(no subject)
dad's given me a sortof ultimatum: give most of my check to help pay for gas n' shit, or we can move again.
it's so fucked up, because I said it depends where we'd be moving, but he says it doesn't matter because either we go or we don't, & we must make an absolute decision before checking out any places. wtf, wouldn't it just be intelligent to actually look around before deciding one way or the other? what the fuck?
I'm pissed. because I mean, my check is the only reason I stay at Wendy's. it's my flag of victory, sort of, my first confirmation that I can rely on myself a least a little.
but I'm comfortable here. I like it here. I go so far as to say I like my friends here. I've been so successful since I came here -- max honors, VP of the drama club, good role in the play, a job (finally)... who's to say there's a guarantee of that if we leave? if I could be sure we'd either go back to Westfield or be somewhere so I can stay in this school, it'd be a no-brainer, but I don't want to leave again. at least this time I'll be sure I could handle it & I know it'd be so much easier this time, but that doesn't make me want to do it, particularly.
at first, I thought it was the easiest decision -- I can sacrifice some money to stay with my new friends & my newfound peace of mind/success, right? what guarantee is there that we could move somewhere farther from Dustin? seeing him regularly is a pain in the ass with gas prices & the distance already. but who's to say things wouldn't get better, either?
my father is just so horrible. he already fucking up & left with us on fucking CHRISTMAS EVE to a new city when I'd spent a careful 16 years becoming someone in Westfield (still my home), when he knew the place we were moving too was fucking expensive. we had trouble paying rent when it was $650 a month, & he deliberately chose a place that was over $800 a month. he's so fucking irresponsible -- I'm sixteen. it is not my job to pay the rent. he & mom work extra at Diane's aside from mom working at Burger King already, & still he's taking money from me.
I don't know where the fuck he thinks the decisions he makes are intelligent. I don't know what the fuck goes on his head, but either way it's always revolving around his own well-being & nothing else.
it's so fucked up, because I said it depends where we'd be moving, but he says it doesn't matter because either we go or we don't, & we must make an absolute decision before checking out any places. wtf, wouldn't it just be intelligent to actually look around before deciding one way or the other? what the fuck?
I'm pissed. because I mean, my check is the only reason I stay at Wendy's. it's my flag of victory, sort of, my first confirmation that I can rely on myself a least a little.
but I'm comfortable here. I like it here. I go so far as to say I like my friends here. I've been so successful since I came here -- max honors, VP of the drama club, good role in the play, a job (finally)... who's to say there's a guarantee of that if we leave? if I could be sure we'd either go back to Westfield or be somewhere so I can stay in this school, it'd be a no-brainer, but I don't want to leave again. at least this time I'll be sure I could handle it & I know it'd be so much easier this time, but that doesn't make me want to do it, particularly.
at first, I thought it was the easiest decision -- I can sacrifice some money to stay with my new friends & my newfound peace of mind/success, right? what guarantee is there that we could move somewhere farther from Dustin? seeing him regularly is a pain in the ass with gas prices & the distance already. but who's to say things wouldn't get better, either?
my father is just so horrible. he already fucking up & left with us on fucking CHRISTMAS EVE to a new city when I'd spent a careful 16 years becoming someone in Westfield (still my home), when he knew the place we were moving too was fucking expensive. we had trouble paying rent when it was $650 a month, & he deliberately chose a place that was over $800 a month. he's so fucking irresponsible -- I'm sixteen. it is not my job to pay the rent. he & mom work extra at Diane's aside from mom working at Burger King already, & still he's taking money from me.
I don't know where the fuck he thinks the decisions he makes are intelligent. I don't know what the fuck goes on his head, but either way it's always revolving around his own well-being & nothing else.