(no subject)
I was planning a big in-depth journal entry but since it's been like 3 months, who cares right?
October 16th-29th - I flew back to NC primarily for Sarah's wedding. I saw most of my friends...traveled to Greenville to see Josh, Greensboro to get my bridesmaid's dress and see Clayton, and Bunnlevel to see Star and Chris, as well as a girl named Whitney that I went to college with. That was a pleasant surprise, actually. I traveled to Jacksonville to see my Grandma Rachel and had this in-depth conversation about Bryce with my mother, which led me to get back into contact with him. I also saw Erin and Rob, Shana and James, Josie and David, Jared and Michelle, Josh and Laura, and Jessica briefly. I went to Legends with Kari and Shana and two of their friends. I tried to have a party but I guess everyone was busy or forgot or something. I spent a lot of the time with Shana and James which was rather enjoyable. I wanted to see Erin more but it just didn't work out, which was disappointing. I planned to see Clayton again but then got kind of nervous about it, so I took Matty along and we went to the Museum.
Then there were the Wedding Festivities - Bachelorette Party at Beth's Mom's house, Bridal Luncheon at Sarah's Mom's House, Wedding Rehearsal and Dinner in Dunn, then the Wedding itself on Saturday the 27th. It was all really nice. I had to leave the next day, and so did not want to...every passing day my desire to go home nags more and more.
Of course the whole trip had an undercurrent of drama - David and I had been fighting really bad and he suggested I spend a longer vacation at home, which was of course impossible. Then I found out our mortgage was behind and, over the course of a week, passed the blame from person to person until ultimately it was decided that had David been opening his mail, we would have discovered the error back in February or March, but had the Property Manager been paying the bills on time like we pay her to do, it wouldn't have mattered anyway. Matty had discovered a problem with the MR2's tires, so I had to handle that....so all in all, we went totally broke between this trip itself and the emergencies. I was all pissed because I KNEW we had more money and thought David was being stupid, both because he was dissatisfied with the ample amount of money we did in fact have, and because I thought we had more somewhere.
Fast forward to right before Christmas, and you'll see that one thing was my fault - I did the budget wrong. I mistyped the formula or something and it wasn't adding together all the bills, so it was leaving us with like $500 extra each month. That we did not have. So yeah. Like I said, we still live in such a way that we're only broke because of those emergencies, and by next month we will be fine again...but it's a huge slap in my face that I screwed up so badly.
So back to a chronological recounting of the past few months...it's been really, really, REALLY boring here, and the only semblance of something besides boredom has been absolute drama. I can't catch a damn break, seriously.
I started back to subbing immediately upon returning to Germany. There had been some issues with that because the Secretary kept calling me on days I'd already indicated I'd be unavailable, so I was forced to decline each time she called, which made me look bad. Upon my return, however, I thought that problem was handled because I was called 4 or 5 times.
Unfortunately...my disdain for middle-schoolers proved rooted in fact. Kaina got in trouble with another child, "T", and when I tried to alert T's mom, she went completely insane and came to my house to tell me what a shitty mother I was. The situation was WAY out of control to begin with. Kaina lost her mind entirely, then called T in hysterics, then T told her mother what Kaina was telling her, so of course her mom was pissed. The problem was that ANYONE with a brain would know that 13 year old girls are by nature hysterical, and would take what they say with a grain of salt and listen to reason when the parent tries to repair the situation. Too bad T is infallible, and doesn't show emotion, and T's Mom knows her child far better than anyone else could possibly ever know their own child...etc. WTFever. Kaina and I talked about it, Kaina knows what she did wrong, I know how to approach situations better so as to NOT send my child into an insane spiral of hysterics, it seemed as if it had blown over.
