hey,” he says, when Jin approaches him warily.
“Hey,” Jin replies.
“We're the first ones here...”
“Okay,” Jin says. He feels like he should punch Taguchi or something, in angry retaliation, like, to defend his own honour. He's never been good at hitting people, though. It really hurts.
The two of them are saved from further conversation when a nervous-looking stylist waves them over. “Excuse me... makeup is ready for you both...”
When Jin slides his sunglasses up onto his head Taguchi lets out a shriek of alarm.
“YOUR FACE.”
“Yeah,” Jin says sullenly. “Some asshole punched me.”
“Sorry,” Taguchi says, but he doesn't really sound all that apologetic, now that he's over his shock.
Jin doesn't know how to reply, so he doesn't, just shrugs. Truth is, much as he hates to admit it, he might have done the same thing if he was in Taguchi's situation. If he were the Jin of a parallel universe. One who was still part of KAT-TUN. One who still considered Kame a close friend. Does Taguchi consider Kame a close friend?? Jin doesn't even know.
“So you knew what Johnny wanted to see me about?”
Taguchi shakes his head a little, careful not to disturb the work the stylist beside him is doing on his hair. “No, he called the rest of us in later. We knew about... the movie... but not about the stuff involving you.”
Jin's eyes meet Taguchi's in the mirror. “How did that go??”
Taguchi waits until the stylist wanders across the room in search of more hair gel, and he's laughing a little when he replies. “Koki punched a hole in the wall.”
“Oh my god,” Jin says. “Why is everyone punching things.”
“Pent up frustration,” Ueda replies, walking into the room. Seeing Ueda is really weird. Jin hasn't seen him in months. They've all been so preoccupied with their own lives and careers, and truth is, things haven't really been the same since the split. Jin feels awkward around Ueda now. Ueda isn't like Koki, who Jin knows just flat out despises him, or Taguchi, who Jin knows will never stop being fond of him. Or Nakamaru, even, who Jin actually meets up with on a regular basis. Ueda is an unpredictable beast.
“Akanishi,” he says now, coolly, sliding into the chair beside Jin's.
“He's come crawling back to his best friends,” Taguchi says, and when Jin glances at his reflection in the mirror all he sees is good humour. “Besto friends forever.”
It's a coping mechanism, Jin knows, but that doesn't stop him from accepting it greedily.
“It's true,” he says in a low monotone. “I heard that cool ULTIMATE WHEELS single you did at the start of the year, and saw that new CM you guys are in with the clocks shaped like vegetables, and I've just been plagued with jealousy ever since.”
Taguchi looks delighted.
“I understand,” Ueda says, and his lips are tilted upwards at the corners, just a little. “I don't know how you've managed to live your life without owning a timepiece shaped like an eggplant.”
Nakamaru's the next to arrive, and Jin's finally feeling a little of the tension drain out of him when Koki barges into the room, dropping his bag on the floor and staring at Jin like he's some sort of horrible monster. Like Jin kidnapped Kame.
“It's not my fault,” Jin blurts out, and Koki turns red with incoherent rage.
“Everything's your fault, Akanishi,” he says, voice low and dangerous, before taking the seat furthest away from Jin's. “Everything, and if you try to tell me any different I'll wipe that smarmy grin off your fucking face with my fist.”
“Well, my makeup's done,” Nakamaru announces loudly, after the long silence that stretches on for the next five minutes. It's true, Nakamaru never needs much makeup. Jin, on the other hand, has been sitting there for the past half an hour with one girl tsking at his face and another trying desperately to mould his hair into something resembling a decent hairstyle. Jin feels miserable. He doesn't even know what a smarmy grin looks like.
“Me too,” Koki says, and stamps out of the room without a backwards glance. He looks really cool now. He's wearing leather. Jin feels irrationally angry about it, in his sweatpants and unwashed shirt.
“He's not angry at you,” Taguchi says unconvincingly. “He's just... upset with the situation...”
“You're the worst liar ever.” Jin feels like a homeless man. He can't stop staring at Ueda's clean shirt. He half-wishes he'd raided Kame's closet after all.
“If it makes you feel any better, Koki screamed at Taguchi earlier,” Ueda says helpfully. “He accused him of being an accomplice.”
It's really weird being back in the midst of all of this. Not in the midst of a kidnapping or anything, but Jin had forgotten, just a little, what it's like to have to talk in weird code around the people who buzz constantly around them. Being a solo artist means he has a dressing room all to himself.
“It's true,” Taguchi confirms. “He's just a little high-strung right now. What with... the movie... and all...” He trails off. “I think he's... er... jealous of Kamenashi...?”
Taguchi might be a terrible liar, but he's even worse at talking in code. Still, Jin feels maliciously pleased. He hopes it becomes a rumour. He hopes it spreads like wildfire.
“Excuse me, Akanishi-kun?” Kame's personal stylist is suddenly at his side, holding something big and black. “I have Kamenashi-kun's prepared costume here.”
He hears a snort at his back, and he blanches, grips the arms of his chair. “What...”
“The clothes you're going to wear for the photoshoot, Akanishi-kun,” she repeats, looking harried. “It was arranged last month. We'll try to alter the clothes to the best of our ability, but on such short notice...” She bows then, and just looks deeply apologetic. “Please, you can change in the dressing room on your right.”
Because Jin doesn't know what else to do, he just stands up and awkwardly takes the garment bag from her outstretched hand. She looks relieved when he shuffles towards the dressing room. He mostly just feels sick. Anything could be in that bag.
When he makes his way into the room he carefully closes the door behind him and drapes the bag over the chair in front of him. He stares at it for a good five minutes. All he can see in his head is something really skimpy; the entire Victoria Secrets summer line scrolling before his eyes in a flash of lace and silk.
It's with great trepidation that Jin pulls down the zip and watches the black bag gape open, revealing the ugliest fucking sweater he's seen in his life. It's crocheted out of scratchy lavender wool, and there are big black feathers all over it. When he picks it up gingerly and spins it around, he sees KAMENASHI KAZUYA scrawled across the back in big silver letters.
He doesn't even want to look at the pants.
--
In retrospect, Jin regrets not inspecting the pants further before putting them on. They're grey, with silver threads running through them, and much to Jin's horror, they're sort of baggy on him. Baggy and too tight in the crotch. He almost would have rather they be too tight everywhere. At least that way he wouldn't look like a little kid swimming in his father's suit. Jin looks like he's trying to be Kame's retarded little brother. The sweater is too big, too, his arms draped in too much material, desperate to fit snugly around muscles he doesn't possess.
He expects to be laughed out of the room, but Taguchi is the only one who giggles. Koki just looks at him and makes a funny, angry little sound of barely-repressed rage. Jin feels like the KAMENASHI KAZUYA across his back is burning into his flesh, like it's a brand of his guilt or something. It's so stupid. It's not like he was the one who kidnapped Kame. It's not even like he and Kame are close anymore. They'd stopped hanging out together a long time ago, and the phonecalls and emails had ended shortly after that. It's not like they're enemies, exactly, not even that they dislike each other. It's just - and Jin won't really admit this to himself, let alone anyone else - that being alone with Kamenashi Kazuya has slowly come to feel like having to have coffee with an ex girlfriend, gay as it sounds. This weird awkwardness exists between them, formed from too many hours spent alone together as children. Jin thinks that maybe it's super weird because they were really close, and they knew everything about each other, and then everything changed. And they didn't really know each other anymore. Or something.
