Gotham, How to get away with Murder, Death Parade and Korean Pirates. Now with more whales!
Yesterday was spent entirely on the sofa. I am still sick, suffering from headaches that start as soon as I move around so I had a lot of time to kill which I did by watching some new shows that I had successfully avoided until then.
Gotham episode 1-5: I had seen the pilot and apart from Bruce being the cutest weirdest most traumatized cookie ever, nothing really grabbed me so I didn't pay attention to the show anymore. There was the occasional gif set on tumblr with Bruce and Alfred or Gordon and Alfred that made me squee but otherwise I wasn't interested in it.
Until the fire nation attacked aka asthenie-vd and jolly-rotten bribed me with adorable messages on tumblr into giving it another try and I did, starting with the pilot again because I couldn't remember anything anymore.
Good things: Fish Mooney, Oswald (I like his voice), Bruce and Alfred, sometimes Gordon and Harvey and their weird relationship (ayawinner likened it to the cops on "Life on Mars" and I have to agree)
Bad things: EVERYFUCKINGTHING ELSE. HOLY SHIT DO THE PRODUCERS/WRITERS/ANYONE INVOLVED IN THIS MESS KNOW HOW TO WRITE A DECENT SCREENPLAY???
I don't even know where to start. Everything is so over the top which would be okay for a comic book series but then there is absolutely no humour, the cases are boring and the viewer is constantly expected to take everything so damn serious! You are killing people by chaining them to weather ballons, crack a smile for God's sake and acknowledge the silliness! Wallow in it! USE IT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE!
The dialogue is so heavy handed as is every introduction of every future villain.
"Oh the Riddler hasn't asked a question in five seconds, quick someone call him Enigma! Penguin needs to have the worst, most shoehorned in nickname ever! Throw more cats at Selina Kyle, quiiiiick, the audience might not know who she is! IS THAT POISON IVY WITHOUT A PLANT, COME ONE GUYS THIS IS A SERIOUS SHOW!"
The episodes drag on and on and nothing really happens. Gordon and the rest of the GCPD are the worst at their job ever ("Our victims are chained to a weather ballon, let's NOT research those at all, so we can be TOTALLY surprised that dead bodies start falling from the sky! Oh, and while we are at it, let's not once make a joke about this whole thing. We are a serious dark gritty show, remember!" - Jesus fucking Christ, can you tell that I am still not over the stupid balloon episode.)
I am also wondering what they are telling their actors to do but everyone is doing their utmost to appear completely removed from reality. They act and talk like comic book characters but then they have this crazy serious environment to work with and everything clashes. Falcone and Maroni are especially bad but Fish can come on too strong occasionally and let us just never talk about Gordon's shortcomings, I am sorry, but the actor is either not given very good material or HE IS SUPER TERRIBLE I CAN'T EVEN TELL. I like his face but he is so... bland. So god damn fucking bland.
The timing also lacks finesse, shots and dialogue drag on for too long, the cuts are often shabby, there is way too much convenient evidence falling into Gordon's lap at the right time. These aren't cases they are solving, it's just props and story hooks for this weird mafia war they want to show for WHATEVER REASON. At least have Gordon prove himself to be a good cop (OR AT LEAST AN COMPETENT ONE) for God's sake. Or is he so terrible because they want the series to fit in with the Nolan-film canon where Gordon was the last one to finally understand that Bruce is Batman? In that case congratulations, Gordon is the dumbest, blandest pound of whitebread to have ever walked the streets of Gotham.
I am fast-forwarding the episodes now to watch the scenes with Alfred and Bruce and maybe Gordon and Alfred. Otherwise this is absolutely not entertaining.
How to get away with Murder: Yeah no, whatever, this is stupid and weird. Admittedly I was never that much into courtroom shows but courtroom shows with JURASTUDENTEN???? Oh sweet Jesus have mercy on me.
