cross-posted from Myspace
This site is hilarious and has some really fucking funny quotes from Christians. It sums up the arguments of creationists pretty well.
Sometimes I don't know whether to laugh hysterically or just hate humanity (I usually opt for both) when I read these, but either way, they're entertaining.
Some of these are ridiculous even by Christian standards...
Well, here we go!
Atheist: "Am I in discussion with a human who has a functioning brain?"
Creationist: "What does a functioning brain have to do with the Bible?"
My sides hurt when I read that one. You just admit that you're brainless and expect to be taken seriously in a debate over whether or not your beliefs are true?
"One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn't possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it."
... Hoooooly shit!
"There are a lot of things I have concluded to be wrong, without studying them in-depth. Evolution is one of them. The fact that I don't know that much about it does not bother me in the least."
Whoever said this is the most ignorant fuck ever, possibly. Aside from the person above.
"AIDS is caused by immoral behavior, not by a virus."
There are no words for this one.
"I can sum it all up in three words: Evolution is a lie."
Hold on, I've got to go clean up the apple juice I spit out onto my monitor in mirth when I read this.
"Sorry, but as a hearty Christian, I care a whole lot about where you're putting your genitals. I just want so badly for you to put your penis inside of a virginal vagina. Let's face it: penis does not belong in the anus, as that is an EXIT! Penis belongs inside of a vagina, however, since that is an ENTRANCE! Blood, urine and menstrual fluid does not EXIT through the vagina! If you've ever heard otherwise, then you're being duped by the Homosexual Agenda."
I love it when people make other people's business their own, because it totally makes a big difference in your life if a guy has sex with another guy!
"I mean, since Atheists have no value whatsoever as human beings (they're not even human, but only inhuman animals), since Atheists are nothing but miserable Liars, Cowards and Murderers, after all, why would anybody in their right mind weep over the dead rotting corpse, or bone chips and ashes (that get mixed together with those of others from the crematory) of a worthless dead Atheist?"
Excuse me, but I have to go murder someone because I feel like it. After all, I have no morals because I don't believe in God, so off I go to lie and plunder and rape.
"I don't care about logic or science, the Bible says the moon and sun move."
You don't care about logic or science? Well, that proves why you're a moron.
"I honestly don't care about your rights. If it were up to me, all Atheists would be burnt at the stake and or cast into a river with weights tied to their ankles and or placed before the firing squad, etc etc etc."
How kind and loving and accepting you are, letting God judge people instead of you and all that. How merciful, and not hypocritical or anything!
"I have very little use for science. In fact it is in impediment to getting close to God."
Repeat, for argument's sake, this phrase, but substitute "science" with "reality". Same thing, pretty much.
"Evidence that the Bible is God's Word
1. It claims to be.
Example:
2 Timothy 3:16 - 'All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness.'"
Right, okay then. I AM GOD! I AM YOUR CREATOR AND YOUR FATHER! BOW TO ME! I claimed to be God. Does that make me God yet?
"A woman wants to abort a rape child? She should have thought of that before she walked down that dark alley without a male prescence, not to mention she should have thought before putting on revealing attire."
Actually, an overwhelming majority of rape victims are raped in a place they consider "safe" by someone they already know.
"I didn't come to Jesus by my intelligence and neither will you my friend."
Obviously.
"i have not read all these replies.. but the way i see it with the Big bang is... if the big bang happened, why are we not see lots of life created in Iraq with all the bangs going off there?"
HUUUURRRRRR!!
"Men should stick to blue and women should stick to pink. We dress babies in the right colors so why can't we do the same as adults? It is a sin to wear clothes that belongs to the opposite sex and women are particularly bad at violating this rule. Men don't wear dresses (apart from a few sickos) so why should females wear pants? It's a sin! Most women today are transvestites and abominations."
Shit, I'm wearing pants right now. I AM A TRANSVESTITE.
"This is going to seem harsh to a lot of people, but I say doctors who give and women who get abortions should be executed."
Because when you don't believe in murder, murder is obviously the solution!
"As far as gay couples or singles adopting; What are we thinking? Being gay is being sexually deviant to begin with. Why do we think that they are not going to molest their adopted children?"
I can't even begin to stop laughing and begin naming what's wrong with the person who said this.
After being told that his remarks about the workings of prayer make no sense: "Of course it doesn't make sense! I am talking about faith in God, not sense."
... Again, obviously.
"homosexual activity is up to three times deadlier than smoking."
Oh, really now? Can I get a source for this "statistic"?
"You know, its because of evolution that we have Earth Day. I'm againat Earth Day. If you look at the purpose and reason behind Earth Day, its satanic. People want you to think that we're in some way obligated to cleaning up the earth."
Yeah, man, let's keep trashing the place! In the name of GOD!
"Have you ever seen an airplane or a bird? They defy the theory of gravity. Dont' say stupid stuff..... theorys can be broken, that's why they're not laws....."
Someone hasn't taken middle school science!
So basically this stuff is all obnoxious and ridiculous and generally representative of most Christian arguments. This is why I refuse to get into a debate about Christianity versus evolution/science anymore, because people who don't even think about the logistics of their beliefs try to convince you of them without listening to reason. If someone with a brain were actually going to try and give me solid evidence of the existence of God and the truth of the Bible, I would listen.