More than almost anything, that's what Jin hates the most right now. When he was a cool solo artist he didn't have to spend hours thinking about Kamenashi Kazuya and analysing their non-existent relationship. He didn't have to spent hours trying to avoid Koki's angry glares and Nakamaru's attempts to lighten the atmosphere. He was a free man, and now he's trapped again, like a bird with clipped wings.
“Alright,” the photographer says, clapping his hands together. “The theme for today's shoot is UNITY.”
The universe is playing one giant, cosmic joke on Akanishi Jin.
“I'm going to divide you into teams of two, then we'll do a few group shots.”
Not Koki, Jin thinks. Not Koki. Please not Koki. He gets Ueda, who just looks sort of vaguely apprehensive about the whole thing.
--
“I feel stupid,” Jin says, just to lighten the mood. He and Ueda have linked their pinky fingers, and they're each holding a boxing glove in their free hand.
“Great makeup,” the photographer calls enthusiastically to Jin when Ueda fails to answer. “Really looks like you've got a black eye.”
Ueda smiles awkwardly at the huffing sigh Jin lets out. Even though he's come a long way since they debuted, he still gets weird about strangers sometimes. Awkward and quiet. It's really weird to think that Jin might qualify as being a stranger now.
“I like your hair,” Jin tries. He can't believe the words coming out of his mouth. He doesn't even recognise himself anymore. This whole business has got him feeling jumpy and uncertain and really young.
“Idiot,” Ueda says semi-fondly, and graces him with a small smile. “Stop trying so hard.”
“I'm not trying hard,” Jin whines, bizarrely pleased.
They settle into a comfortable silence, lulled by the click-click-click of the camera, and Nakamaru's horrified face as he's forced into a really tight pair of leather pants.
--
Koki ends up leaving the shoot in a blind rage after the photographer asks them all to hold hands for the group shot.
“You don't give a shit,” he hisses, in a low, barely audible voice to the rest of KAT-TUN. “None of you give a shit. Anything could be happening out there, and the rest of you are just content to go on with your lives like nothing's even happened. People aren't replaceable. He isn't replaceable.”
The crew is just standing there in baffled silence, watching them, and they all sigh sadly as Koki exits the room.
“That's a wrap!!!!” the photographer calls, oblivious to the tension in the room as he reviews his photos. “Great work today guys!!! I really felt the love!!”
--
They go out to dinner afterwards, Jin and Nakamaru and Taguchi. Ueda says he has somewhere to be, but Jin suspects he just wants to avoid the awkward combination that the four of them will make. Taguchi and Nakamaru are fine, though. Jin's had dinner with Nakamaru a handful of times since the split, and it's always been pretty casual. He gets on really well with Nakamaru. He wonders if people know that. Suddenly, it seems like there's a lot the world doesn't know about him, and even more that they just assume.
Nakamaru picks McDonalds, even though he's loaded.
“You're so tight,” Taguchi says gleefully, slamming down his tray down on the corner table they've chosen.
“I am not,” Nakamaru cries. “I'm just realistic. Anyway, I chose an American restaurant in honour of our American guest.”
“Thanks,” Jin says. He tears at the wrapper of his Big Mac. “You know, Americans don't actually eat this for every meal...”
Nakamaru stares at him in mock outrage. “Don't ruin my image of the American way of life.”
“Sorry,” Jin says. His phone rings then, and when he pulls it out, leaving greasy finger marks across the glossy screen, he sees Josh's name flashing merrily at him.
“Wassup??” Jin attempts to juggle his burger and the phone, but he's really bad at it. Nakamaru takes pity on him and grabs the burger before it hits the floor.
“WHERE ARE YOU?” Josh sounds worried, but mostly just loud, and maybe a little bit drunk.
“I'm out!!” Jin says. “Having dinner...”
“Where have you been all day??” Josh just sounds annoyed now. “I'm so bored. I went through your entire DVD collection.”
“I've been doing stuff!!” Jin feels defensive, like he's been working hard all day as a salary man and now when he gets five minutes to himself, the wife is calling to demand he come home.
“Where are you now??” Josh never seems put off when Jin snaps at him.
“Having dinner.........” Something deep inside Jin is screaming, DON'T TELL HIM WHERE, IT WILL BE AWKWARD. DON'T INVITE HIM OUT.
“Is that Keibo-kun??” Before Jin can reply, Nakamaru's snatched the phone from his hand and is speaking into it in slow, careful Japanese.
“HELLO KEIBO-KUN, THIS IS NAKAMARU YUICHI.”
Jin watches in barely disguised horror. Nakamaru sounds like he's talking to a baby. He guesses that his conversation with Josh would have sounded weird to Nakamaru, too, half Japanese, half stupid American slang. Hanging out with so many English speakers has given him the weirdest vocabulary ever, especially since most of them don't speak grammatically correct English most of the time.
When Jin tunes back into the conversation, he realises that Nakamaru has hung up, and is now flicking through the apps on Jin's iPhone now.
“He seems nice,” Nakamaru says breezily, when he catches Jin watching him. “I invited him out.”
“Noooooooooo.” The word bursts out of Jin's mouth slowly, all drawn out. He sounds like he's had a stroke.
“Hey,” Taguchi says, leaning over Nakamaru's shoulder. His elbow is resting in the sweet and sour sauce. “What's Angry Birds?????”
--
part 2.
Pairing: Akame / Gen KAT-TUN.
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 16k
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Notes: This is a present for my friend Agnes! ^^ I started this a long time ago, last year...so a bit AU maybe.
Summary: Kame gets kidnapped.
It's 2pm in L.A. and the sun's burning high in the sky, when Jin realises that whoever told him about the beautiful beaches (and bitches) in California had been a fucking liar. He's been at Santa Monica for a couple of hours, walking along the pier and staring, just for a moment, with wide-eyed enthusiasm at the little amusement park. Jin's cool, though. He's hip and groovy. Cool guys don't wander through amusement parks, not unless they're trying to impress a girl. Jin doesn't even have a girl, he just has his friend Josh, and Josh is really annoying him today.
Life is unfair, and Josh's surfer-boy good looks are making things even worse. Josh is blond and American and all the girls in their skimpy bikinis turn and smile at him when they walk by.
“This is dumb,” Jin says finally. He's stretched out on a giant beach towel. It's blue and has Stitch on it, and it's one of the only things Jin packed when he flew out of Japan. A couple of girls have laughed at it, and now Jin's careful to let his arm fall across Stitch's big fat blue face. Stitch was cool in Japan.
Josh turns to look at him, confusion wrinkling his brow. “I thought you loved the beach...”
“Not THAT,” Jin whines. “The girls won't even look at me. Not when I'm with a model.” He shifts again and lets his head fall back, his long, dark hair framing his face in wild tangles, stiff from the sea.
“A model.............” Josh repeats slowly. He pushes his big shiny sunglasses up and squints at Jin. “What?”