I hate everyone apart from Professor Keating, and I think that is kinda the point, because they are a bunch of assholes, but the show is SO cheap in their characters portrayals. Everyone is a stereotype! You have the smart super zealous girl, the slutty guy, the comic relief guy, the naïve one and the newbie whose development we follow most closely (he got in the course very last minute and they even call him "the puppy"). There is also this weird vibe between Keating's partner and one of the students and by weird vibes I mean he got told "Stop screwing the students!" by his colleague right after the female student told him that he is a "misogynistic asshole."
Oh yeah, I can't wait to see how this plays out. Grrreeeeeat.
I tried the second episode but yeah there is absolutely nothing I like about anyone here. I am sad about that actually, because I do love Grey's Anatomy with all my heart (the other show Shonda Rhimes produced) but here? Not a chance. I mean is it too much to ask for at least two characters to like each other? To be friends? To have something other than drama between them? Ugh.
Death Parade, episode 1-7: captainkimchi told me about this anime so we watched it together. She had already seen the episodes which was good as I would have probably stopped watching after the first episode if she hadn't told me that the story only really starts in episode 3.
The show is set in a bar called "Quindecim" (Japan, you and your weird obsession with words you can't pronounce), where people are asked to play a game (like darts, bowling, air hockey) before they are allowed to leave the bar. The twist is that everyone in the bar is already dead, so the game just helps the arbiters aka the bartenders to decide whether to send people's souls into the void or to have them reincarnated.
The other twist is that the bartender Decim has no idea how human emotions may affect a person's behavior SO HE IS REALLY BAD AT THIS JOB??? HE MISJUDGES SOULS??? SENDS THEM INTO THE VOID??? DUDE, THIS SYSTEM IS VERY FLAWED??
Nonetheless I liked it, the art is very pretty as you can see in the intro (which has nothing to do with anything but everything is so... purple and shiny!) and although the overarching plot hasn't really started yet - there are only glimpses and hints so far - I enjoy it very much. Let's hope it stays that way. I really need a new show. xD
Pirates, that one Korean movie about Pirates: Did you come across some gifsets like this some months ago? Or maybe a picture of Son Ye-jin as Yeo-wol the pirate captain and main character of the film? I sure did, but the hype soon died down at least in my corner of the internet but captainkimchi and I found ourselves drawn in by the silly trailer anyway, so we watched this thing.
Looks epic, right? Well it isn't. Or rather the battle scenes are epic and a huge ton of fun but the rest is so sooooo incredibly weird and... funny but still weird??? Oh my God, I don't even know how to explain half of the shit that's going on but let's try it anyway.
The story is set in late 14th century. Goryeo aka old-timey Korea is as good as dead, and the new Joseon dynasty is about to be made a proper woma- I mean dynasty of it by way of a seal from the emperor of Ming-dynasty-China. So far so good.
Then a whale swallows that really important seal on the way back from China and since that sounds so damn silly, the ministers asked to transport the seal make up a story of how they got attacked by pirates so the king declares war on all pirates while the ministers prepare for a secret mission, where an old army dude is asked to ensure the help of the pirates to hunt down that one whale (that conveniently has a Korean flag stuck in its back from the time it attacked the envoy's ship) because the navy's ships are too small for that.
This would be plot enough for two hours but we also have to deal with the journey of one Jang Sa-jung aka Crazy Tiger, the leader of a group of really stupid bandits who want to catch that whale as well so they can ask for ransom money for the seal.
Jang Sa-jung also has a vendetta against the old army dude because he killed his best friend in the first five minutes of the movie (yeah, that was super tragic because we got to spend so much time with him...) and then there is the whole drama with Yeo-wol who has to fight against her old captain So-ma while hunting down that whale who appears to be the only whale in the whole Yellow Sea.
pic from here, where you'll also find a great snarky review
AND THEN there is the story about the one pirate from Yeo-wol's crew who is constantly sea-sick and therefore joins Jang Sa-jung's bandits.
