The longest post I've had in a while
Well, Darius and I broke up a week or so ago. We’re still in contact though things are occasionally stressed. It just got to the point that I was being a surrogate mother and less of a girlfriend. He needs to grow and be more independent. I can’t go through another relationship where I’m a mom and not a partner, I need equal support that he’s just incapable of giving right now.
I thought things were on an up-swing for a while, but now his dad is being deployed to Iraq as a medic this summer. I will be there for him as he needs, but I can’t take on the brunt of ANOTHER family crisis and his stress relief. His mood swings are irrational and only predicable if his mom has been picking on him recently.
I am a relationship person. I am a loyal and long-term kind of girl and my single-days are few and far between. It’ll be nice to focus on myself for a while. However, I’m not going to lie, it’ll be really strange and my thoughts will drift in that direction.
My major problem in relationships is not going into them as two complete people coming together and I need to be more careful. Cliff wasn’t a complete person. With Matt, I wasn’t my complete self, I went into it injured with no confidence. Here I am at square one with D, with someone who needs constant confirmation. Much more with D; I don’t ask where “we’re” going, but he feels the need to profess that we’ll be together forever and I’m gonna have his children(even though I don‘t like kids, haha) and the next minute he’s going on about how I’m his exception and he’s not a relationship person, he can‘t see tying himself to anyone, yada yada yada. Just can’t do it anymore. He’s not explaining himself to me, he’s explaining himself to himself.
Oh well, he keeps throwing hissy fits and apologizing 8 hours later. He knows perfectly well, that he doesn’t know or at least won’t admit what he needs is not always what he wants. He looks at his dad and sees a secretive man that probably shouldn’t have started a family, but did anyways. His dad and he have butted heads so many time. They’re so different and his mom has to pick on other people to feel validated. He knows if he can grow up he really wants to be a dad. The one thing that’s constant is that he says he wants to adopt a child some 10 years down the line and maybe have one of his own. I’ve seen him with and talk about children and he really would be a great dad one day. But because it’s what his parents did while they’re not the prime candidates he throws his hands in the air and proclaims he’ll always be unhappy and deserves to be that way. In addition, he thinks being attached means you always have to be sewn together at the hip with that person, even though it’s never been the case with us. He goes on trips without me and I go on trips without him and we make plans to do things together. We don’t have to do things together all the time. It’s an excuse to be scarred really.
It’s all very irrational.
I've been harder and harder on him the more he throws my way. I ought to be more patient, but patience is for moms. I get worn down way too easy and I let myself snap. I have little focus and tolerance for the same issues over and over again. Your parents are not going to change. I can not change them for you. Accept them and move on. I'm sorry I get irritated, I really am, but they could be a lot worse. They love you.
I’ve been emotionally wrapped with guys before, but I’ve been thinking about this for a while and it’s stuff we’ve discussed many many many times. In many ways D and I compliment each other and we feel the same way about many life choices and how we move forward. And we’ve always communicated wonderfully. If he was more emotionally independent and less scarred about who he is and less concerned about who his dad is I feel like it could have been forever.
You can’t and shouldn’t try to change people. We will grow and change as our natural needs call for. If you need to be more emotionally independent only you can make those changes. Relationships are not bad and evil, but you need to be a whole person if you’re in one. One person cannot be the strong one all the time, everyone needs love and support.
I love you Darius and I always will. I hope you find what you need within yourself, because you're intelligent and you already have the answers, you just need to accept them.
I thought things were on an up-swing for a while, but now his dad is being deployed to Iraq as a medic this summer. I will be there for him as he needs, but I can’t take on the brunt of ANOTHER family crisis and his stress relief. His mood swings are irrational and only predicable if his mom has been picking on him recently.
I am a relationship person. I am a loyal and long-term kind of girl and my single-days are few and far between. It’ll be nice to focus on myself for a while. However, I’m not going to lie, it’ll be really strange and my thoughts will drift in that direction.
My major problem in relationships is not going into them as two complete people coming together and I need to be more careful. Cliff wasn’t a complete person. With Matt, I wasn’t my complete self, I went into it injured with no confidence. Here I am at square one with D, with someone who needs constant confirmation. Much more with D; I don’t ask where “we’re” going, but he feels the need to profess that we’ll be together forever and I’m gonna have his children(even though I don‘t like kids, haha) and the next minute he’s going on about how I’m his exception and he’s not a relationship person, he can‘t see tying himself to anyone, yada yada yada. Just can’t do it anymore. He’s not explaining himself to me, he’s explaining himself to himself.
Oh well, he keeps throwing hissy fits and apologizing 8 hours later. He knows perfectly well, that he doesn’t know or at least won’t admit what he needs is not always what he wants. He looks at his dad and sees a secretive man that probably shouldn’t have started a family, but did anyways. His dad and he have butted heads so many time. They’re so different and his mom has to pick on other people to feel validated. He knows if he can grow up he really wants to be a dad. The one thing that’s constant is that he says he wants to adopt a child some 10 years down the line and maybe have one of his own. I’ve seen him with and talk about children and he really would be a great dad one day. But because it’s what his parents did while they’re not the prime candidates he throws his hands in the air and proclaims he’ll always be unhappy and deserves to be that way. In addition, he thinks being attached means you always have to be sewn together at the hip with that person, even though it’s never been the case with us. He goes on trips without me and I go on trips without him and we make plans to do things together. We don’t have to do things together all the time. It’s an excuse to be scarred really.
It’s all very irrational.
I've been harder and harder on him the more he throws my way. I ought to be more patient, but patience is for moms. I get worn down way too easy and I let myself snap. I have little focus and tolerance for the same issues over and over again. Your parents are not going to change. I can not change them for you. Accept them and move on. I'm sorry I get irritated, I really am, but they could be a lot worse. They love you.
I’ve been emotionally wrapped with guys before, but I’ve been thinking about this for a while and it’s stuff we’ve discussed many many many times. In many ways D and I compliment each other and we feel the same way about many life choices and how we move forward. And we’ve always communicated wonderfully. If he was more emotionally independent and less scarred about who he is and less concerned about who his dad is I feel like it could have been forever.
You can’t and shouldn’t try to change people. We will grow and change as our natural needs call for. If you need to be more emotionally independent only you can make those changes. Relationships are not bad and evil, but you need to be a whole person if you’re in one. One person cannot be the strong one all the time, everyone needs love and support.
I love you Darius and I always will. I hope you find what you need within yourself, because you're intelligent and you already have the answers, you just need to accept them.