“I was cool in Japan,” Jin muses. “I was so cool.”
“You're still cool,” Josh says awkwardly.
Jin doesn't believe him. I mean-- no, he believes him, he's fucking awesome, but the girls here won't even look at him. He flexes and sighs. All around them the beach is swarming with people; tourists and locals alike, playing volleyball and plunging wide umbrellas into the sand. There are families, too. There's this cute little girl a couple of meters away, shoving a dripping icecream into her gaping mouth.
“So cute,” Jin says to her mother, who just looks slightly scandalised as she yanks her daughter away. She probably thinks Jin is a pedophile.
“I like women,” Jin says loudly, but he doesn't think she hears. When he glances at Josh he's just met with a loud laugh, then, finally, a sympathetic smile.
“Look,” Josh says. “The ladies love you. Stop being a sad drunk.”
“I'm not drunk!” Which-- okay, they'd had a couple of shots earlier, and Jin hasn't eaten yet today, but he's no lightweight. He pushes his face into his towel, into Stitch's belly, and lets out a long sigh. The last time he'd been to the beach it had been a little over a month ago with Yamapi, in Chiba. They'd sat in the waves together, wrestling as the sun turned their skin pink. Jin can still remember the way Pi had grinned at him, just a little sad, as he made him promise to call every other week, then promptly shoved him back into the surf, salty water going up Jin's nose. After, they'd climbed back up the beach, exhausted and happy, sodden towels slung around their necks. Jin can still remember that day in bright, perfect detail, the shine of the sun on Pi's hair, on his broad shoulders. He misses Pi. Not in a gay way, just in a best friend way. Josh is cool and all, but he's no Yamashita Tomohisa.
“OKAY,” Jin announces loudly, pushing himself up and onto unsteady feet. He's really sick of laying there like a giant lump. “I'm getting icecream, you coming?”
Josh just blinks sleepily at him, and so Jin turns and makes his way slowly to the icecream stand. His bare feet slide through the hot sand, slipping this way and that, and for a brief second he imagines himself as some kind of gigantic monster, crushing everything underfoot. He stands there in the uneven, straggling queue, eavesdropping on a pair of Japanese tourists; a young couple. They're probably on their honeymoon. When Jin's spinning around, icecream held triumphantly in hand (vanilla, chocolate-coated), he finds the Japanese couple right there in front of him.
“HELLO,” the guy says in accented, enthusiastic English, bowing a little and beaming. Jin doesn't know where to look. He shifts from foot to foot and hides behind the giant, glossy sunglasses perched on his nose.
“Yo,” Jin replies.
It's then that the woman explodes into sudden excitement, flailing her hands and pulling at her husband's shirt sleeve. “I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT WAS HIM. AKANISHI-KUN, ON OUR HONEYMOON...”
Jin just smiles weakly. He feels awkward and just a little uncomfortable. He's never been good with fans; not ever, even when he was just a kid. He likes them in theory, but when they're all up in his face with their high pitched voices and long nails, excitement obvious in every doe-eyed look, he starts getting nervous. He doesn't want them to claw him to pieces. The girl just looks kind of happy to see him, though, even as her dark eyes cloud over with worry.
“Are you alright, Akanishi-kun?”
Jin's taken off guard by that. It's not that he thinks no one cares about him, like, the opposite, in fact, but it's always surprising to have a stranger grab your arm and stare up at you and know your entire life.
“I'm good...” he replies, lips curving in the easy, practised smile he's perfected over the years. It's not like it's all that fake anyway; Jin is good, it's just been kind of a shitty day.
The girl's still holding his hand in both of hers, her brightly coloured nails curling under his palm. Her face is still and serious, nails digging in just a little as she speaks earnestly. “It's okay to be sad, but I'm sure he's fine. Don't be worried about him, okay? Whatever he's doing, it's probably for the best.”
“Okay..............” Jin has no idea what she's talking about. He doesn't know how to speak to fans. That's always been someone else's job.
“Do you know where he's gone?” She's really insistent. “I'm really looking forward to the movie, but why does it need so much privacy??? What's it ABOUT???”
“I don't know...” Jin says slowly. “What movie...” He always feels like he's out of the loop.
The girl raises one eyebrow, eyes widening in exasperation. “KAMENASHI-KUN'S movie!”
Jin just stares blankly at her. He's trying to move back, tiny step by tiny step, but the sand keeps moving under his bare feet, shifting and sliding, and so he just stands there, icecream dripping down his free hand in sticky rivulets.
“The movie he's shutting himself away to practice for!!! He's not doing any interviews or anything, no one's seen him in public in weeks!!”
“Oh...” Jin feels a slow, hot burn of anger start somewhere deep inside him, right in his gut. Man. That's just like Kamenashi. Taking off and doing something dumb and solo. He'll probably even get an award for it. It's so unfair. So fucking unfair. When Jin wants to follow his dreams all he gets is hate from, like, THE WORLD, and Kamenashi gets a fucking Oscar!!!!
When Jin makes his way back to his spot on the crowded beach, he falls down onto his towel in an angry sulk.
“What's wrong?” Josh asks as Jin huffs and shuffles around, trying to get comfortable.
“FUCKING KAMENASHI.”
Josh just looks confused. “What about him? I thought you said you were going to stop watching those shitty quality youtube performances.”
“NOT THAT,” Jin says even more loudly, his cheeks burning scarlet. “He's being a selfish asshole. Even his Japanese fans hate him now. I just heard some chick bitching about him. He's going to lose all his fans if he's not careful.”
“Uh huh,” Josh says.
“I'm SERIOUS,” Jin squawks. “He's gotta be more responsible. It's like he doesn't even care about KAT-TUN. If he fucks up what does he think will happen to the rest of them.........”
Josh looks even more confused.
“Taguchi..........” Jin says. “He can't survive on his own...”
“Okay,” Josh says, laying back and closing his eyes. “We're all worried about Taguchi.”
“He's a good guy,” Jin says. OH MY GOD, his brain is screaming at him. He has no idea what he's saying. He feels all over the place suddenly, brain all scattered and bewildered. He feels like an emotional teenager, which is weird and unfair, because he's a man now. He doesn't know why Kamenashi always makes him feel so angry and confused inside. He's just one of those people who always make Jin feel like he's 15 again, like he hasn't spent the past decade growing up.
“Josh...” Jin whines when he hears the soft snore from beside him. “Yamapi would never fall asleep on me,” he continues bitterly, pushing for a reaction. It's a lie. Yamapi's fallen asleep on him too many times to count. Josh continues to snore and Jin continues to fume.
--
“Tomo-chan,” Jin says casually. “Hey man. What's up?”
Yamapi's voice coming through Jin's American rental phone sounds tinny, and maybe a little amused. “Hey, long time no talk.”
Jin pauses awkwardly, but Pi fills in the silence with a laugh.
“I know you've been busy, it's not a big deal.”
YOU'RE STILL MY BEST FRIEND, Jin wants to shout. Expressing emotions is so difficult when you're a guy. “Sorry,” he says instead. “This solo stuff is crazy.”
