I'm not skinny, I'm just small boned.
Title: I'm not skinny, I'm just small boned.
Pairing: Carmen (Kamenashi Kazuya/Eric Cartman)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: Kame finds an unlikely hero in Colorado.
Kame is lying by the side of the road when he opens his eyes and sees a sign reading South Park, Colorado. It's all primary colours here, thick black lines and nothing like his life in Japan. Kame is used to the world shifting around him, flashy and gaudy and topped off with rhinestones and feathers. South Park is simple, and Kame thinks home before he can stop himself.
Kame's all skinny and light, and when he jumps up he bumps into a fat kid dressed in a red parka. He looks like a child's first painting, basic and bright; yellow gloves, soft blue hat topped off with a pom pom. "Watch it, fag!" the kid yells, his round face screwing up in irritation.
Kame bows once, twice, and catches the him by the arm before he can walk away. Cartman looks at him like he's insane. He probably is.
"Sorry," Kame says in quick English.
"What a retard," Cartman replies, and then, "you're not even wearing any shoes. Why the hell do you look like Michael Jackson?"
Cartman takes him home because he really, really likes Michael Jackson.
--
Cartman shoves Cheesy Poof after Cheesy Poof into his gaping mouth while Kame watches silently. They're sitting in Cartman's room, and when Kame studies the walls he sees posters for American bands he has only vaguely heard of.
"He didn't even do it," Cartman is saying, not bothering to swallow his food before he speaks. "Michael is a good guy, they never even proved that shit." He grins at Kame, sharklike, and wipes his hands on his jacket. "What's your name, anyway?"
"Kamenashi Kazuya," Kame says, "Kame," and Cartman wrinkles his nose.
"Gaaaaaay," he drawls, then smiles sweetly. Cartman, Kame has realised, can be very sweet when there's something he wants. "I'm Eric, you're coming to school with me tomorrow. Kyle is going to be so fucking jealous of my Asian. Asians are so in right now, and all he has is that stupid adopted Canadian Jew-brother."
Kame sleeps on the floor of Cartman's room, and every time he's about to doze off Cartman asks him another question.
"Are you friends with Pikachu?"
Kame doesn't answer.
"Piiiiiiiiiikaaaaaaaaa," Cartman says, giggles hysterically to himself, then falls asleep. Kame lays awake for at least another hour, staring anxiously at the Terrence and Phillip duvet cover. He feels uncomfortable and awkward and like an imposter, watched closely by their beady little eyes. He misses his own bed, but at the same time he hasn't actually tried to get home. When Cartman shepherded him into the house he'd seen the phone hanging on the wall. Mrs. Cartman had even invited him to use it, so that's not the problem. The problem is the fact that while Kame wants to go home, he feels safe here. Cartman, for all of his mocking insults and crude speech, is who he is. He's not full of pretences and lies and everything Kame hates about being famous. He doesn't even know who Kame is. Kame still worries, though, because for all of his wanting to be free for at least a little while, he's never once abandoned his responsibilities. There was Shūji to Akira, but even then Kame had done his best to stay loyal to KAT-TUN. He worries about Jin, about the rest of the group. His head aches. Tomorrow, tomorrow, he thinks, I'll call tomorrow.
Kame wakes to the sound of Cartman's alarm joke blaring Terrence and Phillip fart jokes, and he gets up quietly to make his bed, which is really just a sheet and a pillow on the floor.
"Muuuuuuuummmmm," Cartman whines as he covers his head with a pillow. "Mummmmmmm, my alarm clock is going offffffffff."
Kame crosses the room to turn it off, and Cartman sits up in bed, looks at him in surprise. "Thanks," he says slowly, looking Kame up and down, and Kame feels very self conscious of his rumpled clothes and messy hair.
--
"I have my own Asian and you don't," Cartman boasts as soon as they're standing in front of Kyle, Stan and Kenny, a colourful little line waiting for the school bus.
"Dude," Stan says with wide eyes.
Kyle just looks back and forth between Kame and Cartman, and he narrows his eyes. "Cartman, what the hell have you done?"
"NOTHING!" Cartman almost screams, and his cheeks flush red with rage. "I FOUND HIM AND YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS, YOU FUCKING JEW. YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE I SAW HIM FIRST."
Kyle meets Kame's eyes, offers him a wry smile. "You should probably go back to Asia, man. Anywhere is safer than staying with Cartman."
Kame doesn't understand a word Kenny says, and he finds it kind of comforting when he realises that few people can.
--
"Eric," Mrs. Garrison asks carefully, "Who is this?"