This... this movie is so weird, guys, I am down to hysterical laughter. The story is absolutely convoluted, Jang Sa-jung is the DUMBEST guy to ever grace the earth (HE IS SO DUMB. HONESTLY. HE HAS FABULOUS HAIR AND IS GOOD AT FIGHTING BUT THE REST OF THE TIME HE IS SUCH A FAIL BENDER OH GAWD) and I have no idea why Yeo-wol doesn't kill him the minute she is forced to spend time with him.
Oh, she tries of course but then the film plunges into rom-com territory and wants us to ship those two which of course doesn't work because we also have to concentrate on those five bazillion other plot threads, so in the end Jang Sa-jung declares that bandits only fight for money OR LOVE YEO-WOL PLEASE LOVE ME in the middle of the final battle and right before the credits Jang Sa-jung places his hand on Yeo-wol's shoulder and she looks at it with utter disgust. She is probably even more surprised by this outcome than the viewer. MOVIE WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!??!
We also had to watch the German dubbing (thanks amazon instant video, you are useless) which made for even more accidental hilarity. I mean I am used to the occasional "Okay, Leute?" in a medieval movie, hell even the "Geht klar!" is nothing new and when the pirate is really into "Siezen" and addresses his king accordingly, hell why not.
But the greatest thing was the old army dude's sergeant who said to him and I am not kidding.
"Ja schon, Herr General, aber das Ding ist, dass unsere Schiffe zerstört sind."
DAS DING IST, HERR GENERAL.
WEISSTE GENERAL.
GRAD IS NICH SO GUT, GENERAL.
Jesus fucking Christ, I am still in tears over this ahahhahaha. XDDDDD Nonetheless I enjoyed it, the costumes and battles scenes were great (this being an Asian movie everyone can fly of course) and the scenes where the pirate tries to explain to the bandits how huge a whale is was comedy gold ("Nachher erzählst du uns noch, dass dieser Fisch seine Jungen säugt!" - "ABER SO IST ES DOCH!!!!") even though the scene was very useless for the rest of the plot. xD
Gotham episode 1-5: I had seen the pilot and apart from Bruce being the cutest weirdest most traumatized cookie ever, nothing really grabbed me so I didn't pay attention to the show anymore. There was the occasional gif set on tumblr with Bruce and Alfred or Gordon and Alfred that made me squee but otherwise I wasn't interested in it.
Until the fire nation attacked aka asthenie-vd and jolly-rotten bribed me with adorable messages on tumblr into giving it another try and I did, starting with the pilot again because I couldn't remember anything anymore.
Good things: Fish Mooney, Oswald (I like his voice), Bruce and Alfred, sometimes Gordon and Harvey and their weird relationship (ayawinner likened it to the cops on "Life on Mars" and I have to agree)
Bad things: EVERYFUCKINGTHING ELSE. HOLY SHIT DO THE PRODUCERS/WRITERS/ANYONE INVOLVED IN THIS MESS KNOW HOW TO WRITE A DECENT SCREENPLAY???
I don't even know where to start. Everything is so over the top which would be okay for a comic book series but then there is absolutely no humour, the cases are boring and the viewer is constantly expected to take everything so damn serious! You are killing people by chaining them to weather ballons, crack a smile for God's sake and acknowledge the silliness! Wallow in it! USE IT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE!
The dialogue is so heavy handed as is every introduction of every future villain.
"Oh the Riddler hasn't asked a question in five seconds, quick someone call him Enigma! Penguin needs to have the worst, most shoehorned in nickname ever! Throw more cats at Selina Kyle, quiiiiick, the audience might not know who she is! IS THAT POISON IVY WITHOUT A PLANT, COME ONE GUYS THIS IS A SERIOUS SHOW!"