“You're don't have to tell me.” Yamapi is full of tales about his solo concerts. He's been to Bangkok and Taiwan and South Korea, stood in front of thousands of screaming fans without NEWS at his back. Just like Jin has, only Yamashita Tomohisa doesn't get called a selfish traitor.
“So,” Jin says. “What's with this Kamenashi movie thing.”
Pi's voice halts, tone turning oddly formal. “Dunno. I haven't heard much about it.”
“Really?” Jin is sceptical. “You guys never talk?”
“Not really. We're all busy... you know how it is...”
“What's the movie about?”
“You know...” Pi says slowly. “I think... something about a zoo... and a construction worker...”
It's not like Pi's saying anything strange, because Japan is full of bizarre movie premises, but his tone is all weird, like the stilted, awkward one he uses on reporters and at press conferences. It's like he's on Hanamaru Cafe or something.
“Okay,” Jin says instead of pushing for more information. Maybe Kamenashi and Yamapi are having some sort of super secret super gay affair or something. Jin feels like punching both of them in the face.
“Listen, Jin,” Pi says, and a hint of the old Yamapi is back in his voice, warmth creeping through the awkwardness. “Everything's going to be okay.”
Jin didn't think everything wouldn't be okay before, but now he's all paranoid, like Pi's preparing him for some terrible news.
--
The call from Johnny comes the next night, at 2 in the morning. Jin grabs for his phone, the sound of Soulja Boy filling the once silent room, and grunts into it.
“Akanishi-kun,” Johnny says. There's no mistaking that voice. “We need to talk.”
“Okay...” Jin's still half asleep, hair sticking up in all directions.
“Your flight leaves in six hours. Check your email, your itinerary has been sent to you.”
“What,” Jin says.
“We need to talk,” Johnny just says again. “Be on that plane. We'll meet you at the airport.”
Jin might think of himself as a rebel, but no one argues with Johnny. He manages to pack and be in a cab within the next hour.
--
Jin's apartment smells like shit. He knows this because it was the first thing Josh commented on when Jin opened the door to let the two of them in.
“Jesus, man,” Josh says from his place on the couch. “Couldn't you have cleaned up a little?”
Jin ignores him in favour of staring blankly at the pile of dirty clothes on the floor. Somehow, no matter how long he's lived away from his childhood home, he's never quite gotten used to not having someone clean up after him. He's used to just leaving things laying around and them disappearing as if by magic, returning clean and folded and neat. Even when he moved out, his Mum would come by every few weeks and do his laundry and dishes. He wants to ring her now and make her come by with fresh towels and a homecooked meal, but he pushes the messy stack of clothes into his open cupboard instead.
There's a low hum from his television, which has been on ever since he left Japan.
”-menashi Kazuya of KAT-TUN,” a newsreader is saying, her teeth big and bright and white on screen. “And I, for one, am looking forward to seeing what his latest movie will be.”
“He's very handsome,” her co-anchor replies. “And he's also an excellent baseball player!” He looks like he's 45. The old guys always love Kamenashi.
“JINNNNNNNNNNNNNNN,” Josh calls from the other room. “I'm hungryyyyyyyyy.”
They go out for ramen, and Jin thinks about Kamenashi Kazuya the entire time.
--
After Johnny's phonecall, Jin had checked his email, bleary-eyed and confused, and had seen a flight itinerary and an email with a date and time for a meeting with Johnny. He'd just stared at it, and thought, this is it. Johnny's going to have me killed.
He has to take the train to Johnny's offices because he let Reio borrow his car while he planned to be in America, and now Reio and his friends have gone to the stupid beach, and Jin has no wheels. He wears a giant beanie and a facemask and shades, but he feels like they make him even more conspicuous. He should have gone with a sombrero and a bow tie; something Akanishi Jin would never wear. He should have dressed like Nakamaru. It's a sure way of going completely unnoticed.
He emerges into a world filled with Hey! Say! Jump! and KIS-MY-FT2 billboards. Fujigaya's giant tanned face is leering over Tokyo, with the rest of the band standing at his back and holding tubes of toothpaste. His hair is all over the place, a complete frizzy mess. Jin's hair never looked like that. These kids are getting cocky.
He makes it into the offices with 30 minutes to spare. He'd like to say he spends his time strolling casually around, but the reality is that he gets turned around within the first few minutes of being there, then finds himself in a hallway lined with framed photographs of old Juniors.
“TAGUCHI,” he shouts when he sees a familiar face round the corner. He doesn't think he's ever been so relieved to see that demented grin.
“I'm so happy to see America's number one top star Akanishi Jin,” Taguchi says. Jin doesn't know how the whole world doesn't realise how much of a catty bitch Taguchi can be. Just because he tells stupid jokes doesn't mean his tongue isn't sharper than Ryo's. He's rarely serious, though, and right now he just keeps grinning at Jin. He looks happy.
“Shut up...” Jin feels his cheeks heat just a little. “What are you doing here?”
“Shouldn't I be asking you the same question? Last time I checked you were in America.”
“Meeting with Johnny.”
Taguchi's face changes a little, a blank mask suddenly smoothing his features into someone Jin doesn't really know. It's a little scary. “Oh.”
Jin waits, but Taguchi doesn't continue, just shifts until his long body is leaning up against the wall. His shoulder nudges a framed photograph of Hasegawa Jun's chibi face.
“What...” Jin feels even more paranoid than he did already. It's like everyone knows something that he doesn't. Even stupid Taguchi. For just a second, Jin imagines a giant, awesome party going on that he isn't a part of. That's what it feels like. Everyone inside some cool club doing shots while a bouncer shoves Jin into the gutter for wearing the wrong shoes. Koki and Nakamaru watching a drunk Johnny play beer pong.
Taguchi just shrugs. “Nothing... good luck with your meeting!”
He gives a jaunty little wave and pushes off the wall, turns to leave, when Jin opens his mouth and blurts out, “Is this about Kamenashi?”
Taguchi stills and gives Jin an awkward sort of glance. “What... no... I don't know?”
Jin feels his mouth settle into an angry little line. “It's not my fault he had to be a giant asshole and abandon you guys for some shitty movie. What a fucking douche.”
He doesn't see the punch coming.
--
Jin walks into Johnny's office twenty minutes later, after stumbling down what felt like a million endless hallways, clutching his face. After slamming his fist into Jin's face in a well-aimed punch, Taguchi had spun on his heel and left. Jin doesn't even know what he did wrong, and now the entire right side of his face is throbbing. He didn't even know Taguchi knew how to punch people.
He sits down in a chair opposite Johnny, and Johnny just looks at him.
“Akanishi-kun.”
“Taguchi Junnosuke rammed his big bony fist into my face,” Jin says, in way of explanation for the giant bruise he can feel forming around his teary eye. His face feels swollen, like he's been stung by twenty bees. Twenty wasps, even.
“Ah,” Johnny says. Jin waits for more, but Johnny just sighs and shuffles the papers in front of him. He looks old suddenly, even older than Jin remembers. He looks all tired and worn out, and Jin feels a pang of pity for him. It must be hard, sometimes, being Johnny Kitagawa.
“It hurts,” Jin whines. He can't help it. Johnny always makes him feel like that 14 year old kid he was when he met Johnny for the first time.
