This truth drives me into madeness : .I know I can stop the pain if i will it all away
I thought I would be alot more upset, perhaps I'm just repressing it so that I don't feel so absolutly torn. I'm not really sure. I feel like I have nothing to do anymore but I'm sure that I will find something, I will go running tonight and that will be fun....hmm...running and fun arn't usually two words i use in the same sentence. So yesterday we got creamed in softball it was so bad I don't really want to go into detail. Thier coach was basically giving us outs and we couldn't even make some of those; so, so embaressing. I pitched though!! I did pretty good for not having pitched in about 5 weeks. On a tottaly different and strange note my chest is doing something funny. not like funny ha ha, like wierd funny... my chest is in the way......I think I'll just cut my boobs off. Not really, that would just be scary, like the amazon women who cut off their right breast so they could pull an arrow back better, so strange. Anyway I won't go into detail about it, lets just say if things keep going this way I'll have to buy a new bra..... damn being a women. Ok so ha, if any of the people that read my journal havn't already been personally insulted I would just like to thank you for being there for me I really appreciate it. I know that I can count on all my friends and you have all really expressed that to me through your actions. Especially Jamie for understanding, Allison for offering her shoulder to me, Mike for listening to me bitch all the time and Kyle for offering to be there if i ever need him. I love you guys, you are what friends really are. Also everyone should know that if you ever just need somone to talk to I will always be here (at ORME) and i will always be willing to listen. You know what I really need to get? my drivers licence(or a personal driver). Yes that is a goal I must achieve. I need to be mo-bile. I need to get a job, I need to finish my community servive hours. Yes, yes, I also need to do my homework but am I? NO! hahahahahahahahaha...........
UPDATE: 5:20
SO I thought this would help those around me understand a little why I have been acting the way I am. It's on depression:
Your life feels narrow and parched and sometimes you get the sensation of falling into a well; sinking fast. Your temper is charged, often for no reason, or you feel so apathetic that nothing gets you fired up. You're disconnected from those around you, but it feels as if you don't deserve thier attention anyway. Nothing matters. You're often so sad you weep spontaneously, sometimes for no apparent reason. And you break down anywhere, the store, school even at home. Sometime's this sadness doesn't go away and affects all parts of your life. It doesn't seem to have any real reason for being there, but it just is. It robs you of the joy that was once there or makes it impossible to feel joy.
UPDATE: 5:20
SO I thought this would help those around me understand a little why I have been acting the way I am. It's on depression:
Your life feels narrow and parched and sometimes you get the sensation of falling into a well; sinking fast. Your temper is charged, often for no reason, or you feel so apathetic that nothing gets you fired up. You're disconnected from those around you, but it feels as if you don't deserve thier attention anyway. Nothing matters. You're often so sad you weep spontaneously, sometimes for no apparent reason. And you break down anywhere, the store, school even at home. Sometime's this sadness doesn't go away and affects all parts of your life. It doesn't seem to have any real reason for being there, but it just is. It robs you of the joy that was once there or makes it impossible to feel joy.