(no subject)
It's almost Christmas, so Chris and I decided to give you all an early present. Enjoy.
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's tap.
When out in the yard there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like The Flash,
Tore open the shutters and the window, I smashed.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of blood to the objects below,
when, what to my terrified eyes should appear,
But a handful of ninjas; I was stricken with fear.
Their red-hatted leader, so deadly and quick,
I knew in a moment there was no more St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles they flew through the sky,
I knew I was finished; I was going to die.
"NOW, SLASH THEM! NOW, MAIM THEM! LEAVE NO ONE ALIVE!
KILL WOMEN AND CHILDREN, NO ONE MUST SURVIVE!
TO THE TOP OF THE PORCH, THEN CLIMB UP THE WALL!
WE'LL BREAK IN THE WINDOW AND THEN KILL THEM ALL!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When you meet with a ninja, you're expected to die.
So into the closet my family did run,
For the ninjas' assault on our lives had begun.
And then from the bedroom, I heard a board creak,
I muffled my daughter, who let out a squeak.
As I drew in my hand, my trusty twelve gauge,
St. Nick came down the chimney, filled deeply with rage.
He was not quite dead, but just slightly battered.
He was covered with blood, his suit was all tattered.
From the thousands of toys he had inside his sack,
He removed a katana, with which to fight back.
His eyes -- how they glowed with absolute hate!
For the ninjas unknowingly had sealed their fate!
Down the banister, the ninjas did slide,
The closet door was ajar, so I watched from inside.
The head ninja stepped forward, his skill was his tool
Santa vs Ninja: the Christmas Eve Duel.
The ninja was fast, but Santa was too,
And with one mighty slash, the ninja was through.
Santa took back his hat with a mighty guffaw
But was suddenly frightened from what he then saw.
The head ninja glowed with an unholy light;
He came back from the dead and returned to the fight.
In the blink of an eye, the battle was done.
Santa's head on the ground- the head ninja had won.
My wife let out a scream; our cover was blown,
Ninjas opened the door, to the ground we were thrown.
I watched, open-eyed, as my family was killed.
My children, my wife, then my own blood was spilled.
The ninjas then took to the sky as they said,
"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, FOR SOON ALL WILL BE DEAD!"
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's tap.
When out in the yard there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like The Flash,
Tore open the shutters and the window, I smashed.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of blood to the objects below,
when, what to my terrified eyes should appear,
But a handful of ninjas; I was stricken with fear.
Their red-hatted leader, so deadly and quick,
I knew in a moment there was no more St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles they flew through the sky,
I knew I was finished; I was going to die.
"NOW, SLASH THEM! NOW, MAIM THEM! LEAVE NO ONE ALIVE!
KILL WOMEN AND CHILDREN, NO ONE MUST SURVIVE!
TO THE TOP OF THE PORCH, THEN CLIMB UP THE WALL!
WE'LL BREAK IN THE WINDOW AND THEN KILL THEM ALL!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When you meet with a ninja, you're expected to die.
So into the closet my family did run,
For the ninjas' assault on our lives had begun.
And then from the bedroom, I heard a board creak,
I muffled my daughter, who let out a squeak.
As I drew in my hand, my trusty twelve gauge,
St. Nick came down the chimney, filled deeply with rage.
He was not quite dead, but just slightly battered.
He was covered with blood, his suit was all tattered.
From the thousands of toys he had inside his sack,
He removed a katana, with which to fight back.
His eyes -- how they glowed with absolute hate!
For the ninjas unknowingly had sealed their fate!
Down the banister, the ninjas did slide,
The closet door was ajar, so I watched from inside.
The head ninja stepped forward, his skill was his tool
Santa vs Ninja: the Christmas Eve Duel.
The ninja was fast, but Santa was too,
And with one mighty slash, the ninja was through.
Santa took back his hat with a mighty guffaw
But was suddenly frightened from what he then saw.
The head ninja glowed with an unholy light;
He came back from the dead and returned to the fight.
In the blink of an eye, the battle was done.
Santa's head on the ground- the head ninja had won.
My wife let out a scream; our cover was blown,
Ninjas opened the door, to the ground we were thrown.
I watched, open-eyed, as my family was killed.
My children, my wife, then my own blood was spilled.
The ninjas then took to the sky as they said,
"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, FOR SOON ALL WILL BE DEAD!"