“You'll be alright,” Johnny says, and Jin takes it as a cue to quit the complaining. They sit there in silence for a few seconds. When Jin glances up he meets Johnny's eyes. He looks really sad all of a sudden, and Jin feels his heart twisting in his chest. He feels like he's going to puke up all over the surface of Johnny's polished desk.
“Are you firing me?” Jin asks. It's one of the worst things he's ever had to say. He's always kind of pushed this particular worry to the back of his mind, buried it down deep in a tiny, shadowy corner where he could ignore it. He's been distracting himself with his friends, with his work, even, but every now and then, late at night, thoughts of his future will resurface and fill him with dread. Everything seems so uncertain. Back when he'd debuted with KAT-TUN everyone had been so excited for him. Everyone always knew that being part of a debuted Johnny's group pretty much meant you were set for life. Johnny's Entertainment was good like that; it mapped out your whole life and gave you this weird sort of job security. Even if your band was shit, you could still get your pick of television gigs. You could host something, or guest on shows, or have your own radio show.
These past few years have been the first time that Jin has ever felt uncertain about his future, and while it's kind of exciting, that sort of heady freedom, it's really scary at the same time.
“No,” Johnny says, and his eyes are kind now. It scares Jin even more. “I have to talk to you about something important, but first, I need you to sign this.”
He pushes a manilla folder across the table, and when Jin opens it he sees pages and pages of legal jargon. He wants to ask Johnny if he's trying to trick Jin into joining a Junior group, but he instead he just stares at the papers, like if he stares long enough all the legal mumbo-jumbo will mash together in his brain and make sense.
“It's a confidentiality agreement.”
Jin's head snaps up and he just stares at Johnny. “A... what? How come?”
Johnny just shakes his head. He rolls a monogrammed pen across the desk. “Just sign it, Jin. Then we can talk.”
They sit there in heavy silence for a couple of minutes before Jin finally sighs and picks up the pen, scrawls his signature across the pages. The quick motion of the pen across the paper makes him feel kind of brave. He pushes the folder back across the desk and glances up.
“Okay,” Johnny says. He opens a drawer and slides the folder inside. “We need to talk about Kazuya.”
For a moment Jin doesn't know what to think. It's likeTaguchi has punched him in the face again. “What do you mean? Is this about the movie?”
“There is no movie, Jin. Kazuya is in trouble.”
I'M SO CONFUSED, Jin wants to scream, but he settles for twisting his hands in his lap. His stomach is doing somersaults. “I don't know what you mean.”
His voice comes out sounding all weird and shaky. When he meets Johnny's eyes again the old man looks drained.
“Three days ago Kazuya went missing. We received a ransom note stating that his safe return is dependant upon you.”
Johnny opens his palm, then, and Kame's stupid rainbow necklace falls onto the desk. The sound of the tiny beads hitting the wood is loud in Jin's ears, echoing over the pounding of his heart.
“Me?”
Johnny nods. “It pains me to tell you this, but Kazuya's kidnappers are calling themselves 'Jinko'.”
“Jinko,” Jin repeats. Child of Jin. His head feels like it's full of cottonwool. He just keeps staring at that necklace on the desk. It looks so cheap and stupid laying there. He looks at it and thinks of all the times he's seen it around Kame's neck, all the times he's thought it was kind of ugly, and kind of gay, too. But Kame had always liked it so much. He wants to punch his way through a hundred fans and string it back around Kame's neck where it can nestle just above his collarbone.
Johnny clears his throat. “Yesterday they sent a DVD, and it has your name on it. We believe that they are doing this to please you.”
“What the hell. Why the hell would kidnapping Kamenashi please me.” Jin wants to argue even further, but at the same time there's this slowly dawning horror unfurling in his gut. He's always known that some of his fans are insane, but he'd never known that they were capable of this.
“I don't know, Jin. You know what these people can be like. A lot of them think that Kazuya was the reason you left.”
“That's fucking retarded,” Jin says. His voice is all high and quivery now, mouth a tight little line. He blinks a few times, rapidly. Those dumb little coloured beads blur in front of him. People are fucking batshit.
Johnny doesn't say anything now, just stands up moves until he's by Jin's side, claps one big, warm hand over the back of Jin's neck and drops a silver DVD into Jin's lap.
“We're going to fix this,” Johnny says, “You're going to fix this, and I'm going to show you how.”
--
When Jin emerges from Johnny's office it's with dry eyes and Kame's necklace wrapped around his wrist. He had to loop it around multiple times to make it fit, but now it sits there snugly, like a brightly coloured ray of hope. Johnny wouldn't let him take the DVD out of the office, even though it'd had Jin's name on the front in thick black letters, but the two of them had watched it over and over, searching for any sort of clue.
The shaky video had started out with Kame sitting in a chair. The video was kind of grainy, because it was so dark. Jin had a flashback to the stupid aeroplane hanger thing they'd used for the Real Face PV shoot, except Kame didn't look slutty and pleased with himself like he had while dancing to their debut song. As the seconds ticked by, Kame looked even more out of place there, in his expensive looking designer shirt. It was ripped at the collar and he had a bruise on his cheek. His wrists were behind his back. Jin assumes that they'd been tied there, because Kame wasn't moving. He didn't even look angry, just blank. Jin'd looked at him and seen the Kame that appeared when he didn't get enough sleep, when he was stressed or upset about something. Kame'd had his pokerface on, but Jin had just seen the pinched set of his mouth and the worry in his eyes. The burning anger coiled just under the surface. Kame looked like Odagiri Ryu.
“Jinko have taken me,” he'd said, obvious he was reading from a card behind the camera. “They have taken me because I took Akanishi-kun away from them.” His mouth had twisted a little at that, but he kept reading in a dull monotone. “They will give me back, unharmed, on the basis that Akanishi-kun be allowed to come home and reclaim his rightful place in KAT-TUN. From this point, Jinko want to see Akanishi-kun take on all of my activities, including my responsibilities in Going!, my radio corner, my Jwebs, my photography column in MAQUIA, my photoshoots in every magazine I'm booked for, my weekly promotions with KAT-TUN, Panasonic, my appearances on Shounen Club, and anything else the world asks Kamenashi Kazuya to do.”
He paused, and when he spoke again, Jin could hear the blind rage behind his voice. “That is to say, Jinko want Akanishi-kun to have what is rightly his. You will continue to get these weekly DVD updates, and when Jinko see that Akanishi-kun has truly fulfilled the requirements listed, I will be returned.”
The video had cut out then, flicking to a blank screen.
--
Jin doesn't really know how it happened, but one minute he was standing outside Johnny's office, with a ring of keys gripped tight in one fist, and the next he's outside Kame's apartment, staring at the front door. He doesn't want to be here. He has his own apartment, but Johnny had talked to him after that horrible video, listing a million and one ways Jin could make this thing look believable.
“You'll have to move into his apartment,” Johnny had said, mouth a serious line. “And Jin, I want you to let the paparazzi see you doing it. We'll spin a story about you housesitting for Kazuya while he's away.”
