Brave...or Been There, Done That
Spoilers Ahead:
Disney Pixar has an excellent reputation for creating original, funny movies, such as "Up", "Toy Story", and "Finding Nemo" (although personally, I would NEVER show "Finding Nemo to a child under 10...its terrifying and depressing!) So along comes "Brave", which is neither funny, nor original. I mean, don't get me wrong, it wasn't BAD...I definitely watched the whole thing in one sitting, which says a lot for me these days. But certain things must be pointed out (read: brutally criticized)
The biggest problem I had with Brave was that it was super predictable. They just kept ripping off plots of previous Pixar/Disney movies. I mean, let's take the premise. A princess who doesn't like all the rules and hardships of being a princess and just wants to do whatever she wants and no one understands her blah blah blah. Not only am I NOT crying her a river (she has her own horse, she lives in a castle, she can apparently eat an entire tray of cakes and maintain a PERFECT figure, etc), but it's like, really? This is your original premise? Thanks Disney, but I've seen it in The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, the 87 versions of The Prince and the Pauper...shall I continue?
Princess Merida has an overbearing mother with whom she butts heads. I also just saw this in "Tangled". Yes, the mom was actually the bad guy in Tangled, whereas Brave's mom is just strict, but it was like watching the same movie when they argued.
There are three triplet boys who's sole purpose was to be hilarious...I think? I don't remember laughing at their antics. I was just super annoyed that no one was disciplining the little f***ers.
So poor Merida is sad because her Mom wants her to follow the tradition and have an arranged marriage. It just so happens that the three suitors are complete doofuses, so I have no idea how Scotland keeps running. Merida defies her mother's rules about marrying a stranger, and races off into the forest to find a kind witch.
So now we are treated to a scene ripped lovingly off of "The Princess and the Frog", because this witch is basically Mama Otee, only white and able to see. But she's perfectly nice for a witch. Inexplicably, she is obsessed with bears, because that's all she makes in her wood shop. In fact, everyone in this movie is obsessed with bears. I learned that Scotland only has two animals- bears and more bears.
Merida asks the witch to make a spell to "change her mom". Those are her exact words. Now, we've all read "The Monkey's Paw" or "The magic fish" or any of those stories in which a wish gets taken too literally and ends up backfiring. But at least the people who made those wishes were being way more specific than "change my mom", which could literally mean ANYTHING. I mean, Merida may have just killed her mom for all she knows with this nonspecific wish.
Turns out, Mom doesn't die, but gets turned into (of course) a BIG FREAKING BEAR. The maid with WAAAAAY too much inappropriate cleavage showing screams and runs away. Let me take a moment to discuss Cleavage Maid. She's old and plump, so I know she's not supposed to be sexy, but my God, the boobs. Every scene she is in, they actually ZOOM IN on her ample cleavage. And it bounces and everything, which means someone actually sat there and animated that with purpose. At one point in the movie, Cleavage Maid actually HIDES A KEY IN HER CLEAVAGE...from the three little boys!!! Which of course is ASKING THEM to go digging for it...which they DO in a lovely scene in which one DIVES INTO HER CLEAVAGE and we are once again treated to a zoom in. Sooooo unnecessary.
So Merida and Mom Bear go find the witch, who of course is gone, but gives Merida a rhyme about how she and her mom need to mend their bond in order to reverse the spell. Merida takes this rhyme LITERALLY and decides it means she needs to mend a tapestry she broke earlier. Juli slaps her forehead.
So adventures ensue, and somehow magically Merida and Mom Bear see each others' side of the story. I have no idea how this happens from spending ONE day together, not even talking (bears can't talk, after all). They just go fishing and stuff. Makes me feel better as a parent though...if my kids grow up and defy me, I'll just spend a day of fun with them and we'll be fixed forever.
In conclusion, everything in this movie was super predictable (though I didn't see the turning into a bear thing coming, though I should have, since they hadn't ripped off "Brother Bear" yet.