The following week, T was in the class I subbed. I immediately braced for her to show her ass but instead saw she was utterly terrified of what I might do to her, and resolved to try my best to either ignore her entirely, or encourage her heartily should she participate in class. Unfortunately for me, perhaps the biggest troublemaker in the entire 8th grade, "K", was in the class. And sat next to T. And the minute SHE saw me, her face lit up with the prospect of starting shit. So of course she was talking loud, laughing, disrupting class, whatever, and T looked really uncomfortable, so after about the 5th time I told them to be quiet, I separated them. MORE luck on my part: The teacher left me with a lesson on PREJUDICE. RACISM. THE HOLOCAUST. OH, GOOD IDEA, ENGLISH TEACHER! So I'm trying my best to approach THE most delicate topic ever, with kids who are only half paying attention, and "K" raises her hand and says "Uh, isn't prejudice like, when two people do something, and then someone takes it out on someone who has nothing to do with anything?" trying to be a smartass, implying that I wanted her to shut the fuck up because Kaina and T got in trouble over the previous weekend. I sent her to the principal's office, since she'd done nothing BUT act up, and her little comment proved that she thought she could get away with anything because she could just claim I was taking something out on her. The principal saw it my way and gave her detention. I thought it was done.
The next day I subbed a different class. As I entered the school, there's K and her mom, and K says really loudly "OH MY GOD MOM THAT'S HER!" and I walk by as if I didn't notice...but I knew I was right - she was pulling exactly what I thought she'd pull. At the end of the day, I was called the the principal's office myself. Both T and K's moms had been there to try to get me fired for "taking my aggressions out on children," when T didn't get into any trouble at all, and K has a history of being a smart-assed little brat with no respect for anyone. The principal talked to them, told them there was no problem with me, but T's mom especially was not to be persuaded, and said that if I wasn't going to be fired, she needed to be informed when I was AT the school, not just her kid's classes, so she could keep both her children home that day. Because I found out her kid was making out behind the school and tried to tell her. GOD WHAT A HORRIBLE MOTHER I AM! Clearly, this woman is insane. Anyway...to make matters WORSE, a third child told their parent I ADMITTED TO BEING A RACIST in front of the class. For the record...I am married to a man who is Half-Mexican, my best friend in Heidelberg is Half-Black, all of Kaina's friends here are Hispanic, Asian, Black, or mixed in some fashion and I've welcomed them into my apartment, my best friend at home is married to a man who is 1/4 Japanese and they have a child who is 1/8, I used to get into fights with Clayton when he'd say something moderately racist, and I spent at least half of my college career on political arguments for gender equality, which I learned quickly tied into RACIAL equality, and discussed it as such. The principal would not tell me which child it was, but said which class period they were in...and, what a shock, it's the same class period as K's best friend. Coincidence? I think not, especially since T later told Kaina, "Oh, I heard a rumor your mom is racist...oh, no one told me, I just *HEARD* it in the hall." SO the Principal tells me she's sorry for the problem, she just thought I deserved to know what was being said about me, that I still had a job, etc...but apparently, the Secretary felt I deserved a harsher judgment.
She stopped calling me. This incident happened the day before THANKSGIVING BREAK. I was not called and kept going up there to see what was going on, until I decided to switch back to the Elementary School where there was NOT this sort of drama. Upon asking the Secretary to begin the process, I was LET INTO, as if I were a STUDENT, and condescended to about how "I've not been called because I received SEVERAL parents complaints and people don't TRUST me around their children." I went to the principal immediately, who told me that I'd had no complaints other than the ones mentioned above, and that it was all a misunderstanding, and that there was no reason I shouldn't be allowed to work there. That was a Friday, and I went back the next Monday, which was the beginning of the last week of school before Christmas, to see if it had been handled. The Secretary was on vacation, but had told the Principal I was "rude" to her (in reference to her calling me only when she knew I was unavailable, which I explained to the Principal) and that "Teachers" had complained about me being "snobby," because I was annoyed that someone had mispronounced Kaina's name during an Awards Assembly in which she received an award. So....I'm not allowed to work because someone thinks I'm a snob? WTF?! The Principal told me that whatever problem a teacher has with anybody is of no importance whatsoever unless it was important enough to report to the Principal, and no one had told her anything about me being "snobby," so it should have no bearing whatsoever on my employment. AND she agrees with me that pronunciation of children's names is important, possibly because she and her son have very distinctive names. She maintains that the Secretary must have simply misunderstood the issue with the parents and assumed that I was not to teach, which I think is bullshit because I'd been up there several times, so it seems like the Principal would have explained it better to her after the first time I went up there wondering why I hadn't been called. So...in the ONE WEEK that there was a replacement Secretary, I was offered THREE jobs. Two of them are prescheduled for this month. I am waiting to see what happens once the Secretary returns, and if it's not to my liking, I'm going over the Principal's head to EO. I didn't want to, because I like the Principal, but this has cost me AT LEAST one month of potential work, not to mention my reputation and possibly my job substituting here period.
