I hope those who read this find it funny and somewhat true

Feb 10, 2003 18:18

The One Star Hangover (*)

No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function
relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5
sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, your are craving a
philly sub and steak fries.

The Two Star Hangover (**)

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but
you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are
chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still
tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House
excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your
bowels.

The Three Star Hangover (***)

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume
reminds you of the flavored schnapp's shots your alcoholic friends
dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home
in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a
gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't
peed once.

The Four Star Hangover (****)

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly
or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being
late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore
nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side

of your face. (for the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up
on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein
and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and
the first of about five sh*ts you take during the day makes the
eyes water of everyone who enters the bathroom.

The Five Star Hangover, (*****)

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually
annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is
seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have
toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your
teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your
body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is
suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the
stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to
defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented
fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this
'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your @ss.

Death sounds pretty good about right now.....
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