shitmotherfucker

[netrasauce]

I didn't hit my knee but that doesn't mean I'm notin pain. MY stomache for one is killing me so is that little voice inside my head. I knew I shouldn't have gone, I am much smarter then that, so much fucking smarter! I knew what I was putting on the line by getting drunk and I thought i wouldn't, well after some drinking i stoped and I thought I would be ok but i wasn't and I got tottally shit faced. Normally this would be cause for celebration since i never get drunk beucause i always puke to much but it wasn't. I think I kissed some people i shouldn't have kissed and I think I said some things I shouldn't have said and then i went and told the person I need most all, the parts of my night i could remeber becuase i have to be honest with him but I know that I might lose him and that hurts so bad, so very fucking bad. But you know what I got my self into it I think I have to deal with the consequences. I mean I could have just avoided this whole thing by saying the whole phone call was just a big joke but that would be lying and I cant do that to kyle. I just can't do that. I fucked up big time guys and believe me this is going to hurt for so much longer even if I get the forgivness I am praying for. I hate my-self right now.

UPDATE:
I don't care who knows it but I think that I will find a razor and slash the fuck out of my skin, drain my-self white. I hate my-self I deserve to be punished. I hate myself I am a slut something i never wanted to be, sorry kyle i'm going to brake another promise today, i feel like shit