So aside from that long, stupid, convoluted story...we had 3 cars - David's truck, my BMW, and the VW we bought to replace the BMW incase it died, but in reality the BMW was fine and the VW died immediately. Unfortunately, through another series of crap, the BMW failed inspection so badly it had to be junked, even though the mechanics were fine, and the VW proved to be irreparable, so I was left without a car. And naturally, it had to happen at Christmas, after I fucked the budget as described earlier, and after a gaggle of meddling bitches cost me anywhere from 1/3 to 1/2 of my income. We had to take out a loan just to get the clunker we ended up getting. It was a two-week ordeal of major frustration, but now it's almost settled. We found a little Volvo that seems to run well, passed an inspection over at the Auto Craft Shop, etc...due to some more BS I couldn't actually buy it on Friday like I planned, but the man who owns it was really nice and let us have it for "an extended test drive" until tomorrow, when I have to get it all settled legally.
There's really not much else going on besides day-to-day crap. I'm sick, but what else is new? Kojiro has a nasty ear problem...he's had this recurring infection in his left ear, and now he's shaken his head so hard he ripped the skin from the cartilage so we have to keep draining the pocket of fluid it caused. We may have to have his ear QUILTED back together. Poor little fella. Elvira was throwing up for awhile, but she seems to have stopped now. I have to put all the cats on a diet because they're all so fat. I didn't think it was a problem, but it's giving Gingervere some trouble with his [gag] anal glands [gag] so now he seems to spray like a skunk when startled. Makes you want a whole houseful, huh? No, seriously, I don't mind these guys, I wouldn't ever trade them in to relieve myself of their gross healthcare. It's all worth it to me.
Ok, ok...as this entry closes I have to be honest- there is a little more going on then I mentioned. I am quite possibly moving home this summer. Details are not set. I know nothing for certain. Does it mean what you think it means? I don't even know that. David and I have been having a lot of talks, and the atmosphere is GREATLY improved...but we still think it would be best for me if I moved home. Do I think it will improve the marriage? Well, I think it's got no chance if I stay here, because I hate it so much here I can hardly think about anything but going home, so how can I really think about ways to better my relationship? I think if I can get satisfied with my social situations (friends), my familial situation, my housing and neighborhood, and my job, the bulk of what I'm depressed about will alleviate, and I can deal with my marriage better. I really wonder how much of my unhappiness with our situation I'm projecting onto David, how much I am blaming him for subconsciously and taking out on him. Once I go home, if I go home, he will have a year and a half left here, and in service, unless something else happens. For us, that's not too bad. We've handled 7 months of training, 4 months in Iraq, and random spurts of training here and there. Will it be fun? NO. But can I treat it like a deployment? Probably. And will it be better than a deployment because he's not getting shot at and we can visit? Absolutely. So we're going to have at least 6 months of working on stuff face to face, and then we'll see how things go from there.
Maybe the next thing I will post will be some New Year's inspired life changes I want to make. Or maybe in another 3 months I'll post a shitstorm of drama. OR MAYBE I can post something nice for a change!