Johnny had explained all about the lie they'd told the reporters, the giant press conference they'd held about Kame's abduction. The official story is that Kame has been offered a big part in a new movie, but that it's all very hush hush, and he's away somewhere in the mountains or something, studying method acting in a cabin. Jin's re-involvement in KAT-TUN was a little harder to explain, but everyone has seemed to accept it. Jin guesses that anything is possible when it's Johnny's.
Jin unlocks the door, pushes it open, and steps inside.
Kame's apartment is different than what he'd imagined. When they were younger, Kame's room had always been a funny jumble of childhood and adolescence, baseball posters covering almost every wall. When Kame had moved out, he'd tried to make his apartment all kakkoii looking, with sleek white furniture and glossy prints on the walls. It'd looked so dumb, like a kid play-acting at being an adult. When Jin looks around now he sees a weird mix of both those people, Kame-chan and Kazuya, only now there's no play acting. Kame's furniture all looks really expensive, and he has this plush white carpet that Jin is terrified he's going to track dirt on. Jin cautiously drops his overnight bag on the giant couch lining one wall, then just stands there, staring helplessly around. Kame has a huge, scary looking plant in one corner. Jin doesn't even know how often you have to water plants. He's probably going to kill Kame's plant, and everyone will find out, and then his crazy fans will kill Kame. Jin feels like puking all over the soft white carpet.
Instead, he crosses to the kitchen and pours himself a glass of water. He can do this. He's Akanishi Jin. The big shiny coffee machine on the bench leers at Jin. It has about a million knobs and dials, and as Jin peers at it he sees that all the directions are in Italian. He hates Kame suddenly, with a fierce, crazy intensity. For a second he imagines that Kame has done this all on purpose, just to teach him a lesson. Like after a week Kame and a grinning TV crew will jump out and surprise him, and announce that it's all one big joke. They'll put the uncut footage on the next KAT-TUN DVD as a special feature, and everyone will laugh at him, KAT-TUN, and all the fans, as they watch him standing uncomfortably in Kame's stupid expensive kitchen, staring uncomfortably at a coffee maker.
Jin's phone rings, shrill in the silence, cutting through his thoughts.
“Cheyyyyyaaaaaaaaa,” Josh says when Jin raises his iPhone to his ear. “'Sup man, how was the meeting?”
“It was okay,” Jin replies. He raises one hand to his face and prods at his cheek. “OH, TAGUCHI FUCKING PUNCHED ME.”
Josh's answering laughter makes Jin feel weirdly better, like he's not standing in Kame's apartment, but is just chilling with Josh instead, like normal.
“Awesome.” Josh just sounds really happy. Jin wonders why he even bothered dragging Josh back to Japan with him. Josh has holidays right now, with too much free time, and all he really does is make Jin buy him dinner and tell Jin really boring details about things he doesn't care about. The other day Josh lectured him about the meaning of different coloured car licence plates in Japan, and how fascinating they were.
“Listen,” Josh says. “When are you coming back to the apartment? I was gonna go out, but if you're coming home soon I can wait...”
Jin pauses for a moment. He feels kinda hesitant at the idea of telling Josh about the whole housesitting thing. What if Josh wants to come over. What if Josh comes over and spills something all over the ridiculous bearskin rug Kame has laid out on the floor in the other room.
“I don't know...” Jin starts. Then he just feels really dumb. “Johnny asked me to housesit Kamenashi's apartment while he works on that movie thing... and fill in for him in KAT-TUN for a couple of weeks... the money's going to be really...dope...”
There's an audible pause, then Josh starts laughing again. Really hard.
“Oh my god,” he says.
“Shut up.”
“Are you there now?”
Jin shifts and turns one of the knobs on the coffee maker. “Kind of...”
“Oh my god,” Josh repeats. “You're totally going through his stuff. What sort of underwear does he have?”
“I DON'T KNOW,” Jin squawks. “OH MY GOD, SHUT UP.”
“Is it sexy?” Josh asks. “Are you touching all his sexy, shiny jackets?”
“No,” Jin says. He can't even fathom the idea of letting himself into Kame's room. He saw the door to it when he walked into the apartment, but he's been avoiding eye contact ever since.
“I'll come over. We can try on all his lady shirts.”
“I don't want to,” Jin says. “You're not coming over, and I'm not trying on any lady shirts. He doesn't even own lady shirts.”
It's a lie. Jin can't even catalogue all the times he's seen random women in the street wearing the same sort of cardigans and shirts that Kame stocks his wardrobe with.
“He wears flannel and jeans,” Jin continues. He has no idea what he's saying.
“I've seen his lady shirts.” Josh just sounds dryly amused. “Give me the address. I wanna see my ichiban's apartment.”
“I'm hanging up,” Jin says. “We can talk later when you're feeling a little more mature.”
“Giri giri,” Josh howls just as Jin hangs up. It's really frustrating hanging up on someone when you use an iPhone. There's no drama to it. Jin jabs at the stupid little button. He doesn't feel angry, even though he probably should, he mostly just feels kind of exhausted. He opens Kame's fridge, but instead of having normal food all Jin can see is weird shit, like imported cheeses and a giant packet covered in French writing. There's a bottle of expensive wine, too, and Jin grabs it out viciously. He's going to drink it. He's going to drink it all.
Later, he opens Kame's cupboard and finds twenty cups of instant ramen, all piled in a towering stack. He sits on Kame's giant couch and eats while watching Ponyo in the dark. It's part of a really lame Studio Ghibli box set that Kame owns.
When he cries, he pretends it's because Ponyo wants so desperately to be human, and not because he feels like a lost little boy. He can't get the tight, tense quirk of Kame's lips out of his head.
--
The next day, after Jin has woken up, rolled off the side of the couch and stumbled into the bathroom to shower, he digs into his bag and pulls out a bulky black organiser. It's so weird to actually be holding it. Kame was always so incredibly possessive of the stupid thing. One time he freaked out at Jin because Jin spilt a can of Coca Cola all over the cover. Kame had snatched the book up and wiped at it desperately with his sleeve, staring at the can like it was some sort of evil alien drink.
“Thanks a lot,” he'd spat, eyes narrowed into tiny little slits of rage. “You know how much I need this, it's not like it means a lot to me or anything.”
Jin still doesn't get it. He'd even been the one to buy Kame the stupid thing as part of a set years ago, when he'd pulled Kame's name out of a hat for a Kris Kringle they'd had to do. He'd bought four of them, had them specially made, each organiser spanning a year. It's pretty nice, the sort of thing Kame loves, all soft leather and K.K. embossed on the cover in gold. This one is the last of the four. It's supposed to be thin and streamline, but Kame being such a workaholic means that it's bulging at the sides with papers and post-it notes. Kame probably hates that it looks such a mess.
He flips it open tentatively and gapes at the contents. Kame's ugly handwriting fills the pages, all cramped and squished up the sides, with dumb notes in the margins. Jin feels a headache coming on just looking at it.
POTATO PHOTOSHOOT; KAT-TUN it says on the page for today's date. There's a list beside the title filled with the wheres and whens. Jin has to be there by 1pm. Instead of getting ready like a normal, mature adult, he ends up just sitting there in quiet horror, staring down at the organiser. The thought of seeing KAT-TUN is terrifying. He wonders, for a brief instant, if Taguchi will punch him in the face again.