Religion correlates with lower IQ levels. Quotes like these do nothing to convince me of the contrary. They do provide endless amounts of laughter, though!
Sometimes I don't know whether to laugh hysterically or just hate humanity (I usually opt for both) when I read these, but either way, they're entertaining.
Some of these are ridiculous even by Christian standards...
Well, here we go!
Atheist: "Am I in discussion with a human who has a functioning brain?"
Creationist: "What does a functioning brain have to do with the Bible?"
My sides hurt when I read that one. You just admit that you're brainless and expect to be taken seriously in a debate over whether or not your beliefs are true?
"One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn't possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it."
... Hoooooly shit!
"There are a lot of things I have concluded to be wrong, without studying them in-depth. Evolution is one of them. The fact that I don't know that much about it does not bother me in the least."
Whoever said this is the most ignorant fuck ever, possibly. Aside from the person above.
"AIDS is caused by immoral behavior, not by a virus."
There are no words for this one.
"I can sum it all up in three words: Evolution is a lie."
Hold on, I've got to go clean up the apple juice I spit out onto my monitor in mirth when I read this.
"Sorry, but as a hearty Christian, I care a whole lot about where you're putting your genitals. I just want so badly for you to put your penis inside of a virginal vagina. Let's face it: penis does not belong in the anus, as that is an EXIT! Penis belongs inside of a vagina, however, since that is an ENTRANCE! Blood, urine and menstrual fluid does not EXIT through the vagina! If you've ever heard otherwise, then you're being duped by the Homosexual Agenda."
I love it when people make other people's business their own, because it totally makes a big difference in your life if a guy has sex with another guy!
"I mean, since Atheists have no value whatsoever as human beings (they're not even human, but only inhuman animals), since Atheists are nothing but miserable Liars, Cowards and Murderers, after all, why would anybody in their right mind weep over the dead rotting corpse, or bone chips and ashes (that get mixed together with those of others from the crematory) of a worthless dead Atheist?"
Excuse me, but I have to go murder someone because I feel like it. After all, I have no morals because I don't believe in God, so off I go to lie and plunder and rape.
"I don't care about logic or science, the Bible says the moon and sun move."
You don't care about logic or science? Well, that proves why you're a moron.
"I honestly don't care about your rights. If it were up to me, all Atheists would be burnt at the stake and or cast into a river with weights tied to their ankles and or placed before the firing squad, etc etc etc."
How kind and loving and accepting you are, letting God judge people instead of you and all that. How merciful, and not hypocritical or anything!
"I have very little use for science. In fact it is in impediment to getting close to God."
Repeat, for argument's sake, this phrase, but substitute "science" with "reality". Same thing, pretty much.
"Evidence that the Bible is God's Word
1. It claims to be.
Example:
2 Timothy 3:16 - 'All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness.'"
Right, okay then. I AM GOD! I AM YOUR CREATOR AND YOUR FATHER! BOW TO ME! I claimed to be God. Does that make me God yet?
"A woman wants to abort a rape child? She should have thought of that before she walked down that dark alley without a male prescence, not to mention she should have thought before putting on revealing attire."
Actually, an overwhelming majority of rape victims are raped in a place they consider "safe" by someone they already know.
"I didn't come to Jesus by my intelligence and neither will you my friend."
Obviously.
"i have not read all these replies.. but the way i see it with the Big bang is... if the big bang happened, why are we not see lots of life created in Iraq with all the bangs going off there?"
HUUUURRRRRR!!
"Men should stick to blue and women should stick to pink. We dress babies in the right colors so why can't we do the same as adults? It is a sin to wear clothes that belongs to the opposite sex and women are particularly bad at violating this rule. Men don't wear dresses (apart from a few sickos) so why should females wear pants? It's a sin! Most women today are transvestites and abominations."
Shit, I'm wearing pants right now. I AM A TRANSVESTITE.
"This is going to seem harsh to a lot of people, but I say doctors who give and women who get abortions should be executed."
Because when you don't believe in murder, murder is obviously the solution!
"As far as gay couples or singles adopting; What are we thinking? Being gay is being sexually deviant to begin with. Why do we think that they are not going to molest their adopted children?"
I can't even begin to stop laughing and begin naming what's wrong with the person who said this.
After being told that his remarks about the workings of prayer make no sense: "Of course it doesn't make sense! I am talking about faith in God, not sense."
... Again, obviously.
"homosexual activity is up to three times deadlier than smoking."
Oh, really now? Can I get a source for this "statistic"?
"You know, its because of evolution that we have Earth Day. I'm againat Earth Day. If you look at the purpose and reason behind Earth Day, its satanic. People want you to think that we're in some way obligated to cleaning up the earth."
Yeah, man, let's keep trashing the place! In the name of GOD!
"Have you ever seen an airplane or a bird? They defy the theory of gravity. Dont' say stupid stuff..... theorys can be broken, that's why they're not laws....."
Someone hasn't taken middle school science!
So basically this stuff is all obnoxious and ridiculous and generally representative of most Christian arguments. This is why I refuse to get into a debate about Christianity versus evolution/science anymore, because people who don't even think about the logistics of their beliefs try to convince you of them without listening to reason. If someone with a brain were actually going to try and give me solid evidence of the existence of God and the truth of the Bible, I would listen.
Religion correlates with lower IQ levels. Quotes like these do nothing to convince me of the contrary. They do provide endless amounts of laughter, though!