Memphis
Ok, the fact that THIS won best musical must mean that everything else on Broadway BLOWS. Like, "My Dinner With Andre" bad. I was lucky enough to see it for free on Netflix...imagine how mad I'd be had I blown $120 bucks a ticket on it.
So its Memphis, 1952. We open with a black nightclub, having fun and singing their black attitude songs (note: according to this musical, blacks are the only race with fun music. White guy music is dull as dirt). Suddenly, in stumbles Huey, a white man with the most ANNOYING, GRATING, BIZARRE Tennessee accent you will ever hear. I can only describe it as a cross between Snagglepuss, a drunk hobo, and that "nooks and CRAAAAAAAAAAANNNIES" kid from the Thomas' English Muffin ads.
So honestly, you think he's drunk, the way he walks all flimsy, and his really weird obnoxious turn of phrase, and the fact that he has wondered into an all black nightclub and doesn't seem to get why that's weird. He sings a song about how black music is awesome, and the next day, he breaks into a radio station and starts playing it. The song is called (I'm not kidding) "Everybody wants to be black on a Saturday Night". All the white kids go apes*** for it, singing about how they love this music because it "makes them feel black". Um, what???? Its the south in 1952! Being black equals getting beaten for looking at a white guy the wrong way!!! Why the hell do they want to "feel black"? Are they masochists?
Huey inexplicably gets a job as the world's most annoying DJ, and he starts flirting with Felicia. The two problems with this are that Felicia is a) A HIDEOUS WOMAN and b)black. Again though, Huey doesn't get why this is a bad thing, even though his mother strictly disapproves. At this point, I'm thinking Huey is supposed to be mentally challenged- he lives with his mom at age 30, he doesn't get the whole social norm concept of the 1950's, and have I mentioned he talks like the guys who plays Templeton the Rat on glue? But no, this theory is never confirmed...he's apparently NOT supposed to be a less charming version of Forrest Gump, he's just supposed to be a hillbilly. I think hillbillys everywhere should protest this defamation of their good name.
Felicia's brother Delray is not happy about the white man hitting on his black sister, and starts fighting with Huey about it. Huey says "I think your sister should sing on the radio, not just in your crappy little club" and Delray picks up a stool with the intention of smacking Huey with it. "Why you redneck son of a bitch!" he shouts, coming at Huey. A musical chord plays, and Delray instantly starts singing "I didn't mean to call you a redneck son of a bitch, even though you are a redneck son of a bitch. And I know you didn't mean to call it a crappy little club, even though it is a crappy little club". Wooooow...they don't write em like they used to. And what point is this song supposed to serve, since he's just contradicting himself with every line?
Huey and Felicia start inexplicably dating, and he proposes to her on the street. Felicia (understandably) turns him down, saying they could never have children or be seen, etc. Huey kisses her, and some white guys show up who look about as menacing as the guys who bus tables at the Olive Garden. However, they are armed with baseball bats, so they do manage to beat the crap out of Huey and Felicia.
Huey carries Felicia into the nightclub, and they call the black ambulance (which sounds like an awesome band name, btw). She is beaten horribly, and the mute bartender sings a song (I can't even explain this, it's completely pointless anyway. He is no longer mute for the rest of the show, and no one seems to care. He contributes nothing to the plot, so maybe that's why).
Act 2 starts off with Huey having his own TV show, because he is the most popular DJ in music, what with playing black music for white audiences. He hosts and his black dancers dance to the peppy fun black attitude music, everyone is happy. This surprises me, because again, its the SOUTH in the 1950s. Why haven't biggots bombed this station yet? A man from New York shows up to offer Huey and Felicia fame- Huey will broadcast nationally, and Felicia will be a famous singer. Felicia is thrilled; not only will her dream of stardom come true, but she and Huey can be together and be safe up North. Huey, however, has only ever lived in Memphis and refuses to leave. WHAT???? Why, what do you have going for you? You live with your MOM and your girlfriend whom you profess to love more than life is in MORTAL DANGER because she's dating you! GO TO NEW YORK!
