fail.
I can't believe this. I finally get my life together, finally apply myself and put myself into everything I do, finally get excited about my future and I choose a direction and I know what I want and I am ready to work for it, long and hard, anything to get what I want, and I'm shot down. I just got rejected from one of the easiest schools to get into in the country. I don't even know what to do now, I have zero desire to go to Elms, much less someplace like HCC. before I even gave a shit I never doubted I would go to college and now I feel like wasting my money and effort on one of those schools would be almost as useless as not going at all.
all I can imagine is myself ten or fifteen years down the road, living like my fucking parents. I could be something amazing, I could change lives and discover new things, write beautiful things, paint beautiful things, teach people something profound, and all I see is all of it wasted, just because I was an idiot two years ago.
I have never been filled with so much regret. it's not the end of the world, I know, but at one point I was hopeful about a place like Mount Holyoke. I had so much potential, so much going for me, and I feel like it's all been wiped out. I am so much better than this, and I'm reduced to attending a community college. I've always been smart, smarter than almost everyone around me, and I feel like my past has ruined my future. I can't be happy with myself unless I am exercising my full potential. I'll be bored at a place like HCC. I can't handle that. I want college to be profound, horribly difficult, something that beats me into the ground until I am ready for anything. I want the four years to be utterly climactic, always challenging me and helping me explore my limits. I feel like I'll just be exercising overtired parts of myself going to any of the places I have left.
I feel like I'm going to be sick.
all I can imagine is myself ten or fifteen years down the road, living like my fucking parents. I could be something amazing, I could change lives and discover new things, write beautiful things, paint beautiful things, teach people something profound, and all I see is all of it wasted, just because I was an idiot two years ago.
I have never been filled with so much regret. it's not the end of the world, I know, but at one point I was hopeful about a place like Mount Holyoke. I had so much potential, so much going for me, and I feel like it's all been wiped out. I am so much better than this, and I'm reduced to attending a community college. I've always been smart, smarter than almost everyone around me, and I feel like my past has ruined my future. I can't be happy with myself unless I am exercising my full potential. I'll be bored at a place like HCC. I can't handle that. I want college to be profound, horribly difficult, something that beats me into the ground until I am ready for anything. I want the four years to be utterly climactic, always challenging me and helping me explore my limits. I feel like I'll just be exercising overtired parts of myself going to any of the places I have left.
I feel like I'm going to be sick.