Disney Pixar has an excellent reputation for creating original, funny movies, such as "Up", "Toy Story", and "Finding Nemo" (although personally, I would NEVER show "Finding Nemo to a child under 10...its terrifying and depressing!) So along comes "Brave", which is neither funny, nor original. I mean, don't get me wrong, it wasn't BAD...I definitely watched the whole thing in one sitting, which says a lot for me these days. But certain things must be pointed out (read: brutally criticized)
The biggest problem I had with Brave was that it was super predictable. They just kept ripping off plots of previous Pixar/Disney movies. I mean, let's take the premise. A princess who doesn't like all the rules and hardships of being a princess and just wants to do whatever she wants and no one understands her blah blah blah. Not only am I NOT crying her a river (she has her own horse, she lives in a castle, she can apparently eat an entire tray of cakes and maintain a PERFECT figure, etc), but it's like, really? This is your original premise? Thanks Disney, but I've seen it in The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, the 87 versions of The Prince and the Pauper...shall I continue?
Princess Merida has an overbearing mother with whom she butts heads. I also just saw this in "Tangled". Yes, the mom was actually the bad guy in Tangled, whereas Brave's mom is just strict, but it was like watching the same movie when they argued.
There are three triplet boys who's sole purpose was to be hilarious...I think? I don't remember laughing at their antics. I was just super annoyed that no one was disciplining the little f***ers.
So poor Merida is sad because her Mom wants her to follow the tradition and have an arranged marriage. It just so happens that the three suitors are complete doofuses, so I have no idea how Scotland keeps running. Merida defies her mother's rules about marrying a stranger, and races off into the forest to find a kind witch.
So now we are treated to a scene ripped lovingly off of "The Princess and the Frog", because this witch is basically Mama Otee, only white and able to see. But she's perfectly nice for a witch. Inexplicably, she is obsessed with bears, because that's all she makes in her wood shop. In fact, everyone in this movie is obsessed with bears. I learned that Scotland only has two animals- bears and more bears.
Merida asks the witch to make a spell to "change her mom". Those are her exact words. Now, we've all read "The Monkey's Paw" or "The magic fish" or any of those stories in which a wish gets taken too literally and ends up backfiring. But at least the people who made those wishes were being way more specific than "change my mom", which could literally mean ANYTHING. I mean, Merida may have just killed her mom for all she knows with this nonspecific wish.
Turns out, Mom doesn't die, but gets turned into (of course) a BIG FREAKING BEAR. The maid with WAAAAAY too much inappropriate cleavage showing screams and runs away. Let me take a moment to discuss Cleavage Maid. She's old and plump, so I know she's not supposed to be sexy, but my God, the boobs. Every scene she is in, they actually ZOOM IN on her ample cleavage. And it bounces and everything, which means someone actually sat there and animated that with purpose. At one point in the movie, Cleavage Maid actually HIDES A KEY IN HER CLEAVAGE...from the three little boys!!! Which of course is ASKING THEM to go digging for it...which they DO in a lovely scene in which one DIVES INTO HER CLEAVAGE and we are once again treated to a zoom in. Sooooo unnecessary.
So Merida and Mom Bear go find the witch, who of course is gone, but gives Merida a rhyme about how she and her mom need to mend their bond in order to reverse the spell. Merida takes this rhyme LITERALLY and decides it means she needs to mend a tapestry she broke earlier. Juli slaps her forehead.
So adventures ensue, and somehow magically Merida and Mom Bear see each others' side of the story. I have no idea how this happens from spending ONE day together, not even talking (bears can't talk, after all). They just go fishing and stuff. Makes me feel better as a parent though...if my kids grow up and defy me, I'll just spend a day of fun with them and we'll be fixed forever.
In conclusion, everything in this movie was super predictable (though I didn't see the turning into a bear thing coming, though I should have, since they hadn't ripped off "Brother Bear" yet.