The New York tv man tells Huey that he needs to get white dancers, and Huey protests by taking off his clothes on national television. Because that's the logical answer. Now he's even more convinced that he will NOT go to New York, since they are racist. Felicia, however, isn't on the same crusade as Huey...all she seems to care about is that she gets famous, screw all the black dancers that are about to be fired from Huey's show for being black. "I'm going to New York" she says firmly. "Let me prove that I love you" responds Huey (???)
So Felicia goes out to sing on Huey's show, and Huey grabs her and kisses her on the air. This of course causes Huey to get instantly fired, and Felicia goes to New York with her brother. I can't believe Felicia LIVED to not only go to New York, but to become a huge star. Shouldn't that kissing a white guy incident have put a target on her head? And how the hell does that prove Huey loves her? If he wanted to prove that, he would GO TO NEW YORK LIKE SHE KEEPS ASKING so they can be together without the constant threat of iminent death and beatings. If I was in mortal danger every day of being with David, I would hope he'd be willing to move to another state to prevent that!
So Four years later, Huey is working as a DJ at the worst radio station in Memphis...only one listener according to the ratings. Felicia shows up, dressed to the nines. "I'm on tour, and I want you to come to my show tonight" she tells Huey, who tries to invite her to dinner since "Mama's out of the house tonight". So yeah...stiiiiiilll living with mom. What a catch. But Felicia turns him down because she's engaged. Delray walks in to go "I HATE her fiance" and leaves. Um, ok...I assume he says this so we don't feel sorry for the fiance when Huey wins Felicia back at the end, right?
NO! Felicia invites Huey to her show again, Huey says no, and Felicia rips off her coat and starts performing a huge number...assumedly we are now at her concert. Huey comes stumbling onstage and starts singing with her! In the words of my sister "she asked him to come SEE her show, not BE in her show!" And then the curtain falls.
WHAT? WHAAAAATTTT???? NOTHING IS SOLVED!!!!!!!! They DON'T get back together, Huey still lives in squalor with the worst job in the world, Delray pointlessly hates Felicia's fiance, and the mute guy still is contributing NOTHING to the show!!! How is that an ending????? It's as bad as if I just ended my livejournal post by suddenly
So its Memphis, 1952. We open with a black nightclub, having fun and singing their black attitude songs (note: according to this musical, blacks are the only race with fun music. White guy music is dull as dirt). Suddenly, in stumbles Huey, a white man with the most ANNOYING, GRATING, BIZARRE Tennessee accent you will ever hear. I can only describe it as a cross between Snagglepuss, a drunk hobo, and that "nooks and CRAAAAAAAAAAANNNIES" kid from the Thomas' English Muffin ads.
So honestly, you think he's drunk, the way he walks all flimsy, and his really weird obnoxious turn of phrase, and the fact that he has wondered into an all black nightclub and doesn't seem to get why that's weird. He sings a song about how black music is awesome, and the next day, he breaks into a radio station and starts playing it. The song is called (I'm not kidding) "Everybody wants to be black on a Saturday Night". All the white kids go apes*** for it, singing about how they love this music because it "makes them feel black". Um, what???? Its the south in 1952! Being black equals getting beaten for looking at a white guy the wrong way!!! Why the hell do they want to "feel black"? Are they masochists?
Huey inexplicably gets a job as the world's most annoying DJ, and he starts flirting with Felicia. The two problems with this are that Felicia is a) A HIDEOUS WOMAN and b)black. Again though, Huey doesn't get why this is a bad thing, even though his mother strictly disapproves. At this point, I'm thinking Huey is supposed to be mentally challenged- he lives with his mom at age 30, he doesn't get the whole social norm concept of the 1950's, and have I mentioned he talks like the guys who plays Templeton the Rat on glue? But no, this theory is never confirmed...he's apparently NOT supposed to be a less charming version of Forrest Gump, he's just supposed to be a hillbilly. I think hillbillys everywhere should protest this defamation of their good name.
