I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
It feels like a good time to beat my head against the wall and scream...will that knock some sense into me? The feelings I feel, well they feel irrational and silly...and pointless. Yet I feel them, and that's not a crime...yet I go back to those vicious why and what if questions that like to plague me. In regards to everything in my life, I just want things to start working, I feel a little chaotic and at the same time I feel as if I haven't done anything. I have now spent about 2 days, job-hunting in Van and house-hunting and some of the job-hunting is done from home, on the computer. I am sick of being told to apply online, but that is the process these days. I am aiming as high as I can, which for me is library, office/admin jobs, banks, etc... Something that will pay me enough so that I can live in Vancouver fairly comfortably. And I honestly don't know what to do about school anymore, let's say I really like working at the bank, and I get into management and really enjoy it. I think no matter what I end up doing, I do want to go back to school, even if it is just to take a computer course. I am hoping for the library job to work out and if I end up with something else, I may keep trying to work at the library anyways, maybe get in there with volunteering some and try to work my way in. I like the idea of working at a library, being surrounded by that many books kinda blows my mind. Anyways, time to go read some and then off to a friend's house for a movie.