A broken heart, that the world forgot.
[she has the bruises with the linen and lace]
its so hot in my house. it must be atleast 30 degree's in my room. its all hot, and im all uncomfortable, and upset. thinking about the fucking things that always make me upset. My life at the moment is based around a hundred million things that i dont want to want. and that hurts. And i have friends who are hurting, and i cant help them, and everything is just so messed up. I can never stay happy too long. Once i get alone everything seems to hit me in the face again, and i have no where to turn. I could talk for hours about my problems. and i always seem to relate everything to nick these days. and i fucking hate that. i find myself talking about him constantly, but never on purpose. And i feel bad, cause my friends like have to listen to me ramble. and i dont wanna force them to listen to my problems. so writing in my lj is my only real outlet. and i feel stupid writing about my feelings in here cause so many people seem to stumble upon it. but hey, its my feelings. and if your gonna fucking read it. keep it to yourself. but i might just make it private. to solve that problem all together. meh. i haven't decided yet. meh. i just wanna watch a movie, and forget my problems. So im gonna watch aladdin. :) w00t w00t! This will help me forget. but no matter what i can't escape that my feelings for nick are still very much apparent. *30 minute pause*...
I just read over every single journal. im such a fucking tool. i started writing about liking nick just before my birthday, in the beginning of april. and now its july. thats a long time. But in that time like..so much has happened. and its impossible to explain how amazing it was. I mean. In april, 1 liked him, he liked me. and that went on...for a long time. And then something happened. I got too fucking caught up in it. and i fucked it up. and he changed his mind. and un-changed his mind, then re-changed his mind. and he tore my heart in two. and fucked me over, but not really intentionally. but that was all like a month ago. but i still can't get him out of my head. I've been stuck on him for so long. And all i've talked about for the past month is how i wanna get over him. but i just can't. I just find something about him so, amazing, or addicting. or something. And its like, even though he's clearly moved on (and the fact he has a girlfriend is proof of that?)i still cant seem to drop it. He's just...fuck. I dont know. Mesmerizing. Fuck. I can't think of the word. meh. Maybe the proper word is indescribible. But. Hell, theres nothing i can do but wait for it all to pass. but i've been waiting a hell of a long time, and i see tons more waiting in the future. I'll wait as long as i have to. I guess i have to. just saying " i still like him" relieves me of a lot of stress. but i think im gonna go. cause its 2 am. and i still need to watch my movie. love you.
<3<3nessa.
[YouUsedToCaptivateMeByYourResonatingLight]
[Now Im Bound By The Life You Left Behind]