The episodes drag on and on and nothing really happens. Gordon and the rest of the GCPD are the worst at their job ever ("Our victims are chained to a weather ballon, let's NOT research those at all, so we can be TOTALLY surprised that dead bodies start falling from the sky! Oh, and while we are at it, let's not once make a joke about this whole thing. We are a serious dark gritty show, remember!" - Jesus fucking Christ, can you tell that I am still not over the stupid balloon episode.)
I am also wondering what they are telling their actors to do but everyone is doing their utmost to appear completely removed from reality. They act and talk like comic book characters but then they have this crazy serious environment to work with and everything clashes. Falcone and Maroni are especially bad but Fish can come on too strong occasionally and let us just never talk about Gordon's shortcomings, I am sorry, but the actor is either not given very good material or HE IS SUPER TERRIBLE I CAN'T EVEN TELL. I like his face but he is so... bland. So god damn fucking bland.
The timing also lacks finesse, shots and dialogue drag on for too long, the cuts are often shabby, there is way too much convenient evidence falling into Gordon's lap at the right time. These aren't cases they are solving, it's just props and story hooks for this weird mafia war they want to show for WHATEVER REASON. At least have Gordon prove himself to be a good cop (OR AT LEAST AN COMPETENT ONE) for God's sake. Or is he so terrible because they want the series to fit in with the Nolan-film canon where Gordon was the last one to finally understand that Bruce is Batman? In that case congratulations, Gordon is the dumbest, blandest pound of whitebread to have ever walked the streets of Gotham.
I am fast-forwarding the episodes now to watch the scenes with Alfred and Bruce and maybe Gordon and Alfred. Otherwise this is absolutely not entertaining.
How to get away with Murder: Yeah no, whatever, this is stupid and weird. Admittedly I was never that much into courtroom shows but courtroom shows with JURASTUDENTEN???? Oh sweet Jesus have mercy on me.
I hate everyone apart from Professor Keating, and I think that is kinda the point, because they are a bunch of assholes, but the show is SO cheap in their characters portrayals. Everyone is a stereotype! You have the smart super zealous girl, the slutty guy, the comic relief guy, the naïve one and the newbie whose development we follow most closely (he got in the course very last minute and they even call him "the puppy"). There is also this weird vibe between Keating's partner and one of the students and by weird vibes I mean he got told "Stop screwing the students!" by his colleague right after the female student told him that he is a "misogynistic asshole."
Oh yeah, I can't wait to see how this plays out. Grrreeeeeat.
I tried the second episode but yeah there is absolutely nothing I like about anyone here. I am sad about that actually, because I do love Grey's Anatomy with all my heart (the other show Shonda Rhimes produced) but here? Not a chance. I mean is it too much to ask for at least two characters to like each other? To be friends? To have something other than drama between them? Ugh.
Death Parade, episode 1-7: captainkimchi told me about this anime so we watched it together. She had already seen the episodes which was good as I would have probably stopped watching after the first episode if she hadn't told me that the story only really starts in episode 3.
The show is set in a bar called "Quindecim" (Japan, you and your weird obsession with words you can't pronounce), where people are asked to play a game (like darts, bowling, air hockey) before they are allowed to leave the bar. The twist is that everyone in the bar is already dead, so the game just helps the arbiters aka the bartenders to decide whether to send people's souls into the void or to have them reincarnated.
The other twist is that the bartender Decim has no idea how human emotions may affect a person's behavior SO HE IS REALLY BAD AT THIS JOB??? HE MISJUDGES SOULS??? SENDS THEM INTO THE VOID??? DUDE, THIS SYSTEM IS VERY FLAWED??
Nonetheless I liked it, the art is very pretty as you can see in the intro (which has nothing to do with anything but everything is so... purple and shiny!) and although the overarching plot hasn't really started yet - there are only glimpses and hints so far - I enjoy it very much. Let's hope it stays that way. I really need a new show. xD
Click to viewPirates, that one Korean movie about Pirates: Did you come across some gifsets like this some months ago? Or maybe a picture of Son Ye-jin as Yeo-wol the pirate captain and main character of the film? I sure did, but the hype soon died down at least in my corner of the internet but captainkimchi and I found ourselves drawn in by the silly trailer anyway, so we watched this thing.
