"I failed... Look at the mess I made"
Ok, so Im sitting here in San Jo, somewhat bored but relaxed, and I am actually able to listen to one of the only radio stations I actually like. See, I accidently left my CDs in San Francisco, so I get to listen to KSCU. Yay, its currently Indie hour. Oh how Ive missed it. Anywho, the other day, I made an ice cream cake of amazing goodness. very yummy, if I may say so myself. I love baking. But, i usually dont really eat too much of what I bake. I just enjoy the act of baking.
On a completely different subject, I am still so insanely confused with stuff going on, I dont know what to do. And honestly, I cant keep this up for much longer. I know what I should do... stop whatever with the people that dont really seem to appreciate everything I do. Like,not appreciating me going out of my way for them. But, Its just not easy. Not easy at all. Sorry, I dunno if any of this even makes sense. Just need to vent, cuz its really hard for me to deal with. The whole situation Just makes me really sad. And I feel really bad, too. This isnt like me at all. Blah. I just wish things would work out... how I want them to, and only how I want them to. But, even then, someone is going to be upset or hurt. I hate this so much. I dunno how I got myself into this situation. For some reason, I always end up being close to someone, whether a friend or significant other, who I'll do anything for, but they dont really give a shit. I dunno what it is. Its like a need for neglection. A need for someone to make me feel bad on a normal basis. Its really bad, but its true. And I dont like it at all.
Well, now Im done whining and bitching, I should mention how excited I am about Amelia's wedding. 6 of us will be sharing a 4 person rm, hehehe. Its great. Ive never gone this far, like on a trip, with Just friends. Yay!! So excited. I get to buy a pretty new dress and everything. Yippy. I got new pants and theyre way nexellent. Theyre blue pinstriped dickies, very nexellent. I luff them and I want to wear them all the time. Forever and Forever. Yay. Ever get like that? Like, you get something new and you wanna use it or wear it right that second? Man, Im such a dork.
I got new earrings today. Theyre just little stars, way cute. I like stars. I cant wait to decorate my new room. Im gonna make it all red and black. And I wanna have stars everywhere. Yes. Im excited. I need new posters too. I want this one of Robert Smith, I also want one of Bettie Page shes so hot. Shes like my fave pin up girl of ever. Oooh, I read in playboy that theres gpnna be a movie made of her life! I cant wait!! Know what.... I really like playboy magazine, They have really really good stories and stuff in it. Like, every month they have awesome fictions in it. Its just great, its not "sdirty" like I thought it would be. Speaking of dirty, I need to go to mine and my friends fave Sex Shop in San jo, just for old times sake. Dude... How many figgin tangents did I go off on? Shit man shit!! I think i went off on About 5 tangents. Hehehe, Im such a dork. Wow, this is a long posting. I need a new tattoo. Or piercing. Badly. I wanna get my nipple pierced, but Im not sure.... We'll see. A certain someone keeps making a big deal about how he doesnt want me to get it pierced... but then he'll stop and say "But no, you dont have to listen to anything I say, do what you want, i just thinks its such a bad idea." Grrr, so fucking confusing and aggrivating! WHY ARE PEOPLE THIS CONFUSING!!
To Anyone reading this- you have a job till the next posting.... Come up with a good nickname for me. Uh huh, thats it. I want a nickname of rad awesomeness. Emo kid doesnt fly, either!!