“I don't know what to do,” Jin says aloud to the big bearskin rug at his feet.
It doesn't reply.
“Am I supposed to... dress... like Kamenashi??” Jin asks the bear, but it just stares back at him with wide, glassy eyes. He thinks about opening that door at the end of the hall and venturing into Kame's bedroom, but he's a little terrified of what he'll find in there. Anything could be lurking, just waiting for its chance to catch him unawares.
Years and years ago, Jin would have known what to find in Kame's bedroom, but now there could be... like... weird collections of dolls, or something. Handcrafted dolls made in Kame's image. There could be a wall of naked Kamenashi Kazuya photographs.
He ends up ignoring the room altogether and just standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, staring at himself. There's a huge bruise darkening the skin around his eye, spanning all the way from the bottom of his eyebrow to the edge of his nose. It's only the third time he's been punched in his life. Once was in a seedy bathroom after Jin kissed another guy's girl out on the dance floor, and the second was when Jin was only 16, and a hideous junior with a shock of bleached blond hair had called Kame an anorexic wannabe.
Jin stares and stares at himself, then at the rows of beauty products lining the shelves of Kame's bathroom. He looks pale and drawn, lips chapped, and his hair is just a little greasy. Ironically, he looks a lot like Kame-the-workaholic when he sleeps four hours a week, only Jin is a lot worse at hiding his exhaustion. He'll just wear a pair of sunglasses.
Jin exits the apartment dressed in the same clothes he arrived in. Whatever. He doesn't want to wear a lady shirt.
--
The first thing Jin sees when he walks into the photoshoot is Taguchi's awkward face.
“Hey,” he says, when Jin approaches him warily.
“Hey,” Jin replies.
“We're the first ones here...”
“Okay,” Jin says. He feels like he should punch Taguchi or something, in angry retaliation, like, to defend his own honour. He's never been good at hitting people, though. It really hurts.
The two of them are saved from further conversation when a nervous-looking stylist waves them over. “Excuse me... makeup is ready for you both...”
When Jin slides his sunglasses up onto his head Taguchi lets out a shriek of alarm.
“YOUR FACE.”
“Yeah,” Jin says sullenly. “Some asshole punched me.”
“Sorry,” Taguchi says, but he doesn't really sound all that apologetic, now that he's over his shock.
Jin doesn't know how to reply, so he doesn't, just shrugs. Truth is, much as he hates to admit it, he might have done the same thing if he was in Taguchi's situation. If he were the Jin of a parallel universe. One who was still part of KAT-TUN. One who still considered Kame a close friend. Does Taguchi consider Kame a close friend?? Jin doesn't even know.
“So you knew what Johnny wanted to see me about?”
Taguchi shakes his head a little, careful not to disturb the work the stylist beside him is doing on his hair. “No, he called the rest of us in later. We knew about... the movie... but not about the stuff involving you.”
Jin's eyes meet Taguchi's in the mirror. “How did that go??”
Taguchi waits until the stylist wanders across the room in search of more hair gel, and he's laughing a little when he replies. “Koki punched a hole in the wall.”
“Oh my god,” Jin says. “Why is everyone punching things.”
“Pent up frustration,” Ueda replies, walking into the room. Seeing Ueda is really weird. Jin hasn't seen him in months. They've all been so preoccupied with their own lives and careers, and truth is, things haven't really been the same since the split. Jin feels awkward around Ueda now. Ueda isn't like Koki, who Jin knows just flat out despises him, or Taguchi, who Jin knows will never stop being fond of him. Or Nakamaru, even, who Jin actually meets up with on a regular basis. Ueda is an unpredictable beast.
“Akanishi,” he says now, coolly, sliding into the chair beside Jin's.
“He's come crawling back to his best friends,” Taguchi says, and when Jin glances at his reflection in the mirror all he sees is good humour. “Besto friends forever.”
It's a coping mechanism, Jin knows, but that doesn't stop him from accepting it greedily.
“It's true,” he says in a low monotone. “I heard that cool ULTIMATE WHEELS single you did at the start of the year, and saw that new CM you guys are in with the clocks shaped like vegetables, and I've just been plagued with jealousy ever since.”
Taguchi looks delighted.
“I understand,” Ueda says, and his lips are tilted upwards at the corners, just a little. “I don't know how you've managed to live your life without owning a timepiece shaped like an eggplant.”
Nakamaru's the next to arrive, and Jin's finally feeling a little of the tension drain out of him when Koki barges into the room, dropping his bag on the floor and staring at Jin like he's some sort of horrible monster. Like Jin kidnapped Kame.
“It's not my fault,” Jin blurts out, and Koki turns red with incoherent rage.
“Everything's your fault, Akanishi,” he says, voice low and dangerous, before taking the seat furthest away from Jin's. “Everything, and if you try to tell me any different I'll wipe that smarmy grin off your fucking face with my fist.”
“Well, my makeup's done,” Nakamaru announces loudly, after the long silence that stretches on for the next five minutes. It's true, Nakamaru never needs much makeup. Jin, on the other hand, has been sitting there for the past half an hour with one girl tsking at his face and another trying desperately to mould his hair into something resembling a decent hairstyle. Jin feels miserable. He doesn't even know what a smarmy grin looks like.
“Me too,” Koki says, and stamps out of the room without a backwards glance. He looks really cool now. He's wearing leather. Jin feels irrationally angry about it, in his sweatpants and unwashed shirt.
“He's not angry at you,” Taguchi says unconvincingly. “He's just... upset with the situation...”
“You're the worst liar ever.” Jin feels like a homeless man. He can't stop staring at Ueda's clean shirt. He half-wishes he'd raided Kame's closet after all.
“If it makes you feel any better, Koki screamed at Taguchi earlier,” Ueda says helpfully. “He accused him of being an accomplice.”
It's really weird being back in the midst of all of this. Not in the midst of a kidnapping or anything, but Jin had forgotten, just a little, what it's like to have to talk in weird code around the people who buzz constantly around them. Being a solo artist means he has a dressing room all to himself.
“It's true,” Taguchi confirms. “He's just a little high-strung right now. What with... the movie... and all...” He trails off. “I think he's... er... jealous of Kamenashi...?”
Taguchi might be a terrible liar, but he's even worse at talking in code. Still, Jin feels maliciously pleased. He hopes it becomes a rumour. He hopes it spreads like wildfire.
“Excuse me, Akanishi-kun?” Kame's personal stylist is suddenly at his side, holding something big and black. “I have Kamenashi-kun's prepared costume here.”
He hears a snort at his back, and he blanches, grips the arms of his chair. “What...”
“The clothes you're going to wear for the photoshoot, Akanishi-kun,” she repeats, looking harried. “It was arranged last month. We'll try to alter the clothes to the best of our ability, but on such short notice...” She bows then, and just looks deeply apologetic. “Please, you can change in the dressing room on your right.”
Because Jin doesn't know what else to do, he just stands up and awkwardly takes the garment bag from her outstretched hand. She looks relieved when he shuffles towards the dressing room. He mostly just feels sick. Anything could be in that bag.