Felicia's brother Delray is not happy about the white man hitting on his black sister, and starts fighting with Huey about it. Huey says "I think your sister should sing on the radio, not just in your crappy little club" and Delray picks up a stool with the intention of smacking Huey with it. "Why you redneck son of a bitch!" he shouts, coming at Huey. A musical chord plays, and Delray instantly starts singing "I didn't mean to call you a redneck son of a bitch, even though you are a redneck son of a bitch. And I know you didn't mean to call it a crappy little club, even though it is a crappy little club". Wooooow...they don't write em like they used to. And what point is this song supposed to serve, since he's just contradicting himself with every line?
Huey and Felicia start inexplicably dating, and he proposes to her on the street. Felicia (understandably) turns him down, saying they could never have children or be seen, etc. Huey kisses her, and some white guys show up who look about as menacing as the guys who bus tables at the Olive Garden. However, they are armed with baseball bats, so they do manage to beat the crap out of Huey and Felicia.
Huey carries Felicia into the nightclub, and they call the black ambulance (which sounds like an awesome band name, btw). She is beaten horribly, and the mute bartender sings a song (I can't even explain this, it's completely pointless anyway. He is no longer mute for the rest of the show, and no one seems to care. He contributes nothing to the plot, so maybe that's why).
Act 2 starts off with Huey having his own TV show, because he is the most popular DJ in music, what with playing black music for white audiences. He hosts and his black dancers dance to the peppy fun black attitude music, everyone is happy. This surprises me, because again, its the SOUTH in the 1950s. Why haven't biggots bombed this station yet? A man from New York shows up to offer Huey and Felicia fame- Huey will broadcast nationally, and Felicia will be a famous singer. Felicia is thrilled; not only will her dream of stardom come true, but she and Huey can be together and be safe up North. Huey, however, has only ever lived in Memphis and refuses to leave. WHAT???? Why, what do you have going for you? You live with your MOM and your girlfriend whom you profess to love more than life is in MORTAL DANGER because she's dating you! GO TO NEW YORK!
The New York tv man tells Huey that he needs to get white dancers, and Huey protests by taking off his clothes on national television. Because that's the logical answer. Now he's even more convinced that he will NOT go to New York, since they are racist. Felicia, however, isn't on the same crusade as Huey...all she seems to care about is that she gets famous, screw all the black dancers that are about to be fired from Huey's show for being black. "I'm going to New York" she says firmly. "Let me prove that I love you" responds Huey (???)
So Felicia goes out to sing on Huey's show, and Huey grabs her and kisses her on the air. This of course causes Huey to get instantly fired, and Felicia goes to New York with her brother. I can't believe Felicia LIVED to not only go to New York, but to become a huge star. Shouldn't that kissing a white guy incident have put a target on her head? And how the hell does that prove Huey loves her? If he wanted to prove that, he would GO TO NEW YORK LIKE SHE KEEPS ASKING so they can be together without the constant threat of iminent death and beatings. If I was in mortal danger every day of being with David, I would hope he'd be willing to move to another state to prevent that!
So Four years later, Huey is working as a DJ at the worst radio station in Memphis...only one listener according to the ratings. Felicia shows up, dressed to the nines. "I'm on tour, and I want you to come to my show tonight" she tells Huey, who tries to invite her to dinner since "Mama's out of the house tonight". So yeah...stiiiiiilll living with mom. What a catch. But Felicia turns him down because she's engaged. Delray walks in to go "I HATE her fiance" and leaves. Um, ok...I assume he says this so we don't feel sorry for the fiance when Huey wins Felicia back at the end, right?
NO! Felicia invites Huey to her show again, Huey says no, and Felicia rips off her coat and starts performing a huge number...assumedly we are now at her concert. Huey comes stumbling onstage and starts singing with her! In the words of my sister "she asked him to come SEE her show, not BE in her show!" And then the curtain falls.
WHAT? WHAAAAATTTT???? NOTHING IS SOLVED!!!!!!!! They DON'T get back together, Huey still lives in squalor with the worst job in the world, Delray pointlessly hates Felicia's fiance, and the mute guy still is contributing NOTHING to the show!!! How is that an ending????? It's as bad as if I just ended my livejournal post by suddenly