"He has like ten million pet Chinpokomon at home," Cartman says in place of a reply, and all the kids look at Kame with wide, adoring eyes.
--
"SUCKY SUCKY TWO DOLLAR!" a fifth grader shouts at Kame, and Kame hugs his jacket around himself protectively. They're sent to Principal Victoria's office when Cartman leaps on the boy, punching and kicking and biting, and shrieking like a girl the whole time. Kame is almost reminded of Jin when the boy stands up to fight back and Cartman takes off, howling for his mother. Cartman is sent inside, rolling his eyes and protesting loudly, and Kame waits outside the door.
"He doesn't fight for anyone but himself," someone says, and when Kame turns around he sees Stan, Kyle and Kenny standing there watching him. Stan speaks again. "He's a total wuss. How did you make him fight for you?"
"I think Cartman has a crush," Kenny mumbles, and Kyle elbows Stan in the side when he starts laughing.
"Are you actually a girl?" Stan finally asks, his tone apologetic. "Sorry, we've all been wondering."
--
Cartman teaches Kame English phrases, surprisingly patient when Kame messes up. "Again," he says, the two of them sitting on Cartman's unmade bed, and Kame tries another sentence.
"Respect my authoritah," he says carefully, and grins when Cartman suddenly beams in delight.
"Sweet! You're gonna be American sooooo soon."
When his mother pops her head in to turn off the light, Cartman grabs one of Kame's skinny arms before he can slide off the bed and onto his makeshift sleeping spot on the floor.
"I wanna learn some Asian," Cartman whispers.
Kame wriggles into the narrow space left for him and rests his head on Cartman's shoulder, his perfect hair tickling Cartman's cheek.
"Fag," Cartman says quietly, but he doesn't pull away when Kame presses a hand over his chest and says, "doki-doki."
--
"I'm going home," Kame says, and Cartman stares at him.
"You asshole," he mutters at last, eyes welling up with angry tears. He looks like he wants to punch Kame. "I gave you a home. You're so fucking ungrateful."
"You could come back with me."
Cartman looks as shocked as Kame feels.
"Okay..." He kicks his legs, looks shy for the first time since Kame has known him.
"It's not really necessary," Kame asks Cartman in careful English, "but can you sing?" Cartman nods, smirking.
"Uh, only incredibly. I was in a Christian rock band."
"Okay," Kame says, and he picks up the phone.
Pairing: Carmen (Kamenashi Kazuya/Eric Cartman)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: Kame finds an unlikely hero in Colorado.
Kame is lying by the side of the road when he opens his eyes and sees a sign reading South Park, Colorado. It's all primary colours here, thick black lines and nothing like his life in Japan. Kame is used to the world shifting around him, flashy and gaudy and topped off with rhinestones and feathers. South Park is simple, and Kame thinks home before he can stop himself.
Kame's all skinny and light, and when he jumps up he bumps into a fat kid dressed in a red parka. He looks like a child's first painting, basic and bright; yellow gloves, soft blue hat topped off with a pom pom. "Watch it, fag!" the kid yells, his round face screwing up in irritation.
Kame bows once, twice, and catches the him by the arm before he can walk away. Cartman looks at him like he's insane. He probably is.
"Sorry," Kame says in quick English.
"What a retard," Cartman replies, and then, "you're not even wearing any shoes. Why the hell do you look like Michael Jackson?"
Cartman takes him home because he really, really likes Michael Jackson.
--
Cartman shoves Cheesy Poof after Cheesy Poof into his gaping mouth while Kame watches silently. They're sitting in Cartman's room, and when Kame studies the walls he sees posters for American bands he has only vaguely heard of.
"He didn't even do it," Cartman is saying, not bothering to swallow his food before he speaks. "Michael is a good guy, they never even proved that shit." He grins at Kame, sharklike, and wipes his hands on his jacket. "What's your name, anyway?"
"Kamenashi Kazuya," Kame says, "Kame," and Cartman wrinkles his nose.
"Gaaaaaay," he drawls, then smiles sweetly. Cartman, Kame has realised, can be very sweet when there's something he wants. "I'm Eric, you're coming to school with me tomorrow. Kyle is going to be so fucking jealous of my Asian. Asians are so in right now, and all he has is that stupid adopted Canadian Jew-brother."
Kame sleeps on the floor of Cartman's room, and every time he's about to doze off Cartman asks him another question.
"Are you friends with Pikachu?"
Kame doesn't answer.