October 16th-29th - I flew back to NC primarily for Sarah's wedding. I saw most of my friends...traveled to Greenville to see Josh, Greensboro to get my bridesmaid's dress and see Clayton, and Bunnlevel to see Star and Chris, as well as a girl named Whitney that I went to college with. That was a pleasant surprise, actually. I traveled to Jacksonville to see my Grandma Rachel and had this in-depth conversation about Bryce with my mother, which led me to get back into contact with him. I also saw Erin and Rob, Shana and James, Josie and David, Jared and Michelle, Josh and Laura, and Jessica briefly. I went to Legends with Kari and Shana and two of their friends. I tried to have a party but I guess everyone was busy or forgot or something. I spent a lot of the time with Shana and James which was rather enjoyable. I wanted to see Erin more but it just didn't work out, which was disappointing. I planned to see Clayton again but then got kind of nervous about it, so I took Matty along and we went to the Museum.
Then there were the Wedding Festivities - Bachelorette Party at Beth's Mom's house, Bridal Luncheon at Sarah's Mom's House, Wedding Rehearsal and Dinner in Dunn, then the Wedding itself on Saturday the 27th. It was all really nice. I had to leave the next day, and so did not want to...every passing day my desire to go home nags more and more.
Of course the whole trip had an undercurrent of drama - David and I had been fighting really bad and he suggested I spend a longer vacation at home, which was of course impossible. Then I found out our mortgage was behind and, over the course of a week, passed the blame from person to person until ultimately it was decided that had David been opening his mail, we would have discovered the error back in February or March, but had the Property Manager been paying the bills on time like we pay her to do, it wouldn't have mattered anyway. Matty had discovered a problem with the MR2's tires, so I had to handle that....so all in all, we went totally broke between this trip itself and the emergencies. I was all pissed because I KNEW we had more money and thought David was being stupid, both because he was dissatisfied with the ample amount of money we did in fact have, and because I thought we had more somewhere.
Fast forward to right before Christmas, and you'll see that one thing was my fault - I did the budget wrong. I mistyped the formula or something and it wasn't adding together all the bills, so it was leaving us with like $500 extra each month. That we did not have. So yeah. Like I said, we still live in such a way that we're only broke because of those emergencies, and by next month we will be fine again...but it's a huge slap in my face that I screwed up so badly.
So back to a chronological recounting of the past few months...it's been really, really, REALLY boring here, and the only semblance of something besides boredom has been absolute drama. I can't catch a damn break, seriously.
I started back to subbing immediately upon returning to Germany. There had been some issues with that because the Secretary kept calling me on days I'd already indicated I'd be unavailable, so I was forced to decline each time she called, which made me look bad. Upon my return, however, I thought that problem was handled because I was called 4 or 5 times.
Unfortunately...my disdain for middle-schoolers proved rooted in fact. Kaina got in trouble with another child, "T", and when I tried to alert T's mom, she went completely insane and came to my house to tell me what a shitty mother I was. The situation was WAY out of control to begin with. Kaina lost her mind entirely, then called T in hysterics, then T told her mother what Kaina was telling her, so of course her mom was pissed. The problem was that ANYONE with a brain would know that 13 year old girls are by nature hysterical, and would take what they say with a grain of salt and listen to reason when the parent tries to repair the situation. Too bad T is infallible, and doesn't show emotion, and T's Mom knows her child far better than anyone else could possibly ever know their own child...etc. WTFever. Kaina and I talked about it, Kaina knows what she did wrong, I know how to approach situations better so as to NOT send my child into an insane spiral of hysterics, it seemed as if it had blown over.
