Sigh-And So It Begins.....
The inevitable, unavoidable, and unwelcome holiday season. This has been the worst year of my life..in almost every area. I have had to deal with three deaths, one of them my only brother. I have had to deal with the fact that the last guy I really cared about cheated on me, and was in love with someone else while amusing himself with me. I have had to deal with worrying about my parents, who are 500 miles away. I have had to deal with the fact that some of my friends would rather do what is easy, than what is right, when I have needed them the most.
It will be very hard to muster any thanks for my life on this Thanksgiving. I suppose I am thankful that I have some friends at all....and am able to spend today with one of them. At least this means that I am not alone on the holiday. I am grateful that Ash will be here next month, so I will be able to spend Christmas with him. His parents like me a lot, and will do their very best to make me feel welcome, and distract me from my loss.
I am thankful that I still have my parents, and my sister, who has always been my best friend. But just about everyone else I care about within my family is now gone.
I know, I just know in my soul, that this holiday season will be terrible...for me, for Julie, and for my parents. Probably most of all for Sam, my sister in law. I wish I could push some kind of cosmic fast forward button and just skip all of it..the music, the decorations, the gifts, the commercial hoopla, the "feel-good" cheese. I do not have the energy or the desire to deal with any of it. But it is bearing down upon me, and I will have to face the season as best I can.
"I can ease your pain, get you on your feet again." Pink Floyd "Comfortably Numb."
It will be very hard to muster any thanks for my life on this Thanksgiving. I suppose I am thankful that I have some friends at all....and am able to spend today with one of them. At least this means that I am not alone on the holiday. I am grateful that Ash will be here next month, so I will be able to spend Christmas with him. His parents like me a lot, and will do their very best to make me feel welcome, and distract me from my loss.
I am thankful that I still have my parents, and my sister, who has always been my best friend. But just about everyone else I care about within my family is now gone.
I know, I just know in my soul, that this holiday season will be terrible...for me, for Julie, and for my parents. Probably most of all for Sam, my sister in law. I wish I could push some kind of cosmic fast forward button and just skip all of it..the music, the decorations, the gifts, the commercial hoopla, the "feel-good" cheese. I do not have the energy or the desire to deal with any of it. But it is bearing down upon me, and I will have to face the season as best I can.
"I can ease your pain, get you on your feet again." Pink Floyd "Comfortably Numb."