Convergence of problems
You explain one problem and people think it has a solution. But our problems are symptoms of the overriding theme of our lives.
I hung out with my friends on their rooftop yesterday. My friend shouted an easy suggestion to solve my comics problem earlier this week and elaborated upon the idea on the roof party. The rest of the afternoon consisted of my frantically doodling as I listened to them talk about the fairly terrifying stories of their dating pasts.
I don't think my friend has seen me quiet before. I'm a loudmouth. That's all everybody knows me as. But drawing comics is a quiet thing. As a kid in high school I drew lots of doodles in the back of my notebook as the teachers were teaching. Listening to voices while drawing is a deeply ingrained part of how my brain works.
Walked to the train afterwards and suddenly felt overcome with sadness. I just spent a few hours hanging out with one of my best friends and her friends. But I was reminded that while they were having terrible adventures and making dangerous mistakes in high school, I was sitting in my bedroom alone, having no friends at all. As an adult, friendship is still a struggle. It turns out that I have very little to say about things. Things like *LIFE*. I can chatter all day about comics but nobody that I know wants to do that. And I only know comics people. I can chatter about politics, but nobody is interested either. Somehow I learned a bunch of STUFF but never learned to talk about human things. So I'm sad all the time.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
I've been reading The Amazing Spider-Man comic books. They are so good. I can barely express how powerful they are even given the extreme rough looseness of the art. As a storyteller, Steve Ditko is able to hit so many correct beats with so few lines and so few details. Meanwhile, Stan Lee's grasping, curious imagination keeps the stories pushing through twists and turns and corridors of surprise. And every story ends on the last page. Why was "to be continued" invented? The first two issues of The Amazing Spider-Man have two complete stories apiece. Two stories! It brings shame to the modern iteration of this and every other comic book.
Those Spider-Man stories. That Parker luck! Things never quite work out for Peter Parker even when he tries really hard to do the best possible thing. It's all about being a teen and feeling as though the world is constantly collapsing upon you. But all the while trying to be responsible and trying to pave a way for yourself in the adult world.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Speaking of bummers I haven't dated or been in any kind of relationship for three and a half years. Something must be wrong with me. Long ago, the part of my brain that gets excited about cute girls has atrophied. Even the mildest half-crush fills me with dread and despair. There is no escape. I work all day with old people and all of my friends are married or in serious relationships. I don't even know people who know single people.
I don't know. I had to delete my Ok Cupid account because everybody on that website is the most awful scum of the earth. No matter what the algorithm says.
Just wish that I had somebody to share my time with. Looking at the Internet all day is lonely and terrible.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Well. Off to work again. Going to try to have some kind of nice day.
-Ayo.
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