games and fear and hope . . .
sometimes i guess i just need a taste of what could be.
on some level, i guess it is. it's not hypothetical at all. because it's happening. it is my present moment.
but what i want and what i actually feel is so completely different . . . so what is my present feels like a hypothetical. imaginary. some play. nothing more.
perhaps that makes me a tease. or shallow. or cruel. or unkind. i don't know.
but my ego is boosted even as my fear grows. perhaps this is precisely an example of what i am studying . . .
i am preparing myself for so many possibilities . . . could this be the start of my "forever"? could this be a set-up for heartache and disappointment? could this all be a bit of imagination and nothing more? . . . but i have so much hope that I am on the brisk of something. my instincts scream that that is the case . . . when will i learn to recognize what is my instincts and what are my dreams? . . .
i have so much hope right now.
on some level, i guess it is. it's not hypothetical at all. because it's happening. it is my present moment.
but what i want and what i actually feel is so completely different . . . so what is my present feels like a hypothetical. imaginary. some play. nothing more.
perhaps that makes me a tease. or shallow. or cruel. or unkind. i don't know.
but my ego is boosted even as my fear grows. perhaps this is precisely an example of what i am studying . . .
i am preparing myself for so many possibilities . . . could this be the start of my "forever"? could this be a set-up for heartache and disappointment? could this all be a bit of imagination and nothing more? . . . but i have so much hope that I am on the brisk of something. my instincts scream that that is the case . . . when will i learn to recognize what is my instincts and what are my dreams? . . .
i have so much hope right now.