total wallflower
im not comfortable here, in my home, again.....this happens often...reason i want to live alone i think
i was uncomfortable at my parents house, just everything its like the 3 of them (mom dad sister) were a nice little family i didnt belong ive never told anyone any of this before kinda falls under the catagory wow kelly actually has feelings and i dont like when people know i cry i dont like when people know im sad or upset i dont like people to waste time thinkin or worrying about me everyone has thier own problems i know this i like to help others i dont want help i dont want anyone wasting feelings on me for shit....anyway
i was comfortable living with dan (yes im going through a nice list so if ya dont care dont read) very comfrtable actually only like once was it odd, when he first started dating megan and she thought i still wanted him but we talked and everything was good
i was comfortable living with leanne and her mom and her moms boyfriend that was jsut a fun apartment htough basically they never cared what we did what went on (strange orgies in our bedroom yes) see and u thought straight girls were boring to room with lol then we moved and that was ok for awhile
living with everyone there got to be uncomfortable, but then living with leanne, brian, bill, mike, ted, keith, lou, shane, evan and whoever else was there for the nite or few months like yima i never left my room after awhile i always felt outside of everyone i never felt like i belonged the ni started getting fucked up again and still didnt fit in with them ive never cared about fitting in but it bothered me that i didnt actually feel comfortable with the people i was living with the people i was best friends with it was just odd made me feel like i was in high school again and at one of our parties i always hung out just outside of everyone else i jsut dont get it ive always been happier by myself just soemthing in me clicks and says ok this is how ur supposed to be happy and i cant get that clicking with most people
i was comfortable living with kyla for awhile after about 5 months or so i stopped living the bedroom again is it wrong i prefer to sit in my room alone then with hte person i was with with the person i spent all of my time i jsut wasnt happy i think i pretended well it got worse when we moved in with her family again the last time before i left i never left the room i even had the kids bring me stuff so i didnt have to leave
now here i sit in my room the only place i have yet again in this apartment i only go to the living room when she is out i rarely go to the kitchen unless shes in her room she is the same way though i unserstand that much but because she is pretty much the same as me we wotn talk about it and since ive never mentioned this to anyone *like ever* im not even all that comfortable in my own room i dont really call it my room anymore anyway its like the extention of HER apartment i was liek this to leanne too i hate that i get liek this i dont feel like anything is mine and i dotn mean like the couch and stuff *which is hers btw* but like the water the food the light i feel like its hers she lets me live here i asked my parents if i could use hte bathroom til i moved out maybe this has something to do with it *i didnt have to i jsut didnt feel right if i didnt ask* im strange i realzie this i jsut wish i oculd be like soemone else i dont care who just someone that dosent have this thing i dont know what it is its just a problem i guess soemthin i have to deal with
i want to move i dont know where i just cant stay here i dont think ill make it throguh sept. if i stay with lissa it can only be for a bit to save a small amount of money (as rent is cheaper out there and im hopefully getting a rasie) and get my own palce casue i dont want to not be friends with her i care to much botu her but i apperently hurt people being like this sicne everyone ive ever lived with hates me.......im confused
im reasding the perks of being a wallflower *for the 15th time* as i realize all of this shit and all i can think is what the fuck? what perks are there yeah i hear what others dont yeah i see whta they dont yes i know stuff you dotn but at what mother fucking cost.....i have like 2 clsoe friends, one i havent known all that long yet, and the other is like me and dosent actually let anyone get close hell we are perfect for each other alwyas at least an arms length from being happy right j?
i odnt know fuck i promise to myself not to delete this it is prolly one of the most honest things ive actually ever put in here about me...thats jsut sad and pathetic fuck
i was uncomfortable at my parents house, just everything its like the 3 of them (mom dad sister) were a nice little family i didnt belong ive never told anyone any of this before kinda falls under the catagory wow kelly actually has feelings and i dont like when people know i cry i dont like when people know im sad or upset i dont like people to waste time thinkin or worrying about me everyone has thier own problems i know this i like to help others i dont want help i dont want anyone wasting feelings on me for shit....anyway
i was comfortable living with dan (yes im going through a nice list so if ya dont care dont read) very comfrtable actually only like once was it odd, when he first started dating megan and she thought i still wanted him but we talked and everything was good
i was comfortable living with leanne and her mom and her moms boyfriend that was jsut a fun apartment htough basically they never cared what we did what went on (strange orgies in our bedroom yes) see and u thought straight girls were boring to room with lol then we moved and that was ok for awhile
living with everyone there got to be uncomfortable, but then living with leanne, brian, bill, mike, ted, keith, lou, shane, evan and whoever else was there for the nite or few months like yima i never left my room after awhile i always felt outside of everyone i never felt like i belonged the ni started getting fucked up again and still didnt fit in with them ive never cared about fitting in but it bothered me that i didnt actually feel comfortable with the people i was living with the people i was best friends with it was just odd made me feel like i was in high school again and at one of our parties i always hung out just outside of everyone else i jsut dont get it ive always been happier by myself just soemthing in me clicks and says ok this is how ur supposed to be happy and i cant get that clicking with most people
i was comfortable living with kyla for awhile after about 5 months or so i stopped living the bedroom again is it wrong i prefer to sit in my room alone then with hte person i was with with the person i spent all of my time i jsut wasnt happy i think i pretended well it got worse when we moved in with her family again the last time before i left i never left the room i even had the kids bring me stuff so i didnt have to leave
now here i sit in my room the only place i have yet again in this apartment i only go to the living room when she is out i rarely go to the kitchen unless shes in her room she is the same way though i unserstand that much but because she is pretty much the same as me we wotn talk about it and since ive never mentioned this to anyone *like ever* im not even all that comfortable in my own room i dont really call it my room anymore anyway its like the extention of HER apartment i was liek this to leanne too i hate that i get liek this i dont feel like anything is mine and i dotn mean like the couch and stuff *which is hers btw* but like the water the food the light i feel like its hers she lets me live here i asked my parents if i could use hte bathroom til i moved out maybe this has something to do with it *i didnt have to i jsut didnt feel right if i didnt ask* im strange i realzie this i jsut wish i oculd be like soemone else i dont care who just someone that dosent have this thing i dont know what it is its just a problem i guess soemthin i have to deal with
i want to move i dont know where i just cant stay here i dont think ill make it throguh sept. if i stay with lissa it can only be for a bit to save a small amount of money (as rent is cheaper out there and im hopefully getting a rasie) and get my own palce casue i dont want to not be friends with her i care to much botu her but i apperently hurt people being like this sicne everyone ive ever lived with hates me.......im confused
im reasding the perks of being a wallflower *for the 15th time* as i realize all of this shit and all i can think is what the fuck? what perks are there yeah i hear what others dont yeah i see whta they dont yes i know stuff you dotn but at what mother fucking cost.....i have like 2 clsoe friends, one i havent known all that long yet, and the other is like me and dosent actually let anyone get close hell we are perfect for each other alwyas at least an arms length from being happy right j?
i odnt know fuck i promise to myself not to delete this it is prolly one of the most honest things ive actually ever put in here about me...thats jsut sad and pathetic fuck