Silence
So yesterday was the first time I was at a college in which yes, the snow, wind, and everything that kids in high-school wish to have classes canceled. I was stressing really bad yesterday or the day before because I have a test on Friday. Because classes were canceled on Wednesday we didn't get to go over Chapter 7 which will be on the test on Friday. So I don't know what exactly to study for so I'm just going to try and bulk up my notes as best as I can and hope and pray that I put the right information in there.
I forgot to mention that I finally talked and saw my mom on Monday. She is doing and looking fabulous as ever. Me and my sister were so happy to see and her and most of all she was happy to see us. It was a long awaited reunion that I think at the time or the moment I really needed her for once in my life. I told her classes I was taking and what was happening at the house between my aunt and grandmother. She told me and my sister that my grandmother called me and my sister pathological liars and that we needed therapy. I told my mom what happened between me and my uncle and how my aunt "defused" the situation by having us all talk about it out in the open. I also said that I was so pissed at what a liar he is that if he ever touched or threaten me in such a way that would make me scared like the way I was the one day I would kill him. My mom with concern in her voice just basically told me not to. She doesn't want to see me in prison she rather me beat his ass then have to see me in jail recounting her time in jail that she had to go through earlier this year. I told her I don't need therapy that I rather keep my anger because I get so sick and tired of people walking all over me and making me seem inferior to them. She told me its not healthy for me to be that anger and I could literally hurt someone if I wasn't careful and in the end I would regret it for the rest of my life. So I'm trying to keep my anger in check I guess you can say that. Pretty much the whole house is back to normal, my uncle is keeping his distance from me and I like it like that. We still speak to each other but, I don't respect him and view him as a liar and pervert plan and simple.
Yesterday was Valentine's Day, all my life I couldn't stand the day and I always hated the fact that out of all the days this is the one day that people of all sorts spends the most money for that special someone except for maybe their anniversary or wedding or something else that's special to them. Well anyway the night before me and JW were talking and he told me that for the first time in his life that he would have a Valentine's for the first time in three years. I was surprised considering I didn't think he would consider me his Valentines. Well the next day being Valentine's Day everybody sending a text message to their friends and saying how much they love or care about someone I get a text from him saying that his into someone else and me at the same time and rather string me along he wanted to let me know or go I guess. So all day I was thinking about all the things he has ever told me all the way up to last night. My feelings changed so much from love to anger to hurt to disappointment. Why can't I have that someone special in my life. When I get comfortable in my surroundings something has to happen to me to put me back in my shell. I just don't get it. I tell people that being single isn't so bad that you get to figure out what you want and what you don't want and plus you don't get hurt from people who you love the most. I'm not about to make a plea to anybody I'm just saying can I have that someone that wants to be with me. All day he avoided talking to me so I ended up calling him and it turned exactly the way I didn't want it to. I wanted answers from him in which he saw no point in telling me. I was comfortable talking about it and he wasn't. So now I don't know if we are talking or even if we feel comfortable talking to each other. He basically told me he rather be alone and not with anybody and not to wait for him. I guess breaking all ties with me that I was holding.
As far as school I'm doing okay for right now but, I feel if i fail here then I really don't need to be in college. I just hate the fact that I try and study but it doesn't work out. Its like what more do I have to do to prove myself. So I'm going to try and form a study group with some of the people in my history class and child psychology class. I'm also going to start going to some of the tutoring sessions that they have in the program that I am in. So that's where I'm going to start. I'm trying not to get discourage by the first couple of tests but just learn from them and hopefully I'll come on top.
I forgot to mention that I finally talked and saw my mom on Monday. She is doing and looking fabulous as ever. Me and my sister were so happy to see and her and most of all she was happy to see us. It was a long awaited reunion that I think at the time or the moment I really needed her for once in my life. I told her classes I was taking and what was happening at the house between my aunt and grandmother. She told me and my sister that my grandmother called me and my sister pathological liars and that we needed therapy. I told my mom what happened between me and my uncle and how my aunt "defused" the situation by having us all talk about it out in the open. I also said that I was so pissed at what a liar he is that if he ever touched or threaten me in such a way that would make me scared like the way I was the one day I would kill him. My mom with concern in her voice just basically told me not to. She doesn't want to see me in prison she rather me beat his ass then have to see me in jail recounting her time in jail that she had to go through earlier this year. I told her I don't need therapy that I rather keep my anger because I get so sick and tired of people walking all over me and making me seem inferior to them. She told me its not healthy for me to be that anger and I could literally hurt someone if I wasn't careful and in the end I would regret it for the rest of my life. So I'm trying to keep my anger in check I guess you can say that. Pretty much the whole house is back to normal, my uncle is keeping his distance from me and I like it like that. We still speak to each other but, I don't respect him and view him as a liar and pervert plan and simple.
Yesterday was Valentine's Day, all my life I couldn't stand the day and I always hated the fact that out of all the days this is the one day that people of all sorts spends the most money for that special someone except for maybe their anniversary or wedding or something else that's special to them. Well anyway the night before me and JW were talking and he told me that for the first time in his life that he would have a Valentine's for the first time in three years. I was surprised considering I didn't think he would consider me his Valentines. Well the next day being Valentine's Day everybody sending a text message to their friends and saying how much they love or care about someone I get a text from him saying that his into someone else and me at the same time and rather string me along he wanted to let me know or go I guess. So all day I was thinking about all the things he has ever told me all the way up to last night. My feelings changed so much from love to anger to hurt to disappointment. Why can't I have that someone special in my life. When I get comfortable in my surroundings something has to happen to me to put me back in my shell. I just don't get it. I tell people that being single isn't so bad that you get to figure out what you want and what you don't want and plus you don't get hurt from people who you love the most. I'm not about to make a plea to anybody I'm just saying can I have that someone that wants to be with me. All day he avoided talking to me so I ended up calling him and it turned exactly the way I didn't want it to. I wanted answers from him in which he saw no point in telling me. I was comfortable talking about it and he wasn't. So now I don't know if we are talking or even if we feel comfortable talking to each other. He basically told me he rather be alone and not with anybody and not to wait for him. I guess breaking all ties with me that I was holding.
As far as school I'm doing okay for right now but, I feel if i fail here then I really don't need to be in college. I just hate the fact that I try and study but it doesn't work out. Its like what more do I have to do to prove myself. So I'm going to try and form a study group with some of the people in my history class and child psychology class. I'm also going to start going to some of the tutoring sessions that they have in the program that I am in. So that's where I'm going to start. I'm trying not to get discourage by the first couple of tests but just learn from them and hopefully I'll come on top.