The following week, T was in the class I subbed. I immediately braced for her to show her ass but instead saw she was utterly terrified of what I might do to her, and resolved to try my best to either ignore her entirely, or encourage her heartily should she participate in class. Unfortunately for me, perhaps the biggest troublemaker in the entire 8th grade, "K", was in the class. And sat next to T. And the minute SHE saw me, her face lit up with the prospect of starting shit. So of course she was talking loud, laughing, disrupting class, whatever, and T looked really uncomfortable, so after about the 5th time I told them to be quiet, I separated them. MORE luck on my part: The teacher left me with a lesson on PREJUDICE. RACISM. THE HOLOCAUST. OH, GOOD IDEA, ENGLISH TEACHER! So I'm trying my best to approach THE most delicate topic ever, with kids who are only half paying attention, and "K" raises her hand and says "Uh, isn't prejudice like, when two people do something, and then someone takes it out on someone who has nothing to do with anything?" trying to be a smartass, implying that I wanted her to shut the fuck up because Kaina and T got in trouble over the previous weekend. I sent her to the principal's office, since she'd done nothing BUT act up, and her little comment proved that she thought she could get away with anything because she could just claim I was taking something out on her. The principal saw it my way and gave her detention. I thought it was done.
The next day I subbed a different class. As I entered the school, there's K and her mom, and K says really loudly "OH MY GOD MOM THAT'S HER!" and I walk by as if I didn't notice...but I knew I was right - she was pulling exactly what I thought she'd pull. At the end of the day, I was called the the principal's office myself. Both T and K's moms had been there to try to get me fired for "taking my aggressions out on children," when T didn't get into any trouble at all, and K has a history of being a smart-assed little brat with no respect for anyone. The principal talked to them, told them there was no problem with me, but T's mom especially was not to be persuaded, and said that if I wasn't going to be fired, she needed to be informed when I was AT the school, not just her kid's classes, so she could keep both her children home that day. Because I found out her kid was making out behind the school and tried to tell her. GOD WHAT A HORRIBLE MOTHER I AM! Clearly, this woman is insane. Anyway...to make matters WORSE, a third child told their parent I ADMITTED TO BEING A RACIST in front of the class. For the record...I am married to a man who is Half-Mexican, my best friend in Heidelberg is Half-Black, all of Kaina's friends here are Hispanic, Asian, Black, or mixed in some fashion and I've welcomed them into my apartment, my best friend at home is married to a man who is 1/4 Japanese and they have a child who is 1/8, I used to get into fights with Clayton when he'd say something moderately racist, and I spent at least half of my college career on political arguments for gender equality, which I learned quickly tied into RACIAL equality, and discussed it as such. The principal would not tell me which child it was, but said which class period they were in...and, what a shock, it's the same class period as K's best friend. Coincidence? I think not, especially since T later told Kaina, "Oh, I heard a rumor your mom is racist...oh, no one told me, I just *HEARD* it in the hall." SO the Principal tells me she's sorry for the problem, she just thought I deserved to know what was being said about me, that I still had a job, etc...but apparently, the Secretary felt I deserved a harsher judgment.
She stopped calling me. This incident happened the day before THANKSGIVING BREAK. I was not called and kept going up there to see what was going on, until I decided to switch back to the Elementary School where there was NOT this sort of drama. Upon asking the Secretary to begin the process, I was LET INTO, as if I were a STUDENT, and condescended to about how "I've not been called because I received SEVERAL parents complaints and people don't TRUST me around their children." I went to the principal immediately, who told me that I'd had no complaints other than the ones mentioned above, and that it was all a misunderstanding, and that there was no reason I shouldn't be allowed to work there. That was a Friday, and I went back the next Monday, which was the beginning of the last week of school before Christmas, to see if it had been handled. The Secretary was on vacation, but had told the Principal I was "rude" to her (in reference to her calling me only when she knew I was unavailable, which I explained to the Principal) and that "Teachers" had complained about me being "snobby," because I was annoyed that someone had mispronounced Kaina's name during an Awards Assembly in which she received an award. So....I'm not allowed to work because someone thinks I'm a snob? WTF?! The Principal told me that whatever problem a teacher has with anybody is of no importance whatsoever unless it was important enough to report to the Principal, and no one had told her anything about me being "snobby," so it should have no bearing whatsoever on my employment. AND she agrees with me that pronunciation of children's names is important, possibly because she and her son have very distinctive names. She maintains that the Secretary must have simply misunderstood the issue with the parents and assumed that I was not to teach, which I think is bullshit because I'd been up there several times, so it seems like the Principal would have explained it better to her after the first time I went up there wondering why I hadn't been called. So...in the ONE WEEK that there was a replacement Secretary, I was offered THREE jobs. Two of them are prescheduled for this month. I am waiting to see what happens once the Secretary returns, and if it's not to my liking, I'm going over the Principal's head to EO. I didn't want to, because I like the Principal, but this has cost me AT LEAST one month of potential work, not to mention my reputation and possibly my job substituting here period.
