christmas cheers!

[nestea_wachovia]

well today was christmas eve and it was pretty gay... i don't know why but the more time i spent with my family the more i want to be away from them... it's not that i don't love them its just that they are all so stupid and dramatic.. i really wish i could be on my own or be away from certain family members for a long time... i remember when the holidays were always fun and peaceful, now there just filled with tears and petty arguments that in the end don't mean shit because i just simply don't give a fuck.. on the flip side i feel myself becoming closer with my friends here... ive alway been but i don't know i feel like i can trust them a lot more and i'm usually not like that because i tend not the trust anyone... i really miss hanging out with mariano like we use too.. i was bored today and i started to read old LJ entries from some friends and they made me laugh and some made me feel apart from certain people... i remember when we all use to hang out for sure every weekend and we always had awesome times... i can't believe i'm going to write this but the reason why people have become distant is simply because of weed and thats why i have decided to stop smoking when 2005 starts... i smoke way to much weed 11 grams in 4 days thats 165 dollars that i could have spent on something else like paying of a little debt that i have... i'm tired of being the irresponsible, unreliable person that doesn't care about anything but smoking weed .. when squid summed up all of the money that i spent on weed i really felt heart broken and disappointed.. i remember when i use to smoke to have fun but now its just a habit or more like a routine... when in reality i tend to have fun only for like 20 min. and then i'm all down, tired and blinded by the stupidity and the need of getting high again ... the more i think about it though eventually comes down to me contradicting my self because i just simply love weed, but then i think about it more and i realize that i have no motivation in doing anything else.. which is sad but w.e i'm glad that sat down and typed all this shit because i feel a lot better.

peace and love

carlos

p.s please excuse the momentarily emo carlos