"Piiiiiiiiiikaaaaaaaaa," Cartman says, giggles hysterically to himself, then falls asleep. Kame lays awake for at least another hour, staring anxiously at the Terrence and Phillip duvet cover. He feels uncomfortable and awkward and like an imposter, watched closely by their beady little eyes. He misses his own bed, but at the same time he hasn't actually tried to get home. When Cartman shepherded him into the house he'd seen the phone hanging on the wall. Mrs. Cartman had even invited him to use it, so that's not the problem. The problem is the fact that while Kame wants to go home, he feels safe here. Cartman, for all of his mocking insults and crude speech, is who he is. He's not full of pretences and lies and everything Kame hates about being famous. He doesn't even know who Kame is. Kame still worries, though, because for all of his wanting to be free for at least a little while, he's never once abandoned his responsibilities. There was Shūji to Akira, but even then Kame had done his best to stay loyal to KAT-TUN. He worries about Jin, about the rest of the group. His head aches. Tomorrow, tomorrow, he thinks, I'll call tomorrow.
Kame wakes to the sound of Cartman's alarm joke blaring Terrence and Phillip fart jokes, and he gets up quietly to make his bed, which is really just a sheet and a pillow on the floor.
"Muuuuuuuummmmm," Cartman whines as he covers his head with a pillow. "Mummmmmmm, my alarm clock is going offffffffff."
Kame crosses the room to turn it off, and Cartman sits up in bed, looks at him in surprise. "Thanks," he says slowly, looking Kame up and down, and Kame feels very self conscious of his rumpled clothes and messy hair.
--
"I have my own Asian and you don't," Cartman boasts as soon as they're standing in front of Kyle, Stan and Kenny, a colourful little line waiting for the school bus.
"Dude," Stan says with wide eyes.
Kyle just looks back and forth between Kame and Cartman, and he narrows his eyes. "Cartman, what the hell have you done?"
"NOTHING!" Cartman almost screams, and his cheeks flush red with rage. "I FOUND HIM AND YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS, YOU FUCKING JEW. YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE I SAW HIM FIRST."
Kyle meets Kame's eyes, offers him a wry smile. "You should probably go back to Asia, man. Anywhere is safer than staying with Cartman."
Kame doesn't understand a word Kenny says, and he finds it kind of comforting when he realises that few people can.
--
"Eric," Mrs. Garrison asks carefully, "Who is this?"
"He has like ten million pet Chinpokomon at home," Cartman says in place of a reply, and all the kids look at Kame with wide, adoring eyes.
--
"SUCKY SUCKY TWO DOLLAR!" a fifth grader shouts at Kame, and Kame hugs his jacket around himself protectively. They're sent to Principal Victoria's office when Cartman leaps on the boy, punching and kicking and biting, and shrieking like a girl the whole time. Kame is almost reminded of Jin when the boy stands up to fight back and Cartman takes off, howling for his mother. Cartman is sent inside, rolling his eyes and protesting loudly, and Kame waits outside the door.
"He doesn't fight for anyone but himself," someone says, and when Kame turns around he sees Stan, Kyle and Kenny standing there watching him. Stan speaks again. "He's a total wuss. How did you make him fight for you?"
"I think Cartman has a crush," Kenny mumbles, and Kyle elbows Stan in the side when he starts laughing.
"Are you actually a girl?" Stan finally asks, his tone apologetic. "Sorry, we've all been wondering."
--
Cartman teaches Kame English phrases, surprisingly patient when Kame messes up. "Again," he says, the two of them sitting on Cartman's unmade bed, and Kame tries another sentence.
"Respect my authoritah," he says carefully, and grins when Cartman suddenly beams in delight.
"Sweet! You're gonna be American sooooo soon."
When his mother pops her head in to turn off the light, Cartman grabs one of Kame's skinny arms before he can slide off the bed and onto his makeshift sleeping spot on the floor.
"I wanna learn some Asian," Cartman whispers.
Kame wriggles into the narrow space left for him and rests his head on Cartman's shoulder, his perfect hair tickling Cartman's cheek.
"Fag," Cartman says quietly, but he doesn't pull away when Kame presses a hand over his chest and says, "doki-doki."
--
"I'm going home," Kame says, and Cartman stares at him.
"You asshole," he mutters at last, eyes welling up with angry tears. He looks like he wants to punch Kame. "I gave you a home. You're so fucking ungrateful."
"You could come back with me."
Cartman looks as shocked as Kame feels.
"Okay..." He kicks his legs, looks shy for the first time since Kame has known him.
"It's not really necessary," Kame asks Cartman in careful English, "but can you sing?" Cartman nods, smirking.
"Uh, only incredibly. I was in a Christian rock band."
"Okay," Kame says, and he picks up the phone.