Looks epic, right? Well it isn't. Or rather the battle scenes are epic and a huge ton of fun but the rest is so sooooo incredibly weird and... funny but still weird??? Oh my God, I don't even know how to explain half of the shit that's going on but let's try it anyway.
The story is set in late 14th century. Goryeo aka old-timey Korea is as good as dead, and the new Joseon dynasty is about to be made a proper woma- I mean dynasty of it by way of a seal from the emperor of Ming-dynasty-China. So far so good.
Then a whale swallows that really important seal on the way back from China and since that sounds so damn silly, the ministers asked to transport the seal make up a story of how they got attacked by pirates so the king declares war on all pirates while the ministers prepare for a secret mission, where an old army dude is asked to ensure the help of the pirates to hunt down that one whale (that conveniently has a Korean flag stuck in its back from the time it attacked the envoy's ship) because the navy's ships are too small for that.
This would be plot enough for two hours but we also have to deal with the journey of one Jang Sa-jung aka Crazy Tiger, the leader of a group of really stupid bandits who want to catch that whale as well so they can ask for ransom money for the seal.
Jang Sa-jung also has a vendetta against the old army dude because he killed his best friend in the first five minutes of the movie (yeah, that was super tragic because we got to spend so much time with him...) and then there is the whole drama with Yeo-wol who has to fight against her old captain So-ma while hunting down that whale who appears to be the only whale in the whole Yellow Sea.
pic from here, where you'll also find a great snarky review
AND THEN there is the story about the one pirate from Yeo-wol's crew who is constantly sea-sick and therefore joins Jang Sa-jung's bandits.
This... this movie is so weird, guys, I am down to hysterical laughter. The story is absolutely convoluted, Jang Sa-jung is the DUMBEST guy to ever grace the earth (HE IS SO DUMB. HONESTLY. HE HAS FABULOUS HAIR AND IS GOOD AT FIGHTING BUT THE REST OF THE TIME HE IS SUCH A FAIL BENDER OH GAWD) and I have no idea why Yeo-wol doesn't kill him the minute she is forced to spend time with him.
Oh, she tries of course but then the film plunges into rom-com territory and wants us to ship those two which of course doesn't work because we also have to concentrate on those five bazillion other plot threads, so in the end Jang Sa-jung declares that bandits only fight for money OR LOVE YEO-WOL PLEASE LOVE ME in the middle of the final battle and right before the credits Jang Sa-jung places his hand on Yeo-wol's shoulder and she looks at it with utter disgust. She is probably even more surprised by this outcome than the viewer. MOVIE WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!??!
We also had to watch the German dubbing (thanks amazon instant video, you are useless) which made for even more accidental hilarity. I mean I am used to the occasional "Okay, Leute?" in a medieval movie, hell even the "Geht klar!" is nothing new and when the pirate is really into "Siezen" and addresses his king accordingly, hell why not.
But the greatest thing was the old army dude's sergeant who said to him and I am not kidding.
"Ja schon, Herr General, aber das Ding ist, dass unsere Schiffe zerstört sind."
DAS DING IST, HERR GENERAL.
WEISSTE GENERAL.
GRAD IS NICH SO GUT, GENERAL.
Jesus fucking Christ, I am still in tears over this ahahhahaha. XDDDDD Nonetheless I enjoyed it, the costumes and battles scenes were great (this being an Asian movie everyone can fly of course) and the scenes where the pirate tries to explain to the bandits how huge a whale is was comedy gold ("Nachher erzählst du uns noch, dass dieser Fisch seine Jungen säugt!" - "ABER SO IST ES DOCH!!!!") even though the scene was very useless for the rest of the plot. xD