Novemeber 6, 2006
I second I got into work the phone were blowing up! It have never been this crazy or stressful. I can in praying or I'm just going to blow it. I almost started to cry because the weight of the world in on my shoulders right now. I know that at work I'll be getting into God because I need Him! I guess there are some people who are mad at me because I am a brat? Holly asked me to go to Canada with her about a month ago I said yes not knowing that I would be working and that I would have a stomach virus that I still have to go to the doctor for, maybe this week if I don't feel better. Anyway I had to cancel on her the week before we had to leave and I'm actually happy I did because it was going to mess me up big time. I had to look at all my options and I needed to take me time and not go. I can't worry about it even though I am because I know that she is mad and now Katie is questioning it and my motives. They can't understand because they are not me. I don’t' care what they think of me, I just couldn't do it period. I don't even have the finances for it anyway. I'm in the whole $108. You see the thing that makes me mad is they both (everyone else too) tell me to take time for myself and to say no sometimes, but they want me to say no when it doesn't effect them. I can't say no when Annetta needs to say no. I have to say no when I need to not when they want me to. They both told me to say no when people are pushing and hounding me, well I couldn't go so I had to say no! I'm glad I did, I got a lot done, and I got to rest, I didn't have to drive or waste money. I love Holly and their my friends and all. It bothers me when their mad at me, I know they have their opinions of me and what I should have done, how I should have acted, what I should have done with my time, that I am a bad friend and so on. I'm not perfect and I'm not a perfect friend, just have to take me time, sue me please!!!! Think that I am rude, think that I am mean ,think that I am a horrible friend, think that I am cold hearted and that I have issues, I do not care it still doesn’t change the fact that I couldn’t go. That is something they will have to deal with, I can’t feel bad about it, I just can’t do what I used to do. I feel better getting that off my chest, now to get some word in me because I need it, can’t wait!