When he makes his way into the room he carefully closes the door behind him and drapes the bag over the chair in front of him. He stares at it for a good five minutes. All he can see in his head is something really skimpy; the entire Victoria Secrets summer line scrolling before his eyes in a flash of lace and silk.
It's with great trepidation that Jin pulls down the zip and watches the black bag gape open, revealing the ugliest fucking sweater he's seen in his life. It's crocheted out of scratchy lavender wool, and there are big black feathers all over it. When he picks it up gingerly and spins it around, he sees KAMENASHI KAZUYA scrawled across the back in big silver letters.
He doesn't even want to look at the pants.
--
In retrospect, Jin regrets not inspecting the pants further before putting them on. They're grey, with silver threads running through them, and much to Jin's horror, they're sort of baggy on him. Baggy and too tight in the crotch. He almost would have rather they be too tight everywhere. At least that way he wouldn't look like a little kid swimming in his father's suit. Jin looks like he's trying to be Kame's retarded little brother. The sweater is too big, too, his arms draped in too much material, desperate to fit snugly around muscles he doesn't possess.
He expects to be laughed out of the room, but Taguchi is the only one who giggles. Koki just looks at him and makes a funny, angry little sound of barely-repressed rage. Jin feels like the KAMENASHI KAZUYA across his back is burning into his flesh, like it's a brand of his guilt or something. It's so stupid. It's not like he was the one who kidnapped Kame. It's not even like he and Kame are close anymore. They'd stopped hanging out together a long time ago, and the phonecalls and emails had ended shortly after that. It's not like they're enemies, exactly, not even that they dislike each other. It's just - and Jin won't really admit this to himself, let alone anyone else - that being alone with Kamenashi Kazuya has slowly come to feel like having to have coffee with an ex girlfriend, gay as it sounds. This weird awkwardness exists between them, formed from too many hours spent alone together as children. Jin thinks that maybe it's super weird because they were really close, and they knew everything about each other, and then everything changed. And they didn't really know each other anymore. Or something.
More than almost anything, that's what Jin hates the most right now. When he was a cool solo artist he didn't have to spend hours thinking about Kamenashi Kazuya and analysing their non-existent relationship. He didn't have to spent hours trying to avoid Koki's angry glares and Nakamaru's attempts to lighten the atmosphere. He was a free man, and now he's trapped again, like a bird with clipped wings.
“Alright,” the photographer says, clapping his hands together. “The theme for today's shoot is UNITY.”
The universe is playing one giant, cosmic joke on Akanishi Jin.
“I'm going to divide you into teams of two, then we'll do a few group shots.”
Not Koki, Jin thinks. Not Koki. Please not Koki. He gets Ueda, who just looks sort of vaguely apprehensive about the whole thing.
--
“I feel stupid,” Jin says, just to lighten the mood. He and Ueda have linked their pinky fingers, and they're each holding a boxing glove in their free hand.
“Great makeup,” the photographer calls enthusiastically to Jin when Ueda fails to answer. “Really looks like you've got a black eye.”
Ueda smiles awkwardly at the huffing sigh Jin lets out. Even though he's come a long way since they debuted, he still gets weird about strangers sometimes. Awkward and quiet. It's really weird to think that Jin might qualify as being a stranger now.
“I like your hair,” Jin tries. He can't believe the words coming out of his mouth. He doesn't even recognise himself anymore. This whole business has got him feeling jumpy and uncertain and really young.
“Idiot,” Ueda says semi-fondly, and graces him with a small smile. “Stop trying so hard.”
“I'm not trying hard,” Jin whines, bizarrely pleased.
They settle into a comfortable silence, lulled by the click-click-click of the camera, and Nakamaru's horrified face as he's forced into a really tight pair of leather pants.
--
Koki ends up leaving the shoot in a blind rage after the photographer asks them all to hold hands for the group shot.
“You don't give a shit,” he hisses, in a low, barely audible voice to the rest of KAT-TUN. “None of you give a shit. Anything could be happening out there, and the rest of you are just content to go on with your lives like nothing's even happened. People aren't replaceable. He isn't replaceable.”
The crew is just standing there in baffled silence, watching them, and they all sigh sadly as Koki exits the room.
“That's a wrap!!!!” the photographer calls, oblivious to the tension in the room as he reviews his photos. “Great work today guys!!! I really felt the love!!”
--
They go out to dinner afterwards, Jin and Nakamaru and Taguchi. Ueda says he has somewhere to be, but Jin suspects he just wants to avoid the awkward combination that the four of them will make. Taguchi and Nakamaru are fine, though. Jin's had dinner with Nakamaru a handful of times since the split, and it's always been pretty casual. He gets on really well with Nakamaru. He wonders if people know that. Suddenly, it seems like there's a lot the world doesn't know about him, and even more that they just assume.
Nakamaru picks McDonalds, even though he's loaded.
“You're so tight,” Taguchi says gleefully, slamming down his tray down on the corner table they've chosen.
“I am not,” Nakamaru cries. “I'm just realistic. Anyway, I chose an American restaurant in honour of our American guest.”
“Thanks,” Jin says. He tears at the wrapper of his Big Mac. “You know, Americans don't actually eat this for every meal...”
Nakamaru stares at him in mock outrage. “Don't ruin my image of the American way of life.”
“Sorry,” Jin says. His phone rings then, and when he pulls it out, leaving greasy finger marks across the glossy screen, he sees Josh's name flashing merrily at him.
“Wassup??” Jin attempts to juggle his burger and the phone, but he's really bad at it. Nakamaru takes pity on him and grabs the burger before it hits the floor.
“WHERE ARE YOU?” Josh sounds worried, but mostly just loud, and maybe a little bit drunk.
“I'm out!!” Jin says. “Having dinner...”
“Where have you been all day??” Josh just sounds annoyed now. “I'm so bored. I went through your entire DVD collection.”
“I've been doing stuff!!” Jin feels defensive, like he's been working hard all day as a salary man and now when he gets five minutes to himself, the wife is calling to demand he come home.
“Where are you now??” Josh never seems put off when Jin snaps at him.
“Having dinner.........” Something deep inside Jin is screaming, DON'T TELL HIM WHERE, IT WILL BE AWKWARD. DON'T INVITE HIM OUT.
“Is that Keibo-kun??” Before Jin can reply, Nakamaru's snatched the phone from his hand and is speaking into it in slow, careful Japanese.
“HELLO KEIBO-KUN, THIS IS NAKAMARU YUICHI.”
Jin watches in barely disguised horror. Nakamaru sounds like he's talking to a baby. He guesses that his conversation with Josh would have sounded weird to Nakamaru, too, half Japanese, half stupid American slang. Hanging out with so many English speakers has given him the weirdest vocabulary ever, especially since most of them don't speak grammatically correct English most of the time.
When Jin tunes back into the conversation, he realises that Nakamaru has hung up, and is now flicking through the apps on Jin's iPhone now.
“He seems nice,” Nakamaru says breezily, when he catches Jin watching him. “I invited him out.”
“Noooooooooo.” The word bursts out of Jin's mouth slowly, all drawn out. He sounds like he's had a stroke.
“Hey,” Taguchi says, leaning over Nakamaru's shoulder. His elbow is resting in the sweet and sour sauce. “What's Angry Birds?????”
--
part 2.