So aside from that long, stupid, convoluted story...we had 3 cars - David's truck, my BMW, and the VW we bought to replace the BMW incase it died, but in reality the BMW was fine and the VW died immediately. Unfortunately, through another series of crap, the BMW failed inspection so badly it had to be junked, even though the mechanics were fine, and the VW proved to be irreparable, so I was left without a car. And naturally, it had to happen at Christmas, after I fucked the budget as described earlier, and after a gaggle of meddling bitches cost me anywhere from 1/3 to 1/2 of my income. We had to take out a loan just to get the clunker we ended up getting. It was a two-week ordeal of major frustration, but now it's almost settled. We found a little Volvo that seems to run well, passed an inspection over at the Auto Craft Shop, etc...due to some more BS I couldn't actually buy it on Friday like I planned, but the man who owns it was really nice and let us have it for "an extended test drive" until tomorrow, when I have to get it all settled legally.
There's really not much else going on besides day-to-day crap. I'm sick, but what else is new? Kojiro has a nasty ear problem...he's had this recurring infection in his left ear, and now he's shaken his head so hard he ripped the skin from the cartilage so we have to keep draining the pocket of fluid it caused. We may have to have his ear QUILTED back together. Poor little fella. Elvira was throwing up for awhile, but she seems to have stopped now. I have to put all the cats on a diet because they're all so fat. I didn't think it was a problem, but it's giving Gingervere some trouble with his [gag] anal glands [gag] so now he seems to spray like a skunk when startled. Makes you want a whole houseful, huh? No, seriously, I don't mind these guys, I wouldn't ever trade them in to relieve myself of their gross healthcare. It's all worth it to me.
Ok, ok...as this entry closes I have to be honest- there is a little more going on then I mentioned. I am quite possibly moving home this summer. Details are not set. I know nothing for certain. Does it mean what you think it means? I don't even know that. David and I have been having a lot of talks, and the atmosphere is GREATLY improved...but we still think it would be best for me if I moved home. Do I think it will improve the marriage? Well, I think it's got no chance if I stay here, because I hate it so much here I can hardly think about anything but going home, so how can I really think about ways to better my relationship? I think if I can get satisfied with my social situations (friends), my familial situation, my housing and neighborhood, and my job, the bulk of what I'm depressed about will alleviate, and I can deal with my marriage better. I really wonder how much of my unhappiness with our situation I'm projecting onto David, how much I am blaming him for subconsciously and taking out on him. Once I go home, if I go home, he will have a year and a half left here, and in service, unless something else happens. For us, that's not too bad. We've handled 7 months of training, 4 months in Iraq, and random spurts of training here and there. Will it be fun? NO. But can I treat it like a deployment? Probably. And will it be better than a deployment because he's not getting shot at and we can visit? Absolutely. So we're going to have at least 6 months of working on stuff face to face, and then we'll see how things go from there.
Maybe the next thing I will post will be some New Year's inspired life changes I want to make. Or maybe in another 3 months I'll post a shitstorm of drama. OR MAYBE I can post something nice for a change!